


Follow You Down

by yoonseh



Series: Follow you Down [1]
Category: A.C.E (Beat Interactive Band)
Genre: M/M, a slow burn, angst so much angst, but happy ending, byeongkwan and junhee are dancers, donghun immediately falling for junhee, donghun is a ceo man, junhee falling for donghun even when he doesn't want to, junhee has a drug addiction, sehyoon owns the club and is an incredible manager for his dancers, strip club/dance club au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-15
Updated: 2020-03-09
Packaged: 2020-05-12 05:43:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 164,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19222801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yoonseh/pseuds/yoonseh
Summary: “I’ll follow you down this well worn path. Skipping past broken streets and cracks in the earth. I’ll follow you down until you hit the end of your own undoing. And I'll bring you back from underneath your own darkness. I’ll never give up on chasing you through your worst times. Following you down, down, down every time. And each time help you surface to catch your breath.”Junhee and Donghun meet at ACE of Kings club and the rest is history.





	1. Body Talk

**Author's Note:**

> This work will have depictions of drug addiction but will try to stay away from too many graphic details. Sehyoon is an amazing club owner and takes care of his employees and keeps them safe. Junhee chooses to do the work he does. Also, this idea was a friend of mines, so this is me writing out her au because she didn't want to do it, haha.
> 
> Songs I listened to while writing this chapter:  
> 1\. Mino: Body  
> 2\. Zara Larsson: Ruin My Life  
> 3\. Ariana Grande: 7 Rings  
> 4\. Halsey: Nightmare

“I’ll follow you down this well worn path. Skipping past broken streets and cracks in the earth. I’ll follow you down until you hit the end of your own undoing. And I'll bring you back from underneath your own darkness. I’ll never give up on chasing you through your worst times. Following you down, down, down every time. And each time help you surface to catch your breath.”  
<<<

Donghun shouldered past couples and staggering young adults along the street. The lights from the street lamps shining down on the alleyways and buildings surrounding the busy night life. He could see the building he was heading towards up ahead. The sign signifying the club shining brightly, guiding unsuspecting men and women into its domain. 

Donghun walked with his hands in the pockets of his overcoat, pushing himself toward his destination still questioning why he was even considering this tonight. He had never once set foot in “ACE of Kings”, the club one of his good friends Sehyoon managed and owned. 

It’s not that he was against clubbing in general, is was more the fact that Sehyoon’s club was more of a strip club than anything. Sehyoon’s husband, Byeongkwan would argue that Kings was just a dance club. Donghun would argue back and say, yes while that was correct, the dancers did take most of their clothes off most nights. 

Byeongkwan would smirk at him and challenge him to come check it out just to prove his point. But Donghun never took him up on the offer, it was just not something he felt belonged in his life at the moment. 

Tonight though, tonight he couldn’t completely comprehend why, but he felt the urge to lose himself somewhere. Work was hell and he needed to go somewhere where thinking about all his responsibilities could fall away. 

When he had got home he had spotted the same flyer Byeongkwan gifted him every time that the three of them had dinner together. He had thrown his coat over a dining table chair and it had floated to the floor as his coat landed. He picked it up, the thick black paper smelling slightly of cologne. It had glitter inlaid in its shiny surface, the headline promising a wonderland full of talented dancers and excellent company, for the right price that was. 

Donghun had set it back down on the table and had gone straight to grab a glass out of his cabinet and reached for his cheapest whiskey. He poured a generous amount before leaning back on his kitchen counter and downing the quarter glass. He sighed as the glass hit the counter and his sight was drawn back to the flyer on the table. 

Donghun shook his head and poured himself another glass and headed to his bedroom. On his way to the bathroom, pulling off his tie and starting to unbutton his dress shirt, he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. He looked miserable and tired, work had drained him. Too many memos, too many idiots not knowing how to do their job. He was the CEO for christ sake but he found himself doing menial jobs that his staff couldn’t handle. 

He was exhausted and once again his mind was brought back to the flyer on the table. He squeezed his eyes shut and lowered his head, Byeongkwan’s voice echoed in his mind. The many times he had told Donghun to just try for once to let go. Sehyoon’s soft hand on his shoulder, telling him to come to the club to relax. 

Donghun steeled himself, buttoned his shirt back up, did up his tie and walked out of his apartment, coat swinging onto his shoulders. 

That was how he was here now, standing a few feet from the door of Sehyoon’s club, hesitating to go in. Donghun could feel the beat of the music inside through the asphalt he was standing on. The bouncer at the club door was staring at him, probably contemplating whether he should call security or not. 

There was a long line around the side of the building, Donghun knew the club was popular but this seemed more excessive than he could have imagined. He noticed a sign beside the door introducing the main attractions for the night. Byeongkwan’s name was done up in glitter with a headshot of him gleaming to the attendees. 

Next to his picture Donghun’s eye caught on another dancer. The name beside the picture read “Ocean” and the portrait showed a man that was for all Donghun could tell the most beautiful man he had ever seen. Dark hair swept to the side, piercing eyes and gorgeous sparkling make-up. The man in the picture was winking and Donghun was paralyzed by want. 

“Sir, are you going to go inside or…?” the security guard finally had enough of a weird man standing outside of the club doors staring at the entrance.

Donghun stepped back a bit, coming out of his trance. “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize, I would like to enter the club.” 

The security guard pulled out a clipboard from behind his back “If you’re not on the list you’re going to have to wait in line with everybody else.”

Donghun looked around at the line that was circling the building and took a chance on Sehyoon possibly leaving his name on the list day in and day out. “Uhm, i’m not sure if I’ll be on it but if you could check my name is Lee Donghun.”

He watched as the security guard checked the list and then proceeded to undo the link to the barrier in front of the door. “Welcome to ACE of King Mr. Lee, I hope you enjoy your time here.”

“Is there a cover charge?” Donghun asked the guard. He had caught other people handing over 20’s to the security. He knew Sehyoon required a coverage but he was generous about how much people needed to pay.

Donghun started to enter before the security guard caught his arm. “No, per Mr. Kim’s request. There is a special note here from Mr. Kim that if you were to show up one day for us to let him know. We will radio to make sure he is aware you are here.”

Donghun thanked the security guard and slowly walked into the club. He was instantly hit with the music pounding through the club. Donghun wasn’t a huge fan of incredibly loud places and this place went above and beyond that. Not only was the music loud, but the people and the lights were too. 

The club was packed from the first floor that Donghun was on to the second floor where hundreds of people sat around tables and leaned over the railing to watch the dancers on the stage. Men and women surrounded him from all sides, all with drinks in hands and smiles on their faces. 

Donghun walked slowly to what looked like the bar, doing his best to not bump into anybody and not slip on the confetti and glitter covering the floor. The club was big, he hadn’t realized how well Sehyoon had done for himself. There was not a single chair or table that wasn’t occupied. There were servers walking around with drink trays, some with nice button downs and slacks and others in basically what Donghun considered booty shorts. 

He knew Sehyoon gave his staff choices on their attire. Sehyoon was of the mind that while some could get better tips in booty shorts and nothing else others could do the same in a button up with rolled sleeves. Donghun wouldn’t judge either, he would be captivated by either if the man was attractive enough. 

He had finally found the bar and to his luck a stool was empty. He leaned on the counter once he sat down, his forearms on the bartop looking for a bartender. He caught sight of a broad shouldered man in a button up with rolled sleeves. His jeans tight around his thighs and his black hair parted down the middle showing off his handsome face. 

Sehyoon caught Donghun’s eyes across the bar and smiled huge at him and started to walk fast to where he was sitting. 

“Holy shit, you’re here!” Sehyoon walked out to the floor and rounded to where Donghun was sitting. Once he reached him he held out his arms and scooped Donghun up in a warm hug. “I can’t believe it. When my security radioed to say you were here I was sure they were joking.”  
Donghun held onto Sehyoon and patted his back. He really enjoyed the man’s hug, he was a bear compared to Donghun. Not that Donghun wasn’t strong, but Sehyoon enjoyed being able to wrap up his friends and husband in his arms. 

“Yeah,” Donghun sighed, “I honestly can’t believe it either.” He said as he pulled away from the hug. Donghun took his seat again and Sehyoon hovered over him. 

“So what brings you here tonight, of all nights?” Sehyoon crossed his arms as he questioned Donghun. “Did you just decide that you needed to see some cute boys in scantily clad clothes or what?”

Donghun lowered his head and chuckled. “No, I just realized how exhausted and tightly wound I was and I saw the flyer Byeongkwan left last time we had dinner and wondered why the hell not.” Donghun looked around the club, seeing the dancers on the stage. Sehyoon had always prided himself on hiring employees that could actually dance. Donghun could see now that the performers had actual talent and not just in taking their clothes off. 

Donghun stared at the dancers as he sighed “I still don’t completely know why I came here though.”

Sehyoon laughed and patted him on the shoulder “You won’t be saying that after you see the main act tonight, I promise you.” Sehyoon winked at him and pulled him out of his seat. “Now, for this you are going to get a front row experience. I can’t have one of my best friends missing the second best show that happens in this building because he was in the back of the club.”

Donghun laughed as he was pulled along by Sehyoon, the other man waving at customers and shaking hands of others. He was extremely polite to the girls in the club, giving them the right away as they pushed through the crowd. Donghun could see the respect the employees had for Sehyoon, giving him big smiles and greetings as he passed by. 

“What do you mean second best show?” Donghun questioned Sehyoon as they got to the middle of the club where the stage was. It was a round platform that broke off into sections and had a catwalk attached. A large pole sat in the middle of the floor and dollars were strewn about haphazardly still left over from the last dancers. 

Sehyoon smirked as he pushed Donghun down into a chair in the front. He got behind him and put his hands on his shoulders. “Do you really think I’d let my husband catch me saying another man was the best show?” Sehyoon said into Donghun’s ear. “I’d never see my bed again.”

Sehyoon gave Donghun a pat on the back as Donghun scratched the back of his neck and eyed the man. “So who is the second best here?” Donghun was secretly hoping it was the man named Ocean he had seen on the board outside.  
Sehyoon smirked at him as he walked away toward the side of the stage. Donghun didn’t like the look he had given him, if Donghun knew him well enough he was going to be in for it. 

Donghun had been on the receiving end of Sehyoon’s smirks for years. At 27 he had seen them for precisely 9 years. Him and Sehyoon had known each other since they were freshman, they had been dorm mates their freshman and sophomore years. They moved into a house for the last 2 years of college. 

Sehyoon had met Byeongkwan his junior year, the younger man a freshman and dance major. Sehyoon had taken dance as a minor and focused his major on business, so he met Byeongkwan through some of their advanced dance courses. Byeongkwan though wasn’t just a dancer, he was a trained acrobat, having been one since he was a young kid. 

Byeongkwan became a staple in their lives since their first dance class together, the younger man not leaving Sehyoon’s side, harboring the cutest crush on Donghun’s best friend. 

Donghun and Sehyoon, both business majors had a lot of the same courses but went in completely different directions when it came to job hunting. Donghun went more towards fortune 500 and Sehyoon always knew he wanted to own his own business. Him and Byeongkwan had come up with the club idea when they had been out one night and found the club Sehyoon owned now. 

They had somehow wriggled their way into the owner’s back pocket. Sehyoon had ended up bartending and once Byeongkwan turned 20 he started dancing at the club, gathering a following very early on. 

Byeongkwan was special for the club though. The boy never actually stripped, he didn’t mind wearing the bare minimum, but people didn’t come to see his body. Customers came to see him dance, to see his pole routines and his acrobatics, he was extremely talented with silk and ropes. 

Donghun hadn’t lied when he said he had never stepped foot in Sehyoon’s club, it wasn’t owned by Sehyoon when Donghun had been a regular there. Donghun had, like Sehyoon, bartended while working his way through college. He had seen many dancers come through the club and had found himself not interested in the life at all. 

Sehyoon would use that smirk on him constantly to get him out of his comfort zone, but Donghun had prided himself on never having to pay to spend time with a boy. By the time Sehyoon had bought the club from the previous owner the year after they finished college Donghun had already been climbing the ladder to CEO. He never once set foot in the club again, until tonight that was. 

What Donghun didn’t know was that tonight was the night that changed everything for him, he couldn’t fathom what he was going to go through or what he would gain in the process. All Donghun knew was that he really didn’t feel at place in this seat, trying not to actually watch the dancers that were on stage now. The strippers gyrating and thrusting toward the crowd. 

Byeongkwan would smack him if he could hear his thoughts. Speaking of the devil, Donghun looked over at the bar to see the young man wrapped around his husband. If Donghun knew anything about the club was that they had many rules here, but the biggest one was that no one was allowed to touch Kim Byeongkwan. 

No matter what the boy was wearing or what he did on stage, he wasn’t something to play with. He was there to dance and entertain and between those times he could be found wrapped around the owner of the club. He was a shining star, Donghun could see that. 

Said boy was dressed in tight black pants, ripped to threads in the knees. Combat boots heavy on his feet, giving him a manly look contrasting with the rest of his attire. His crop top was a deep purple, showing off just the slightest bit of his stomach. His collar bone was shining with sweat and glitter and his hair was a mess. Donghun couldn’t tell if it was from dancing or Sehyoon’s hands that were currently running through it. The cute pigtails and the make-up glistening on his face showed that he had just done a show. 

Byeongkwan was stunning and Donghun understood why people came from all around the city just to watch him dance. Sehyoon leaned to whisper in his ear and that’s when Byeongkwan looked over and caught his eye. He smiled huge and grabbed Sehyoon’s hands from around his waist to walk them over to Donghun. 

Donghun looked up at the stage as Byeongkwan sauntered his way through the crowd with his husband in tow. The dancers on stage were hot, Donghun could admit that. Both boys had their backs turned and were showing off their asses in the short booty shorts. 

Other audience members were coming up to the stage and throwing dollars at the dancers, some bold enough to go up and ask permission to stick dollar bills into the front of the dancers’ shorts. 

Donghun couldn’t fathom actually doing that, but he could see that the people doing it were highly interested. All around him people were clapping and cheering the dancers on, some completely wasted and screaming expletives others sober and truly just enjoying the show. 

Donghun was wrapped up in a huge hug before he even realized what was happening. Within a split second he had a lap full of gorgeous boy and Byeongkwan’s beautiful face was coming towards his. Byeongkwan grabbed his cheeks and kissed him smack on the forehead, his arms then coming to wrap around his shoulders to hug him again. 

Donghun wrapped his arms around Byeongkwan and rocked him into a hug, no matter what he said about the man, he loved him dearly. Byeongkwan and Sehyoon meant so much to Donghun, they had brought him out of so many dark moments he lost count. 

Byeongkwan pulled back, still in Donghun’s lap and looked into his eyes. “How are you Donghunie Hyung? What are you doing here?” Byeongkwan said loudly into Donghun’s ear to be heard over the music. Byeongkwan looked up at his husband like he couldn’t believe his eyes. Donghun could feel the wedding and engagement ring on Byeongkwan’s hand that was still cupping his cheek. 

Donghun remembered helping Sehyoon pick out that ring. Remembered how Byeongkwan had cried when Sehyoon had proposed and how beautiful their wedding had been. It had been summer, perfect weather, and the cherry blossoms had bloomed so beautiful that year. 

Byeongkwan and Sehyoon had gotten married the summer right after Byeongkwan had graduated college. So many people had complained how young they were, Byeongkwan just turning 22 and Sehyoon had been 24. They didn’t care, they were too in love to worry about that. In the end, it had worked out so well for them and Donghun often found himself looking at them longingly. They were truly the dream. Donghun laughed at the idea of Byeongkwan wearing his wedding ring on stage and thought how well it fit the couple. 

Donghun felt Byeongkwan get up off his lap and snapped out of his thoughts. He saw Byeongkwan and Sehyoon both looking at him, arms crossed, giving him questioning looks. Donghun couldn’t help but to zone in on both of their arms. People always assumed since Byeongkwan was small that he was feminine and delicate, which was so far from the truth it was laughable. The man was boy through and through. He had seen Byeongkwan bridal carry Sehyoon across a room, so much stronger than anyone gave him credit for. 

“I just needed to get away from my life, I saw the flyer you gave me and thought that it wouldn’t hurt.” Donghun challenged both of his friends to say anything to that. 

They both smiled at him and Byeongkwan grabbed his shoulder “You won’t regret it, I promise.” 

Donghun thought both of them would walk away, but neither did. They both pulled up a chair from the nearest table and took a seat next to Donghun. 

Byeongkwan leaned over to whisper in his ear “The next performer is a King member favorite. He’s really good.” Byeongkwan winked at Donghun when he pulled away. 

Donghun looked up at the stage, the lights switching between different colors and bouncing off the silver pole in the middle of the dance floor. He was hoping for the life of him that what was about to happen didn’t affect him, he wanted to be able to leave the club relaxed not needing to fuck somebody. It had really been too long since Donghun had been with anybody and he didn’t need tonight to remind him of that. 

Donghun looked to the side to see Sehyoon and Byeongkwan whispering to each other, they looked too excited for people that lived at the club and had probably seen this next dancer many times. He was starting to worry that he was in for it, he crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back into his chair. 

Just when he got settled the lights to the floor cut off and the club went pitch black, the audience cheered and Donghun could see neon lights break out into the crowd. Glowsticks. Donghun chuckled, the audience clearly knew the act well. 

Donghun wasn’t prepared, one second there was no one on the stage and all he could see where the glowsticks lighting up little patches and the next there was a silhouette on the stage. A man, clear by the lines of the body, was posed mid stage. Donghun couldn’t tell what he was wearing but he could see the lean lines from the shadows playing off the dance floor. 

In the blink of an eye a spotlight was shone on the dancer, he was clad in tight black slacks and a well-fitted suit jacket. He was facing the back of the stage, one arm loose at his side, the other holding what looked like a piece of black lace behind his back. 

Donghun sucked in a breath, he was waiting for an introduction for the man but he clearly didn’t need one. The crowd went silent and Donghun wondered, not for the first time, what he was really getting himself into. He looked over at Byeongkwan, who was already looking at him. The other boy just shrugged his shoulders and smirked. 

Suddenly music started playing and Donghun recognized the song almost immediately, Mino’s “Body”. 

The dancer started by flexing out the fingers by his side, stretched out his arm and ran one hand through his hair. He still had his back turned to the audience and the hand with the lace behind his back. As the music played he rolled his neck around, like he was stretching out his body. He turned his head to the side, snapped his neck back and arched his back. 

Donghun was struck, it was the dancer named Ocean. Donghun was entranced by the lines of the man’s profile, the lights were still dim but Donghun could clearly see how much more beautiful he was in person. 

The lyrics to the song started and Ocean turned to face the stage and whipped the piece of lace to the side like one would whip a belt. He started sauntering towards the crowd, clearly feeling the music. His hips were swaying and he clearly knew how to use them. 

At first Donghun wasn’t sure if the man would actually do more than walk but once he reached the part of the stage in front of the pole he started to dance. 

His movements were sharp but had a fluidity to them that Donghun would have compared to Byeongkwan’s smooth dancing. It was definitely a practiced dance but Ocean did it in a way that looked like it was a freestyle. 

Donghun couldn’t stop looking at the man on stage as he danced. Soon enough the suit jacket he was wearing came unbuttoned and was slowly slipped off the shoulders of the dancer. The piece of lace tucked into the pocket of his slacks. Donghun wondered what it was for. 

Ocean really worked taking the jacket off, rolling every part of his body with it. Once it was off he slung it over his shoulder and walked to the front of the stage. The dancer caught Donghun’s eye and smirked, Donghun was fucked. 

Ocean knelt down on one knee slowly and then on the other right in front of Donghun. He smirked at him and then proceeded to throw his jacket in his face. Donghun was stunned as the jacket slid down into his lap, this man was ungodly hot and Donghun wondered what it would take to even speak to him. 

After the jacket was thrown, the dancer still on his knees, started to undo the buttons on his shirt. One by one he revealed smooth tanned skin. Once it was completely unbuttoned, which Donghun felt like it took hours, the dancer pulled the tails of the shirt from his pants and decided the next best option was to run his hands all the way down his chest while he threw his head back. 

Ocean was covered in glitter from what Donghun could tell and he was close enough that he could smell his cologne. Donghun was in a daze. 

Finally Ocean pulled his head back up, but he wasn’t giving the audience any mercy. He started to take off the shirt completely. Once it was off he threw it somewhere to the back of the stage. 

He then turned sideways, leaned down on his hands and so slowly arched into the floor. He then grinded down, pulling one knee up from the ground so his pelvis was clearly seen by the whole audience. 

He was humping the floor and Donghun was losing his mind. The guy hadn’t even fully undressed yet and Donghun was sweating. 

Ocean then rolled onto his back, looked into the audience and thrust up into the air. He truly knew how to work those hips, Donghun thought they would look good riding him. 

He sat back down on his ass and then got up from the floor without using his hands, doing a move that Donghun thought if he tried he’d twist his ankles. 

Ocean slowly swayed over to the pole and turned his back to it. He brought up both his hands to grab it behind him and then dropped down slowly into a squat. He turned around, still in the same position, leaned onto the pole and stuck his ass in the air as he pushed his body back up into a standing position. 

With his ass still out and back arched Junhee looked over his shoulder and winked at the crowd. The feeling in the club was admiration and fascination with the boy on stage. 

Ocean then kept one hand on the pole and started to walk around it, long legs the focus. Donghun realized that Junhee had no shoes on and wondered if the pole would actually come into play. 

Ocean had made two circles around the pole and had in the process pulled out the piece of lace from his pocket. He put one end in his mouth to free his hands and then smoothed one hand down his chest while the other kept ahold of the pole he was leaning on. 

Ocean’s hand made its way down to the seam of his pants, Donghun’s eyes followed obediently. Donghun gulped, Ocean unzipped and unbuttoned the pants. 

Now, Donghun never really thought someone could take off pants that sexily, but Ocean was here to prove him wrong. The dancer eyed the crowd as he slowly lowered the waist of the pants to reveal tight black booty shorts. The man’s thighs weren’t as thick as Byeongkwan’s but by God they were nothing to complain about. Donghun imagined them wrapped around his head as he went down on the other man. 

Donghun really needed to stop with the imagination, it wasn’t getting him anywhere except for hard in a club. 

Ocean finished his strip tease by stepping out of the pants and kicking them somewhere on the stage. The dancer was toned to perfection, his whole body lean and tanned. 

Ocean then took the lace from out of his mouth, smirked at the audience and started to wrap it around his eyes. He tied it in a tight knot and as far as Donghun could tell, the man could see but it was disrupted by the lace enough for it to be an interesting part of the dance. Also, it was just plain hot to see the dancer blindfolded. Donghun wondered if he liked to be tied up too. 

Ocean then reached out for the pole and did a walk around. Then in an instant, he lifted himself upside down on the pole and held himself there. He slowly let himself down and slid down to the floor on his back. He arched up, grabbed the pole and rolled his body up into a standing position. 

Once standing he ran around the pole and pulled himself up it spinning around in the process. The next minute was the dancer completing a pole dance that took so much core Donghun was fantasizing about the stamina the man had. Also, how fucking hot the blindfold was. 

Ocean ended his dance on the pole in the splits on the floor and then crawled to the front of the stage. Once to the front he spun around on his ass and put his legs at the edge of the stage and pushed himself off. He had just a little bit of song left but he was using it to go through the audience. He started to undo the lace from around his eyes as he walked. Pulling it away and letting it fall from his eyes. He dangled it from one hand as he walked toward the crowd. The end of the stage not far from Donghun.

Ocean’s eyes immediately caught Donghun’s just like they did in the beginning of the dance. He sauntered towards him. Donghun swallowed, the most gorgeous man he had ever seen was walking toward him in his underwear covered in glitter and sweat. 

Ocean stopped inches from Donghun, grabbed his tie and pulled, Donghun immediately stood up. Ocean turned his body around, still holding on to Donghun’s tie, and started to sway his hips in circles. The only part of Donghun he was touching was his tie but it was the most sensual thing Donghun had ever seen. 

Byeongkwan and Sehyoon were giggling next to Donghun, he could hear their laughter in the back of his mind. Ocean finally turned back around, dropped Donghun’s tie, winked at him and walked over to Byeongkwan. 

Byeongkwan high fived the dancer and Donghun’s jaw dropped. He sat back down in his chair as Ocean walked back up to the stage. The song was ending and Ocean placed his hands on the end of the stage. He used his arms to push his body up and lift a leg up onto the stage. He stopped in that position, leaned over and shook his ass. Donghun wanted to ruin him. 

Finally the dancer pushed all the way back up onto the stage, stood up and walked away swaying his hips as the song ended. No goodbye, not even a look to the crowd, he just walked off. 

Donghun couldn’t breathe as the crowd went wild. Club music started to play as the stage was set up for the next dancer. Donghun felt like he couldn’t move from his seat, he had just witnessed his undoing. It was now his mission to talk to the dancer tonight, he still stood by his rule that he would never pay for a boy, but it wouldn’t hurt to pay to talk to him. Donghun knew that if he just got to speak to him then maybe he could have him and not just for one night. 

Donghun finally breathed out and looked over to Byeongkwan, in Sehyoon’s lap, both boys looking at him with that look of there’s. He shook his head at them, knowing what they were going to say. 

“Sooooooo” Byeongkwan started, “what did you think?” 

Sehyoon leaned forward over Byeongkwan’s shoulder to hear the conversation better “How was the second best show?”

Donghun shook his head at them “I really should go now before I regret my next step and ask you how much it would cost to have a conversation with him.”

Both of the other men broke out into smiles and Sehyoon put a hand on Donghun’s thigh “Junhee is our most expensive dancer, he doesn’t come at a small price.” 

Donghun thought that sounded about right. “You know I’m good for it Sehyoon. How much would it take and I want to remind you I’m not paying to fuck him.”

“A half hour with Junhee is about $500, an hour would be closer to $1000.” Sehyoon cocked his head to the side. “If you just want to talk, maybe I could get you in there for less.” 

Donghun knew that if he asked Sehyoon would probably get him a conversation with Junhee for free, but Donghun didn’t want to rob the dancer of the money he could be getting form an actual customer. He could pay. 

“I’ll pay the full price. A half hour should be plenty.” Donghun straightened out his clothes. “I just want to get to know him a little.”

Byeongkwan’s smile dropped a bit. “Donghun Hyung, Ocean is not someone you just have a conversation with. Even with that amount of cash he probably won’t even give you his actual name.” Byeongkwan sighed. “He’s had it rough, I wouldn’t expect much. He’ll probably still try to do something sexual with you because that’s what he’s here for.”

Donghun frowned slightly. “Well, that just means I’ll have to get him to trust me. I don’t know why but I just get this feeling that I need to get to know him.” Donghun could see what they were thinking. “And no it’s not just to fuck him, he seems… interesting.” 

Byeongkwan smiled. “He’s a really great guy, i’d protect him with my life.” Byeongkwan grabbed Sehyoon’s hand and intertwined his fingers. “I actually think you two would be really good together if you can get through his shell.” Byeongkwan looked sweetly at donghun. 

“Byeongkwan how about you go show Donghun Ocean’s private room and I’ll let the dancer know of the situation.” Sehyoon said into Byeongkwan’s ear. Byeongkwan kissed Sehyoon on the lips and got up from his lap. 

Byeongkwan motioned for Donghun to follow him over to the private rooms. Once there Byeongkwan unlocked one of the doors and lead him inside. It was a bigger room than Donghun expected, lined with soft couches and a single chair in the middle of the floor. It was a dimly lit room with lights on the ceiling that were definitely there to set the mood. A pole was stood upright on one side of the room. 

Byeongkwan closed the door once they were inside and leaned against it. He eyed Donghun “Hyung I know you just want to talk to Ocean but please be careful with him. He’s a very special person.”

Donghun looked at Byeongkwan and nodded. “Byeongkwan you know me well enough to know that when I say I just want to talk him know I mean it. I promise I’ll be gentle.”

Byeongkwan smirked and went to open the door. “Mhmm, I know you well enough to know you like it rough.” Byeongkwan laughed as Donghun’s jaw dropped. 

He laughed as he exited the room. He looked over his shoulder before he closed the door. “Have fun hyung.” The door slammed shut and enclosed Donghun in the room by himself. 

There was music playing softly in the background and he could barely hear the music from the club or the loud crowd. He wandered around the room and took everything in. He shrugged his coat off and placed it on one of the couches.

Donghun could tell that the room was very well kept. He wasn’t sure who’s doing it was but it was a testament to how Sehyoon viewed his employees. Donghun didn’t feel gross just walking into the room like he thought he would. 

As he walked around he thought about what he was getting himself into, the man he was about to meet. What would the actual first impression be like, would the dancer actually listen to him talk or would it be a shallow and hollow conversation. Donghun thought about how he could just ask the man out but that probably wouldn’t go over well. Who asks a stripper out for dinner and genuinely just wants to have dinner. 

Donghun was lost in his thoughts, his eyes caught on different accessories in the room. There were handcuffs, harnesses, and plenty of other things that would make weaker men blush. None of these made Donghun blush, you could open up a very specific drawer in his apartment and find very similar toys. 

Donghun went to pick up a pair of handcuffs when he heard a door slam open. He looked to see the one he came in through but it was still closed. 

“It might benefit you to keep your hands off things that are not yours.” Donghun spun around to see the dancer leaning against an opposite doorway. From what Donghun could see it lead to a small dressing room, allowing for the privacy of the performer. 

“You didn’t pay to touch the equipment, well, unless you consider me.” Ocean smirked at Donghun and crossed his arms across his chest. Said chest was uncovered except for the white button down he was wearing on stage. It was unbuttoned and rolled up at the sleeves.

Donghun knew himself very well when it came to things that attracted him, so when his breath caught at the dancer’s attire he wasn’t surprised in the least. His eyes tracked Ocean’s chest, it was still covered in glitter but it did look like the dancer had cleaned up a bit from the stage. 

Donghun’s eyes moved lower to see that Ocean only had on the black shorts he ended up in on stage. Donghun was having trouble meeting the man’s eyes, not because he was embarrassed but because he couldn’t seem to drag them away from Ocean’s hips and the way the v cut right into his shorts. 

He heard Ocean scoff and looked up to see him sauntering toward Donghun, his hips swaying in what looked like a practised motion. Donghun was sure this man never just walked anywhere, he had to pull the eyes of everyone around him. Whether those eyes were on his face or his ass he probably didn’t care. 

Donghun smirked at him, not letting himself be intimidated in the slightest. “No I was just admiring your collection of toys. Was thinking about what I could add to mine.” Donghun watched the dancer’s eyes flicker and he could see a smirk trying to break its way onto his face. Donghun was going to charm the hell out of him and he couldn’t wait to see the end product. 

<<<

 

Junhee wasn’t going to be affected by this man in the slightest, he was hot but Junhee was too high to care about any guys personality. As long as he got paid he would do what he needed to do to get through the night, this guy as far as Junhee knew had the money to pay. 

Sehyoon had said he was a CEO and Junhee had basically stopped listening after he heard his friend and boss explain to him how much he was willing to pay. Junhee heard snippets of “he just wants to talk” and “really Junhee he doesn’t want to fuck you.” but Junhee didn’t really focus on that. He knew how to get what he wanted and what he wanted was the cash, if he got a young, hot, rich guy to fuck him also then well that was just a bonus. 

Junhee walked around to the customer, Sehyoon had said he was a friend and his name was Donghun. To Junhee he was a way to get his next hit and oh it would be a fun one. As he walked over to the man he remembered seeing him in the crowd. The guy looked like he never stepped in strip clubs and a part of Junhee wanted to ruin him. 

Sehyoon had said that he had asked for him specifically, this made Junhee incredibly suspicious seeing as the man said he only wanted to talk. It wasn’t new for Junhee to have customers want to meet with him one on one, just usually it was to fuck him. 

He also had plenty of regulars and this man surely wasn’t his normal customer. 

He saw Donghun swallow as he walked towards him and Junhee thought of how good this man would look on his knees.

“Sehyoon said that he was going to talk to you about the reason why I wanted this” Donghun hesitated trying to find the right words, “session.” 

Junhee huffed at the usage of the word session. “Mhmm.” Junhee hummed once he got right up to the man. He was about the same height as him and could tell they were similar in size. Donghun looked to be a little bit broader than him, it had been a while since Junhee had fucked a customer around his age too. “He told me you just wanted to talk, isn’t that right?” Junhee purred into the man’s ear as he went to grab his tie. 

Donghun nodded and smiled sweetly at Junhee. The dancer thought about how he had never seen anyone in this room ever look that nice. He pulled on the man’s tie to guide him over to the chair in the middle of the room. “You seem so nice or are you just putting up a front.” Junhee mocked. “So many men come in here with their smirks and winks and fat wallets.” 

Junhee pushed Donghun into the chair with a bit of force causing the man to stumble a little when his ass hit the seat. The chair was bolted to the floor though, allowing for a secure place for Junhee to do his work. 

Junhee leaned into the man, placing his hands on his shoulders and coming close to his face. “I just want you to know while the smile is precious, the only thing that’s going to get you what you want here is your dick and your wallet.” Junhee cocked his head to the side and winked at the man, pulling away to walk toward the speakers. 

He heard Donghun scoff behind him. “I honestly just want to talk to you.” Donghun eyed the dancer as he turned around and leaned on the mantle the speakers were sitting on. 

“And why would you want to do that when you could just fuck me instead?” Junhee questioned Donghun like he couldn’t believe he was paying for this right now.

“Honestly, I found you interesting and wanted to get to know you better.” Donghun wrung his hands together in his lap. “I’m willing to pay your prices and handle the attitude.” 

Junhee laughed at the comment and then pressed play on the speakers behind him. Sensual club music started to play out of the speakers. “And what did you find so interesting about me hmm?” Junhee got down on his knees one by one. “Was it the way I took my clothes off or the way I shook my ass?” 

Junhee was now on all fours crawling toward Donghun. “I can’t answer that question I just feel intrigued by you.” Donghun didn’t understand why the dancer was still insisting on this being anything other than a conversation. “I don’t mind paying to talk to you, but I won’t pay to fuck you.” 

Junhee laughed as he crawled toward Donghun. Once he reached him he sat up and placed his hands on his knees, he rolled his body up towards Donghun and shoved his legs apart and moved in between them. He could feel Donghun’s cock through his slacks when he leaned against his stomach, the man could say he only wanted to talk but he was clearly enjoying everything Junhee was doing. 

“Well, let’s see if we can change that.” Junhee was a bitch and he prided himself on it, he also wasn’t going to tell this man anything about him. He would take his money but he would also do the job he was supposed to do. 

“How about,” Junhee leaned in and looked up at Donghun through his eyelashes, “you let me give you a lap dance and then I’ll let you bore me to death with your conversation.” Junhee put on his sweetest smile, knowing it looked fake. Donghun rolled his eyes and nodded. 

Junhee cocked his head to the side and thought about how this man really did seem to just want to talk. Junhee didn’t like it, he didn’t trust it. Why would someone come into a strip club with the sole purpose to have what amounted to a coffee date with a strange stripper. Donghun was a friend of Sehyoon’s and Byeongkwan’s but that didn’t mean he had to tell the man anything. 

Junhee slowly stood up from where he was kneeling, staying in between Donghun’s legs. He grabbed Donghun’s chin and met his eyes “Now, let’s get this started.” Junhee took the opportunity of the man being stunned to grab his shoulder with one hand and move the other to his hair. 

He pulled Donghun’s head back, hearing the other man gasp softly. He then pulled up one leg and placed his foot on the side of the chair. He rolled his hips with the music, his legs slightly opening. He could see that Donghun was trying hard to focus on his eyes but was failing, Junhee knew what he looked like doing this, there was no way the man would be able to resist. 

He took his leg off the chair and let go of Donghun’s hair and spun around. He rolled his hips to the music as he slowly started to remove his button up. He unrolled the sleeves and pulled it off his shoulders, stopping when the shirt was halfway down his back. He looked over his shoulder, bent at the waist and shook his ass in Donghun’s face. 

He bent down even more and got down on his knees, with his back facing the man he started to bounce and sit on his heels. He leaned forward on his hands and rolled his hips to the music. When he looked over his shoulder Donghun was slumped down more into the chair, legs open wider than Junhee had pushed them. Junhee smirked at him and sat back on his heels. 

He finished taking off his shirt and considered for a second what to do with it. He had already thrown a jacket in the man’s face once tonight, he didn’t need to do that trick again. He flung the shirt off to the side of the room and then rolled out his shoulders, flexing the muscles in his back. 

He could feel the heat coming off of the man behind him, he needed to remind him he could touch, later he would. 

Junhee then pushed his hands into the floor, sliding them along the soft carpet, arching his back like a cat. He circled his hips and moved into the music. He really wanted to turn around and see the look on the man’s face but he continued his movements, slightly grinding into the floor. 

Finally, he rolled onto his ass and faced Donghun. He got up from the floor and eyed Donghun up. The man was starting to sweat, his eyes couldn’t focus on one part of Junhee and his hands looked like they were itching to touch. Junhee felt like being a brat right in that moment. 

He walked towards the man and straddled him, his ass coming down hard on the man’s lap. Junhee could feel his dick through the slacks and got confirmation about how much he was enjoying this. Junhee knew that the other man could also tell he was turned on by this too, it didn’t take much for Junhee to get hot and bothered. If he was high and feeling himself then all it took was a simple look and he was up for almost anything. 

Junhee settled into Donghun’s lap and leaned into him, their foreheads almost touching, Junhee whispered “Still want to just…” Junhee paused and moved to moan the next words into his ear “have a little chat?” Junhee pulled away to see Donghun’s reaction. 

Donghun laughed and looked into Junhee’s eyes. “Actually, yes I do. You’re just proving to be more interesting as time goes on.” Donghun licked his lips and stared Junhee down. “You’re kind of a brat and it just makes me want to get to know you even more.” 

Junhee leaned back from Donghun, grabbed his tie and yanked causing the man to choke a bit. “You haven’t seen anything yet sweetheart.” Junhee started to grind down on Donghun. 

“Try me Ocean, show me what you’ve got, I promise you by the end of the night I’ll still just want to talk.” Donghun, from what Junhee could tell, didn’t back down from a challenge and this was now a challenge. 

“You’re body is telling me the opposite actually.” Junhee leaned back a bit so he was fully sitting on Donghun’s cock. He caused the other man to gasp and Junhee took the time to really roll his hips into it. 

Donghun closed his eyes and breathed. “I never said that you didn’t affect me, trust me i’d love to fuck you, I just won’t pay for it.” 

Junhee for a second looked worried “You are paying right, Sehyoon said that you were?” Junhee let his mask go for a split second before he reigned it in. “No way are you getting this for free.”

Donghun shook his head. “Of course, you’ll get paid no matter what. I promise you that.” Donghun hoped that Junhee trusted he would get his money. 

Junhee didn’t trust this man, but he trusted Sehyoon to make sure he got paid. Junhee relaxed back into Donghun’s lap, letting his body grind into the man he was sitting on. Junhee locked his arms around Donghun’s neck and pushed his whole body into him. “You better. Let’s get back to what we are here for.”

He sized the man up one more time, being this close to him he examined his features as he basically rode his lap. 

He was reminded about how young this man was, not someone that he usually fucked. Not a man in his 40’s or 50’s that were hiding out from their wives and children seeking a cheap thrill, not that junhee was cheap. He came at a hefty price, but he was well worth the wads of cash that were thrust at him at the end of the night. He knew what he was doing, he knew how to please his customers, and he knew how to keep them coming back for more. 

He put one hand in Donghun’s hair to pull it back, an excuse to look at his face. Junhee knew he was milking riding the man’s lap but he couldn’t help but to take in his features. He had short, fluffy, reddish brown hair. A suit on that looked like it cost more than Junhee’s monthly rent and a face that was in a perpetual pout when not talking. He was stunning and Junhee wouldn’t mind a man like this becoming a regular, as long as Junhee could gag him first. 

He looked like he could afford Junhee and that turned him on. He slid one hand up the man’s chest and kept the other in his hair. The hand on his chest went for the tie again and started to lean back in the man’s lap using the tie to hold himself up. He grinded down as he dipped as far as he could and then sat up straight. 

He let go of the man and quickly turned around to place himself backwards in his lap. Junhee leaned back into the man’s chest and roamed around for the man’s arms. When he found them he grabbed one of Donghun’s hands and started to glide it up his side. “You know it’s okay to touch sugar, you are paying for it.” Junhee purred near his ear. 

Donghun gripped onto Junhee’s hips and squeezed. Junhee let out a moan, that to his disgust was partially real. He would blame it on the high when he thought about it later. He kept grinding down on Donghun’s lap and he leaned his head back onto his shoulder. 

Donghun leaned his head into Junhee’s neck, the dancer could feel Donghun’s breath play along his skin and chills started to cover his body. Again, he’d blame it on the high. Junhee ran one of his hands through Donghun’s hair as the man groaned into Junhee’s neck, he swore he could feel the man’s mouth moving along his skin. 

Junhee found himself losing his mind in the moment. He honestly was starting to not mind, he really wouldn’t mind fucking this man as long as he dropped the “talking” business. Junhee placed one of his hands on the outside of the chair and then grabbed one of the hands that was gripping his waist. If he woke up with a soft handprint bruise he wouldn’t be surprised, he hated that it turned him on even more. 

Junhee brought Donghun’s hand up to the middle of his chest and placed it there, trying to see what Donghun would do. Would he take the offer or not? 

“Come on baby, I know you want to.” Junhee encouraged the man and he could feel the hand start to move lower as he leaned his head back and closed his eyes. “I promise it’ll be worth it.”

Donghun’s hand started to move towards Junhee’s shorts but stopped right at the elastic. One single finger made its way under the material and that was it. Junhee thought his heart had stopped. 

He shook his head out and scoffed at the man below him. “Really that’s all you got?” He teased as he turned his head and looked at Donghun. The man’s eyes were dark and his pupils were blown, but he wasn’t moving his hand any lower. 

The other hand on his waist started to move and Junhee was a little too into the moment to really register it. The hand came up to his face before he even saw it, it was a split second of Donghun looking at him with a question in his eyes and a hand caressing across his face before Junhee snapped out of it. He wouldn’t have this, he did not trust this man in the slightest. 

He threw up a wall so hard that no one would be able to get through it and steeled himself. He was too high to be thinking clearly, this man wouldn’t get the best of him. Ever. 

He took Donghun’s hand in his and to ruin the moment took one of his fingers, put it in his mouth and sucked. He grinded down hard on Donghun’s lap as he did it. Finally, he popped the finger out of his mouth stood up and started to finish his dance. There had been multiple songs that had played but the one now was coming to a close and so were Junhee’s legs. If he wasn’t going to get fucked then he would finish this up as fast as possible. 

He was sure he hated Donghun and wanted to get his last name just so he could hate him properly. 

Junhee finished his dance by turning around and pulling down his shorts just enough to show the top of his ass to Donghun. When he turned around to look at the man’s expression he was smirking. Junhee decided then and there that that smirk didn’t put him on edge the way his smile did. He knew smirks and winks, he didn’t know soft smiles and sparkling eyes. 

After Junhee finished his dance he sauntered over to the speakers and shut the music off, he walked over to where he threw his shirt and spun around to point a finger at Donghun. “Don’t move, if we’re going to talk i’d rather not do it in my underwear.” Junhee put on a frown. “If you’re not gonna fuck me then what’s the point of being naked.”

Junhee eyed him up. “I’ll be quick.” He went to leave the room and then turned back around and eyed up Donghun. “Don’t… touch anything.”

Donghun laughed and stood up from his chair. He smirked at Junhee and the dancer knew the next thing out of his mouth Junhee would want to smack him for.

“May I grace the couch with my presence, your highness?” Donghun said looking super pleased with himself. 

Junhee stared him down and just rolled his eyes. “Dick.” Junhee scoffed at him and slammed through the door to his private dressing room. He rummaged through the room to find some actual pants and a shirt. He pulled on black ripped jeans and a band t-shirt that had seen better days. He caught himself in the mirror and fixed his hair. He still looked hot, he knew that, he wondered what Donghun’s reaction would be. He then realized he really didn’t fucking care what the man thought. 

When he exited the room and entered the other he caught Donghun standing in the middle of the floor picking at the cuffs on his shirt. He was stunned for a second, the man hadn’t sat down. 

Junhee walked into the room and slumped down onto one of the couches. “You can sit now.” He gestured for Donghun to have a seat on the couch beside him, just not too close. “Let’s get this over with.”

Donghun smiled at Junhee and laughed. “Wow, I can really feel the enthusiasm in the room.” Donghun teased as he settled into the couch. 

Junhee rolled his eyes and waited for Donghun to continue. He was not prepared for a long conversation. His body was ready to bounce off the walls, he hadn’t slept for days and really should have taken another hit before he came back into the room. 

Donghun leaned one arm on the side of the couch and put his head in his hand, comfortable on the couch that had probably seen more men than a gentlemen’s club. “So, I just wanted to ask about you. Get to know you a little more and maybe you could learn a little bit more about me.” Donghun cocked his head to the side, seeing that Junhee really wasn’t that interested. 

Junhee lifted an eyebrow, decided to act interested for the sake of his sanity. “So you want to play 20 questions like junior high kids?”

Donghun shook his head, Junhee didn’t understand why the man was so amused by him. 

“Yeah, I guess that could work. That way it doesn’t really get too personal. It is our first date after all.” Donghun smiled at him. 

Junhee leaned his head back and groaned. “Oh, that was so bad. You know how bad that was right?” He laughed at his teasing of Donghun, but played along with the game. 

“Okay so you start, I’m the one that dragged you into this so you can go first.” Donghun raised a hand to Junhee, letting him take the lead. 

“What is your full name?” Junhee questioned him, counting down 19 and keeping track of the questions. 

“Lee Donghun.” Donghun raised the same question back at Junhee. “What about you, Ocean can’t be your real name?”

 

Junhee smirked and said “No it isn’t. My full name is Ocean Sparkle.” He did little jazz hands and mimed a rainbow as he said it. 

Donghun burst into laughter and Junhee felt himself having to push a smile away from his face. “You wanted it to be as gay as possible didn’t you?” Donghun questioned him. 

“My parents actually gave me that name, thank you very much.” Junhee teased. “They knew the minute I was out of the womb that I would be dancing on poles and coming onto boys.” Junhee didn’t like how him being high made him talkative. He wasn’t interested in this conversation and needed to show that. “Next question, your turn.”

Donghun thought for a second. “What got you into dancing and stripping?”

Junhee stared him down and resolutely decided for the 100th time tonight to not let the man know anything about him. “I liked taking my clothes off. Same question. That’s two down.”

“What got me into dancing and stripping? Oh boy that’s an interesting story.” Donghun teased. Junhee scoffed at him and rolled his eyes. Donghun smiled “Okay, okay. I went to business school and found a job through an internship my senior year of college.” Donghun answered politely.

“Question three, my turn.” Donghun kept the game moving. “How do you know Sehyoon and Byeongkwan?”

Junhee eyed him up, he wasn’t happy about the direction of these questions. Too forward and too personal already. “From the club, that’s it.” 

Donghun looked a bit taken back but rolled with it. “Oh, okay. I know them from college. Sehyoon was my roommate and we met Byeongkwan because him and Sehyoon had similar classes. I was a best man at their wedding.”

Junhee scratched the back of his head, a bit uncomfortable “Good for you.” He wanted to shut this down but knew this was what Donghun actually paid for. 

Donghun could tell Ocean was not into this at all, so he decided to go easy on the man. “Okay next question, favorite color?”

Ocean looked up at him from where he was looking at the floor, a surprised look on his face. “Uhm, blue. Same question.”

From then on all the questions were things you would ask a stranger or a colleague you just met. What clothes do you like? What’s your favorite music? Have you ever died your hair? They were questions Donghun knew wouldn’t make him uncomfortable, he didn’t want the man to despise him. He just really was interested in him and genuinely liked him. At this point he just wanted to be friends. He didn’t need to fuck or date him, he was realizing he just wanted him in his life. But he didn’t want to wear Ocean down to where he felt like they had to be friends. 

What he wasn’t telling Ocean was that he had heard things about him from Sehyoon and Byeongkwan but hadn’t realized until tonight that the two had been talking about this dancer. There was nothing that he knew that was personal, just that there was someone at the club with a bitchy attitude and moves to rival any professional dancer. 

Junhee didn’t like the man any more than he did when he first met him, but he realized that while he didn’t trust him he could hold a conversation with him. The questions had gone from slightly personal to generic. Junhee did appreciate that, but he wouldn’t let Donghun know that this wasn’t the worst thing he’s ever had to do. 

They finished up their game and Junhee hadn’t realized that it had been over an hour. He looked at the clock and scrambled. Donghun had only paid for half an hour and now he was screwed. “Shit, we went over. Fuck.” 

Junhee was swearing and looking at the clock like it would kill him if it kept ticking. He couldn’t handle this, he had waisted time he could have with other customers, he was so stupid. 

He felt a hand on his shoulder and flinched. Donghun backed away with his hands in the air. “I’m sorry I shouldn’t have. Uhm, don’t worry about the time I’ll pay for however much it was, I promise.”

Junhee relaxed a bit, Donghun looked like he was telling the truth. Donghun sighed out a breath and looked like he was trying to figure out what to do. Junhee wrapped his arms around his stomach, it was in knots. 

“How about we go out and I can give Sehyoon the money directly and we can do a transfer and everything.” Donghun said sweetly, Junhee hated that tone of voice. 

Junhee nodded at Donghun and they proceeded to walk out the door. “As long as you pay and didn’t waste my time. And I mean the nights not over we can still fuck if you’ve changed your mind. You don’t look tight on money.” Junhee teased just to get his mind out of the state it was in. 

Donghun scoffed and kept moving through the door. They were out in the club before Junhee realized he was still in the jeans and t-shirt. He hoped none of his regulars saw him in this, there would be too many questions. 

Donghun led the way through the crowd, finding his way to Sehyoon. Junhee followed not wanting to let him go, just to make sure he got his money. 

They finally found Sehyoon, who was serving drinks right along his husband. Both men smiled at the two when they walked up to the bar, well Byeongkwan was closer to a smirk than anything. 

When they got close enough to hear Byeongkwan winked. “So Donghun, have fun with our little Ocean here? He’s well worth the price he asks for.” 

Donghun smacked Byeongkwan on the shoulder “Ya, I like to think we had fun. Did we have fun Ocean?”

Junhee clicked his tongue and held out his hand “The money would make it so much more fun. So if you don’t mind I’d like to get paid.” Junhee didn’t want to play right now. 

Donghun reached into his pocket and thumbed out some bills. “Here you go, you brat.” Donghun teased. Sehyoon and Byeongkwan both looked at each other, their minds both reeling at the interaction between the two. 

Junhee grabbed his chin and pulled him close. “Thanks sugar I do appreciate it.” Junhee thumbed through the money and realized that there was way too much in the stack. Enough hundreds for Junhee to not only pay his bills for the month but to also buy enough coke to keep him satisfied for at least a week. Junhee looked up at Donghun shocked. “This is well over what the price was.” 

Sehyoon went to grab the money from Junhee’s hands, he let him, he trusted sehyoon to give it all back. Sehyoon stared up at Donghun, “Donghun there is enough here to pay for at least three more hour sessions.”

Donghun sighed “What can I say, that’s what I felt like Ocean’s time was worth.” Donghun took the money back from Sehyoon and placed it back in Junhee’s hands. Junhee was in shock, no one had ever paid this much just to spend time with him. 

Donghun looked at him, almost shy, before they both turned away from each other. 

He then went to pull on his coat jacket when he realized it wasn’t on him. “Shit, I left my coat in the private room.” 

Sehyoon signaled over a guard to guide Donghun back to the room. Once Donghun was on his way Sehyoon sided up to Junhee. “So, what did you think of him? He’s kinda awesome right, if not a little bit high strung.”

Junhee scoffed at Sehyoon and crossed his arms. “He’s an annoying menace who has too much money to spare.” Junhee scuffed his feet on the floor. “I still don’t understand why he just wanted to talk. I mean who just wants to talk at a strip club?” 

Byeongkwan put a hand on Junhee’s shoulder and looked at him with those eyes of his, ones that you’d burn down the world for. “Honey there is so much about you that the world has yet to see, parts of you that deserve to be known.” 

Junhee shook his head at the words. “Yeah, well I don’t want him to know anything.” 

Sehyoon smiled softly at him. “He’ll respect that by the way. He might come back again but he’ll respect your boundaries. I really think that there’s a part of you that wants him to break that shell of yours.” 

Junhee didn’t like the way Sehyoon knew him and he’d never admit that Sehyoon was right. He wasn’t interested one bit in Lee Donghun and that was the story he was sticking to. 

Said man was walking back towards the small group with his coat in hand. When he came up to the group he pulled Byeongkwan and Sehyoon both into big hugs and kisses on the cheek. “I’ll see you both at brunch Sunday right?” 

Both boys shook their heads excitedly as Junhee looked on stunned. He was going to be super annoying about this. “Brunch? Really?” Junhee teased. “You run a strip club and you do Sunday brunch? That’s fucking brilliant.”

Sehyoon just laughed at his expression and patted him on the shoulder. “Don’t forget you’re the one who picked the stage name Ocean.” 

Donghun laughed and before Junhee could save himself Donghun did it for him. “Hey, his parents gave him the name Ocean, it’s not his fault.”

Junhee was a bit stunned at the teasing. He looked over at Donghun to see him throwing him one of those smiles his way. He scowled at him. 

Donghun laughed and started to back up. “Don’t be a stranger Ocean. Tonight was honestly everything I needed.” 

Junhee rolled his eyes at him. “Leave you bastard. Just if you do come back please keep bringing your wallet with you.” 

Donghun winked at him as he started to drift through the club “Oh, you can count on it.” 

Junhee’s heart skipped a beat and for a split second he saw what his future could be, but he pushed it down so far it would never see any light, he wouldn’t allow it to grow. “I need a hit.” He said to Byeongkwan and Sehyoon. 

Sehyoon sighed “Junhee, come on.” Sehyoon went to pull him in but Junhee backed away. 

“No it’s fine. The nights still young and I have plenty of customers to make happy.” He backed away from the pair, toward his dressing room, as far away from Donghun as he could be. As close to the saving grace of the next hit as he could be. 

Junhee wasn’t going to ruin himself. He would become steel from Donghun. He would break otherwise.


	2. I'm that Bitch (Got Clarity)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “To feel anything real would ruin the high. To actually care would ruin the cultivation of a life that only mattered to chase the next hit. Nothing could touch the cold stone that had covered every part of your heart. You were clarity and reality.”
> 
> Donghun goes back to the club Saturday night, Yuchan tags along! Junhee has struggles and him and Byeongkwan do a pairs dance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a monster. I'm sorry ya'll, I love long fics so you're going to have to bear with me here! I hope you enjoy it though. I promise we'll be getting to the really good stuff soon. I also added in POV preferences to help out you and me! 
> 
> Dances I watched for inspo:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7MsXwbZvE58  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3pHYxx9dY_U
> 
> Songs I listened to while I wrote:  
> Clarity: Kim Petras  
> Do Me: Kim Petras  
> Love on the Brain: Rihanna  
> Just Thought you Should: Betty Who

“To feel anything real would ruin the high. To actually care would ruin the cultivation of a life that only mattered to chase the next hit. Nothing could touch the cold stone that had covered every part of your heart. You were clarity and reality.”

>

(JH POV)

Junhee felt the cold of the night nip at his skin through the thin material of his jacket. He needed to get one that was better suited for the weather, but he could also spend the wasted money on something else that could keep him warm. 

He wandered the streets until he came up on a spot he knew well, a dark alleyway deep into the city. He had walked all the way from the club and was shivering without realizing it. He leaned up against the brick wall of one of the buildings and waited. 

He caught glimpses of the night life, girls on the street, drunk couples walking home, workers going into work to start their early morning shifts. Junhee checked the time on his phone. It was almost 5 am and he hadn’t officially slept in over 48 hours. His eyelids refused to droop, his body tingling, on the verge of becoming numb. 

He wasn’t high enough to deal with everything that had happened at the club that night. After Donghun had left he never got himself back in order, he had taken a hit and continued his work, but he felt off. The men that came in after Donghun were more of his regular type, old men hungry for something secret and dirty. 

He was sore in so many places and needed the drugs to numb the parts of his body that his customers had used. None of them had been on the gentle side and Junhee was covering up the bruises to show for it. If Sehyoon knew that a couple of his regulars got too rough they would be blacklisted from the club. 

Junhee couldn’t have that, they paid him very well and he saw them at least once a week if not more. He counted on them to pay for what he needed. He would do what he had too, and honestly he didn’t mind getting a little rough, if they went too far he knew how to stop it. He never did anything that made him worry about his safety. 

Junhee was brought out of his thoughts by a man walking across the street, hood up, bathed in street lights. Junhee scoffed at the man, he was such a stereotypical hook up. He never sold to Junhee during daylight and always played the perfect part. 

When the dealer got to the dancer he pointed to the back of the alley. Junhee followed him and pulled out his phone to flash a little bit of light. The dealer hissed at him to lower the light and Junhee rolled his eyes as he faced the phone away from either of their faces. 

“You have the money?” The dealer questioned Junhee. “This was a big order, you better not be playing with me.” 

Junhee pulled the cash from his back pocket, fanning out the bills to show the dealer that he wasn’t lying about having the money. “I had a good night, they couldn’t stop shoving bills in my face.” 

The dealer scoffed. “Yeah I bet that was where they were shoving them.” He pulled out a baggie from his back pocket and shook it out to show Junhee. “It’s all there, this should last you a while, so I’m expecting to not see you for some time.” 

Junhee winked at the man. “You never know, maybe I could be throwing a huge party. Share it with all my friends.” 

The dealer laughed at the comment as him and Junhee traded what was in their hands. Junhee watched as the money was put into the man’s hands. He hated that when he saw it it reminded him of Donghun, his voice, the way he smelled. Junhee despised where his mind went and how part of him wanted to snatch the money back up. 

He couldn’t understand why he was even slightly affected by Lee Donghun. He wanted to blame it on being that he was Sehyoon and Byeongkwan’s friend. He wanted to find a way to push the blame somewhere else. He was not going to deal with this, he just needed to shut his brain up. 

“You’re too much of a princess to share with anybody. If anyone tried to take any of this from you they’d probably get their dick bitten off.” 

Junhee examined the baggie as he smirked. “I don’t know. If their dick was in my mouth maybe i’d be getting paid and I wouldn’t care.” He looked at the dealer, his face was not one of delight. Junhee really didn’t like this guy, he was a homophobe who made too many cracks at Junhee, but he had good shit. Junhee had been deciding to put up with him for months. 

The dealer thumbed through the bills. “Jesus, how many guys did you have to let fuck you in the ass for this much cash.” He looked almost impressed. 

Junhee clicked his tongue and shoved the baggie into his backpack. “Absolutely none. All that is from one guy. He just wanted to “chat” with me.” Junhee saw the dealer’s eyes question him. “He paid me four grand to give him a lap dance and have a conversation with him. And the lap dance was only because I refused to let him get away with just talking.” 

The dealer almost looked impressed. “He wanted you to use your mouth for something other than to stick something in it?”

“I know right, I was surprised too. Usually men don’t want me to talk, say i’m too much of a bitch. They don’t like mouthy ones.” Junhee put his hands in his back pockets and rocked his body as the dealer thought what to say next.

“You are a bitch. A good gag would solve so many problems.” The dealer teased. They both started walking towards the street again. 

Junhee smirked as he turned and walked backwards toward the crosswalk. “Sounds like fun.” Junhee licked his lips “He liked that I was a brat, I think it turned him on to me even more.” Junhee pressed the button to stop traffic and looked toward the street for cars. “Thanks for the drugs.” Junhee said loud enough that it caused the dealer to give him a look full of rage. 

“I swear to fucking God I am going to kill you one day.” The dealer looked like he was deciding whether homicide was an option.

Junhee cackled and walked into the street, he threw out his arms to the side. “Oh, talk dirty to me, murder really gets me hard.” Junhee winked at him as he turned and walked down the street. He really needed to stop provoking men that had blood on their hands, but he just couldn’t help it. His need to fuck everything was too high. 

>

Junhee walked up the steps to his apartment. The cold was really getting to him and he needed to get inside and warm up. As he walked to his door he caught sight of his landlord. He tried to get his keys out fast and get his door unlocked. Before he could get inside the door though, his landlord saw him and called out his name. 

“Park Junhee.” The man started to walk toward him and Junhee backed up to his door. He really wanted to get inside his apartment. “Late night, huh?” The landlord eyed Junhee’s face. “You still got some glitter on you, had a good night it looks like.”

Junhee flinched at the man as he brought his hand out to touch Junhee’s shoulder. “Yeah, it was an okay night. I really need to get to bed though, it’s late.” Junhee was doing his best not to shake. 

The landlord squeezed Junhee’s shoulder. “You mean early.” The landlord roamed his eyes over Junhee’s body. “Would you like someone to help warm your bed tonight.” 

God, Junhee hated men like this, who thought they could take whatever they wanted. He only put up with it because the apartment was rent controlled and not a shithole. “Nope, I’m good. I have a heater and everything. Goodnight.”

Junhee pushed through his door backwards and did his best not to slam it in the man’s face. He wasn’t sure that he had succeeded. He breathed out as he leaned his back against the door. Sometimes Junhee wished that not everyone could tell he was a stripper and whore. It caused men like that to feel like they were entitled to him. They weren’t, Junhee would never give the man an inch. 

Junhee peeked through the eyehole in his door to see the man slink away toward his part of the building. Junhee sank down to the floor and put his head between his knees. He took his backpack off his back and opened it up to grab the baggie he had bought. 

He shook it out and looked at it carefully. He then banged his head back on the door and closed his eyes, so much of his body hurt from exhaustion. His high was worn off and he really needed to fix that as soon as possible. 

He got up from the floor and started throwing his stuff about his apartment. It was a nice place but very small. He only had one room that tripled as a bedroom, kitchen and living room. There was a tiny bathroom off to the side. It was neat and tidy. He spent so many nights in a manic haze deep cleaning the place. 

His saving grace was a big window that opened up to a small porch. He kept it closed now only because it was too cold. As he was taking off his clothes and searching for his stuff to take a shower, Junhee heard scratching on his door. 

He padded over to it and opened it to watch a small tabby cat waltz into the room. She rubbed up against Junhee’s leg and purred, he picked her up as she kept rumbling. He rubbed his face into her fur and brought her up to look in her eyes. “You hungry little Luna, do you need some food?” 

Junhee walked over to his kitchen and reached in the cabinet to grab some cat food. Luna was a stray that frequented the building. Junhee had taken her into his care when he moved in a couple years ago. She still roamed the complex but she was basically Junhee’s. He didn’t want to trap her, he let her keep her freedom. She always came back to him every night. 

Junhee placed her food into a bowl on the kitchen floor and set Luna down to eat. He ran his hands through her fur and squatted to admire her. “You know you’re so beautiful. Such a pretty kitty.” Junhee sighed as he rubbed her soft fur. He whispered to the creature “You know we’re very similar, two very pretty things using their looks to stay alive.” So many people in the complex had fed Luna because she was such a pretty thing. No one had the heart to throw her out and let her go hungry.

Junhee brought his arms up to cross them over his knees and lay his head on his forearms. “Sometimes” He brought his face close to the cat “I wish I never learned to dance, never learned what my looks could give me.” 

He thought about how there had been someone new tonight, other than Byeongkwan and Sehyoon, who just wanted to know him. Who just wanted to see him for who he really was. He squeezed his eyes shut at the thought and banged his head softly on the cabinet next to him. 

He looked up at the ceiling and then over to his bed, he spotted the drugs he had bought and stood up to grab them. He needed to get out of this mood and these were the key. 

>

Junhee had spent the last hour cleaning his apartment, wiping down every counter and washing all his sheets. He was now on his hands and knees scrubbing the floor. He was completely wired and while it was 6 am sleep was the furthest thing from his mind. 

He couldn’t sit down for even two minutes before his body started to shake and his hands needed to fidget with something. The dealer had never let him down, this was some good shit. 

He stood up to survey his apartment. It was spotless and he went to put away all his cleaning supplies. He was gross, still sweaty and glittery from the club and now even worse because of the hard work he had done cleaning. 

He pulled off his shirt and shorts as he made his way to the shower, deciding it was time to clean up. Maybe a hot shower would relax his muscles and calm him down. He was so jittery, he couldn’t stop bouncing on the balls of his feet as he waited for the water to heat up. 

When he stepped into the shower he sighed, the water felt amazing on his sore muscles. He started to wash up, making sure that he got everything from the club off of him. He reached his stomach and lowered his hand. His high was turning him on, he remembered the night. 

All the dancing he had done, the way he had stripped for the audience. He slid his hand down to his cock and gripped it. He thought about the men that couldn’t take their eyes off of him. The money he had earned. How Donghun’s eyes had never strayed from him during the dance. 

Junhee’s head snapped up and his eyes widened. He took his hand away from his cock and thrust both of his hands on the shower wall. His breathing was coming out in pants and he was trying so hard to get the image out of his head. 

An image of the man that had paid just to talk to him. The way his body had felt under his and how his hands had been hot and soft on the skin of his stomach. Moving towards the place Junhee needed them too. 

Junhee abruptly shut off the shower and wiped a hand down his face. He was not having these thoughts. He pushed the man from his mind and stepped out of the shower to grab a towel. He wiped his body down as he stepped over to his mirror. 

He wiped the steam off and looked at himself closely. “You will not let anyone get to you. You can’t trust him, no guy besides yourself has your best interest at heart.” Junhee whispered to himself. He thought about Sehyoon and Byeongkwan. 

Besides himself, they were the only people he could trust. Donghun, he thought, he couldn’t trust him. That was a man that would clearly ruin him. Junhee was the only person allowed to ruin himself. 

Junhee finished drying off and walked over to his dresser to pull out boxer briefs and a huge sleeveless shirt. He saw Luna strut over to the bed, hop on it and turn in a circle before she settled down for sleep. 

He knew he should too but he was still too much in his head. The cleaning had helped for a while, the shower decidedly had not. Junhee wrung his hands through his shirt thinking about something he could do to get his energy out. He checked the clock, it was 6:30 in the morning. 

He would need to be up and about by noon. It was fine. He could run on no sleep, he’d done it so many times. 

He walked over to his small radio and pressed a couple buttons and came to a channel that played r&b. He started to move to the music playing through the speakers. It was low enough to not disturb his neighbors, but enough for him to feel it through his apartment. 

Junhee swayed on the spot, head rolling back and arms stretching out. His hips circled and he pulled on his shirt, bunching it in his hands. He curled into himself and swayed side to side with the music. 

He felt the music swell and threw his hands out and spun around, landing down on his knees once he made a 180. He let his body feel the music and did floorwork that caused him to work out his core.  
He used his flexibility do a middle split and then slide out of it, popping up onto his feet. The next half hour was Junhee feeling song after song. Working out his contemporary skills, pretending that there was an audience for him. The crowd not wanting to see him strip but to see him just dance. 

He was sweaty when the radio stopped their non-stop music to play an ad. Junhee pulled up the front of his shirt to wipe off the sweat on his forehead. He was exhausted, finally and knew he needed another shower but that could wait. 

He went to his kitchen, grabbed a glass of water and some orange slices from the fridge. He threw it all back within a minute and then he walked and fell face first into his bed and crashed. 

>

(DH POV)

It’s a Saturday but Donghun is sitting at his desk going over paperwork that one of his employees fucked up. He despises that so many higher ups higher their children who have never worked a day in their lives to be front and center. His interns do a million more things during the day and do a better job than some of his top level employees. 

Donghun sips his coffee while he files through one of the reports he needs to fix. He has a headache and really wishes he could be in his bed at home, but he is the CEO of this particular branch and he will not have mistakes under his nose. 

He starts tapping away on his computer to make corrections when his phone rings, his secretary informs him that there is someone there to see him. He tells her to let them in and Donghun folds his arms and places his head on his desk. 

He’s thinking about a certain dancer when his door slides open and he smells fresh food walk into his office. He looks up to see Sehyoon smiling at him with bags of takeout. Next to him is his favorite employee, Kang Yuchan. 

Said boy is smiling and looking at Sehyoon like he holds the key to the fountain of youth, to Chan food is next to God. “Hyung, Mr. Kim brought food so stop your sulking and so let’s eat please.”

Yuchan was Donghun’s savior and his sunshine at work and outside of the office. The boy was only 23 but was an excellent employee and friend. He was always there for Donghun and early Saturdays were no exception. Sehyoon had somehow known that Donghun was working, it was barely 11 am and here he was with Donghun’s favorite takeout. 

“Chan how many times have I told you to call me Sehyoon, seriously no one calls me Mr.” Sehyoon smiled softly at Yuchan and walked over to the table in Donghun’s office to set down the food. 

“Oh right.” Yuchan giggled and went to help take out the food. “Donghun get your ass up and over here.” Yuchan started digging into his food. 

Donghun stood up from his chair and made his way over to the boys. Sehyoon handed him a soda as he took his seat in front of one of the containers of take out. “Exactly how did you know I was working today?” Donghun questioned him. 

“Yuchan called me, said you were in a slump and might do well with some lunch and a friend.” Sehyoon patted Chan on the shoulder and started to dig into his food.

Donghun watched as Chan shyly lowered his head as he ate. He pulled him to his side and nuzzled into his hair. “Thanks, Channie. You were right.” 

Yuchan smiled huge at Donghun then continued his meal. The boys ate in silence for a while, eventually Donghun felt eyes on him. He looked up to see Sehyoon, food abandoned, staring at him like he was trying to figure out how to word a question. 

“What is it Yoon, looks like you’re thinking way too hard?” Donghun teased the man as he set his food back on the table and leaned back in his chair. 

Sehyoon shook his head out and looked down at the table. “Uhm, I just wanted to ask you about last night.” Sehyoon coughed and looked at Donghun in the eyes. “Did you have fun? How was Ocean? Are you coming back or no?” Sehyoon started rapid firing questions to him.

Donghun started waving his hand in the air to stop him as Yuchan looked at them both questioningly. 

“Who’s Ocean? Where did you go last night?” Yuchan was leaning into Donghun trying to figure out what was happening. 

Donghun eyed the both of them. “I went to Sehyoon’s club.” 

Yuchan looked surprised but in complete support of the choice. “Oh, awesome. I’ve always said you should get out a lot more.” 

Donghun scoffed at him as he kept rambling. “Who’s Ocean by the way, sounds mysterious?” 

Donghun and Sehyoon both answered at the same time. Donghun chose to politely say “just a cute dancer from the club.” while Sehyoon chose the route of “just the second hottest stripper at my club who gave Donghun a lap dance last night.”

Yuchan choked on his food as Donghun took a split second to look offended. He then patted Yuchan on the back as he coughed on the bite he took. Yuchan looked up at him, eyes watery, but with a smile on his face. “Oh, you got a lap dance last night. Nice.” 

Donghun rolled his eyes and looked at Sehyoon. “Seriously what the fuck, Yoon?”

Sehyoon laughed at him. “What I was just telling the truth. Do you not want him to know about the $4,000 you spent on him to just talk to him?” Sehyoon smirked at him. 

Donghun stood up and left the table, circling around the room. Yuchan laughed with Sehyoon. “Holy shit Hyung, does the guy have a golden dick or something?” 

Donghun spun around to look at the kid “Watch your fucking mouth.” Donghun went back to lean on his chair. “No he doesn’t, just a bitchy attitude and a very pretty face.” 

Sehyoon put his head on one of his hands and leaned his head on the table and put on a dreamy face. “He’s just so interesting and I want to know more about him. I want to play with his hair and feed him. I want to kiss him goodnight and wake up to him in the morning.” Sehyoon ended the dramatics with a fake sigh, pretending to imitate Donghun.

Donghun ran up to him and whacked him with a take out menu. “That is not what I said. I just wanted to talk to him.” 

Yuchan was laughing up a fit at the theatrics. “Oh, I would love to meet this guy. Can I go to the club with you tonight?” Yuchan gave Donghun the puppy dog eyes, he knew he wouldn’t resist. 

“No, absolutely not. Yuchan you can’t go to a strip club with me.” Donghun was shaking his head like it was the worst idea ever. 

“Why not hyung, it would be a lot of fun.” Yuchan pouted and Sehyoon started to join back in. “You should come back tonight Donghun, really, and Yuchan can come with you too.” 

Donghun kept a resolute look on his face. “No, he’s like 12 that’s not happening.”

Yuchan looked offended and raised his voice. “Excuse you, I’m 23, thank you very much.” Yuchan stood up and grabbed Donghun’s shoulders. “Come on it would be fun and I can see that you would like to see this Ocean guy again. We’ll have a blast.” Yuchan turned to look at Sehyoon. “I’d also love to see Byeongkwan again, it’s been way too long.” 

Sehyoon stood up and walked over to the two. He wrapped his arms around both of their shoulders and said lightly to Donghun. “See, Yuchan misses Kwan and honestly it would be awesome to have you both there.” 

Donghun finally broke. “Fine, we’ll go tonight. But I’m watching you like a hawk.” He threw a finger in Yuchan’s face. “No lap dances, no private rooms.” 

Sehyoon laughed, “I promise we’ll watch him. This is going to be so much fun.” 

Yuchan let out a holler and hugged Donghun and Sehyoon. “Can I bring my boyfriend too, he might feel weird if I go without him.” Yuchan looked at Donghun with hope in his eyes. 

Donghun sighed out a sure and leaned into the hug. Donghun thought about how he would get to see Ocean again tonight, hoping the dancer will receive him better. He needed to think of a way to talk to him again, he didn’t seem interested at all in Donghun the night before. 

He didn’t want to push and really wanted the dancer to fall for him all on his own. He was going to have to be creative if he wanted to get past his walls. He looked at the two idiots still hugging him. “This is going to be an interesting night.” he whispered. 

>

(JH POV) 

Junhee made sure Luna was fed and out of the apartment before he grabbed his backpack and headed down the stairs and out of his building. He had barely slept any last night. Getting about an hour before he was up again, he had gone through all his clothes, refolded them and organized them by color. 

Then he had laid down again for about another hour, then woke up started making himself breakfast. It was now around noon and he had about 30 minutes to get to the club to help Byeongkwan start a class on acrobatics for some of their newest dancers. 

Him and Byeongkwan were also doing a pair dance tonight and they needed to practice. He really loved dancing with the other man, he was such a good friend to Junhee. He didn’t feel like he deserved him and Sehyoon, but they were there and he trusted them fully. 

Sehyoon had saved him from a job that probably would have gotten him killed and Byeongkwan sat up with him on many different occasions when he needed someone to blur out the bad feelings. They were his only family, the people that took him in at his worst and always came back. 

He loved them and Junhee two years ago didn’t think he was even capable of loving. He had a smile on his face when he walked into the neighborhood coffee shop. The buzz from his last hit wearing off caused him to have a craving for coffee. He needed to take more but he didn’t want to waste it when he would need it for work tonight. 

He grabbed a coffee for Sehyoon and Byeongkwan and finished his walk over to the club. He thanked whoever had allowed him to find a good apartment so close to work, he only had to take the bus when it got too cold out. 

His thick hoodie and track pants did their job today, thankfully it was only chilly out. Junhee pushed one hand into the pocket of his jacket as he carried the drink container with the coffees in it in his other. He turned the corner to the club and saw some of the other dancers having a smoke break outside. 

Sehyoon really was an interesting club manager. He allowed Junhee his drugs, but no dealers were allowed in the club and there was a no smoking rule. Junhee shook his head and laughed as he walked into the entrance.

He was stopped by one of the dancers outside. “Are you helping Mr. Kim with the dance instruction today?” The dancer was one of their newer ones, Junhee eyed him, he was a little bit on the skinny side. He wanted to put a burger in his hand and tell him to stop skipping meals. Not like Junhee had any room to talk. 

Junhee laughed at the usage of Mr. Kim for Byeongkwan and shook his head yes. “Yeah, I am. We’ll be getting started soon if you’re planning on joining.” He eyed the dancer and the other that was beside him. “Both of you definitely should.” 

Both of the dancers nodded their heads and went to finish their cigarettes as Junhee entered the club. He always loved the club at this time of the day. The lights were on and you just heard the sound of glasses being cleaned, employees chatting as they did inventory, and the soft sound of the stage music being played. 

He walked over to where Byeongkwan was sitting on a stool at the bar. Sehyoon was behind it cleaning glasses. He came up behind Byeongkwan and snuck a kiss to his cheek and the boy screeched and flailed about. 

Junhee and Sehyoon both laughed, the other boy having seen Junhee come up behind Byeongkwan. “Wow, you’re jumpy today. Maybe you don’t need the coffee I brought if you’re that jittery.”

Byeongkwan smacked him on his arm as he grabbed his coffee from the carrier. “Shut up, you scared me. Also, I definitely need this coffee.” Byeongkwan sighed as he looked at the journal in front of him. “Seriously Sehyoon why did you hire these two dancers. They’re not very good, people are not going to come back to see them unless their asses are in private rooms.”

Sehyoon finished cleaning the glass in his hand, set it down and grabbed one of Byeongkwan’s hands. “Baby, they were in a terrible club downtown. You know we had to get them out of there.” Sehyoon caught his husband’s eyes. “I know you and Junhee will whip them into shape, I believe in the both of you.” 

Sehyoon grabbed his coffee and walked out from behind the bar. He came to kiss Byeongkwan on the forehead and pat Junhee on the back. “I’m going to go and sit with our accountant and be bored out of my mind. Go teach our boys some stuff and make me some money.” 

Sehyoon smiled at them sweetly and saluted as he walked off toward a table near the back of the room with a man in a nice suit. Both men watched him walk away and Junhee with his eyes still on Sehyoon heard a thump hit the bar top. 

He turned to see Byeongkwan face down, arms dangling at his side. “What’s wrong Kwan, the dancers are not that bad.”

Byeongkwan sighed and picked his head up. “No, they’re not. I just hope that they can keep up with everybody else. But Yoon was right, they couldn’t stay in that club.” Byeongkwan got up from the stool and turned to make his way toward the stage. He snuck a look at Junhee. 

“You gonna come help or…” Byeongkwan caught Junhee’s eyes. 

“Oh, yeah sorry, i’ll be there in just a minute.” Junhee motioned for Byeongkwan to go on without him. He was lost in thought about how he had the same circumstances as the newest dancers. He hated thinking about it and what he went through, it was an experience he never wanted to relive. 

He shook off the old thoughts and started to follow Byeongkwan, he was on stage now pulling off his track pants and leaving on the basketball shorts he had on underneath. He left his hoodie on because it was still pretty cold in the club. 

Junhee stepped up on to the stage and took off his track pants too, leaving him in smaller shorts that were good for doing acrobatics. He watched as Byeongkwan grabbed a mic from the sound system and heard his voice come over the speakers. “Everyone who is here now and would like to get a lesson from the best acrobats in this club please make your way to the stage.”

 

Byeongkwan giggled into the mic as he heard many groans come from the floor. “You’re right but that doesn’t mean you have to say it.” Junhee heard Sehyoon say from the back of the club. 

Byeongkwan eyed his husband and pulled the mic up to his lips. “Confidence is key my dear husband and if you would like to keep your bed tonight I suggest you close your mouth.” 

Junhee saw Sehyoon laugh and go back to his own conversation and he heard many laughs from the crowd of dancers gathered around the stage. There were about 10 other dancers employed at the ACE of Kings. Junhee wasn’t really friends with any of them besides Byeongkwan. 

He liked them all well enough but not enough to actually hang out with them outside of work. He watched as they all stepped up onto the stage ready to learn from two people that actually knew what they were doing. 

The next hour was teaching the dancers how to hang from the silk that was tethered to the ceiling. How to properly wrap it around your body so you didn’t crash to the floor, how to use it in a routine, and how to actually work a pole. 

Junhee and Byeongkwan had both been acrobats since they were little and some of their routines consisted of them being high up in the air on silk and ropes performing some truly amazing stunts in their underwear. It was what Junhee had wanted to do since he was little, just with a little more clothing and less fucking. 

By the time the practice was over Byeongkwan and Junhee had both stripped out of their hoodies and were left in their sleeveless shirts and their shorts. As the other dancers walked off the stage to go get some lunch Byeongkwan went over to the speakers to start a different practice. 

Him and Junhee were doing a partner dance tonight and they really needed to practice. Byeongkwan walked back over to Junhee with the speaker remote and told him to get into position with his hands. 

This time the hour was spent sweating and slipping around on the stage. They worked through their routine multiple times making sure everything was right. They didn’t want it to look rehearsed though, they wanted it to be as fluid as possible. It was something they were both very good at. 

They had also switched from bare feet to heels about halfway through. This dance was something they had been working towards for weeks. Heels and the pole were involved. It was either going to be a hit or they’d end up breaking a leg or falling on their asses.

They finished their last go around of the routine when they heard a clap coming from the floor. They both looked up to see Sehyoon smiling at them, his eyes shining. “You both are so amazing, you know that right?”

Junhee really loved Sehyoon, he praised them at every opportunity he had. “Oh, we know. Do you think I make the money I do without knowing that I’m that good.” Junhee teased as he leaned down to unstrap the heels that were killing his feet. 

Byeongkwan clunked down the stairs off the stage still in his and broke out in a room once he was down the stairs. He started slowly running toward Sehyoon once he was down and jumped on him to hug him. “My baby, always so supportive.” They both leaned into each other and swayed. 

Junhee pretended to gag, on the inside his heart was soaring for them. He did hope that one day he could have that with someone. All the love and support, someone there to fight for you.

Junhee got lost in thought and didn’t hear what Sehyoon was saying to him. He looked up when he heard his name being called for what was probably the 5th time. “Sorry, what were you saying?”

Sehyoon looked at him curiously. “I was just saying that a special person would be coming back tonight, just to let you be prepared.” Sehyoon’s smile was turning more into a smirk than anything. 

Byeongkwan moved back from Sehyoon and crossed his arms. “Oh a special person. Does his name start with D and end with onghun.” Byeongkwan looked back and forth between Junhee and Sehyoon. 

“I think it does. He’s also bringing a friend with him.” Sehyoon kept his eyes on Junhee, checking for his reaction. Junhee was trying not to give him one. 

“Shit Chan’s coming, fuck yes. I miss him a lot. We haven’t seen him in forever.” Byeongkwan pumped the air. It was fun watching the man. He was in heels but still managed to have a manly aura about him. 

“Who’s Chan?” Junhee questioned. He was trying to keep the other name out of his thoughts. He told himself he did not want to see him again. He did though, but only because of the money he told himself again. 

Sehyoon came a little closer to talk to Junhee. “He works with Donghun, but he’s more like a son to him if I had to describe it. Well, maybe not son but kid brother.” 

Junhee gave Sehyoon a weird look. “How young is he?” 

“Oh no, he’s like 23. Donghun just acts like he’s an old man.” Sehyoon laughed. 

Junhee didn’t want to be charmed by that statement. He wasn’t charmed by that statement. He really wasn’t. “Oh, well if he’s anything like Donghun then I don’t want to meet him.” 

Sehyoon let out a huff. “Yuchan is a ball of sunshine. He’ll steal his way into your heart, trust me. You’ll want to meet him.” 

Sehyoon backed away and started walking back to his meeting. Byeongkwan looked at Junhee from under his eyelashes. “So, your man is coming back tonight? You gonna get all dolled up for him?” Byeongkwan teased. 

Junhee frowned at him. “No I was thinking actually about putting my worst foot forward and not even acknowledging him.”

Byeongkwan laughed. “You gonna ignore his wallet too?”

Junhee smirked and went to the speakers to turn the music back on. “No, that I will not take my eyes off for the foreseeable future.” Junhee pressed play on the speakers. “Now, let’s practice that lap dance.”

Byeongkwan threw his head back laughing as Junhee grabbed a chair to keep their practice going. 

>

Donghun was stepping out of the shower when he heard his phone ringing inside of his bedroom. He quickly wrapped a towel around his waist to get it in time. When he picked it up he saw Byeongkwan’s contact name and put the phone on speaker. 

“What’s up Byeongkwan?” Donghun said as he walked over to his closet to pull out his clothes for tonight. He needed to get ready quickly, Yuchan was already in the living room eating him out of house and home. 

“Nothing, just wanted to make sure you were still coming tonight.” Byeongkwan sounded like he was moving around a lot. “The main event is gonna be explosive.” He could practically hear the other man smiling. 

Donghun laid out his clothes on his bed and went over to his vanity to grab cologne and lotion. “We’ll definitely be there tonight, you can count on it.” Donghun promised Byeongkwan as he lotioned his legs and arms. He sprayed his neck with cologne and started to get into his clothes. 

“Awesome!” Byeongkwan sounded way too excited for his own good. “I can’t wait to see Yuchan and well a certain dancer here won’t say he’s waiting for you to come, but I can tell he’s intrigued.” 

Donghun shook out his body as he made sure his clothes were on properly and laughed at Byeongkwan’s comment. “Yeah, I’m sure he’s super thrilled I’m gonna be there. It wasn’t like he was practically begging me to hand over the money last night and leave.” 

Donghun walked over to his mirror and applied some minimal makeup. Some concealer, a bit of eyeshadow and just a touch of eyeliner. He added some simple earrings to his outfit and his standard watch.

Byeongkwan sighed into the phone. “He’s just… there’s a lot going on there Donghun. Trust me, he won’t show it but I get a sense that he actually wants this.” 

Donghun heavily sat down on his bed and put his head in his hands. “I don’t know Kwan, maybe I should give up. I don’t wanna be the creep that can’t take a hint.” 

Byeongkwan sounded like he was struggling to get his next words out fast enough. “Please don’t Hyung, it’s only been one day, give it a chance. Ocean is a hard shell to crack, but if he trusts you it’s all gooey insides and sweetness.” 

Donghun was beyond charmed by the statement and hoped that one day he could get to that part of the dancer. He stood back up and grabbed his jacket keeping Byeongkwan on the line. He walked out to see Yuchan playing a game on his computer and softly smiled at the younger boy. 

“Okay I won’t give up. But please let me know if I’m doing too much. I really, honestly, truly, just want to be his friend.” Donghun shushed Yuchan when he turned around at the comment and looked like he was about to say something. 

“I really, honestly, truly believe that this could be incredible for both of you. So just hold on.” Byeongkwan sounded like he was begging Donghun for this. “Now what are you wearing tonight? Gotta make sure you look presentable.”

Donghun threw his head back and laughed. “Oh don’t you worry, even your husband won’t be able to keep his hands off me when he sees me tonight.” 

Byeongkwan whooped and hung up the phone. Donghun put the phone in his pocket and went over to Yuchan. “You ready to go?” 

Yuchan stood up and eyed Donghun up and down. “Holy shit Hyung, this dancer isn’t gonna know what hit him.” 

Donghun smirked. “That’s exactly what I was going for. Let’s go before it gets too late and past your bedtime.” Donghun teased as he grabbed his keys and headed for the door.

Yuchan smacked him upside the head. “You fucker, manners.” They were both laughing when they left the apartment. 

>

When Donghun and Chan arrived at the club they could see that Saturday was probably their biggest night. There were more people there than the night before, the line wrapping around the corner. Sehyoon had cultivated the best club in the city, consisting of amazing dancers, live dj’s and times designated for everyone to enjoy the club music and get to dance. 

When the pair walked up to the guard at the front door Donghun pulled out the card Sehyoon had given him at lunch. It was an all access, which allowed him entry into the club and more than enough perks. The guard eyed Yuchan and he immediately pulled out his id to show that yes he was older than 21. 

When they both entered Donghun looked over at Yuchan to see his eyes grow wide and a smile spread across his face. He turned to Donghun with his puppy eyes and excitedly jumped up and down grabbing Donghun’s arm. “Oh my God, hyung this is amazing.” 

He started to run off before Donghun caught him and pulled him back. “Remember what I said, no running around, I want eyes on you at all times.” 

“You can be such a buzzkill you know, I’m old enough to be in here which means I’m old enough to handle myself.” Yuchan crossed his arms and pouted at the man. 

“Yeah that’s real adult like.” Donghun teased but grabbed Yuchan’s hand and dragged him over where he could see Sehyoon at the bar. He pushed through the crowd, seeming to others like he hated everything while on the other hand the boy at his side couldn’t stop grinning. 

When they made it to the bar Donghun yelled out Sehyoon’s name to get his attention. The owner turned around to greet his friends “Awesome! You made it. I can’t wait for you to see the show tonight.” Sehyoon was smiling with his eyes. 

“Your husband called and said the same thing.” Donghun relaxed onto the bartop as Yuchan flagged down a bartender for a drink. 

“Oh speaking of Byeongkwan,” Sehyoon made sure to get Yuchan the drink he wanted. “You should come back stage and see them before they go on. Kwan really wanted to see Yuchan before the night got started.” 

Donghun hesitated. “I don’t know if that would be the best idea.” 

Sehyoon shook his head. “No, it’s totally fine. You’re family, you have all access remember.” Sehyoon motioned for them to follow as he exited from behind the bar. He guided them through the club and into the back rooms where the dancers got ready. 

Donghun could see the multiple different rooms, the doors decorated with stage names and personal touches of each dancer. Sehyoon had only paired two to a room and when he had bought the club added in extra rooms for his dancers, so they weren’t all packed together. 

Sehyoon hit a code on the door that showed it belonged to Byeongkwan and Ocean. The door having a cute bunny and a picture of waves representing the two dancers. He pushed open the door when it clicked and lead the other two inside. 

He knocked lightly on the door as he opened it and announced them. “Hey you two decent, we have some visitors.”

Donghun saw Byeongkwan stick his head out from behind a curtain. He was clearly changing, popping out in just his shorts and walking over to Sehyoon. “We are in a strip club dear, decent is a relative term.” Byeongkwan laughed as he kissed Sehyoon on the cheek and made his way to Yuchan. 

Said boy didn’t even blink an eye as a mostly naked Kwan pulled him in a hug. They pulled each other in tight and swayed on the spot. When they pulled away they both had huge smiles on their faces. Byeongkwan dragged Yuchan over to his chair and they started to chat as Byeongkwan finished his makeup. 

Donghun watched them for a second before he caught the eyes of the other dancer in the room. Ocean was spread out on his chair. One leg up on the seat, the other loosely out in front of him. He had one earphone in his ear and had been flipping through music on his phone. 

He had looked up when he heard squeeling coming from Yuchan. The minute he caught Donghun’s eyes he had rolled his eyes and smirked. “You’re back for more? Did you make sure to go to the bank before you got here? Those $100’s really did the trick for last night.” 

Donghun could see the fruits of his labor laying on Ocean’s vanity. It looked like he had just taken a hit, Donghun was surprised that Sehyoon allowed that in his club. Both him and Byeongkwan were usually very anti drugs. 

Donghun raised his eyebrows and pulled out his wallet. He pulled a few 10’s from it and walked over to Ocean. The man was wrapped up in a robe, his calf showing and one of his thighs. Donghun wanted to run his hands up the man’s legs, kneel down between them, feel how smooth they were. 

He shook his head out when he got to the dancer and flicked out the money in his hand. Ocean didn’t move from his spot except for to push Donghun’s hand back towards his chest. Ocean stood up, his hand still on Donghun’s wrist. “Keep it sugar, wait until you see tonight's performance before you start throwing money at me.” 

Ocean smirked at him and leaned in close. “I know I’m pretty irresistible sitting here but please be patient.” He laughed at Donghun’s expression and went to undo the bow on his robe. He started to slip it off his shoulders to reveal himself in just his shorts like Byeongkwan. 

“Damn, Sehyoon you really are running a gay heaven here aren’t you.” They all turned their heads to see Yuchan staring at the dancer. All faces appalled but said dancer, who started to walk over to him. 

“And who is this cutie right here?” Ocean asked as he made his way over to Yuchan and cupped his chin in his hands. “Damn you are adorable.” 

Yuchan blushed and smiled so hard Donghun thought his face would break. “My name is Yuchan, pleasure to meet you.” Yuchan politely said to Ocean, keeping his eyes on his face. “You’re Ocean right, Donghun won’t shut up about how fucking gorg…” 

Yuchan couldn’t get the sentence out before Donghun was running over and smacking a hand over his mouth. “Seriously Chan, what the hell?” 

Yuchan laughed under Donghun’s hand and pulled it away from his face. “What? You literally met him yesterday and he’s all you talked to me about today.” 

Donghun forgot that blushing was a thing but he could feel his face getting hot. He didn’t mind Ocean knowing but it was still embarrassing. The dancer was looking at him, Donghun couldn’t decide what the look on his face was. Ocean couldn’t decide what he was feeling about it either. 

Everyone dispersed as Byeongkwan and Sehyoon looked on, both of them smirking at the situation. Sehyoon leaned over to slighly high five Byeongkwan, they were so hoping this would work out. 

“So is the baby getting a lap dance tonight?” Ocean smirked at Yuchan. “What do you say, honey i’ll give it to you half price. You’re grandpa over here paid me extra yesterday.” 

Donghun’s mouth dropped open. “You’re such a fucking brat you know. He’s only four years younger than me for one and absolutely not on the lap dance.” 

Yuchan frowned. “But Hyung, look at him.” Ocean smiled dazzlingly at Donghun and put on puppy dog eyes. He ran a hand through Yuchan’s hair as the kid basically purred. 

“He’s precious, I wouldn’t mind dancing on him one bit.” Ocean was doing this specifically to push Donghun’s buttons and they all knew it. 

Donghun shook his head. “If the baby wants a lap dance he can get one from Byeongkwan.” Donghun watched as said man threw back his head and laughed. “At least I know he won’t actually enjoy that one too much.” 

Yuchan coughed and looked offended, Ocean just laughed at the comment and smirked at Donghun. “No, you just don’t want to share tonight do you?” He loved to rile the man up. He realized he liked him rough. 

Donghun was trying to keep calm but Ocean was testing him, he hated that he found the smirks hot. Ocean let go of Yuchan, who pouted, and walked back over to his chair.

Ocean flopped back down in his seat as Donghun started to unbutton his coat, it was getting way too hot in here. When he pulled his jacket off completely he heard a gasp from Sehyoon and Byeongkwan couldn’t hold in his comments “Damn, hyung. You look down right fuckable.” 

Donghun laughed as he laid his coat on a chair and straightened out his shirt. “I told you I wouldn’t let you down Kwan.” He was looking at Kwan as he said it but slapping Sehyoon’s hands away from him at the same time. 

The owner was touching Donghun everywhere; his arms, his chest, lowering down to his ass. Donghun smacked him away. “Watch it Yoon, seriously can’t you go grab your husband instead?”

Sehyoon laughed and put his hands up in surrender and moved over to sit with Yuchan and Byeongkwan. Donghun looked up to see Ocean staring at him, mouth open and eyes wide. He smirked at the man and the dancer quickly took away his gaze and pretended to be doing anything else. 

Donghun lowered his head and smiled. He knew how good he looked tonight, it was completely on purpose. He had put on his tightest pair of black jeans, the coat hid them enough. His ass looked amazing in them, there were rips in the knees giving it a bit of a distressed look. 

The shirt though, that was the real centerpiece. It was a button up, short sleeve with a pretty pattern. Donghun had left three buttons undone and had added a couple long necklaces before he left the house. The shirt while pretty was also basically sheer. You could see right through it at the right angle and well, Ocean was at the right angle. 

Donghun could see him swallowing and looking down at his accessories. Donghun looked down at his feet, admiring the boots he was wearing tonight, giving him a couple inches on the man. 

It was quiet in the dressing room, except for the music they could hear slightly from the club. Everyone was waiting to see what would happen, Donghun thought that maybe he had won this round, if there was a round to be won. 

After a while of silence he cleared his throat and addressed the room. “Well, we should probably go out and wait for the show. Yuchan and I can’t wait.” Donghun went over to grab Yuchan and lead him out. 

Before he left he heard Ocean’s voice carry across the room. “Donghun get those bills ready, I promise you’ll be begging me to take that money once you see the stage.” He stood up and grabbed a pair of heels from near his vanity. 

Donghun eyed them and knew he had lost this round. Ocean smirked at him, looked him up and down and went to stand by Byeongkwan’s chair. “It’s kind of a heart stopper.” Ocean looked at Byeongkwan as he finished his comment. 

Byeongkwan giggled at the comment. “Really listen to the lyrics Hyungs, there’s a kind of hard message to miss.” He winked at Sehyoon who rolled his eyes. 

Yuchan clapped his hands once and looked intrigued. Donghun was trying not to be scared of what they had planned. He dragged Yuchan out of the room, feeling the heat get to him. 

>

(JH POV)

Junhee and Byeongkwan were backstage getting ready to go out on the stage. Byeongkwan was talking to their DJ making sure the music was ready, Junhee was walking around in his heels making sure he was comfortable. He knew they looked hot but, God, they were killing his ankles. He would be happy to take them off. 

He started to stretch out, thinking about how he was going to impress the audience tonight. When him and Byeongkwan danced together it was a night to remember. Sehyoon always advertised it and people came from all over the city to watch them dance. They were kind of incredible together. 

Byeongkwan walked over to were Junhee was stretching to join in. He sat in a middle split in front of Junhee and they pulled on each others hands and warmed up together. Junhee was concentrating but he could feel Byeongkwan’s eyes on him. 

“So, the boy is here tonight and he’s gonna se this dance.” Byeongkwan helped Junhee stretched his legs out. “Are you even a little bit excited to see his reaction?” 

Junhee rolled his eyes at his friend and stretched his leg up to the ceiling. “I have no interest in him or his reaction.” junhee dropped down into a right split. “He doesn’t affect me and I don’t care what he does.” 

Byeongkwan smirked. “Unless he’s giving you money right?”

Junhee nodded his head. “If he’s got cash then I’ll care as much as it requires.” 

Byeongkwan shook his head and stood up from the floor. Junhee followed and they shook their limbs out. “I’m letting you know now that Donghun is one of the best people i’ve ever met. Sehyoon has known him for almost 10 years. He is worth whatever you’re scared of.” 

Junhee huffed and went to get ready to go out on the stage. The DJ was signaling for them. “I’m not scared of anything, Kwan, especially a rich pretty guy.” 

Byeongkwan gave him a sad look but dropped the subject. He then put a smile on his face and grabbed Junhee’s hand. “Remember to not trip and fall on your ass. Breaking an ankle is not sexy.” 

Junhee cackled and squeezed Byeongkwan’s hands as the lights dropped and the curtains opened to the stage. They both quickly walked to their spots and got ready. Junhee just hoped that the stage was too bright to see a certain man’s eyes in the crowd. 

>

(DH POV)

When the lights dropped Donghun’s heart started to race, he could feel Yuchan’s knee shaking beside him, the boy excited for the dancers. Sehyoon was sitting next to him, calm, probably having seen this dance a million times. 

While the lights were off Donghun heard a clicking sound near the stage, he guessed it was the heels that Donghun had seen Ocean grab. He honestly had no idea what was coming, it worried him a bit. 

A spotlight hit the stage and Donghun saw both dancers posed on stage. Byeongkwan had his back against Ocean’s chest, a hand wound around his neck. Ocean had one hand on Byeongkwan’s hip and the other lose at his side. His face was buried in Byeongkwan’s neck, the heels were in plain sight. 

Both boys had on tight black blue jean shorts layered over fishnet tights with cropped hoodies. The outfit hit Donghun like a brick. It was androgynous but both boys somehow put a masculine spin on it. Neither of the boys’ faces were toward the audience, eyes closed so Donghun couldn’t see the make-up yet. But he could see the chokers they both wore around their necks. 

He felt Yuchan slap his thigh and let out a squeak. The boy was really too excited. Donghun was waiting for his boyfriend to show up so he could be taken off his hands. He loved Chan but he wasn’t sure if he could keep an eye on him tonight. 

Donghun clenched his hands into fists. “Fuck” he whispered to the air. He was seriously fucked. 

The song started and Donghun stopped breathing. Both boys rolled their heads toward the audience and Ocean grabbed Byeongkwan’s waist with both hands as Byeongkwan threw his arms out. He spun around, his back to the audience and arched his back slowly, moving in a circle as Ocean leaned forward and supported him. 

Donghun saw the makeup and was stunned. Beautiful red eyeshadow and glitter in the creases of their eyes. They were literally shining.

Both boys then snapped back up and did some powerful footwork in those heels. Still holding onto each other, the lyrics of the music hadn’t even started and it was already a work of art. Both boys dropped into a squat in the heels and popped back up.

They both stuck one leg out and dipped down, sticking their asses out and shaking their hips, circling them to the music then dropping into the splits. They swung their legs around and pulled up to their knees. 

Once on their knees they arched their backs and crawled to the audience moving closer. They reached the front of the stage and rolled around onto their backs. They leaned on their elbows and pushed their legs up into the air then split them. They were so in sync with each other, leaving the space for each other to move. 

They both rolled back around to their fronts and pushed up to their feet. The lyrics started and Donghun knew what Byeongkwan meant by listening to the meaning. There was a part that said “leave your handprints on my ass” and well they didn’t hold back. 

They were grinding on each other, Junhee’s hands pushing into Byeongkwan’s back pockets as he circled his hips. One of Byeongkwan’s legs coming up to wrap around Ocean’s waist as they pushed their hips together. 

Donghun was fidgeting, crossing his legs and wringing his hands. He never really considered Byeongkwan fuckable because of Sehyoon, but these two dancing together was downright one of the hottest things he had ever seen. 

The chorus started and Donghun sucked in a breath. The lyrics “Do me like that” played over the speakers. Ocean was now in front of Byeongkwan, leaning down, pushing his ass into Byeongkwan’s crotch. Byeongkwan’s hands were gliding all over Ocean.

His hands going to his neck to pull the other dancer backup and Ocean’s hands went to wrap around his neck into Byeongkwan’s hair. They moved across the stage, their heels highlighting their strong legs and calves. 

They pushed away from each other and did some actual dance moves. Both so in sync and flawlessly moving across the stage. Rolling their hips and playing with their hoodies. They would push the material up with their hands, let their nipples peek through and then drop them back down. This wasn’t a strip show, it was genuinely just a sexy and sensual dance. 

Then the chair came out, Byeongkwan walked off stage for 10 seconds while Junhee wrapped himself around the pole for one impressive spin in the heels, and the other dancer was walking back with a chair. 

Now Donghun was getting really worried about his sanity. He leaned forward, elbows on his knees, trying to not look as affected as he was. 

The chair was placed in front of the stage and Byeongkwan walked over, grabbed Ocean and pulled him roughly to the chair. He pushed him down onto it and then dropped to his knees in front of the man. 

Donghun knew what was happening and he wished he could close his eyes. He heard Yuchan yelling next to him, clearly excited over the events about to happen. 

Byeongkwan shoved Junhee’s knees apart and rolled his body into him as Junhee grabbed underneath Byeongkwan’s hoodie and pulled up to reveal his back. Byeongkwan then stood up as Ocean let go and turned his back to the other dancer. 

He bent over as Ocean pushed his back down and shook his ass in his face. Ocean’s face told a story, he was clearly enjoying watching his friend do this dance. 

Byeongkwan stood back up and placed his ass in Ocean’s lap. He grinded down on him as Ocean pushed one hand into Byeongkwan’s hoodie revealing his whole chest and the other hand made its way down his stomach. 

Donghun was sure his hand would stop, but it didn’t. Ocean’s hand made its way down Byeongkwan’s body, all the way to his crotch and squeezed right by his cock. He then ran his hand down Byeokngkwan’s thigh, grabbed behind his knee and pulled the dancer’s leg up beside his head. 

Donghun was kind of in shock of what was happening on stage. He looked over to Sehyoon to see the other’s face, all he saw was pride in his two best dancers. 

Back on stage Byeongkwan’s leg had been dropped and now his hands were on Junhee’s thighs and he was pushing up, back into Ocean’s chest and they were staring each other down. 

They both snapped their heads to the crowd and Byeongkwan stood up and walked around to the back of the chair. He then ran his hands down Ocean’s shoulders grabbed under his hoodie and pulled it up and off. 

He then threw the hoodie to the back of the stage and continued running his hands over Ocean’s body. Both of them played off the other so well. Byeongkwan then walked back around to the front of Ocean, the other boy watching him closely. 

Once he got to the front of him he stood up and ran his hands up Byeongkwan’s body and slowly pulled the hoodie off. He threw it to the back of the stage and ran his hands back down Byeongkwan’s body, he got to the buttons on his pants and undid the top button. 

He broke his hands away and spun Byeongkwan around to face him as the dancer’s hands worked on his shorts. They turned sideways as Byeongkwan undid the top button of Ocean’s pants and pulled him in by the belt straps. 

The music was ending and Byeongkwan pushed Ocean back into the chair and stood in front of him. On the second to last beat Ocean pulled him into his lap and the song ended with Byeongkwan snapping his back in Ocean’s lap as Ocean brought his face to Byeongkwan’s chest. 

They were tangled on stage, Donghun could see their heavy breathing, his matching theirs. They stayed for a minute and then stood up, took a bow and walked off the stage. The crowd was going wild, but Donghun sat in his seat stunned. 

Donghun finally let out a breath, looked at Sehyoon and said “I’m gonna need to have another chat with him.” Sehyoon threw his head back and laughed. 

>

(JH POV)

Junhee was just ending with a customer, walking out of the door to lead the man out, when he ran straight into a solid wall. He looked up to see the wall was Donghun and the man had reached out and grabbed his arms to stop his fall. 

Junhee looked up at him, a bit too stunned to react at first, but then caught himself. He smirked at Donghun and pushed his body into his. “You just couldn’t wait could you?”

Donghun looked down at the dancer, he had clearly just been with a client and Junhee could tell Donghun found himself a bit upset about it. “I waited half an hour, Sehyoon told me you were with a regular.” 

Junhee brought his hand up to Donghun’s face and roughly patted him on the cheat. “Wow, a whole 30 minutes, your stamina is off the charts.” 

Donghun laughed. “Oh trust me, I can last a lot longer than that.” He pulled his hands away from Junhee, the dancer hated that he kind of missed the strong grip on his arms. He would not let this man ruin him, he kept repeating it over and over. 

“Why don’t you show me one day, for the right price of course.” Junhee smirked at the man and leaned his back against a wall. He looked over to see his other client still watching them. “Mr. Jung how about you go get a drink from the bar and find Mr. Kim to pay him. I’ll see you next week.” 

The man smirked at Donghun, smacked Junhee on the ass and walked away. Junhee winced a bit, still sore from the appointment and looked back at Donghun. The man was staring at the customer walking away. 

He opened his mouth and Junhee was surprised at what came out. “You really should watch your fucking hands, he’s not a piece of meat.” 

The client turned around and eyed Donghun. “He’s a whore, I paid for it.”

Donghun scoffed at the man and Junhee could have sworn he was about to punch him in the face. Junhee surprised himself and grabbed Donghun by the hand and pulled him into the private room. Donghun had to be dragged, Junhee could tell he was pissed. 

“They can’t just treat you like that.” Donghun was red in the face, swinging his arms. 

Junhee could swear the man was ready to hit something, Junhee found he wanted he liked the idea. Donghun seemed like he could get rough and Junhee wanted his hands on his body now. 

“You can smack me on the ass too if you want.” Junhee teased trying to lighten the mood. Donghun’s hands were shaking.

“Like he said I’m a whore, he can do what he wants.” Junhee was too high to care about the man but not high enough to bring Donghun down. 

“No he really can’t. He might have paid you for it but there still needs to be some decency. Does Sehyoon know about this man, because it doesn’t look like the first time he’s crossed a line?”

“You know if Sehyoon knew I’d lose the business and I need the money so lay off it. You don’t know me Donghun. You met me yesterday, you’re not allowed to get mad on my behalf.” Junhee said as he went over to his dressing room door. 

“I don’t have to know you long to be a decent human being to you.” Donghun sighed out. 

Junhee looked over his shoulder at the man. “Decent human beings don’t usually exist in my world.” He pushed through his dressing room door as he said it and closed it behind him. He heard Donghun huff and the sound of him sitting down on one of the couches. 

Junhee didn’t need this. He didn’t need a man coming into save him. He could handle himself, fuck Donghun for thinking he needed him. He had known him for a day, what did he even know. 

Junhee cleaned himself up, sprayed himself down with body spray and put on lotion. He changed into tight track pants with sheer mesh up the side. He pulled a backless shirt over his head and psyched himself up to go do this hour with Donghun. 

He looked over to where his stash was, pulled it out and did a hit. He would need the energy for this man. 

When Junhee walked out he saw Donghun leaning back on one of the couches, his eyes were closed and he looked to be breathing steadily. He looked peaceful and Junhee wanted to touch, to run his hands up his chest, across his thighs, over his throat. 

He walked over to Donghun before he realized what he was doing, the drugs getting to him, and straddled the man on the couch. Donghun immediately opened his eyes and sat up but didn’t move to get Junhee off of him. 

Junhee grabbed Donghun’s hands and placed them on his hips, dragged them up his sides and started circling his hips. Donghun sat up a bit more, his eyes never straying from Junhee’s. 

Junhee could feel Donghun stirring underneath him, but from what he could tell the man had incredible control over his body. Maybe what he said about stamina was true. He could also feel the strength in his thighs and hands. Those hands could leave some bruises and Junhee kinda wanted to push Donghun enough to squeeze his hips just right. 

Donghun softened his hands and ran them up and down Junhee’s sides as he rode his lap. There had been no prompting for this and Junhee had just wanted to surprise Donghun but he found himself wanting this a little too much. The man was just too hot. 

Junhee wrapped his hands around Donghun’s neck and leaned forward, his forehead almost touching the other man’s. He brought his face down to Donghun’s neck and lifted his ass a little, really grinding into the other man. He felt hands move over past his hips and towards his ass. 

Junhee didn’t think Donghun would actually grope him, but his hands kept moving and he squeezed his ass as Junhee grinded down. Junhee pulled up his face from Donghun’s neck to look the man in the eyes. Donghun turned his head to look at him. 

One of his hands moved from his ass to glide up his back under his shirt. Junhee could feel goosebumps gather on his skin. He caught Donghun’s eyes and everything came crashing down. He pushed away from the other man and went to the speaker system. 

He looked over at Donghun and saw his eyes, he wasn’t even breathing heavily, Junhee was. He looked affected but like it was exactly what he wanted. It was too soft, too close, too intimate. For Junhee it was everything that he had once wanted in life, now he just chased the high. 

He pretended he found the situation funny and laughed. “Now, that i’ve got your attention how about we do something different today.” Junhee watched Donghun tilt his head, like he was getting ready to ask a question. 

“How about you watch me pole dance. It’s one of my specialties. I can even remove some of this clothing.” As Junhee said this he teased his shirt off. 

Donghun was up out of his seat fast and walking over to Junhee. He pushed Junhee’s hands down, the shirt with it. “You don’t need to do anything like that tonight, I know you feel you need to but I promise you don’t.” Donghun sighed as he watched Junhee. 

Junhee really didn’t know how comfortable he was with just taking Donghun’s money if he didn’t do something for it. He wanted it, but it felt weird. Apparently Donghun could see this. 

“How about you keep all these clothes on, because honestly you’re hot in literally everything and just show me some of your actual skills. The ones that don’t involve stripping.” Donghun smiled softly at Junhee. 

Junhee’s heart skipped at the smile, Donghun’s eyes were so soft and kind. Junhee kinda wanted to punch him in the face. “You just want to watch me spread my legs on the pole don’t you. I can see it on your face.” Junhee was teasing, the energy in the room was too much. 

Donghun laughed and brought out a hand to let Junhee lead. “I want to watch you dance. You’re really fucking good at it.” 

 

Junhee sighed. “Well ya that’s what you get when you spend most of your childhood in acrobatics and gymnastics classes.” Junhee’s eyes got wide and turned to look at Donghun. He couldn’t believe he just let something slip. 

Donghun didn’t show any emotion about it, just sat in the chair in the middle of the room and waited for Junhee. The dancer jumped and ran to the speakers and put on a slow r&b song and walked to the pole. 

He was barefoot and still in all his clothes. He hadn’t done this without stripping in a long time. He was kind of excited to just show off his skills with an audience like Donghun. He hated himself for this. 

Once the song started he walked, well sauntered over to the pole, he pointed his toes as he walked and swiveled his hips. When he reached the pole he grabbed it with one hand and spun while he twirled the other above his head. He faced his back to the pole, one hand above him and the other on his thigh. He slowly squatted toward the ground and turned around and pushed his ass out as he stood back up. He turned around to see Donghun smiling at him. 

He then took his time circling the pole thinking about the different moves he could do. Part of him was anxious to impress the man in front of him, the other half wanted to kick him in the face. 

Junhee did three circles and then lifted himself up the pole and spun around it, in the process he moved his legs like he was running. He heard Donghun grasp, he knew his arms and back were on display. 

He then touched back to the ground, ran around the pole once and threw himself up it and upside down. He did a shoulder stand and spread out his legs, holding the position. He then put his legs into a pike and back out. He then slowly started lowering back to the ground. 

Once on the ground he landed in a split and rolled out of it. He knew this would be better if he wasn’t in his track pants. “I know you said no stripping but this is honestly better in my shorts.” 

Donghun looked surprised that he was asking permission but motioned for him to go ahead. Junhee quickly took off his pants and left himself in his shorts. It was the least sexy he had ever taken off his clothes in front of someone. It felt weird. 

He then got back to dancing, he swung around the pole and pulled himself up using both hands spread out, one hand towards the bottom and one at the top. He then pushed one of his legs through the gap in his arm and the pole and his other was out in the air. 

He heard Donghun gasp as he did what they called a “marion amber”. It was a hard move, the flexibility and strength were hard to come by. Junhee slowly came out of it and slowly moved into an “iron x”, he only was using his hands to hold himself up, legs extended into the air. He was basically a human flag pole. He came down from the position and moved towards the ground, his feet landing softly on the carpet. 

He wasn’t done, but he looked over at Donghun who was standing out of the chair, his mouth dropped open. 

“You might want to close your mouth, someone might take it as an invitation to stick something in it.” Junhee teased him as he circled the pole to catch his breath. 

Donghun closed his mouth but still looked shocked. “How the hell did you even do that?” He moved closer to Junhee. “That was incredible.” 

Junhee laughed and pushed himself back up the pole and pulled himself up it halfway as Donghun looked on. He turned himself upside down, crossed his ankles at the bar and let go with his hands. 

He heard Donghun curse and go to stand under him like he thought he was going to fall. Junhee opened his eyes and looked at the man below him. “You really have never seen pole dancers have you?” Junhee started to move out of the position. 

“It’s really not that insane, it just takes a lot of practice and core. Pole dancers are real athletes and I would beat the shit out of anyone who said otherwise.” Junhee completely lowered himself to the floor. 

Donghun shook his head and walked over to the pole. “I don’t disagree with you.” He moved around the pole like Junhee did, not as graceful. 

Junhee was smiling at him without realizing. “You want to try it?” He hoped he saw the man fall on his ass. “You might not hurt yourself too bad.” 

Donghun shrugged at him and leaped, doing a terrible spin around the pole. Junhee could hear the way the metal rubbed along Donghun’s hands and laughed when he struggled to lower himself.

“Damn that was near perfect, incredible form.” Junhee started clapping as Donghun backed away from the pole rubbing his hands. “I might be out of work if Sehyoon saw you.” 

Donghun smiled as he laughed and crossed his arms. “Yes, give it. I’m terrible, i’m not a dancer at all.” 

Junhee rubbed at his eyes and walked over to grab a bottle of water. He unscrewed the cap and took a drink. He turned around to the other man and looked at him. He needed to stop, he watched as Donghun’s crossed arms moved in his shirt. The way the fabric pulled along his arms. The way he could see through most of the material. He moved his eyes up to Donghun’s and saw the other boy staring at him too, near his throat. He swallowed. Donghun blinked and the moment was over. 

Junhee rushed to stop the music and put down his water bottle. “So what do you have planned for our conversation today. Another game of 20 questions. Some trivia. A game of guess who.” Junhee teased as Donghun walked over to his jacket. 

“Not exactly.” He said as he pulled a deck of cards out of his jacket pocket. Junhee’s mouth opened, he really had brought a game. 

Donghun turned to him and smirked. “Close your mouth, someone might take that as an invitation to stick something in it.” Donghun repeated back to him. 

Junhee scoffed. “That would be more entertaining than playing a game of solitaire with you.”

Donghun took out the cards and started shuffling them. He looked around the room for a place to set up as Junhee watched his hands works. They were big, nice and lean fingers, Junhee remembered them on his body. 

Donghun made an “aha sound and pulled over a small table from the corner to the chair in the middle of the room. 

Junhee scoffed and said “And pray tell where do you want me to sit. My ass isn’t gonna be on the floor for another 30 minutes.” 

Donghun smiled. “No your ass deserves better treatment than that.” Junhee rolled his eyes. “Can you go grab one from the dressing room.” 

Junhee shook his head and walked away like a child and slammed open the door to the dressing room. He grabbed a chair but before he exited he took another hit. This was turning out to be an interesting time. 

Junhee came back in the room with the chair and a clear mind. He planted it down backwards and sat with the back to his front. Donghun was dealing at the cards and eyed him up. “Do you know how to play poker?”

Junhee scoffed and grabbed the cards. “Are you ready to lose more money than you’re already paying me for?” Junhee smirked at the look on Donghun’s face. 

“Oh, I'll take any bet you throw at me baby.” Donghun started to play the hand. 

Junhee looked at him with wide eyes. Baby. He had called him baby. Junhee hated this, so much. His legs were shaking and his hands were jittery. He didn’t know if it was the cocaine or Donghun. 

He prayed for it to be the cocaine. 

He and Donghun played for the full 30 minutes. They went back and forth with their hands and they both realized they were surprisingly good at poker. When Junhee had won a round he had thrown his cards down and did a victory dance. 

He had been up and moving through the whole game, walking around and teasing Donghun, letting his energy out. When Donghun had won a round he had called bullshit on him and also threw the cards.

Donghun had just laughed both times and picked up the mess. By the end of the game Donghun didn’t know more about Junhee, but the dancer did know more about the man before him. 

He knew he had a good poker face, but Junhee was better. He knew that he liked to win but apparently he liked to watch Junhee’s victory dance more. He learned that Donghun was not only extremely snarky and a bit of a bitch he was also incredibly kind. 

Junhee didn’t want any of the feeling he had, they were bubbling up inside him and not meshing with his brain and heart. His stomach was fluttery and he wanted to push Donghun out of the room so he could get away from this.

When the time was up Donghun collected the cards, Junhee had lost track of the time, it was the other man that had called it. “I don’t want you to lose any other customers because of me. I know you have regulars and on a Saturday there must be more than usual.” 

Junhee nodded yes. “Actually I do have some that should be here now waiting.” Junhee grabbed the chair to move it back to his dressing room. When he got back into the private room, Donghun was grabbing his coat. He found he didn’t quite want this to end. 

Donghun smiled at him, Junhee frowned back. Donghun snickered. “This was a lot of fun, next time I’ll bring a different game with me. I really like spending time with you Ocean.” 

Junhee walked over to him and started to guide him out the door. “Maybe next time I can show you how to not fall on your ass while on the pole.” Junhee smirked at him. “And maybe I can give you another lap dance, you really enjoyed the other ones I could tell.” 

Donghun scoffed and Junhee smacked him on the ass. Donghun looked at him with fake exasperation. “I’m not a piece of meat.” 

Junhee laughed. “Could have fooled me.” He pushed Donghun farther out the door. When Donghun exited Junhee held out his hand. 

“Right, the money, can’t forget that.” Donghun dug around in his coat for his wallet. He pulled out a wad of bills and handed them to Junhee. 

It was way too much again. Junhee took out a few of the hundreds and sidled up to Donghun. He looked him in the eyes as he pushed the money in Donghun’s front pocket of his jeans. “Stop adding on to the charge, pay what is expected.” 

Junhee kept his hand in Donghun’s front pocket for a few seconds. He could feel Donghun’s chest rising and falling with his breathing. Junhee kept eye contact. He could swear Donghun was leaning in. 

He backed away from the other man and grabbed the door to the private room. “Now like you said I have other customers to get to. Please go away.” Junhee closed the door in his face, hearing him huff at the goodbye. 

He walked into his dressing room and sat down heavily at his vanity. He put his head in his hands and sighed. He really needed to get over himself and move on to his next customer. Donghun was really fucking with him. 

He looked in the mirror. “Come on Park Junhee, boys aren’t worth it. No boy. Get it together.” 

He grabbed his stash and took a small amount. He changed into a more revealing outfit and waited for his next customer. He hoped they’d get his mind off a certain man. 

>

(DH POV)

Donghun had decided to stay at the club instead of leaving right after his conversation with Ocean like the day before. Chan’s boyfriend had shown up and they had danced, talked and drank for the last couple of hours. 

It was now getting into the early hours of the morning and Sehyoon was about to give out last call and get everyone out. They were all standing around the bar when Donghun saw Ocean walking out from the back rooms. 

He was wearing his shorts and the short cropped hoodie from the dance. He looked amazing. His hair was a bit of a mess and Donghun could see his makeup was a bit smudged but he still looked incredible. He walked over to where they were and leaned back against the bartop next to Byeongkwan. 

He eyed Donghun. “Wow, you’re still here. Didn’t have to go home for bedtime.”

Donghun laughed at the teasing. “Nope, don’t even have to go and tuck Channie here in for the night. I can stay out as long as I want.” 

Yuchan smacked Donghun on the arm and cuddled into his boyfriend at his side. “Do I have to constantly remind you that I’m fucking 23 you asshole?”

Donghun was a bit tipsy and a bit giggly. He rubbed a hand over Yuchan’s head and smiled at him. “Of course I do buddy, I just love teasing you about it.” Yuchan smiled at him softly. 

Junhee bumped shoulders with Byeongkwan and rolled his eyes. The other man just wrapped an arm around his shoulders and whispered into his ear. “Your boy stayed out all night, he wanted to make sure that you were gonna get home okay.” 

Junhee pulled away and looked at Byeongkwan. “I’ve already told him I can take care of myself. He can go home for all I fucking care.”

Byeongkwan frowned at him. “He just likes to take care of people, likes to be in control, he makes sure we’re all safe.” 

Byeongkwan got Donghun’s attention. “Right Donghun, you’re the mom of the group aren’t you?”

Donghun saluted at Byeongkwan and nodded his head. “Yep, I can’t help if it’s just in me to take care of people. I don’t feel like myself if I’m not.” Donghun looked over at Ocean, trying to catch his reaction. There wasn’t one, well not one he could see. He’d figure him out eventually. 

“Oh, hey!” Sehyoon shouted from behind the bar. Everyone forgot he was there and jumped when he basically screamed at them. “Brunch tomorrow, are we still on?” He was directing the question at Donghun. 

“Ya, of course. Why wouldn’t we be.” Donghun reached over as Sehyoon put up his hand for a high five. 

“Nice. Mimosas and bacon are the best ways to start Sunday mornings.” Sehyoon seemed way too excited about the idea of brunch. 

Byeongkwan smiled at him and reached over to grab his hand. “You’re such a fucking softie you realize that.” Byeongkwan touched his cheek with a hand. “I love how excited you get over these things.” 

Sehyoon kissed the hand that was hovering over his cheek and both boys looked at each other, blocking out the rest of them. 

Ocean coughed, Donghun saw him pretend gagging as the two basically eye fucked each other. He watched as Ocean put on a show, his acting was good. Donghun and the others were laughing while the two love birds had no clue. 

Finally Ocean was fed up. “Jesus christ you two. Give it up for 5 seconds please. You are literally in a strip club and you’re making ME blush with your mind fuck.” 

Everyone burst out laughing at his blow up. Donghun was being charmed the more time he spent around the dancer. He couldn’t help his feelings building even after such a short time. 

Ocean looked over to him and smirked. Donghun’s heart skipped a beat. 

Sehyoon and Byeongkwan rolled their eyes. Sehyoon looked over at his employee. “So Ocean, would you like to join us for brunch tomorrow, I promise it’s a lot more fun than it sounds.”

Ocean shook his head hard. “I’m going to have to pass on that. Absolutely no. You will never see me doing brunch.” 

Donghun kept staring at the man, hoping that he would possibly change his mind. “Well if you happen to change your mind, we’re going to the new place down the block. You’re more than welcome.” 

Ocean looked at Donghun curiously, like he couldn’t figure out what he really wanted. “God, me at brunch. I wouldn’t know what to do with all those clothes on. You know I don’t have the manners for that.” Junhee scoffed at the thought. “Also, I’d make too many sausage jokes, it wouldn’t be appropriate for all those little kids.” He faked gasped and put a hand over his heart. 

Donghun was falling hard for this man, he needed to do something about it. 

(JH POV)

Everyone started laughing and Junhee felt a small swell of pride. Sehyoon and Byeongkwan always laughed at his jokes, but they knew him well. Donghun and Yuchan on the other hand, he didn’t expect them to, but here they were. 

Junhee scratched the back of his head and excused himself to go grab his stuff. Sehyoon did last call and the others waited out the crowd. 

When he was walking out he noticed that everyone was basically gone, he headed out to the front of the club, hoping it wasn’t too cold to walk home. It was. 

He stopped outside contemplating whether it was worth getting a cab or not when he heard a cough. He looked over to his side to see Donghun wrapped in his coat. Why was he still here was the question. 

“Hey, you’re still creeping about. Someone might think you’re a drug dealer or something.” Junhee walked up to Donghun and leaned against the wall next to the man. 

Donghun laughed and looked at the ground. “Sehyoon and Byeongkwan had to take care of something really quick. They’re probably fucking in the backroom.” Junhee surprised himself with a laugh at the comment of the other man. 

“They asked me to wait for them before I left.” Donghun explained as he scuffed his shoes on the ground.

“Hmm well it might be a while. Those two fuck like rabbits.” Junhee looked out into the street, the lights casting a beautiful glow around them. 

“You don’t have to tell me. Trust me, remember I lived with Sehyoon throughout college. I know all about how much they do it.” Donghun looked at Junhee, the dancer’s heart caught his eye. 

“No I actually didn’t know that.” Junhee explained to Donghun. 

Donghun smiled. “I thought I told you yesterday. Oh, well you probably weren’t listening. THere’s a lot you don’t know about me.” Donghun looked away from Junhee for a second. “I’m hoping one day you’ll want to learn about me as much as I want to learn about you.” 

“Donghun…” Junhee started before he caught himself. He was about to make some stupid comment to change the subject when he heard his name being called. Not his stage name but his real name. 

He turned fast in the direction of it and saw someone that he hadn’t seen in a while. Minjae, a dancer from his last club, the person that had turned him onto coke. He was walking towards Junhee and Donghun. 

The other man had caught on that the dancer was being called and Junhee despised Minjae in that moment, he hadn’t wanted Donghun to know his name yet. He was livid with the other man. 

Minjae approached the pair, he looked horrible, Junhee was doing incredible compared to him. 

“What the hell are you doing here Minjae? You know if Sehyoon catches you he’ll call the cops. Remember what happened last time?” Junhee scolded Minjae as he grabbed onto his arm. Donghun was just standing there not knowing what to do. 

Minjae pulled away from Junhee and frowned at him. “No, hey how are you doing? No hug for an old friend. Come on Junhee. Or what are you calling yourself now, Ocean?” 

Junhee huffed at him. “What do you want Minjae?” 

Minjae eyed up Donghun while Junhee was questioning him. “I just need some money, I thought of you I know you’re doing pretty well now.” Minjae sniffled and get looking at Donghun. “I owe my dealer and I would really love if he didn’t kill me next time he sees me.” 

Junhee shook his head. “I can’t help you Minjae, i’m not helping you. You need to leave now.” 

Minjae shook his head. “No, I can’t not until I get something.” He pointed at Donghun. “He your sugar daddy now, he looks like he has some money.” 

Donghun backed up a bit from the man and Junhee moved in front of him. He pulled a few bills form his wallet and shoved them at Minjae. “Now, leave before Sehyoon catches you. Don’t fucking come back here.” 

Minjae walked backwards away from the two. “You’re such a good friend Junhee I won’t forget this.” 

Junhee flipped him off. “Ya, go fuck yourself.” He leaned back against the wall and let out a long breath. 

He felt Donghun lean next to him. Their shoulders brushing. “I could have given him some money, you didn’t have to waste yours.” 

Junhee opened his eyes and rolled his head to the side to look at the man. “Oh, but then what would you pay me with.” Junhee laughed at Donghun’s face. “Speaking of, this conversation now will be about $100. Pay up Mister Lee.” 

Donghun nodded his head. “Wow that’s steep for a few minutes of conversation.” 

Junhee winked at him. “You know I'm an expensive bitch.” 

Donghun smiled at him. “Rightly so, with that face you could charge anything you wanted.” Donghun kept his eyes on Junhee. 

Junhee felt like squirming out of his skin at the look. He needed a hit. He needed to go home. “Well, they don’t just pay for the looks. The sex pulls them in too.” 

Donghun frowned a bit at the comment. “I don’t understand why you do that. You are so much more than you think.” 

Junhee needed a stiff drink. He didn’t need a brunch he needed lots of alcohol. He laughed at Junhee’s comment. “Ya tell that to the men that are paying me for sex and my body and not my conversation.” 

“I’ll never pay for that from you. You’re worth so much more.” Donghun was giving him these eyes. He couldn’t pull away from them. 

“Then you’ll never get it. It comes with a price.” Junhee started to back away from Donghun, they were too close. He saw a cab pull around the corner and signaled it. It pulled up to the street and right as he was getting in he felt a hand on his arm.

He looked up to see Donghun, the man looking like he had something important to say. “Have a good night Ocean. Don’t use all the money on something stupid” 

Junhee was shocked at the name. Donghun had heard Minjae say his real name but he didn’t use it. He still used the stage name. Junhee couldn’t stop his mind from reeling. 

He got into the cab and rolled the window down. He saw Donghun staring at him. “Yeah, fuck you too.” Junhee yelled out the cab. 

The last thing he heard from Donghun was “Oh i’m sure it’d be the other way around.” The last thing he saw was his beautiful smile. And the last thing he felt before going to bed was a quiet fluttering in his stomach that he didn’t know how to kill.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave comments and kudos! There should be an update in less than a week!


	3. Help Me Now (I'm Getting Caught Up)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m getting caught up in you and it’s like a war inside myself. I don’t even realize what is happening until I’m all smiles and soft looks. I want to crush this want into so many pieces it disappears but then I see your eyes and it’s like my heart restarts over and over.”
> 
> 1 month and then 3 months pass and Junhee and Donghun discover what it's like to really fall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for this chapter: there is a scene with a customer and Junhee that is worthy of a trigger I would think. If you would like to skip that part when you see the words "he was thinking about it now" skip all the way down to  
> "Sehyoon was doing his best to defuse the situation." A customer gets a little too rough with Junhee and doesn't let Junhee say no. Nothing really happens with Junhee's consent but it's still rough.
> 
> Songs I listened to while writing:  
> 1\. Greenlight: Jonas Brothers  
> 2\. Help Me Now: Kevin McHale  
> 3\. Issues: Julia Michaels  
> 4\. Outnumbered: Dermot Kennedy  
> 5\. Make out with you: Maren Morris (this is the song I listened to when Donghun and Junhee danced in the private room)

“I’m getting caught up in you and it’s like a war inside myself. I don’t even realize what is happening until I’m all smiles and soft looks. I want to crush this want into so many pieces it disappears but then I see your eyes and it’s like my heart restarts over and over.”

(DH POV)

Donghun honestly didn’t know how he had gotten here. To dancing with strangers at his best friend’s club, grinding on the people around him, enough drinks in to feel his fingers tingling. He leans back into the bodies around him, getting lost in the music. 

He’s only been at the club an hour but his hair is a mess, he’s slightly sweaty, and his clothes are rumpled. The music is pounding through him and he opens his eyes as he watches the crowd around him. He spots a familiar face moving towards him and smiles. The other man rolling his eyes at the look and pushing through everyone in his way.

He can feel Sehyoon and Byeongkwan dancing beside him, the owner joining in on the dance floor a common practice. He also likes his dancers to move around with the club goers when they’re not on stage or with a customer. The dancers like it, usually it earns them more money. 

Sehyoon likes it because he can see the real smiles on their faces when they get to dance with their friends and colleagues. Donghun turns to see the husbands engrossed in each other, arms around each other making eyes that has even someone like Donghun blushing. 

He huffs at them and returns his gaze to the person he really wants to see. Junhee is making his way over to him still, getting caught up with other dancers and the patrons. He’s grinding on a sweet looking girl who looks like she can’t believe a guy like that is even giving her the time of day. 

Donghun smirks at the way Junhee grinds on her, his movements not as relaxed as they are when he dances with Byeongkwan or Sehyoon, or even himself. He catches the eyes of the dancer again and Junhee smirks at him as he runs his hands over the girl. Donghun scowls at the obvious tease. Junhee riles him up so easily and he knows it. He waits for the dancer to leave the girl. 

Junhee finally releases her, whispers something in her ear and kisses her on the cheek. She giggles at him and squeals as she turns to her friends and moves towards the bar. 

Now Junhee is coming to him, with a look that would cause anyone to drop to their knees, he looks fucking incredible. He’s in tight black jeans, ripped at the knees, a mesh top with short sleeves showing off his arms, and glitter covering most of his body. His makeup is absolutely stunning and Donghun notices the rings on his small hands when he runs his hand through his hair. 

Donghun isn’t sure what he looks like right now, he just knows he can’t stop staring at the man before him. Finally, Junhee stops in front of him and pulls him in by the lapels of his thin jacket. Donghun goes easily and moves his hands to Junhee’s waist, the dancer’s arms coming up to wrap around his neck. 

“So, are you having fun with all these mediocre dancers or do you need to come with me so I can remind you how it’s really done.” Junhee whispers in his ear as he grinds into Donghun, lining up their hips. 

Donghun holds in a gasp as he feels not only Junhee’s breath on the side of his neck but feels the man’s hips and thighs along his. “Actually, I am. I enjoy getting to release all the tension i’ve built up this week.” 

Donghun looks back to look Junhee in the eyes and sees the other man pull back a bit. Still too scared to get too close to Donghun when they have an intimate moment. 

Donghuns been coming to the club every Friday and Saturday for a month. He’s made a point to come on a couple Thursdays and Sundays too. He hasn’t had a session with Junhee every time he makes it over but he’s had enough that there has become an easy camaraderie between the pair. 

Donghun still knows nothing about the dancer, the man still holding back any personal information from him. They’ve danced together so many times on this dance floor, bodies colliding and falling into place but Donghun still doesn’t know more than Junhee’s name. Even that he doesn’t really. He heard it from one person and has never actually used it outloud. 

He still calls the dancer Ocean because he never said he could use his actual name. Donghun didn’t think it was fair to learn it without the owner’s permission. He’s trying to build trust between him and Junhee and thinks this might be a good way. 

He believes that Junhee is possibly figuring out he can trust Donghun and maybe let down some of his walls. They’ve played just about every card game under the sun together, Donghun has watched Junhee practice dances in private rooms, and Donghun has broken out his most charming aspects. 

Junhee still seems hesitant to even let Donghun look him directly in the eyes with more than a smirk. If he smiles too softly Junhee is lost and it’s hard to get him back. 

The one thing he’s learned about Junhee is that he has a drug problem and Donghun doesn’t know how to even begin to address that problem. He knows it’s not for him to even know about, but he still worries. He wants to ask Sehyoon or Byeongkwan about it but he doesn’t want Junhee to think he’s prying. 

But a month in and his feelings for Junhee are just growing. Everytime he sees him his heart crashes and burns and restarts. He’s never felt like this about someone and he hopes that Junhee can one day see him for who he really is. 

He feels Junhee turn his body around to back his ass up against Donghun’s front. Donghun moves his hands around Junhee’s waist to his stomach. Junhee starts rolling his hips back and leans his head onto Donghun’s shoulder. 

Donghun knows that Junhee is most likely doing this to attract more customers but he hopes that maybe Junhee wants this just a little bit, just for himself. 

(JH POV) 

Junhee should be doing this to attract customers, but he knows he’s doing it for selfish reasons. He saw Donghun on the dance floor tonight and felt a pull to go to the man. It was like an invisible string was guiding him toward the other man and he couldn’t stop it. He hated everything that he was feeling. 

He grinded up against Donghun, leaned his head back, and felt the warmth of the body behind him. He brought up one of his hands to wrap around Donghun’s neck and into his hair. He grabbed one of the arms around his waist with the other. 

He closed his eyes and enjoyed the way Donghun’s body felt, he had never wanted to drag someone to his private room this much. He wanted all of Donghun, he needed him on him, over him, enclosing him in his strength. 

Junhee snapped his head up and shook off the thoughts. He had known Donghun for a month and these feelings and thoughts had been running through his head for the last week. They had started to hit hard when Donghun had come in last week for their private session and had brought materials to make friendship bracelets. 

Junhee had eyed him like he was crazy, Donghun had just plopped himself down on the floor of the room and brought out the materials. He told Junhee that he wanted to make some for Byeongkwan and Sehyoon, he wasn’t taking no for an answer. 

Junhee had rolled his eyes and sat down, wanting the money enough, not admitting that he was charmed by the absurd request. Now all 5, including Yuchan, had friendship bracelets around their wrists. Donghun had made one for Junhee, he had eyed it like it would bite him. But Donghun had just grabbed his wrist and knotted it around the skin and bones. Junhee had stared at it the rest of the night and when he got home he touched it like it would break. 

Junhee hated the man, too soft, too vulnerable, too much so soon. He knew that the weird feelings had started even farther back. The night Minjae had come, pronounced his name to the world and then Donghun had just moved on. He hadn’t called him Junhee and was waiting for permission. Junhee was holding back, seeing if he could trust Donghun, and it truly looked like he could. He was losing more and more reason to hold back from the man. 

Junhee turned back around and grabbed Donghun’s hands from around his waist and started pulling him off the dance floor. 

Donghun eyed him curiously but followed. “Where are we going, don’t you need to stay on the dance floor and find customers?” 

Junhee looked back at him and smirked. “Why would I need to do that when I’ve already found you.” He lead them to his private room. 

Donghun pulled on his hand softly and Junhee stopped right before the door to the room. 

Junhee spun around and looked at Donghun with a question in his eyes “What? Do you not want me to give you a lap dance, maybe a tiny handjob could do you wonders for the relaxation. It’d cost more but I think you’re good for it.”

Junhee hoped Donghun wouldn’t just abandon him. He had another client in an hour and for some reason Donghun made the thought of having to fuck the other man an easier pill to swallow. 

Donghun rubbed his thumb along Junhee’s hand. Junhee pulled it away, not liking the way his body tingled with the subtle move. 

“Ocean, I wasn’t planning on a session tonight. I mainly came to see Byeongkwan dance and talk with Sehyoon. I didn’t get to see them all week.” Donghun frowned at Junhee, he looked longingly at the hand Junhee had pulled away. 

Junhee hated that look, it made him want to throw everything to the wind and kiss the man. He didn’t do that though, he didn’t kiss his customers. 

He watched the pout on Donghun’s face and decided to turn the softness into brattiness. He pushed up on Donghun, used his right hand to pull him as close as possible and lifted his other hand to pull on the man’s bottom lip. 

“Donghun.” He whispered. He knew the man could feel his hot breath on his face. He watched him swallow. “Those puppy dog eyes will not work on me. They can’t get through this shell.” Junhee looked down at Donghun’s lips and rubbed his finger along them. “Now, do you or do you not want to come in this room with me right now and just possibly release some of the tension I can feel in your body?”

Junhee tried not to sigh when he saw Donghun’s eyes move to his lips. He felt Donghun’s hand come up to the hand on his face and pull it away. He moved in more towards Junhee as the dancer backed up just a bit. Now Donghun was controlling him, Junhee held back a whine. 

“Fine. One lap dance.” Donghun smirked and backed Junhee up to the door behind him. Junhee’s back hit the wall and he swallowed. “But mainly because you look a little desperate for it.” 

Junhee caught himself before he looked too shock. He clicked his tongue and put on his brattiest face. “Now, now Donghun. What would ever make you think I was desperate.” Junhee pushed Donghun by the chest. “I just don’t want to waste the time when I could easily be making a good 500 off your horniness.” 

Donghun scoffed. “Ya, I’m definitely the only one turned on right now.” 

Junhee turned around and opened the door to the private room, laughing at Donghun’s comment. Donghun followed him in and Junhee went straight for the speakers. He told Donghun to sit, the man chose the couch instead of the chair. That was fine, Junhee liked the couch better too. 

Junhee put on a slower song to dance to and sauntered his way over to the other man. His hands were shaking, he blamed in on the fact that he hadn’t had a hit in a few hours. His whole body was tingling, he blamed it on the way he could feel the music through the floor. His heart shook at the way Donghun was looking at him, he blamed it on…

“You’re thinking way too much about this, are you going to show me your superior skills that have turned me off to any other man or not.” Junhee was thrown out of his thoughts by Donghun’s comment. 

He smirked at the man and straddled his thighs. “Oh honey, you’ve got trouble if i’m the one you’ve chosen to give over everything to.” He started to grind on Donghun, he grabbed the man’s hands and placed them on his waist. 

Donghun leaned forward and up, pressing his chest along Junhee’s. He brought one hand up to push back Junhee’s hair and whispered to him. “Baby, I’ve got so much trouble then.” 

Junhee didn’t know his heart could do what it was doing now, he wished it would stop. A month, a month with Lee Donghun and the other man was inching his way under Junhee’s tough exterior.

As long as Donghun didn’t try anything, like kiss him, Junhee would deny his feelings forever. He would be fine, it would go away. 

He didn’t have any feelings other than sexual frustration for the man, he didn’t, he couldn’t. There was no way Park Junhee was letting himself fall in love, no it would never happen. 

When their session was over, Donghun pulled out his wallet and handed over the money to Junhee. The dancer looked at it and warred with the feelings inside of him. He realized that he was the one who had dragged Donghun to the private room. He had been the one who initiated everything. The fact that Donghun was still giving him money even though it was Junhee’s idea, threw him so hard. 

He took the money from Donghun’s hand, he couldn’t stop the jittering he felt, his hands wouldn’t stop going over the money again and again. Part of him felt a need to hand it back to the other man, was what they were doing something to be paid for. 

Junhee was feeling lightheaded, too many thoughts running through his head, they scared him. He looked up at Donghun, the other man was smiling at him softly. Donghun did that a lot. 

“I know I didn’t really request the session but you still gave me your time and I know you have other paying customers so I still owe you.” Donghun brought up his hand to push Junhee’s hand with the money in it towards his chest. 

Junhee thought “no you really don’t owe me” and his heart ached. His head was telling him to push Donghun away from him but his heart was desperate for the other man to pull him in, feel the warmth of his skin. 

Instead Junhee smirked and placed a hand on Donghun’s chest and got close to him. “Even if you didn’t request it I could tell you needed it. Needed me to help you release some of that stress from work.” Junhee could feel the other man’s hand come up to rest on his waist. “Needed someone to empty that big brain of yours.” 

Donghun laughed at the comment and stroked Junhee’s waist. Junhee felt goosebumps pop up all over his side. “Now be a good boy and let me finish my work for the night.” Junhee patted Donghun lightly on the cheek as he pushed him away from the private room. 

Donghun winked at him as he walked away. Throwing a hand up behind him, waving goodbye. Junhee watched him walk away, eyes zeroed in on the way his thighs looked in the jeans he was wearing, how broad his shoulders looked in the tight shirt. Junhee slumped against the door of his room and sighed. 

He heard a cough off to the side and saw Kim Sehyoon, hands in his pockets, smirking at him. Sehyoon went to open his mouth and Junhee shut him up. “I swear to God if you make a comment I’ll make sure Byeongkwan doesn’t even look at your dick for a month.” 

Sehyoon threw his hands up and started to back away. “I was just coming to let you know that your first appointment for the night was here, but I see that you already had one tonight.” Sehyoon looked at him softly. “I can tell him to leave if your time would be better spent doing something else.”

Junhee scoffed. “My time best spent is getting as much money from these men as I can.” As he said it he handed over Donghun’s money to his boss. “Take this for now, I’ll come back and get it later.” 

Sehyoon looked down at the money and frowned. “He’s still paying you, I didn’t think that that was what this was anymore.” 

Junhee shook his head at his friend. “That’s all it’ll ever be.” 

“Junhee…” Sehyoon said sadly. 

“Don’t Sehyoon, just don’t. Tell the next customer I’ll be ready for him in five minutes.” Junhee opened the door to his private room and looked back at Sehyoon before he walked in. “Don’t pity me Sehyoon.”

Sehyoon shook his head and moved to put a hand on Junhee’s shoulder. “You know I’d never, I just want you to be happy. I think Donghun could make you happy.” 

Junhee moved Sehyoon’s hand and scoffed. “He’d ruin me.” Junhee took one last look at Sehyoon before he went inside the room and closed the door. He walked to his dressing room, took a hit and prepared for the next customer. Only feeling numb now that the drugs had hit. 

>

(JH POV) 

All of that had happened on a Friday night and Donghun had also showed up Saturday. He had refused any of Junhee’s services. Wanting to hang out with Yuchan and Sehyoon, watch the dancers and just relax. 

Junhee had felt himself getting frustrated with the other. He made his emotions clear to the other, ignoring him on the dance floor, purposefully pushing his agenda to get other customers in his face. 

Junhee knew he was being childish but he couldn’t help but feel resentment bubble up. Jealousy for the people that Donghun was choosing to spend his time with and hurt at the comments Donghun had made. 

When Junhee had continued to ignore him, the man had pulled him off to the side of the bar, Junhee smirking thinking he finally wore Donghun down. But the other man had just scolded him saying “I know you really would like to make some money off me, but there are nights were I just need to relax without that.”

Donghun had softly caught his eyes and said “You’re more than welcome to come find me during the night, I would enjoy your company without the private sessions.” 

Donghun had brought up a hand to Junhee’s cheek, cupped it and held him there. Junhee’s heart had shattered at his feet. 

He had took Donghun’s hand and shoved it towards his chest. “No thanks. What’s the point if there’s no cash involved.” Junhee had said it just because he couldn’t come to terms with the fact that he was hurt Donghun was suggesting he only wanted to spend time with him because of the money. 

Donghun had scoffed at him and started to walk away. He turned around when Junhee didn’t follow. “I want to get to know you Ocean. Not the stripper though, the person.” Donghun sighed. “Try to come find me when you’re ready to show me him.” 

Junhee hadn’t cried in a very long time, he felt everything in him want to crash. He shoved everything down and walked away from Donghun not turning back. He crashed into his dressing room and proceeded to throw a chair to the floor. He eyed his stash, took a hit and breathed. 

Not worth it, he thought, no feelings were worth it. 

>

That had been a week ago and now Junhee was at the club on a Saturday afternoon practicing one of his acts. He hadn’t seen Donghun in a week. He had spent all week convincing himself his feelings were born out of frustration and anger. Out of a need for something like Donghun, but at the end of the day Junhee knew it for what it was, just another man he couldn’t get close to. 

If Donghun came back to the club he didn’t want to give him an inch, he would pull back on any affection he thought he felt for the man, he was going to be only professional with him. No special treatment, only private sessions if he asked first. 

Junhee kept moving through his routine as he heard Sehyoon let out a yell from the bar. He looked up to see the owner running towards a man at the door. Junhee saw Donghun and halted. Fuck. 

>

(DH POV) 

Donghun had come to the club because it was a Saturday and he was off, his friends had used that to his advantage. Sehyoon had called him an hour ago saying that he needed Donghun to go get some things for him for the club. 

Donghun had whined and asked why he had too, Sehyoon had explained they had a contractor at the club, looking at adding on some extra rooms and he couldn’t leave. Donghun, confused as to why Byeongkwan couldn’t do it questioned his friends motives. 

Sehyoon had just sighed and said. “I need Byeongkwan’s help, he has a better eye for this stuff than me and the club is half his if you don’t remember that.

Donghun had got dressed and grabbed his keys. Sehyoon’s list of things didn’t seem absolutely necessary but he wanted to help his friend. He drove to the club thinking about seeing Junhee for the first time in a week. He had skipped going to the club on Friday. Telling the others he was too tired and needed to rest. The real reason was because he was still upset with the way Junhee had acted last week. 

Donghun had understood he needed money but if the man really wanted to spend time with him he needed to do it without the stripper angle he pulled. 

When Donghun walked into the club Sehyoon had yelled out his name and rushed over to hug him. Donghun had squeezed him back and threw an arm around his neck. “So Mr. Kim why do you need this list so urgently?”

Sehyoon had laughed and shook his head. “I just need them by tonight but I can’t really leave today and I thought hey Donghun would be a great helper.” Sehyoon clapped him on the chest and moved from out of his arm. 

He went to the bar and grabbed a notepad. “Here’s a better list of the things I need, the one I texted you didn’t have specifics.” 

Donghun grabbed the list from him and read it over. “Okay, I get the light bulbs and cleaning supplies but the chalk and-” Donghun looked up at Sehyoon with an exasperated expression. “Lube and condoms, really Sehyoon.” 

Sehyoon had been about to explain himself when Junhee had walked up and plucked the list from Donghun’s hand. Donghun looked up at the other man, he had no makeup on, loose track pants and an oversized t-shirt. Donghun saw he was barefoot, he looked so vulnerable Donghun wanted to wrap him up in his arms. 

Junhee smirked at the list and said “Oh the last two things are for me, I’ve gone and run out haven’t I Sehyoon.” He seemed to be challenging Donghun to make a comment. Donghun didn’t give him the pleasure. 

Sehyoon watched the two with an amused expression. “Junhee is being a brat, we keep them in stock for all of our employees. We’d rather pay for it than for them to go without.” Sehyoon grabbed the list from Junhee and gave it back to Donghun. 

He smirked at them both and his eyes lit up. Donghun knew that face, he didn’t like that face. “How about since Junhee knows about the materials you don’t, take him with you Donghun, Junhee you’re due for a lunch break anyways.” 

Both men sputtered out a response. Donghun replying with “I can do it on my own, I’m not a child.” and Junhee spitting out “I have better things to do.” 

Sehyoon took both of them under his arms and moved them towards the door. “Now, how about you two figure out whatever weird tension is going on and go get me the things I need.” Sehyoon pulled out his credit card from his wallet. “Use this to pay for it.” 

Junhee snatched it up. “I’m buying tons of food with this too and maybe some other fun things.”

Sehyoon looked at him and rolled his eyes. “Drug dealers don’t take credit cards.” Sehyoon moved his sight over to where Byeongkwan was walking towards them. “You know they don’t, I’ve seen your try.” 

Donghun was curious about the exchange. He knew both Sehyoon and Byeongkwan normally didn’t tolerate drugs, so why did they with Junhee? He wanted to ask, he didn’t want to pry. 

He watched as Byeongkwan walked up to them and placed himself under Sehyoon’s arm. “Hey Donghun what are you doing here so early?” 

Donghun smiled softly at him. “You’re husband is a baby and can’t get things for himself. Also I think he has a conspiracy planned.” 

 

Byeongkwan huffed a laugh and patted his hand on the other chest. “He is a baby boy.” Junhee and Donghun both gagged. “And there’s no conspiracy here.” Byeongkwan eyed the credit card in Junhee’s hand and covered a laugh. “Well, maybe.”

Donghun just stared at him unimpressed and started to walk towards the door. He felt a hand on his shoulder. 

“Wait asshole, I need to get my jacket and shoes.” Junhee said as he walked backwards to his dressing room.

Once he left he turned to see both the husbands eyeing him. He scowled at them. “What are you playing at Sehyoon?” 

Said man sighed. “You told me what happened last Friday, I just think you two need some alone time together that’s not in a private room.”

“I do too, but I don’t want to force it on him.” Donghun said miserably. “I want him to want to.” 

Byeongkwan placed a hand on Donghun’s shoulder. “He wouldn’t go if he didn’t really want to and we wouldn’t force him.” Byeongkwan smiled at him. “Trust me, he won’t say it or even admit it to himself but he wants to spend time with you too.” 

Donghun rubbed at his eyes and nodded at the two. He walked to the exit and pushed out the door and waited on Junhee. 

He didn’t have to wait long before the dancer was walking out of the club with his jacket and shoes. Donghun was overrun again by how cute he looked in his practice clothes. 

He motioned to his car and unlocked it. He walked around to the driver’s side as Junhee got in the car. He saw the other man sit rigid in the seat and hoped that he could eventually relax. 

They had been driving for five minutes in silence before Donghun couldn’t handle it anymore. “So I know the best place to get the bulbs, but the chalk and other things I have no clue.” 

Junhee looked over at him and smirked. “I know exactly where to get those other things. God, you’re like a child. Do you not use condoms and lube. The poor men you’ve had sex with.” 

Donghun laughed and put quickly looked over at Junhee. “Of course I do, I just don’t know where Sehyoon gets them for the club, there’s probably a specific place he uses.” 

Junhee let out a soft laugh. “It’s called a sex store, I’m imagining you’ve atleast seen one of those.” 

Donghun scoffed at him and motioned for him to keep talking. 

“There’s one on the corner near the appliance store where we’ll get the bulbs, they should also have chalk there too.” Junhee informed him, pleasantly surprising Donghun. 

Donghun turned onto a street near the store. “So, what is the chalk for?” 

Junhee wrung his hands together in his lap and played with the dial on the radio. He seemed nervous to be in a car with Donghun. “Uh, it’s for the pole. Without a bit of chalk it can really ruin your skin. Rub on it the wrong way and you’ve got a nasty burn in places you don’t want a burn.”

Donghun shook his head, that made sense. “Ever gotten one in any awkward places?”

Junhee laughed, “Oh yeah, got one right next to my dick one time, that was a lot of fun. Explaining to people the reason I was walking funny was a treat.” Junhee smiled at the road. “I couldn’t even jerk off for like two weeks because it pulled at the skin.” 

Donghun started to laugh at the story, Junhee was naturally funny to him. His expressions and the way he played things out. 

“I had clients at the time too and well trying to get them to not touch anywhere my dick really hit the sale hard.” Junhee looked over at Donghun and smiled. “Hey, I’m sorry customer that wants to fuck me but I really can’t do much with my groin right now because I gave my crotch a minor burn.” 

Donghun was now full on laughing at the story. Junhee was doing a couple inappropriate hand gestures and explaining how Byeongkwan had made him use aloe vera and lotion for weeks to treat the burn. 

Junhee scratched the back of his head when he ended the story. “We get hurt a lot doing the pole and the acrobatics.” 

Donghun frowned a bit at the comment. He saw Junhee watch his face drop and quickly remedy the situation. “It’s hard to do and it causes a lot of bruises, but I truly love to do it. I would be doing the acrobatics whether it was for stripping or not.” 

Both boys got silent until they pulled into the store parking lot and stopped the car. Donghun was overrun with emotion, Junhee had just told him something about himself. It was a first, he was trying not to make a big deal about it. 

Junhee scoffed at him. “Wipe that smile off your face please. You’re so cheesy.” 

Donghun laughed at the man and went to unlock the doors of the car. “I hope you’re not lactose intolerant then.” 

Junhee smacked him upside the head and got out of the car. Donghun stayed in for a second and did his best to remove the smile from his face. He didn’t succeed. When he got out of the car he saw Junhee walking toward the store already. 

He thought, so this is him, this is the man behind the dancer. Donghun was falling for him more and more. It wouldn’t stop, he didn’t want it to. 

>

(JH POV)

They had wandered around the appliance store for 20 minutes before they found the right bulbs and chalk that Sehyoon had requested. Junhee was enjoying himself more than he liked to admit. Donghun was a naturally funny person, he played right along with all of Junhee’s jokes and didn’t blink an eye at the inappropriate comments he made. 

When they had paid for everything Junhee had held up the credit card and smirked at Donghun. The man winked back at him and they both grabbed the bag with their stuff and raced out to the car. 

Donghun blasted some music and him and Junhee discussed where to spend a lot of money on food from. They both agreed on some sort of seafood, knowing it was an expensive option. 

They quickly bonded over the idea of spending Sehyoon’s money. Junhee kept trying to wipe the damn smile off his face all the way to the restaurant but he just couldn’t manage it. It was stuck, it was the worst thing he had experienced in his life. He smiled harder. 

When they got to the restaurant they got odd looks, Donghun was in casual wear but it was a nice button down and jeans. Junhee on the other hand was still in his practice clothes. He ignored the looks as Donghun grabbed his elbow and guided him towards the table the waitress laid out for them. 

They both ordered extravagant meals, lobster and oysters littered the table. Junhee cackled at the face Donghun made when they saw the check. He had slipped Sehyoon’s card to the waiter like it was nothing and Junhee winked at him.

“He’s gonna be so pissed when he sees that bill.” Donghun giggled as they cleaned up their table a bit. 

“It’s what he gets for forcing us to run his errands and then gives us his credit card to do it with. He brought this on himself.” Junhee commented as he took a drink of his water. 

Donghun leant back in his chair as they waited for the waiter to return. “So, what is this sex shop we need to go to?” He ran his hands through his hair as he said it, his hands glinting in the light from the window. 

Junhee got distracted for a second, imagining them on his body, in his own hands, eclipsing them. He shook the thoughts away and coughed. “It’s a small one, close by. They have the best lube in the city and condoms for a good price that are actually durable.” 

Donghun eyed him. Junhee scoffed. “I’m literally a stripper Donghun, I need to know these things. Also Sehyoon has made a deal with the owner. He gets free entry if he gives Sehyoon discounts.” 

Junhee smirked at Donghun. “The discounts are fun, we get free toys all the time.”

He expected Donghun to blush or cough or show some sign of embarrassment but the man just looked at him from under his eyelashes. “Oh, well maybe you can show them to me when we get there.” 

Junhee did his best not to react. “Maybe I just will. But I have some at the club, I could just show you there.” 

Donghun was about to comment when the waiter finally came back. Donghun signed the check and got up from his seat. Junhee followed. When they got out of the restaurant Donghun turned to him “Yeah, we could arrange that. For the right price of course.” 

Donghun continued to walk to the car. Junhee stopped in his tracks and whispered to himself. “Yeah, for the right price.” He hated that he hated the comment. 

>

(DH POV) 

When they made it to the sex store he followed Junhee as he ran around the store finding everything the club needed. He got more than was on the list and teased Donghun along the way. Pulling out dildos and vibrators, rating them and giving them blurbs. 

Donghun laughed at the way Junhee would explain what they did and how they felt, he was clearly putting on a show for the other man. Donghun enjoyed seeing this super playful side of Junhee. 

They went to pay for everything, the man at the counter smirking at Junhee. “Got a hot date tonight, or do you need someone to use these with.” He had said this while Donghun stood right next to Junhee. 

Donghun laughed and grabbed their bag. “Sorry sugar, he’s already taken.” He grabbed Junhee by the hand and dragged him out of the store as Junhee laughed his ass off. 

Donghun pulled them out the door and towards his car. Junhee was giving him a funny look, the laughter dying down. Finally, Donghun looked down at their hands, still intertwined. He slowly pulled away and went to get in the car. 

He spotted Junhee standing on the sidewalk, looking conflicted for a second and then moving to get into the passenger's seat. He hoped that look was a bit of disappointment that Donghun let go. 

>

(JH POV)

That night passed by in a blur of dancing, private sessions and not much Donghun. Junhee could still feel his hand intertwined with his. Donghun had been to the club that night but Junhee had found himself too busy to see him and the disappointment hit him like a ton of bricks. 

He hoped that the next week would be different, he hoped he didn’t care about Donghun next week. 

He wasn’t given the chance to not care because Donghun never showed up to the club the next week. He was informed by Sehyoon that Donghun had a business trip and he wouldn’t be back until the following weekend. 

Junhee drowned himself in his clients and his drugs. He went to the club every night and did his job, he met with his dealer, played with Luna, and wished every part of him didn’t long for the other man. 

There was one night at the club where Junhee had gotten a customer that was closer to Donghun’s age, sweeter than most of his others, and very innocent. The whole time Junhee was with him he was imagining Donghun. 

He was imagining his hands on him, his hot breath, his voice whispering in his ear. The poor customer, who he could tell was nervous, had gotten a hand full of Junhee. A handful that Donghun usually got. 

He tried to shut it out, the only thing that worked was taking a hit, so that’s what he did. Everytime a thought of Donghun became too much he drowned himself in alcohol and drugs. He knew it wasn’t healthy, but what part of his life was. 

He needed to crush this, he needed to figure out how to not want Donghun. He was lost. 

>

(DH POV) 

Donghun was waiting at the entrance of their favorite brunch place thinking about how glad he was to be back from his business trip. One week turned into two and he missed his friends dearly. He also missed a certain dancer, but there was no way he’d see him until he went to the club tonight. 

He was texting Yuchan when he heard a scream come from a tiny body, he looked up to see Byeongkwan running towards him. Beside him was Sehyoon, Yuchan and Kwangsuk, Yuchan’s boyfriend. 

The next second he had his arms full of the younger husband, Byeongkwan, arms around his neck rocking him back and forth. The smaller man leaned back to look at him and smiled a huge smile. “Wow, two weeks is way too long, we missed you so much.” Byeongkwan grabbed his cheeks. “How was the trip? Did you miss us? No, better question did you miss a certain dancer.?

Donghun looked over to find Sehyoon, giving him a help me look. Sehyoon just laughed “Hey, when you’re gone for two weeks this is what happens.”

Donghun just smiled and backed away from Byeongkwan. He brought Sehyoon into a hug and the other whispered “missed you” into his ear. He replied back to him in the same loving tone. 

He felt other hands wrap around him and let go of Sehyoon to crush Yuchan into his arms. The youngest hadn’t gone on the trip with him and he had missed him so much. “Hyung, i’m so glad you’re back. The club hasn’t been as much fun without you, work is a mess, and I’m tired of seeing your dancer’s pouting face around the club.” 

Donghun pulled back to question Yuchan when he heard the younger one yelp. Byeongkwan had lightly smacked him upside the head. “Yuchan, no details, he needs to see it for himself.” 

Yuchan whined “But he won’t see it for himself. You know this.” 

Sehyoon smiled at him. “He will, trust me, it’ll happen eventually.”

Donghun was looking at them with some confusion. They couldn’t be talking about Junhee, could they? 

Sehyoon gestured for all of them to go into the restaurant. “You’re coming to the club tonight right? We all missed you around there. My other dancers were begging me to let them know when you’d be back. You’ve created quite a reputation.” 

Donghun smiled at him as they were lead to their table. “Of course, I'll be there tonight. I’ve been missing it too.” 

As they all sat, Donghun was really thankful for his friends but he really wanted the night to come so he could go see Junhee. The last two weeks had been torture and he really wanted to know if the other man had missed him as much. 

He watched his friends chat over brunch, laughed at their jokes and filled himself up on mimosas and breakfast food. But the whole time his mind was elsewhere, imagining how tonight would go. 

He was brought back to the conversation when he saw Byeongkwan pull out his phone. “Who are you calling, we have a no phones rule remember.”

Byeongkwan just smirked at him. “This brunch doesn’t feel right, we’re missing someone.” Donghun saw him dialing and before he put it together

Byeongkwan heard when Junhee picked up and said something before Junhee could even get a word out. “You’re on speaker phone, so behave.”

“What’s up asshole? You know it’s like 11am right. I was literally out until 6 am last night, one of the customers really wanted me to go home with him.” Donghun swallowed at the comment, he heard Junhee’s voice clear over the speaker. 

He heard everyone laugh, Junhee clearly knowing they were probably in public. 

Sehyoon scoffed. “How many times have I told you to not go home with customers.” 

Junhee laughed. “How many times have I told you to not give Byeongkwan the fuck me eyes in front of my face? You still do that.” 

Sehyoon put his head down on the table. People were looking at them. “That is too dangerous.”

“Hey they’re paying me a lot of money.” Junhee defended himself. 

Byeongkwan joined in. “Yeah, but you won’t be able to spend the money if you’re fucking murdered.” People were really looking now. 

“Also, you have a certain someone that is more than willing to pay more than the standard price for your time.” Sehyoon eyed Donghun when he said it. 

“Yeah, well the bitch hasn’t been here in two weeks. Also, he doesn’t pay me to fuck him and sometimes I need the company.” Junhee sighed out. 

Byeongkwan smirked at Donghun. “Well, I just called to let you know he’s actually back in town and will be at the club tonight.” 

They all heard Junhee inhale, hard. “Oh, really. He’s back? Oh. Well, tell him to be ready for me tonight. I bet he needs a lot of destressing from the long ass business trip he was on.”

Sehyoon smirked and got a glint in his eye. “Why don’t you tell him yourself, he’s right here.” 

They all heard Junhee swear and hang up the phone. The husband's laughed, along with Yuchan and Kwangsuk. Donghun didn’t, he couldn’t get over the breathlessness of Junhee’s voice when he was told Donghun was back. 

He looked up to see Byeongkwan staring at him with a soft smile. “Told you he wanted to see you.” 

Donghun flipped him off and took a big swig of his mimosa. “You’re paying for brunch, nitwit.” 

Byeongkwan just laughed and agreed. The butterflies in Donghun’s stomach breathed a fresh breath. 

>  
(BOTH POV)

That night had been a lot for both Junhee and Donghun. Both men missing each other, Junhee not admitting to it. When Donghun had gotten to the club he had immediately spotted Junhee. He caught the dancers eye and hoped he wasn’t getting ready to meet with a customer. 

He walked as fast as he could over to him without seeming too desperate, he definitely failed, he saw the smirk on Junhee’s face. 

Junhee looked at him, eyes sparkling, he almost looked shy. The man felt a fire ignite in his chest at the sight of Donghun. Two weeks had been way too long. 

Junhee was getting ready to ask Donghun what he wanted to do, but the man just grabbed him by the hand and dragged him to his private room. 

Once inside the room Donghun had pushed Junhee up to the wall near the door and had looked him right in the eye. Junhee had swallowed and brought his hands up to Donghun’s shoulders. He didn’t know what was happening, it scared him. 

Donghun brought his hand up to Junhee’s hair. “God, you’re so beautiful.” 

Junhee had grabbed Donghun’s hand and pulled it slightly away. “What’s new.” 

Donghun huffed out a small laugh and grabbed Junhee’s waist. “Dance with me.” He said, complete confidence that Junhee would agree. 

The other smirked and pushed away from Donghun to move to the speakers, he skipped through to a good slow, sensual song. He did his best to stop his shaking, stop every part of him from giving into the intimate feeling of this meeting. 

He walked back to Donghun as the song started. He danced like he normally would, starting to grind on Donghun, using his ass and hips. It lasted for a minute before Donghun turned him around to face him, shook his head and grabbed Junhee’s hips. 

He stopped them from rotating and pulled him in close. Junhee didn’t know what was happening. Donghun grabbed his arms, ran his hands down them to his hands and brought them up to his neck. 

He had Junhee circle them around him, Junhee grabbed onto the back of Donghun’s hair, needing something to control, just a bit. Donghun’s mouth dropped open and wrapped his arms even tighter around his waist. 

This was a slow dance, Junhee didn’t slow dance. He couldn’t get his mouth to speak those words.

They were so close, Junhee could feel Donghun’s heartbeat. He wanted to bury himself in it. He wanted- Donghun dipped him back, had him circle his body. Junhee could feel Donghun’s nose pressed up against his adam’s apple, breathing in his scent. 

When Junhee pulled back up Donghun kept his face in Junhee’s neck, he felt his lips touch his skin and all his nerves exploded. He wanted Donghun to throw him to the ground, run his hands all over him and then push into him. 

God, Junhee wanted it so bad. This was too much. He hadn’t even had a hit yet, he needed one. He needed- 

“Ocean, when’s your next customer?” Donghun whispered into his ear. Junhee had to snap his brain back, it felt like ocean water was in his ears. 

Junhee turned to look at the clock and cursed. “Fuck, it’s now. Shit.” Without noticing they had wasted 20 minutes. “You need to leave, go through the dressing room. He’ll be waiting for me.”

Donghun made a strange face. “And I have to sneak out why?” Junhee gave him a questioning look, that turned almost scared. Donghun realized in that moment that Junhee knew this wasn’t a session. That this was just them. Donghun could see the look on his face. 

He wanted to make him feel more comfortable. “I mean if i’m just a customer then, he won’t care right.” 

He saw Junhee breathe and move towards the door to let Donghun out. “Yeah, you’re right go out the front.”

When Donghun walked out, he saw another older man waiting. “What they fuck Ocean, this man is eating up my time.”

Junhee sidled up to the man, played with his tie and said in a sensual voice. “Don’t worry baby, I promise you’ll get your fill.” 

The man harshly guided Junhee into the room. Junhee turned back one more time to look at Donghun, he threw him a wink before he closed the door to the private room. 

Donghun pushed a hand through his hair and walked toward the bar. He could barely get his breathing in order, Junhee was something else. He found Sehyoon and pulled out his wallet. 

“I’m not sure if he expects me to pay, he didn’t seem to think it was a session, but give him this anyways, I wasted some of his time.” Donghun handed over a couple hundreds to Sehyoon. 

Sehyoon took the money but gave him a sad look. “Donghun, if you don’t think it was then why are you giving me the money?” 

Donghun threw up his hands. “Because he needs it, because I want him to know that I don’t want his time wasted, I don’t know. I just want him to know I care.” 

Sehyoon sighed. “Oh, Donghun he does. He really does.” 

Sehyoon said it like he knew something Donghun didn’t, but he didn’t want to try and figure out now. He just wanted to go out and dance. He found Yuchan at the bar with Kwangsuk, he dragged them over to where he could see Byeongkwan dancing. 

He lost himself in his friends that night, Junhee not being seen again. Sehyoon told him after the night was over that he had been too busy to come out. Donghun had gone home wishing the dancer had all the time in the world to just spend time with him. 

>

(JH POV) 

In Junhee’s mind the time seemed to drag on but also move so fast he couldn’t keep up, he had been working at this club for almost three years. He had known Donghun for over three months and those three months had been so much more than any had in his entire life. 

Donghun never missed a weekend again and went back to regular sessions with Junhee, making sure he actually had a registered time. They would dance, play the stupid games Donghun brought, and at the end Donghun would smile and pay. 

Junhee hated every time he pulled out his wallet, his brain wanted the money, he needed to keep up with rent and pay for the drugs. But his heart, it wanted everything else. 

He was thinking about it now, while he was with a customer. He was thinking about Donghun while one of his regulars fucked into him on one of the couches in his private room. 

The man had been coming to Junhee for at least 6 months, not as regular as some of his others, but enough. He didn’t always request to fuck Junhee, there were other things he made him do but tonight he seemed in a very angry mood. 

He had come into the room basically on fire and pushed Junhee down on his stomach on the couch. Junhee’s saving grace was that he knew to prep himself for this customer. He was ready when the man had pulled down his shorts and fucked into him. 

He hadn’t even given Junhee the decency of saying hi before he took ahold of him. Junhee rode it out in stride. He wasn’t hard though and he could tell that his client did not appreciate that. But he wouldn’t do anything to remedy it. He expected Junhee to just enjoy it enough that it happened. 

The man suddenly got off of Junhee and flipped him over. “I want you to ride me.” Junhee didn’t move from under him. “Now, quickly.” 

Junhee scrambled to get up. This was one of his customers that didn’t appreciate his mouth, he had made one too many snappy comments at this man before. He really didn’t want to get smacked, a handprint on his face wouldn’t go over well. 

This man paid too well for Sehyoon to blacklist him. He got on top of the man and did what he asked. He still wasn’t hard, the client could clearly see, Junhee could tell he was angry about it. 

He roughly shoved Junhee on his cock, nowhere near a pleasurable spot, Junhee grunted at how uncomfortable it was. 

He needed to get through this if he wanted the money, he closed his eyes and angled himself in a better position. He started to imagine doing this with someone that he actually enjoyed. Without realizing he imagined Donghun, his huge hands running softly over him, his eyes boring into him. His soft voice caressing his face, his smile comforting Junhee. 

Junhee grabbed his cock and jerked himself off, he heard the man under him groan, he imagined it was Donghun, his breathy sighs in his ear. 

Finally, the man released into the condom and pulled Junhee off of him, in the end not caring if Junhee got off or not. 

He went over and threw the condom in the trash can and made his way back over to Junhee. Junhee grabbed his robe that was sitting on his chair and pulled it on to cover himself, not comfortable with the man looking at him naked. 

He didn’t know what was wrong with him, normally it didn’t bother him, at least not this much. 

The man went to Junhee, grabbed him roughly and pulled him into him. He leaned down and Junhee pulled away, he didn’t kiss his customers. “You know I don’t kiss Mr. Duke.” The man was american, nasty as they could come. 

Mr. Duke didn’t seem to care. “I’m paying you enough that you should. Come on, now. You know you want it.” Junhee tried his best to push away from the man. He couldn’t, normally his strength didn’t fail him like this. 

“Now, now don’t be like that.” Mr. Duke was doing his best to trap a flailing Junhee. 

“I don’t kiss any customer for any amount of money.” Junhee stated finally getting out of the man’s arms and pulling his robe closed again. 

“Oh, I've seen you with that Mr. Lee and it looks like all you want to do is kiss him.” He went to grab Junhee again and Junhee panicked and froze. The man grabbed him by the arms and Junhee felt like screaming. “You will do what I ask, I paid for it.” 

Junhee felt like he was going to throw up. He didn’t know what to do, the door was locked, he didn’t know how to get out. He yelled at the man to let him go but he just held him tighter. When Junhee thought the worst was about to happen, he heard the door to his private room click open. 

Both men turned to see a wide-eyed Sehyoon running in the door and a furious Donghun storming in behind him. There were security guards right behind them. 

Junhee let out a cry as the man that held him squeezed tighter. “I paid for him, what do you think you’re doing?”

Sehyoon looked at him like he was insane. “That doesn’t give you the right to do whatever you want. If he says no, then you leave.”

Junhee wasn’t sure how they knew, maybe there time had gone over and Donghun had started to get worried. It really didn’t matter, all he wanted was this man’s hands off him and Donghun’s wrapping him up. 

Sehyoon was doing his best to diffuse the situation, but before he could the man was punched in the face hard by a raging Donghun. 

Donghun hit the man full force and brought him to the ground, he might have been significantly smaller than the man but he was stronger than he looked. Donghun followed the man to the ground and punched him again. 

Junhee called his name but Donghun didn’t stop before he punched him one more time. Junhee grabbed Donghun by the arm and pulled him up. Donghun took the opportunity to give the man one swift kick to the groin. 

Mr. Duke curled up into a ball, the guards took their chance to pick him up and out of the room. Sehyoon followed to the door and screamed out it to other customers. “Let this be a lesson to all of you, if you ever even fucking think about touching one of my dancers without their permission your balls with be chopped off and you won’t be allowed to step foot near any of the clubs in this city.” 

Junhee heard silence from other customers, he heard Sehyoon walk back in to where they were. He saw Sehyoon look at them softly. While the owner had been leading Mr. Duke out, Junhee had grabbed a hold of Donghun, his body shaking like a leaf. 

Donghun had curled around him, covered him with his coat and was holding him tight to his chest. Junhee could have sworn he felt a kiss to the top of his head. He had let all his weight fall on Donghun, feeling the other man solid around him. 

Sehyoon swallowed. “Are you alright?” He directed the question at Junhee. 

Junhee nodded his head and made sure Sehyoon could see that he was alright. 

Sehyoon breathed out and walked over to them. He brought out a hand to Junhee’s face and cupped his cheek. He looked him over just to make sure. “You need to go home, you’re done for the night.” 

Junhee protested. “Absolutely not, i’m fucking fine.” 

“No, you’re not.” Donghun whispered into his hair. Junhee couldn’t move, Donghun just held him tighter. 

“Donghun can take you home.” Sehyoon sighed. 

“No, I’ll get a cab if you insist.” Junhee couldn’t let Donghun see him breakdown. 

“I really don’t mind at all, I want to make sure you get home fine.” Donghun breathed into his space. 

Junhee shook his head. “I’ll be fine. I’ll text you, Sehyoon, to let you know I’m home.” 

Sehyoon nodded his agreement. “Just call us if you need anything.”

Junhee nodded back to him. “You know this isn’t the first time this has happened, and it won’t be the last.”

Sehyoon looked like he was about to cry. Donghun pulled him impossibly closer. He grabbed Junhee softly by the chin and brought his face up to look at him. “This will be the last time, I will make sure of that. No one, and I mean no one, is allowed to treat you like that. I want to fucking chop his dick off” 

He looked at Sehyoon and with so much emotion in his voice said. “I will fucking pay whatever lawyers you need to get a restraining order, if you need help I know a great one.”

Sehyoon smiled sofly at him. He patted Donghun on the shoulder. “Thanks, we’ll work on that.”

Sehyoon backed away, said he was going to call the cab and closed the door on the couple. 

Junhee felt every single one of his walls shatter. He looked at Donghun with everything washed away. His heart burst into a million pieces and he felt his whole body, every molecule and cell form around Donghun’s words. 

Donghun didn’t let go of him, Junhee needed him to let go, he couldn’t breathe. “Donghun let go, please.” 

Donghun looked at him questioningly but let go immediately. That made it worse, the fact that Donghun did what he asked with no question. Junhee’s didn’t know what to do, his brain was so full, his whole body felt numb. 

He needed Donghun to leave, he needed to take a hit, he needed multiple hits. He needed to get out of here. 

“I need to leave. I need to go home.” Junhee walked towards his dressing room. 

“You need to get dressed. Sehyoon’s calling you the cab. But I can take you home, I want to make sure you’re ok.” Junhee turned to Donghun as he said it, entering his room. Donghun looked scared. Junhee wanted to wrap him up in his arms and tell him it would be ok. He wanted Donghun to do the same thing. 

Junhee caught the man’s eyes. The floodgates had been opened. Junhee’s whole body leaned towards him without his knowledge. He was ruined. 

He forced himself to grab his things. He went for his clothes and stumbled into his pants, not caring that Donghun had seen him naked. The other man didn’t look like it was affecting him anyways, too focused on making sure Junhee was standing up than working his eyes over his body. 

Junhee found it infuriating. He wished Donghun wanted him in a sexual nature right now, because if he did he would be similar to all the men he fucked. But he didn’t, only wanted Junhee safe. 

Junhee finally got into his clothes. Donghun brought his coat to him, their hands touching when Junhee grabbed it. Junhee sucked in a breath and kept himself from pulling Donghun to him, he wanted him to hold him. He whined out a breath, Donghun thought he was hurt. 

“Are you hurt somewhere, I didn’t see any bruises, Ocean please tell me if you’re hurt.” Donghun’s hands were running over his arms. 

Junhee pushed them away and sneered out “I’m fine, please just go.” 

Donghun shook his head. “At least let me walk you out.” 

Junhee agreed to it, not wanting the man out of his sight yet. They walked out together, through the club and out the door. Sehyoon and Byeongkwan were waiting with a cab outside. 

They both looked royally pissed off and sad at the same time. Junhee gave them a small smile, Byeongkwan looked like he was about to cry. 

He pulled Junhee into a hug and pulled away to look him in the eye. “Please call us if you need anything.” He whispered so Donghun wouldn’t hear. “Junhee, please be careful tonight. We can’t lose you.” 

Junhee nodded his understanding. He felt Sehyoon pat him on the back and went in for a hug, he knew the other needed it. 

“Ocean, wait.” Donghun raced over as he got into the car. Donghun still didn’t call him by his real name. 

Donghun pulled out a card, it was a business card. “Here, if you need anything please call, my personal number is on the back. So is Yuchan’s if you need someone to really make you smile.”

Junhee surprised himself and took the card. He didn’t say thank you to Donghun with his words. He reached out a hand and grabbed Donghun’s and squeezed. He wanted to look at him one more time, feel his hands in his. He didn’t know what tonight would bring. Donghun looked at him longingly and when Junhee pulled away he could swear he saw tears in the other man’s eyes. 

Finally, the cabbie told them the meter was running and Junhee pulled his hand in the cab as they drove off. He looked back to see the others watching the cab drive away. 

>

(DH POV) 

“Is he going to be alright?” All three men turned around to see Yuchan standing in front of the club doors. He hadn’t been there for the situation but Byeongkwan had filled him in. 

“I hope so Channie, I really hope so.” Donghun sighed. He watched Sehyoon pull in a slightly shaking Byeongkwan, he curled up in his husband’s arms. 

Yuchan walked over to him and enveloped him in a warm hug. “It’ll be ok. He’s strong. He’ll be ok.” Yuchan kept repeating it over and over again as Donghun buried himself in his best friend’s embrace. 

“Don’t worry Donghun, we’ll go over to his apartment in a minute. We need to give him a few minutes to make sure he doesn’t feel like we’re suffocating him. We’ll make sure he’s okay. We won’t let him do anything stupid. I promise.” Sehyoon reached out and grabbed Donghun’s hand. 

The boys stayed outside longer than they should have. Feeling the cold, hoping that Junhee would be okay. 

>

(JH POV) 

Junhee crashed into his apartment almost 20 minutes later. The traffic had for some reason been worse than normal on a saturday night. His apartment normally only five minutes from the club. 

He threw off most of his clothes, he felt too hot, too much in his system. He walked over to his cabinet, pulled out a tumbler and poured himself a glass of whiskey. He threw it back and poured another. He couldn’t stop everything he was feeling. 

It had hit him so hard, when Donghun had been holding him, making promises to him it had crashed into him. He was in love with the man and he couldn’t hold it back anymore. 

He didn’t want this though, he really didn’t. He felt like his skin was crawling. He hadn’t had a hit all day. He went to his bag and pulled out the baggie with the white powder. He laid it out on his counter and took a hit. Then he took another. He poured himself another glass of whiskey and then took another hit. 

Ten minutes later and he was dancing around his apartment, 15 minutes later and he was floating. He couldn’t sit, he couldn’t stop smiling even though he wasn’t happy.

He was numb from head to toe, his whole body felt weightless and his mind was free. He knew he probably had too much, but he knew the limit. He wouldn’t overdose, he genuinely didn’t want to die. He just wanted to kill the feelings. 

He went to take another hit when he heard his door slam open. He looked up, his vision fuzzy, and saw Byeongkwan and Sehyoon filing in his door, racing to him. He tried to greet them but the words wouldn’t come out. 

“We were knocking but you didn’t answer.” Byeongkwan came over to him and pulled him into his lap. Sehyoon moving to pull his phone out. 

Junhee yelled. “Don’t call an ambulance. I’m fucking fine.” 

“You’re not fine you fucking idiot. We basically followed you here because we knew you would do something like this. Goddamnit Junhee.” Sehyoon squatted down next to him and his husband. He ran a hand through Junhee’s sweaty hair. 

“I’m sorry for scaring you, but I didn’t take too much. Trust me, I’d be dead now if I did.” Junhee laughed. 

He heard Byeongkwan sob into his shoulder and pull him closer. “Junhee, please.” 

Junhee shushed him and pulled him into a hug. “I promise. I don’t need a doctor. I promise.” He reassured Byeongkwan and Sehyoon. They were all now in a pile on the floor. Junhee felt himself wishing Donghun was here too, he even wanted the little angel Yuchan cuddled up with them. 

He knew the pair knew he didn’t need an ambulance. They had both dealt with drug addicts before, not that Junhee was one. Knew that it took a lot more coke to do serious damage. He just needed some water, food and sleep. 

He felt his stomach turn over at the thought of food and changed his thought, no he just needed to puke. He pushed away from the pair curled around him and raced to the bathroom. 

He got there just in time to throw up everything in his stomach. He felt strong hands caress his back. “See, nature’s stomach pump.”

 

He felt a smack on his back as Byeongkwan sniffled and tried to hold back a laugh. He felt Sehyoon’s forehead on his bare back, his hot breath hitting his sticky skin. He needed air. He needed a shower. 

He turned around and sat down on the floor. He looked at his two best friends. Both looked like wrecks. “Sehyoon can you make sure Luna has some food. Byeongkwan can you start the shower for me please, cold water my dear.” 

Both men said yes and did what they were asked. Junhee sat still on the floor, his head now spinning from coming down from his high so fast. 

He felt Byeongkwan’s arms under his and pulling him up and into the shower. He felt the man pull down his shorts and throw them across the bathroom floor. Soap was pushed into his hands and Byeongkwan sat down on the toilet while Junhee showered, making sure that he was safe. 

Junhee looked over at him when he was done, he was handed a towel. He dried himself off and wrapped it around him. He took the two steps to Byeongkwan and wrapped his arms around him. The man immediately wrapped him up. 

“Junhee, I know what happened tonight was bad, you deserve to go mental over it but please let us help.” Byeongkwan begged him. 

Junhee sighed in his ear and didn’t move from the hug. “It wasn’t because of the client Kwan.” 

Byeongkwan pulled away to look at him. Junhee felt sick again. He leaned over the toilet and dry heaved. He felt Kwan’s hand in his hair, he moved toward the floor again and curled up in Byeongkwan’s arms. 

“I’m in love with him, Kwannie. I want him here so badly.” Junhee took a deep breath and for the first time in years cried. Byeongkwan held him close, eventually Junhee felt two stronger arms grab him from under his knees and chest and pick him up. 

He was so tired, Sehyoon cradled him in his arms. They helped dress him and tucked him into bed. They opened his balcony to let all the cold air in, cool Junhee off. 

They both moved to lay on opposite sides of Junhee. They wrapped him up in a safe cocoon, he felt their love in waves. He just wished it was Donghun here, with him holding him together. 

>

(DH POV) 

It had been four days since the club, it was a Wednesday and Donghun was heading over to Sehyoon and Byeongkwan’s house with Yuchan in tow. 

All he had heard about Junhee was that he was okay. That he would be fine and would be at the club on Friday. Donghun wanted to see him, wanted to hear his voice. But Junhee hadn’t used his number. 

Donghun and Yuchan pulled up to their friends house and walked up the porch and rung the doorbell. Byeongkwan quickly made it to the front door and greeted them warmly. 

“I’m so glad you guys are here, I’m fucking starving.” Byeongkwan pushed them into the house. 

They walked into the familiar house and saw Sehyoon in the kitchen finishing up dinner. He had glasses of wine ready for them and there was a nice fire in the living room. 

Donghun went up to Sehyoon to help him finish dinner as Yuchan and Byeongkwan grabbed a glass of wine and headed to the living room. “So, how is he? I haven’t heard much and Sehyoon i’m really trying to stay calm but you have me worried.” 

Sehyoon softly smiled at him as he finished garnishing their plates. “He’s fine I promise. A little roughed up, but he’ll make it.” Sehyoon brought the plates to the dining room, Donghun followed with his wine. 

“But, what he experienced was-” Donghun stopped. Sehyoon had put a hand on his arm. “Horrific I know, but to Junhee it’s just part of the job. It’s fucked up. He’s such a huge proponent at making sure every other dancer is safe. The first to throw a customer out, but when it comes to his own well being he-”

Donghun finished his sentence. “Doesn’t care. He thinks he’s not worth it.” Donghun frowned and sat down in one of the dining table chairs. “I just want to make him realize that he means something, he means something to people, he has so many people that fucking love him. That I fucking love him” 

Donghun drew in a breath. Sehyoon’s eyes brightened, he saw Byeongkwan and Yuchan both stop their conversation to look at him. 

Byeongkwan stood up from his chair. “You love him, hyung?”

Yuchan walked quickly over to Donghun and knelt down in front of him. “Donghun, are you really in love with him?” Yuchan’s face broke out into a smile. “Holy shit, you are. This is amazing.” 

Donghun covered his face with his hands. “I mean it’s pretty obvious, it’s not a surprise that I’m in love with him.” 

He heard all three men in the room let out a happy yell. “This is fucking amazing, like I knew but you saying it out loud is so much better.” Sehyoon was pulling him up into a hug before he could react. 

Byeongkwan’s face looked like it would crack in half from his smile. Yuchan was giggling. “Hyung, you need to tell him.” Yuchan grabbed his hand as he said it. “He needs to know.” 

“I don’t know if he’s ready for that. I’m not sure if he even likes me. He-” Before Donghun could finish they heard the doorbell ring. 

Byeongkwan excused himself to go see who it was. They all just looked at each other, all smiles. 

They heard a surprised Byeongkwan. “Junhee, you’re here.” 

Donghun stopped breathing. They heard Byeongkwan’s voice trail down towards them as he lead Junhee inside. “I’m so glad you’re here, we were just about to eat dinner.” 

Junhee stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Donghun. “I didn’t know you had company, I-”

Sehyoon shushed him. “No, it’s fine. You’re always welcome here you know that.” 

Junhee stuttered. “I should have called. I’ll leave. Text me when you don’t have company, okay.”

Byeongkwan scrambled to get Junhee to stay. He lightly grabbed his shoulder. “Please, it’s okay. You don’t have to go.” 

Junhee looked at him sadly. “Actually, I do.” 

They all watched him leave. Sehyoon started to go after him, but Donghun stopped him. “Let me, please.” 

Sehyoon motioned for him to go. Donghun picked up his coat and raced out the door. He saw Junhee walking down the driveway. 

“Ocean stop, please stay.” He sounded desperate, he was. He really wanted to see the other man, touch him, talk to him.

Junhee turned around and he saw a desperate looking Donghun staring at him. He was so fucking beautiful, it hurt Junhee. 

“Donghun I-” He stopped. It looked like he was shaking. He didn’t have a proper coat on. Donghun took off his and wrapped it around his shoulders. 

“What are you doing.” Junhee looked like he wanted to run away from the situation. 

Donghun patted down the shoulders of his jacket over Junhee, it was a little big just sitting there on him. “You looked cold. You’re shivering.” 

“It’s not because of the cold.” Junhee’s eyes opened wide. He didn’t mean to say that, Donghun could tell. He passed by it, with no reaction to make sure Junhee felt safe. 

“Please stay. Byeongkwan looks worried and Yuchan would love to get to hang out with you. I will beg you, on my knees, I will get down.” Donghun teased. 

(JH POV)

Junhee let out a laugh without his permission. Donghun knew just how to make him feel safe. “All right, why don’t you show me how much you want me to stay.” 

Donghun cocked his head at him. “Okay I will, but inside, not in the cold ass snow.” 

Junhee smirked at him. “No, I think outside will show me that you want me here more.” Junhee winked at him. “Come on, get on your knees.”

Donghun looked appalled but started to lower himself. Junhee threw his head back and laughed at Donghun’s face as his knees hit the cold snow. He leaned forward and dragged Donghun up. His hands felt like fireworks where they touched him. 

Donghun got up from his knees and grabbed hold of one of Junhee’s hands. He brought it up to his lips and blew hot air on it. He rubbed their hands together as he smiled softly. “Ocean, please stay for dinner and our wonderful company.” 

Junhee let out a smile, a real one, full of hope and wonder. “It’s Junhee. Park Junhee.”

Donghun’s eyes widened before he controlled his face. He pulled away from Junhee, the dancer was worried he would let go of his hand but he just turned it into a handshake instead. 

“Nice to meet you Park Junhee. My name is Lee Donghun.” Donghun gave Junhee the gummiest smile. 

Junhee felt the snow start to really fall as he let himself fall into the love he felt for the man in front of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please leave kudos and comments.


	4. Thinkin Bout You (Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I let myself feel your hands touch mine. I allow my heart to beat to the rhythm of your breathing. I give myself permission to move towards you and not pull away. I won’t be afraid of your smile, your soft eyes. But will I be ready to let you take every piece of me I have to offer?”
> 
>  
> 
> Part 1 of everything that Donghun has been waiting for. Junhee and Donghun move even closer and the friends all plan a trip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo, this chapter turned into a 21k monster so I broke it up into two, the songs and videos will be the same for both. I'm a disaster I'm sorry, I hope you enjoy both parts.
> 
> Songs I listened to while writing:   
> (please take the time to listen to the songs I listen to when writing, they really influence the feelings in the fic.)  
> Blame it on your love: Charli XCX and Lizzo  
> Thinkin bout you: Ciara  
> About You: Fletcher  
> I Believe: Jonas Brothers  
> There’s No Way: Lauv  
> Bounty on my Head: Grizfolk
> 
>  
> 
> Dances I watched while writing:   
> I Don't Wanna Know | Lia Kim  
> Taki Taki | Galen Hooks  
> Thinkin Bout You | Brian Friedman

“I let myself feel your hands touch mine. I allow my heart to beat to the rhythm of your breathing. I give myself permission to move towards you and not pull away. I won’t be afraid of your smile, your soft eyes. But will I be ready to let you take every piece of me I have to offer?”

 

(DH POV)

Donghun rubbed his eyes as he tapped on his computer, filling in the rest of a spreadsheet an employee of his couldn’t complete correctly. He knew paperwork was boring and excel was part of the lowest circles of hell, but the stupidity in this office was really at an all time high. 

He was tired, it was later than usual for him on a Tuesday evening. It was almost dinner time, he was hungry, his eyes were red, and he really wanted to go and see his friends for dinner. 

He finished up the work he was completing and moved to look at the documents on his desk. The legal documents stood out to him, important in a way that the rest of his work wasn’t. They weren’t for him or for his company, but for Junhee. 

After Junhee had been attacked, from Donghun’s perspective this was the right word, he had worked to figure out a way to make sure the man never stepped foot in ACE again. 

He found out the man’s name, the idiot hadn’t even used a pseudonym, found out where he worked and that he was married with 3 kids. Donghun really didn’t want to involve his wife and children, they probably didn’t know about his habits or were experiencing similar abuse in their own homes. 

Junhee had told him that it wasn’t the first time the man had pushed too far, it was just the first time Junhee had cared enough to stop him, to want him to stop. Donghun had caught Junhee’s eyes and told him they would fix this, no one would ever do this again. 

Sehyoon had been amazing at making sure any club goers that were physically or verbally abusive to the dancers or even other customers would be blacklisted. Sehyoon had the power to keep them out of his club, but he didn’t have the power to protect his dancers outside of the club. He had enough reach to tell other club owners to watch out for the men, but some didn’t listen. 

Sehyoon wanted to make sure that this man never set foot in their cities night life again. Donghun had set out to find any information on the man that he could. He had gone to a number of different clubs around the area and grabbed testimonies from many other dancers about the man.

He had sat down with Junhee one night, in the safety of Byeongkwan and Sehyoon’s house and discussed the details of what Junhee had experienced. Junhee didn’t know how much he would be of help seeing as he had said yes to everything. Atleast, as he put it, he hadn’t said no. 

Donghun had twisted their hands together and pulled Junhee into his side. “You were coerced, by money or by fright. We’ll figure out a way to play it.” Junhee had allowed Donghun to hold him for a minute before he had pulled away. 

Donghun wished he would stay within his arms, but he knew Junhee was still getting used to the affection Donghun showed. Donghun could tell while Junhee had finally let himself go in front of Donghun, he was still struggling for whatever he felt for him. 

He could tell Junhee had feelings for him, but he was patient to wait for the other man. He never wanted to push him. So, when Junhee leant away he went with him and let go. 

Donghun had started the restraining order over 3 weeks ago. He had spent a lot of time with Junhee since then. They had become friends, friends that smiled at each other a bit too softly. Friends that eyes drooped to lips and hands lingered too long on waists. 

Donghun knew they weren’t just friends, he was waiting for Junhee to come to terms with it too. 

The documents on his desk were just the beginning of getting the abuser away from the clubs in the area. It was also the start of Donghun and Sehyoon’s partnership. They were going to make sure this never happened in the club again. 

They weren’t sure exactly how, but they had been working on different plans. Donghun loved working with Sehyoon, they both had the same goal of protecting his dancers, especially Junhee.   
He grabbed the documents on his desk and started to read over them, flipping through each page, combing for mistakes. When he was almost done, he got a call from his secretary. “Mr. Lee, you have some visitors, should I send them up?”

Donghun wasn’t expecting anyone, at least not this late. “Did they say who they were?”

His secretary answered quickly. “Yes, a Mr. Kim and Mr. Park. They said they were here to and I quote, drag your ass out of your office and make sure you don’t die of starvation.”

He loved his secretary, she never held back. Byeongkwan also knew her well enough to play around with her. Donghun laughed and replied. “Send them in, you can go ahead and go home Jina. Thank you.”

Donghun heard her hang up and then heard the lock on his door click open. He picked his head up and watched Byeongkwan walk in, comfortably, looking like he had been here many times. He had. 

Junhee on the other hand, looked a bit guarded walking into Donghun’s office. The latter could already see a joke forming in his mind, to settle the awkwardness. They had hung out not at the club but it had mostly been at their friends house and a couple dinners. 

The group tended to be tightly knitted and once Junhee accepted Donghun and didn’t pretend he meant nothing to the man, Junhee started to tag along on a lot of their little adventures. 

Donghun got up from his desk and walked around to sit on it at the front. He watched as Junhee looked around his office. Byeongkwan was watching him watch Junhee. Smirking, knowing exactly how Donghun’s heart was fluttering in his chest. 

Donghun couldn’t help staring at the other man. He had on a soft light brown sweater, it fit him well, not swallowing him up. His dark wash jeans were tight on his thighs and tapered perfectly down to his boots. 

Junhee finally stopped his wandering eyes and zeroed in on Donghun. The older man looked him straight in the eyes, he never backed down from Junhee’s glare. 

Junhee smirked. “So, is this big office trying to compensate for something or do you just exude big dick energy?” 

Byeongkwan sounded like he was choking on something, Donghun just shook his head and crossed his arms. Junhee did this when he was nervous, Donghun learned early on that the best way to make him feel comfortable was to play along. 

 

Donghun had also realized a couple weeks ago, through some trial and error, that Junhee responded beautifully to authority, well Donghun’s authority at least. He didn’t like other people telling him what to do or placing some control over him but Donghun was dominant by nature. 

Junhee seemed to always sigh into himself when Donghun took the lead. Like he wanted nothing more than for Donghun to just tell him what to do, Donghun could work with that. 

Donghun braced his hands back against his desk and pushed himself away from it. He walked over to Junhee and stopped right in front of him. “I’m in charge, I don’t need a fancy office to let people know that.” 

He watched Junhee’s eyes dilate slightly, he could see his chest stop for a second as his breath stilled. He rubbed a hand down Junhee’s arm. “But the office sure is nice.” 

He smiled at Junhee, who eventually gave him an unimpressed smirk. It was so fake, Donghun could see right through him. 

He caressed down his arm and squeezed Junhee’s hand for a second and let go. He walked back over to his desk and started organizing his papers. “So why are you two here, just come to annoy me?”

Byeongkwan laughed as he took a seat at Donghun’s conference table, “We wanted to make sure you weren’t going to skip out on dinner. We booked this restaurant weeks ago, we won’t get a table again for weeks.”

They had been wanting to try this new place for months and finally they were able to get a reservation. Donghun understood they were under a time limit. 

“I’m sorry I should have called and said I was about to leave.” Donghun apologized and walked over to sit next to Byeongkwan.

Byeongkwan patted Donghun on the head. “It’s okay buddy, but we need to get going if we’re gonna make it in time. Sehyoon and Yuchan are downstairs holding the uber.” 

“I need to change out of this, this is way too dressed up for this place.” Donghun went to the closet in his office. He always had an extra outfit, more casual than the suits he wore to work.

Byeongkwan rolled his eyes at him and got up from his seat. He walked to the door of the office and looked back to Donghun. “Just do it quickly please, you know how Yuchan gets when he needs food. Whiny.”

Donghun smiled and waved him out. Byeongkwan looked at Junhee. “You coming?”

Junhee shook his head. “I wanted to talk to Donghun really quickly about the restraining order and everything.” 

Byeongkwan smiled softly at him. “Okay, just don’t be more than 5 minutes okay?”

Junhee nodded his head at him and smiled. Byeongkwan opened the door and walked out, the office closed behind him. Donghun knew they were alone in the building now. 

He pulled out a long sleeved button up, it had soft red stripes down it, the background of it white. He pulled out a thick creme sweater to wear with it. A pair of dark wash jeans were thrown off a hanger onto his conference table. 

Junhee sat on the table and watched as Donghun pulled the clothes off of their hangers. Donghun watched him eye the way he moved to pull his clothes off. 

(JH POV)

Junhee didn’t know whether to look away or not. He didn’t want to look away. He hadn’t seen Donghun shirtless before, the most he had seen of the man was his arms and legs, they were nothing to complain about though. 

Junhee shook his thoughts away, his thoughts of wanting to push his hands into the open parts of Donghun’s shirt and push it off his shoulders. Watch as it floated to the floor. Feel the strength in his shoulders as his hands ran along them. 

Junhee looked out the window near Donghun’s desk. “So, are the documents almost ready or are we going to have to wait longer? I’m really not sure if I’m up for a long process.” Junhee looked back at Donghun, the man was undoing the buttons on his work shirt. 

He swallowed. “I know you’re doing everything you can and I really do appreciate it. I don’t want you to think I don’t. No one-” Junhee got up from his seat, he looked down as he walked to Donghun. 

His shirt was now off. Junhee saw his tight chest, the way his muscles constricted as he breathed. Junhee’s hands itched to touch him.

Donghun was listening to him intently, his crisp white shirt hanging in his hands. Junhee stopped in front of him and finished his thought. “No one has ever done something like this for me.” He was looking down at the floor wringing his hands together.

Donghun waited for him. Junhee looked up at the other man. He brought up a hand and placed it on Donghun’s bare shoulder, slightly rubbing the skin with his thumb. “I don’t know how to thank you.” He whispered it, Donghun caught it in the air between them. 

Donghun grabbed Junhee’s hand that was on his shoulder, he brought it up to his lips and kissed his palm. “You don’t have to do anything. Just making sure you’re safe is thanks enough. Getting to spend time with you, letting me into your life.” 

Donghun sighed and brought his other hand up to grasp Junhee’s with both of his. Junhee’s whole body felt like it was getting ready to take flight. He wanted to run from this moment, but he pushed it down. He wouldn’t let himself. 

He stepped closer to Donghun, not more than a couple inches between them. He looked down at their hands. He wanted this forever. He had fallen so hard and so fast. 

When he looked up at Donghun the man looked like he was drowning. Junhee didn’t know how someone could look at him like that, with so much desperation and want. Junhee wasn’t ready to do anything about it yet, but he wouldn’t ever tell Donghun to stop. 

Junhee jumped when he heard Donghun’s phone ring, Donghun took his hands away and started to finish getting dressed. He motioned for Junhee to answer his phone. 

Junhee picked up the phone and saw Sehyoon’s contact, he answered. “What’s up Yoonie, we’ll be down in a minute.” 

Sehyoon huffed into the phone. “Did you two get caught up or something, we really need to go.”

Junhee shook his head, then realized Sehyoon couldn’t see him. “We’re literally walking out now.” He motioned for Donghun to start exiting the office. Donghun grabbed his things and softly placed a hand on Junhee’s back to guide them out. He turned off the lights on the way and they walked out to the street. 

He hung up on Sehyoon and tried not to focus on the heat of Donghun’s hand on his back. He failed. Tried not to think about how he had glimpsed Donghun in his boxer briefs pulling on his jeans.

Donghun guided him out on the street and they caught site of the uber they had called. Sehyoon, Byeongkwan, and Yuchan got out of the car. 

Yuchan walked over and gave Junhee a quick hug. He then smacked Donghun on the arm. “God, you princess, did you have to change? We’re gonna be late.” 

Donghun rolled his eyes and fished his keys out of his bag. “Tell the uber that we don’t need him. Pay him for his time, I’m driving.” 

They all rushed to make sure the uber heard and started to follow Donghun to his car. Junhee by his side. He smiled at the older man. Their hands at their sides brushing every other step. 

Junhee allowed the small moments, hoping that soon enough he’d be ready for the big ones. 

(BK POV)

“So-” Byeongkwan started as he and Junhee made it to their table near the window. The small coffee shop was their favorite place to go to midday. When they needed a shot of energy before they had to get into club mode. 

“How are things with Donghun?” Byeongkwan sipped his coffee as he watched Junhee hide behind his own. He rolled his eyes at him, Junhee had confessed to him high that he was in love with the man but couldn’t even simply talk about him most of the time. 

“What do you mean?” Junhee sipped his coffee as he avoided the question.

“I mean, has anything happened. Have you kissed, any action happening?” Byeongkwan made sure to catch Junhee’s eyes. “Y’all are clearly deeply into each other, I know for a fact that Dongun likes -” 

He was stopped by the look in Junhee’s eyes. “What? Did he say something? Byeongkwan, it’s not your place to tell me.”

Byeongkwan sighed. “He didn’t have to say anything I can just tell, the way he looks at you is the way I used to catch Sehyoon looking at me.”

Junhee laughed. “The way he used to look at you.” He shook his head and took a drink of his coffee. “Sehyoon still looks at you like the fucking sun shines out of your ass.” Junhee heard an old lady in the coffee shop gasp. 

He caught her eye and winked at her. “He has a nice ass, why wouldn’t the sun shine out of it.” The lady scoffed and got up from her seat to exit the shop. 

Junhee heard Byeongkwan stifling a laugh. “You really should be more polite, you’re such a nuisance.” Byeongkwan smiled at him. 

“Not like you’re any better, neither of us should be allowed in civil society.” Junhee leaned back in his chair and watched the people around the coffee shop meander around. 

Byeongkwan watched him, he wished he could get through to him. Junhee turned back to him. He could see that Junhee was about to say something that would upset him. 

(JH POV)

Junhee frowned a bit. “To think that Donghun would ever even think about looking at me like that is absurd. He’s-” Junhee stopped and sighed. “He’s just infatuated, a pretty face can go a long way.” He knew he wasn’t giving Donghun enough credit, he wished he could believe what he saw every time he looked in Donghun’s eyes. 

“You know that is such utter bullshit don’t you. I’ve seen the way you stare at each other, I know you notice how he looks at you. Like he’s fucking drowning and you’re oxygen.” Byeongkwan looked almost angry at the idea that Junhee thought he wasn’t worthy of it. 

“Byeongkwan, I just-” Junhee looked down at the table. “I don’t know if I can handle how much he seems to feel for me. I can’t- I don’t know how to love him. I know I said that I did and I do but I don’t know how to show that. I don’t know that I wouldn’t run away from it.” Junhee wanted to curl up in a ball, he wanted Donghun. 

Byeongkwan reached out and grabbed one of his hands. “You have to try, it doesn’t have to be perfect, it won’t. And I can bet on my life that Donghun would just run after you. Follow you down any dark alley you find yourself in.” 

“I find myself in a lot of those.” Junhee winked as he finished his coffee. Byeongkwan didn’t look impressed. “Don’t mention the drugs Kwan, you know it’s a lost cause.” 

Byeongkwan was ripping the wrapping off of the coffee cup. “I just hope that maybe someday you’ll care enough to finally stop. We don’t want to push you out of it, we want you to do it for yourself. Sehyoon and I-” Byeongkwan looked up at Junhee, love clear in his eyes. “We love you so much, we just want you to be happy.” 

Junhee grasped Byeongkwan’s hands and held them still. “Kwan, I am, I promise.” Junhee got up from his seat and held his hand out to Byeongkwan. “Now, how about we go do our jobs, take off our clothes and suck some dick.”

Byeongkwan smacked him upside the head as he stood up and walked them out the door. Junhee threw his head back and laughed. “I meant for Sehyoon, Jesus Christ.” Byeongkwan gave him an unimpressed look but kept hold of his hand. 

Junhee used to think Byeongkwan’s hand in his own, or Sehyoon’s arms wrapped around his smaller frame was all the love he needed. Now, he wasn’t so sure. They’d always be enough but now he found himself wanting so much more than just friendship. 

They turned the corner to the club and saw two figures standing outside its doors. Junhee’s heart skipped a beat. Donghun was standing outside talking to Sehyoon. It was Friday. Donghun should have been at work. 

Junhee looked at his watch, lunch time. He hadn’t talked much to Donghun since Tuesday when they were at dinner. He was thrown back to how Donghun had guided him into their booth, his hands gentle on his waist. How their thighs had touched all night. How Donghun had leaned back into their seats and Junhee had to stop himself from moving with him. Wanting Donghun’s arms wrapped around his shoulders. 

Byeongkwan brought him out of his thoughts, waving their hands to Sehyoon and Donghun. He saw both men smile as they headed over. He had texted Donghun a couple times during the week about the restraining order, still not sure how to invite a casual conversation over the phone. 

He thought about writing soft texts to Donghun so many times during the week but never could. He felt like saying those things to him now, he didn’t. 

“What are you doing here Hyung, aren’t you supposed to be at work.” Byeongkwan walked them to the club door. He let go of Junhee’s hand as he walked over to Sehyoon and gave him a sweet kiss. 

He felt jealous that Byeongkwan could just do that with Sehyoon, he looked over to Donghun who was already looking at him. Donghun answered Byeongkwan’s question but kept his eyes on Junhee. “Oh, I finished some work and wanted to come bring y’all lunch and talk to Sehyoon a little about all the legal stuff.” 

Junhee didn’t break their eye contact. Byeongkwan coughed. “Great, what’d you bring us I’m actually starving.”

Junhee laughed and finally slid his eyes to Byeongkwan. “We literally just had coffee, you also scarfed down like two pastries as we waited for them.” 

Byeongkwan intertwined his and Sehyoon’s hands as he walked into the club. “I plead the fifth, I did no such thing.” 

Sehyoon laughed, “Are you sure Kwannie?” He leaned in close to Byeongkwan as they walked in the doors, Junhee and Donghun following them. Sehyoon wrapped his arms around Byeongkwan’s waist, they walked like one. “We all know how much you like sweet things. 

 

Both Donghun and Junhee looked at each other and pretended to gag. The husbands just rolled their eyes and walked to the bar where Donghun had set down the lunch he brought. Yuchan was swiveling around in a bar stool, he waved at them excitedly.   
“Sehyoon, Hyung. Did you tell them?” Yuchan started to bounce up and down as they got close. 

The others eyed Sehyoon, “Oh no, I haven’t gotten the chance.” Sehyoon turned to face all of them. “So, a customer last night was so pleased with the club and the area that he gave me free tickets to the place he worked.” 

Junhee wasn’t sure where this was going. “Free tickets from a guy that frequents strip clubs. What is it a strip show, sex show, can’t be that much of a family friendly event.” 

Donghun lightly hit his arm and smiled at him. Junhee smirked at him, he tapped his foot on the floor finding it hard to stand still next to the other man. He needed a hit, he was trying to back off during the day. 

“No, he actually doesn’t. And for your information Junhee, he does work at a family friendly place. Everland to be exact.” Sehyoon informed all of them. 

“Oh shit, really?” Donghun looked surprised. “The man of a theme park came here and what gave you free tickets?”

Sehyoon nodded his head. He was about to explain when Yuchan interrupted. “He gave us six free tickets to the place for a day. He gave us the ones with fast passes and everything. I’m so excited, it’s been too long since i’ve been.”

Yuchan looked precious, sitting in the bar stool, his face broke out into a smile. “Damn, that actually sounds like a lot of fun.” Donghun commented, he thought it would be fun to get out and do something like this with his friends. 

Sehyoon scoffed. “What makes you think I’m taking you lot.” 

Junhee rolled his eyes. “Do you even know five other people.” 

Sehyoon gave him an offended look. “I have plenty of other friends you shit.” 

Byeongkwan laughed and patted his husband on the shoulder. “We know you do baby, it’s okay.” 

Donghun smirked. “I’m with Junhee on this one, do you think you could round up that many people that are not us?” Junhee laughed at the comment, trying hard not to look like a fool. 

Sehyoon rolled his eyes and threw his hands up. “You are fucking unbelievable. I was going to invite all of you but nevermind.” 

They all laughed and awed at Sehyoon as he threw a fit. He was precious. “We’re just kidding Yoonie, please take us.” Yuchan, who hadn’t even been teasing him, fixed everything. 

Sehyoon smiled at him. “Fine. You can all come.” Sehyoon walked behind the bar and started pulling out plates and utensils for their lunch. “Yuchan you can bring Kwangsuk. It’ll be a triple date. We’ll try and plan for next month. It’ll be warm enough then. I think we can get away for a Saturday.” 

They all gathered around the bar and started to unpack the lunch and get to eating. Junhee stood back for a second and thought about the words triple date. He felt a hand on his arm and looked over to see Donghun looking at him with a worried look. 

“You okay? You seemed distant.” Donghun brushed a stray piece of hair away from his face. He looked at him the way he always seemed to, the way Byeongkwan described. 

Junhee sighed. “No I’m fine. Roller Coasters just aren’t my favorite thing. But this will still be fun.” He lied he actually really enjoyed the thrill. 

Donghun bumped shoulders with him. “Don’t worry I’ll hold your hand.” He winked at Junhee and turned to go to eat. Junhee ran a hand through his hair. He had a month to prepare himself, it was going to be an interesting day out. 

 

(DH POV)

When Donghun walked in the club that Saturday night he zeroed in to find Junhee. He was stressed, there had been a scandal in the company. They had just found out that one of the employees had been embezzling money. Donghun felt like his whole body was coiled into tension. 

He hoped Junhee wasn’t busy, he really needed to talk to him, see him, wrap him up in his arms. He also wanted to talk to Junhee about the restraining order, he had heard back from the court that they would be able to proceed. 

He needed to see Junhee’s smile. He spotted the dancer grinding along another on the dance floor. He stopped in his tracks, he didn’t want to bother him if he was actually working. Donghun rarely had private sessions with him anymore. 

When he did Donghun still paid, to keep up appearances and make sure he wasn’t wasting Junhee’s time, but most of the time he could be found in Byeongkwan and Junhee’s dressing room. He’d spend time with them between acts and between Junhee’s clients. 

He watched as Junhee worked, how he pushed his ass against the guy behind him, how he closed his eyes and threw his head back. 

Donghun could see the difference though, how his body was pushing itself to make the moves. Donghun been in that man’s position so many times, Junhee had almost always been relaxed, sinking into Donghun’s body. 

He smiled at the thought and made his way to the bar. Sehyoon was absent and as he looked for the other husband he smirked, both were mia and Donghun figured they were probably wholed up in a private room somewhere, taking some much needed alone time. 

Donghun’s eyes caught back on Junhee as he lead the man he was dancing with toward the private rooms. He watched Junhee’s hips sway. He had on a shirt that was completely open in the back, blue that made his skin look beautiful. The black short shorts he had on looked like they were painted on. His thighs were enough to make Donghun weak in the knees. 

He followed the pair and decided to wait out in Junhee’s dressing room as he was with his client. The rooms were soundproof so it wasn’t like he would hear anything. 

He waited out in the room, playing on his phone, hoping Junhee didn’t find it weird when he came to change and found Donghun. 

(JH POV)

Junhee had just finished up with a customer. He really wanted to head straight out to the dance floor and find Donghun but he needed to get cleaned up first. The client he had just had was nice, but he liked to be messy. He had kissed down Junhee’s chest and lower, leaving marks of himself, they would disappear in a couple hours. 

He had lead the man out and pulled on the robe he kept right beside his dressing room door. When he opened the door, he let out a small shriek. Donghun was sitting in his vanity chair, phone in his hand, trying his best not to laugh. 

“What the fuck asshole, you can’t just do scare me like that.” Junhee walked over to him and smacked him on the back of the head. 

Donghun let out a breath and rubbed his head. He grabbed the hand Junhee had used to smack him. “I didn’t mean to you twat, I was just waiting for you to finish. I haven’t seen you all night.” 

Junhee watched as Donghun tried to keep his eyes from roaming. His robe was slightly open, tied loosely at his waist. His whole chest was exposed, the material of the robe was flimsy and while it wasn’t opaque it wasn’t solid either. He had nothing on besides it. Junhee smirked.   
Donghun coughed and kept hold of his hand. Junhee really wanted to wash up, he felt gross standing here next to Donghun after what he just did. 

He sat down on his vanity in front of Donghun, legs stretched out in between the other man’s. Donghun looked up at him as he sat down. “You look upset are you okay?”

Junhee smiled and shook his head. “I’m fine, just kinda wanna wash up. I feel gross right now.” Junhee admitted, it was hard to keep things from Donghun now. 

Donghun frowned at him. “Don’t. You’re fine. You don’t need to pretend like you don’t do what you do.” Donghun put a hand on his knee and rubbed his thumb over it. Junhee’s whole leg tingled, all the way up his body he felt it. His stomach dropped. 

He wanted nothing more than to sink down into Donghun’s lap, pull off his robe and let the other man take control. He wasn’t ready for it to actually happen though, he knew that he would pull back if it actually came true. Sex was all well and good when he was getting paid to do it, but actually being with someone you cared about, that scared Junhee more than anything. 

He watched Donghun as the older man looked down at where his hand was. He smoothed it up a little higher on Junhee’s leg, hitting his lower thigh. He looked up at Junhee, gauging his reaction. Junhee felt his breathing shorten. 

Donghun stood up, hand still on Junhee’s thigh. He made his way in between Junhee’s legs, the dancer feeling Donghun’s hips on the inside of his thighs. God, he was so hot. 

Donghun brought up a hand to brush back a strand of Junhee’s hair. “So, do you want to stay here or do you want to go out and dance?”

Junhee didn’t know how they got here so fast. It had been a month since he had given Donghun his name, a little over four since they met, and since then every time they had been left alone it delved into this gray area. 

Junhee wanted to stay alone in his room. He replied differently. “Let’s go out and dance, see if Byeongkwan and Sehyoon are done fucking. Is Yuchan here tonight?”

Junhee pushed passed Donghun as he said it and made it behind the separator that allowed for some privacy when changing. 

He heard Donghun’s reply as he put more clothes on. “No, him and his boyfriend are having a date night. An actual one, not one with strippers.” Donghun chuckled. “They’re cute.”

Junhee stepped back out in the dressing room, dressed in what he was before. He made his way to his vanity and Donghun moved away so he could sit. “They are precious, it’s hard even seeing them in the club sometimes. It’s like they belong but they’re also too soft to be here. 

Donghun laughed as Junhee started to wipe himself down with baby wipes. He then went to grab his lotion and rubbed it on his legs. He wanted to put some on his back too, he couldn’t reach. 

Donghun saw his struggle, Junhee caught his eyes in the mirror. “Can you help me, I need to lotion my back and I can’t reach.” The specific lotion reminded both of them of the roll on sticks from the 90’s. Perfumed glitter is what Junhee liked to call it. 

Donghun nodded and took the bottle. He could see shimmers on the edge of the lip. He squeezed some out in his hand and set the bottle aside. Junhee leaned over a bit for Donghun and he felt his hands spread across his back. 

They felt huge on his skin, Junhee tried to will his goosebumps away. They didn’t listen to him, figures. Donghun spread out the lotion and Junhee did his best not to moan or sigh at the action. He did succeed in that aspect. 

Donghun rubbed one last time and then pulled away. He grabbed a baby wipe to wash off his hands. The glitter remained a bit, Junhee saw his smile when he saw it still remained, he always came back with glitter when he saw Junhee. 

Junhee coughed and stood up. “Okay, Mr. Lee. How about we go out there and get me some more customers.” 

Junhee laughed at the look on Donghun’s face and pulled on his arm, he guided them out the door to the club. Junhee looked back at Donghun, he felt his hand move from his arm, to his wrist, to his hand. 

By the time they were out on the dance floor their fingers had somehow became intertwined. The only work Junhee did that night was dance on stage. No other customers approached him, he tried to be mad about it but he couldn’t when he had felt Donghun surrounding him all night. 

 

(JH POV)

Junhee flopped down onto Byeongkwan’s bed, they had been packing for the last two hours and they were finally finished. They were only going to Everland for the day but since it was in Gyeonggi-do they were going to stay the night at a hotel. 

They had been planning this trip for a month, which meant Donghun and Sehyoon had been planning the trip and Byeongkwan, Yuchan and himself had sipped wine and binged tv as the other two made an itinerary. 

Byeongkwan flopped down next to Junhee after he finished zipping up his suitcase. Junhee turned his head to look at him. “You think we packed enough?” He joked. Byeongkwan had to sit on his small suitcase to make it zip up.

Byeongkwan laughed and hit him on the chest with the back of his hand. “I like to be prepared okay, I know you do too. What if something happens and I need to change three times a day. What if we decide to go out. So many what-ifs jun-ah.” 

Junhee smiled at his best friend. “You’re right, we could get caught in a rainstorm or attacked and need that extra shirt.”

Byeongkwan reached for him and straddled him. His hands moving to tickle him. Junhee started squirming as his friend’s fingers dug into his sides. “Why are you such a shit.” The younger laughed as Junhee tried to knock him off.

Junhee squealed and felt his breath catching as Byeongkwan kept up his assault. “Oh my God-” Junhee couldn’t stop laughing. “Mercy please. Uncle, Uncle.” 

Junhee sighed out a breath as Byeongkwan stopped. He sat up still on Junhee’s lap and crossed his arms. They smirked at each other, Junhee ran his fingers up Byeongkwan’s thigh with a wink and the younger smacked his hand away. 

“Why are you my best friend again?” Byeongkwan teased. He leaned over Junhee, his hands coming to the sides of his head. 

Junhee grabbed Byeongkwan by his elbows. “Because I’m a stunning dancer, amazing company and I have a great ass.” Junhee smacked Byeongkwan’s ass and placed a hand on his hip. “Also, because you love me and you wouldn’t know what to do without me.”

Byeongkwan sighed. “You’re right I would be lost. Without you and Sehyoon I don’t know where I would be.”

Junhee blinked up at him. “And Donghun, he’s a good friend too.” 

Byeongkwan smiled at him softly. “Yes, he is.” 

As he finished his reply the door to the room cracked open. Byeongkwan leaned back and turned his head over his shoulder. Junhee saw Sehyoon enter the room. He smirked. 

“Without me really, the least you could do is wait for me.” He teased as he walked over the bed. Junhee saw a glimmer in his eye. Before either could react, Sehyoon was tumbling into the bed and tackling them both. 

Their tinkling laughter could be heard throughout the whole house as they curled up in a ball on the bed. Junhee found himself with nerves in his stomach, excited for the next day to come, excited to spend the weekend with his friends, with Donghun. 

 

(DH POV)

Donghun rolled his eyes as Yuchan changed the radio station again, this was the fifth time. The drive to Byeongkwan and Sehyoon’s was less than 20 minutes but Yuchan couldn’t sit still for five. 

His boyfriend sat in the back, expression the opposite of Donghun’s, smitten with every single one of his actions. 

Donghun quickly brought his eyes to Yuchan and back to the road. “Would you stop, please. We’re literally turning the corner to their house. You will sit in the back with Kwangsuck during this drive. I’m not spending the next hour with you changing the song every 30 seconds.”

Yuchan pouted at him. “But Hyung, it’s just so boring.” Donghun resisted the puppy eyes as he pulled into the husband’s driveway. 

“Go open the trunk, Channie. And move everything around, I bet you two of those divas will have huge suitcases. As he exited the car he rounded around to Yuchan and grabbed his arm lightly. “I will allow you 20 minutes of uninterrupted time where you get to choose the music.” 

Donghun scoffed at himself internally as Yuchan kissed him on the cheek and said thanks hyung. He really couldn’t resist the boy. 

Yuchan and Kwangsuk both moved to the trunk and started maneuvering their bags to fit the other three. Donghun just knew there would barely be any room. They already had to rent a van to fit all of them in it. 

He started walking up to the front door of the house and was surprised to see it open with the others already coming outside. He thought for sure they’d have to wait. 

“Wow, I have never seen such punctuality from the likes of Kim Byeongkwan.” Donghun teased as he walked up to help Sehyoon with the cooler and their bags of snacks. 

Byeongkwan gave him his best smile. “Get fucked, asshole.” Byeongkwan slung his bag over his shoulder and basically ran to give Yuchan a hug. 

Donghun laughed at his friend and grabbed bags from Sehyoon’s hands. He watched as Junhee picked up his own stuff. They smiled at each other as they walked back to the car. 

“So, are you ready to drive us an hour and a half. I know it’s not long but with this group you never know what could happen.” Donghun smiled at Sehyoon, throughout college he never would have guessed they would be the two of their friend group to be the adults. 

“I’ll just pass you the keys if I need to go and bang my head against a seat.” Donghun teased. Sehyoon threw his head back and laughed. They reached the car and placed all their luggage and extras into the trunk and back seat. It would be a tight fit but they would make it. 

Donghun pulled his head back from inside the trunk and was surprised to see Junhee leaning against the car next to him. The others had already found their seats. Donghun craned his head to see that the front and passenger seat where open. He smiled to himself. 

Junhee walked up closer to him and grabbed the strings of his hoodie. It was still cold but not cold enough to stop them from this strip. 

“You never said hi to me, that was rude. I haven’t seen you in a week and you’re not even going to at least give me a wave.” Junhee fake pouted at him as he played with the strings. 

Donghun smiled at him sweetly and grabbed his waist with one hand. “I’m so sorry, you big baby.” Donghun pulled Junhee into him as the younger man wrapped his arms around his neck. 

They had truly hugged for the first time almost three weeks ago. Donghun had told Junhee that they were finalizing things for the restraining order, they would be able to move forward. Junhee had pulled him in tightly and whispered a thank you in his ear. 

The hug had surprised Donghun a lot, but what was even more was the soft kiss Junhee had pressed to his cheek. Donghun still remembers feeling Junhee’s hand coming up to cup his face and felt his head turning. His soft lips had barely pressed against his cheek, but Donghun had felt it in every part of his body. 

Junhee hadn’t kissed him since but there had been many hugs. He found out quickly that the more comfortable Junhee got the more clingy he got. Donghun loved clingy. 

He secured his arms around Junhee’s waist and pulled him tight. He hadn’t been able to make it to the club since the week before, he had missed Junhee so much. They had both been too busy. They had texted a bit, but it was still awkward for Junhee to say anything over the phone. 

He whispered in Junhee’s ear. “I missed you, I’m sorry I couldn’t see you this week.” He pressed his cheek against Junhee’s temple and felt the other man squeeze his arms tighter around his neck. 

Junhee pulled away but stayed connected to Donghun. “It’s okay, the club didn’t miss you too bad.” Junhee still had on a pout. Donghun brought up a hand to his lips, he placed his thumb on his bottom lip. 

“What about you though, did you miss me?” Donghun asked, he saw Junhee swallow and his tongue flicked out on accident and met Donghun’s thumb. 

Donghun removed his hand. Junhee looked away for a second and then caught his eyes again. “Maybe a little bit more than expected.” 

Junhee’s face flushed with color and he pulled away from Donghun. He walked to the passenger door and opened it to get inside. He turned back to Donghun for a second. “Come on big boy, we have a drive ahead of us.” 

Donghun shook out his thoughts and rounded to the driver’s side. This trip was going to test all of his strength, he could already tell. 

 

(JH POV)

The group made it to Gyeonggi-do in just under an hour and a half. They were planning on going to Everland the next day and going home on Sunday morning. It was Friday but it was midday so they decided to check into their hotel and then wander around the city. 

They all left their bags in the car and entered the hotel, walking up to the reception to get their rooms. Junhee already knew he would be roomed with Donghun, when they did the arrangements it had made the most sense to get three rooms. He wouldn’t have split up the pairs anyways. 

Sehyoon walked up to the reception to get their keys. “Hello, I’m here to sign in. It’s under Mr. Kim, there’s three rooms. Two with a king bed and one with two twins.”

The man at the desk typed into his computer and pulled out 6 room keys. “I’m sorry but there has been some change to your rooms, we had to upgrade the twins with a single king. I hope that’s not a problem. We are full and do not expect any other openings soon.” 

Sehyoon eyed the rest of the group. His eyes landed on Junhee and Donghun who were staring a bit wide-eyed. Junhee wasn’t sure what to do in this situation. Sleeping in the same bed as Donghun sounded like it would be cause for some trouble. 

He had given the man a lap dance, but sleeping next to him, Junhee wasn’t sure if he could handle it. 

He felt Donghun’s hand come up to gently grab his arm. “Is that okay Junhee, I will take the couch.” 

Junhee shook his head. “No need, it’ll be fine. We’ve been in more compromising positions.” He winked at Donghun as the elder rolled his eyes. 

“It’s fine Sehyoon, we can handle it.” Donghun went to grab the keys from the reception, he apologized. “Don’t worry about it.” Donghun assured him. 

They all went out to grab their bags and went up the elevators to settle into their rooms. They didn’t stay long and Junhee didn’t even give the bed a glance, he just set his stuff down, went to the bathroom to pee, washed his face and was back out into the hallway in record time. 

He would deal with it tonight when they got back from exploring the city. 

 

\--

They were back from the city and Junhee didn’t want to deal with the bed situation. They had spent the rest of the day walking around and entering shops and gorging on homemade ice cream and all the different treats the streets had to offer. 

Junhee was tired and wanted to shower and go to bed. His bed was with Donghun, he wondered if he would sleep at all that night. 

They entered the hotel and all went into the elevator together, they were all too exhausted to talk. Walking took a toll on you, they decided to call it an early night and pass out. Tomorrow would be an even longer day and they wanted to be able to enjoy it. 

Once they reached their floor they all said their goodnights. Junhee caught Byeongkwan’s eyes before they went to their room, the younger winked at him and Junhee wanted to smack him. Byeongkwan laughed at his expression and grabbed Sehyoon and pulled him into his room. 

Byeongkwan looked like he had just enough energy to let Sehyoon fuck him into the mattress and then pass out satisfied. So much of Junhee wasn’t satisfied, it was dangerous even thinking about sleeping with Donghun, but actually doing it was making his heart race. 

He walked over to where Donghun was opening their door and entered after him, turning on the lights as they went further into the room.   
Donghun sat down on the edge of the bed and smiled at Junhee. “Do you want to shower tonight, I was planning on doing it in the morning.” Junhee nodded at him. 

“Yeah, I will tonight.” He went to grab his clothes, he felt Donghun’s hand catch one of his. 

 

Donghun looked at him concerned. “Are you all right Junhee? When I said I would sleep on the couch I meant it, I don’t mind.” 

Junhee nodded at him sweetly and rubbed his thumb over Donghun’s knuckles. He wanted to lean in and feel the other’s cheek under his lips. He couldn’t bring himself to do it. “I’m just tired as hell, I really need a good sleep. Hopefully the hot shower will help me too.”

Donghun just squeezed his hand and moved to grab his own clothes to change. Junhee got his things and went to take a shower. 

Once out he dried himself off put on an oversized t-shirt, loose shorts and made sure to wash his face. He stared at himself in the mirror and siked himself up to go out and lay down in a bed with the person he was sure he was in love with. 

He took a few long breaths and turned out the bathroom lights. He walked quietly over to the bed, a lamp on the nightstand illuminating the man already curled up in it. Donghun was in just his shorts, no shirt and Junhee thought his breath would never catch back up. 

The light from the moon hit him in a way that made his features glow. The sheets were already tangled around his legs and he looked soft to the touch. Junhee wanted to curl up and make a home inside him. Feel his warmth and his strength protect him. 

Junhee turned off the lamp and pulled back the covers on his side and laid down in the bed. He turned to face Donghun and watched his steady breathing. He scooted closer, still not close enough for their bodies to touch but enough to feel the other’s heat. 

Junhee watched the way his hair had fallen on his forehead, how his hands were curled into the pillow below his head. Junhee risked a touch, he reached out and gently brushed away the hair that was close to Donghun’s eye. 

The older man stirred as Junhee’s hands made their way across his cheeks, so softly the only reason Donghun felt it was because he wasn’t actually asleep. 

He slowly opened his eyes up and Junhee didn’t stop his motions, couldn’t stop what he was doing. Donghun’s face felt like home, safety, he never wanted his hands to touch anything else. 

Donghun blinked at him and Junhee’s heart crashed. He sighed as Donghun grabbed his hand and kissed his palm. Donghun had done this many times, it always made Junhee’s knees weak.   
Junhee parted his mouth, letting his breath out as he watched Donghun caress his hand in kisses and then pull it to his chest. Junhee felt Donghun’s heartbeat. He wanted to sync up his own heart to its rhythm. 

Junhee moved in slightly closer to Donghun, they were only an inch apart and Junhee didn’t know where this was going to lead. He thought he would feel uncomfortable in the bed with him, a bundle of nerves, but it was like his whole body curved to the other man. 

Donghun started to move closer, bringing their foreheads together. Junhee felt the nerves return. He wasn’t ready for this, he really wasn’t sure when he would be, it wasn’t tonight. 

He moved his head down before Donghun could move any further. “I’m sorry.” 

Donghun shook his head and pulled Junhee into his body. “Never apologize.” 

Junhee curled around him and Donghun grabbed him up and wrapped his whole body into his. He brought up a hand to card through Junhee’s hair. 

At this point, they both knew the other’s feelings, it wasn’t hard to tell. The last month had been one of almost, of soft touches. Junhee had told Donghun things about his life, not too in depth, but enough to get to know the man. 

They had spent time together outside the club and he was pretty sure the actual club goers thought him and Donghun were together. 

Junhee wanted it, was figuring out he has wanted it since Donghun set foot in the club that first night. He just wasn’t ready to show it completely. 

He felt Donghun bring his lips to his forehead and they lingered. Junhee curled even closer and closed his eyes. He felt like this was where he belonged. Surrounded by the person he wasn’t quite ready to say he loved, but knew he did. 

For the first time in a long time, he fell asleep without any drugs, without any tossing and turning. He fell asleep in the arms of a man that loved him more than Junhee ever thought he could be loved. 

 

(DH POV)

Donghun woke up warm and holding the most precious thing he had ever touched in his arms. Junhee had turned around on his other side during the night. His back was pressed up against Donghun’s bare chest. Donghun’s hands were wrapped around the man, one of his hands pressed to his heart. One of Junhee’s hands wrapped around it securing it in place. 

Donghun could feel his heart beating steadily in his chest, he nuzzled his nose lightly into Junhee’s neck, breathing in his scent. He smelled like the sheets, the sun, and whatever detergent he normally used. 

It made Donghun’s heart stutter, made him want to turn Junhee over and find his lips. Wanted to kiss him until Junhee was just a pliant mess under him. 

Donghun ran his nose long Junhee’s neck, into his hairline and barely brushed his lips against Junhee’s ear. “Wake up, Jun-ah. It’s time to get ready.” 

He felt Junhee stir and stretch, the other man turning onto his back, Donghun stayed on his side. Junhee didn’t let go of the hand on his chest. Donghun leaned on an elbow and looked at the man. He was stunning, the light from the window hitting him perfectly. His bed head made him precious, his shirt having ridden up in the night showing his soft skin. 

Donghun sighed, Junhee’s eyes crinkled at the sound. He swallowed, letting his throat work open, dry from sleep. “Hmmm, I can’t be that pretty in the morning that you can’t take your eyes off of me.”

Donghun ran a hand over his cheek, Junhee’s eyes widened. Donghun ran a thumb right under his eyes. “Trust me, if this was the only sight I could ever see in my life I would choose it over and over again.” 

Junhee winked at him trying to diffuse the moment a bit, Donghun could feel him starting to get jittery. He smirked back at him and did his best to make the man under him more comfortable. “Your ass is also a good sight to only see for the rest of my life too, though so.” 

Donghun pulled Junhee over onto his side and smacked his ass lightly. Junhee rolled with him, Donghun hid the fact that Junhee letting him maneuver him turned him on more than most things ever did. 

Junhee pushed him in the chest. “Fucking, pervert.” Junhee laughed as he stood up from the bed. Donghun laid on his back, sheets tangled around his ankles. Junhee was a sight to see. 

Junhee leaned back down on the bed, hovered over Donghun and looked in his eyes, he held his gaze. Donghun watched as Junhee bit his lip and hiccuped a breath. “You know-” He paused, Donghun was sure he was going to say something sweet. 

“Your ass is nice to look at too.” Donghun rolled his eyes as Junhee patted him on the cheek and laughed his way to the bathroom. 

He got up quickly, throwing the sheets off him and raced to Junhee. He grabbed him around his waist and picked him up and spun him. “Oh no you don’t. I know you, you’ll take an hour in there and I’ll never get to shower.” Junhee wrapped his arms around the ones on his waist. 

Donghun brought his mouth to Junhee’s ear. “Please let me shower and then I’ll let you spend all the time in the bathroom you need.” Junhee turned to look at Donghun. 

He smirked at the man. “Or, I could just join you in the shower.” Junhee teased, Donghun knew the other man knew he wouldn’t. 

“Go get changed and I’ll be out in 10 you menace.” Donghun let go of him and walked to the bathroom. He saw Junhee make it over to his suitcase. He closed the door and leaned his head against it, he didn’t know how much more patience he had in him. It had been a month of things like this, close calls and soft hands. 

Donghun knew though, that no matter what, he would let Junhee make the first move, let him take the time he needed. 

 

(JH POV)

Junhee changed and waited for Donghun to be done in the bathroom. He needed to put on a little bit of make-up and brush his teeth. He had put on a long sleeve black shirt and thrown on a blue and green plaid long sleeve over it. His jeans, holes in the knees, fit him well. He brushed a hand through his hair and put a black hat on his head. 

He didn’t feel like fussing with it today. He sat on the bed and scrolled through his phone and minutes later heard the door to the bathroom click open. He looked up to see Donghun step out in just a towel. 

He had seen the man shirtless before but not like this. Not fresh from a shower, water still dripping from his hair, his shoulders damp and his face flushed from the heat. He looked over at Junhee and smiled. 

“Sorry, I forgot to grab my clothes.” Donghun knelt down and grabbed what he needed from his suitcase. “I’ll just go back and change.”

Junhee scoffed and stood up trying to keep his eyes from wandering all over Donghun’s body. You would have thought the man wasn’t built the way he was, because he was thin, but Donghun was made up of sinew and muscle. He had broader shoulders than at first glance, big hands, and a toned body. 

Junhee licked his lips, he wanted to run his tongue all over Donghun. Kiss up his stomach, down his thighs, over his-” Junhee snapped out of his thoughts when he heard Donghun say his name.  
“Hmm?” Junhee looked up at him. He closed his mouth, he saw Donghun looking at him with a curious look. “Oh, you can change out here it’s fine. Not like I haven’t seen worse at my job.” 

Donghun scoffed at him. “Worse?” Donghun stood up straight. “Are you saying that you’ve seen better?”

Junhee grabbed his make-up bag and refused to comment. “I’m going to go finish getting ready, you make yourself presentable.” 

Donghun just laughed at him and started to drop the towel. Junhee quickly turned and raced into the bathroom. He didn’t close the door, he just needed to not be able to see the other man. 

After a couple minutes Donghun came in and joined him, he was in a soft mustard yellow sweater and light wash jeans that were just the right amount of loose. 

He pulled out some pomade from a bag and started to work it through his hair, it wasn’t working with him the way it usually did. Junhee stifled a laugh and brought out his hand for the gel. “Let me, you look like you’re struggling.” 

Donghun just smiled at him and handed it over. Junhee opened it and worked some in his hand. Donghun slightly leaned down and Junhee worked his hands through his hair. He spread his fingers out and put the hair into the right place. Donghun looked at him the whole time, eyes gentle on his face. 

Junhee finished and pushed Donghun’s hair back from his forehead. “There, better than normal if I say so myself.” He teased. Donghun just smiled with his eyes. 

“Thanks.” Donghun washed his hands in the sink after Junhee and watched as Junhee finished applying his minimal make-up. Donghun never looked away, Junhee could feel the gaze, heat rushing up his body. 

He put away his foundation and everything he had taken out away. He turned to Donghun. “Ready? I certainly am. I’m actually really excited for the park.” 

Donghun nodded. “I thought that you said you didn’t really like roller casters.” He turned and leaned back against the counter. “Are you sure you want to ride them, we can always just do the games and kiddie rides. Junhee scoffed at him.

He nodded, a lie. “I don’t really like them, but if someone’s holding my hand it’s manageable. But I just really want to spend time with everybody.” 

They both walked out of the bathroom, grabbed their things and walked to the elevator. Once in Junhee felt Donghun’s hand reach and grab his. He intertwined their fingers. Junhee looked down at them before he caught Donghun’s eyes. 

Donghun just shrugged. “Getting a little bit of practice in with the hand holding before we get on the rides.” Junhee bumped his shoulder but didn’t move his hand. He let Donghun rub his thumb along his knuckles. He grabbed Donghun’s arm with his other hand and leaned into him. He let his body fall straight into him, let his head relax on his shoulder. Donghun placed his head on top of Junhee’s. 

They both sighed and closed their eyes. They listened to the elevator meet its destination and both stood up straight when it dinged. They walked out to meet their friends in the lobby, still hand in hand.


	5. Thinkin Bout You (Part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I think I'm ready. Will you catch me when I fall?"
> 
> The friends set off to Everland Amusement park and make a mess of themselves in public. Oh, and Junhee finally, finally figures out everything he wants.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The second part to the monster. Lol, I hope you like it and it isn't boring I really enjoyed writing it. Also there is a surprise at the end. Also, I did do research on Everland, but I did make a lot up and add in some things. It's kind of a mosh of theme parks!
> 
> Songs I listened to while writing:  
> (please take the time to listen to the songs I listen to when writing, they really influence the feelings in the fic.)  
> Blame it on your love: Charli XCX and Lizzo  
> Thinkin bout you: Ciara  
> About You: Fletcher  
> I Believe: Jonas Brothers  
> There’s No Way: Lauv  
> Bounty on my Head: Grizfolk
> 
>  
> 
> Dances I watched while writing:  
> I Don't Wanna Know | Lia Kim  
> Taki Taki | Galen Hooks  
> Thinkin Bout You | Brian Friedman

(DH POV) 

When they exited the elevator hand in hand everyone gave them a look, asking silent questions but they both just ignored it. What was a little hand holding between two people that were clearly in love with each other but were only friends and looked at each other like the world revolved around them. Yeah, it was just hand holding, no big. 

Donghun chuckled at his own thoughts as he walked with his friends to their car. Everland was a short ride from the hotel and Donghun really wanted to be at the park. He was ready to relax and spend time with his friends this way. Specifically to see Junhee in an environment completely free from his work. 

When they got to the park, they made sure unpack all their stuff. The park allowed the customers to bring in coolers and lunches, they would buy a locker and a table when they got inside. 

Sehyoon and Donghun lugged the cooler towards the entrance as the other four walked ahead of them and talked excitedly. If they didn’t look their age, people probably would have confused them for pumped up teenagers, who knows Byeongkwan and Yuchan might still have been able to pass for 18. They looked like babies still, even though they were 23 and 24. 

They got up to the entrance and Byeongkwan pulled out all their tickets shuffling them through the line, they got their wrist bands and entered the park. 

Donghun took in the sounds off all the children laughing, the rides screaming in the wind, and all the chatter amongst the guests. He could smell the sweet scent of funnel cakes and cotton candy, he hadn’t been to Everland in years, he could already feel the kid in him start to let loose. 

Junhee bumped shoulders with him. “You look happy, you can’t wipe that smile off of your face.” 

Donghun wrapped an arm around his shoulder, Kwangsuk and Sehyoon had taken the cooler to find a locker and Byeongkwan and Yuchan were getting a table for them. 

“I’m excited to spend time with all of you like this. It’s been so long since i’ve just had fun. Let loose, like a kid.” Donghun smiled at Junhee and brought his forehead to the man’s temple. Junhee wrapped an arm around his waist and squeezed. 

“I’m excited to be here too. I rarely get away from the club and all that it entails. I think I really needed a break.” Junhee started leading them towards the others. “I’m glad you’re here with us.” 

He was shy about it, lowering his head but not moving away from Donghun. The older man just smiled and pulled him even closer. Donghun didn’t know if Junhee had taken any drugs since they’d been here, he had seen the baggie in Junhee’s stuff but he had never seen it removed. 

He hoped that this was enough to maybe get him to stop eventually. He held out hope for Junhee, he would never give up on him no matter where it took them. He felt Junhee pull away from him and watched him run over to Byeongkwan and jump on his back. 

Byeongkwan let out a scream and spun Junhee around on his back. Jumping up and down with the man on his back. Sehyoon was playing around with Yuchan, teasing him, probably about Kwangsuk. Sehyoon’s snuck over Yuchan’s body, tickling him. The younger boy had burst into laughter. 

Junhee’s head laid on Byeongkwan’s head as they joined in, laughing and throwing their heads back. Kwangsuk sat on one of the picnic tables, huge smile on his face. Donghun loved his friends so much, he couldn’t wait for them to get to the rides and make their way through the park. But if just this was their day, the playing and smiles, he would be perfectly fine. 

Finally, he walked over to them and wrestled Yuchan from Sehyoon’s grasp. “Okay, so we set the itinerary and there is a lot to do, so we can either split up and do what we each want or stick together.” Donghun addressed all of them. 

Byeognkwan spun around with Junhee on his back. The other boy holding on tightly, a huge smile on his face, eyes big with delight. “Can’t we just say fuck the itenerary and just wander and do whatever everyone wants.” 

Junhee nodded and agreed with Byeongkwan. “Let’s all stick together, there’s six of us which is a perfect number for rides and I really want to stay together anyways. Let’s just see where the park takes us.” 

It always surprised Donghun how much whimsy Junhee had when he was with the younger man. Byeongkwan was an incredible influence on him. 

Yuchan high fived Junhee and turned to Donghun. “So fuck the plan.” Donghun made a noise at the cursing. “Shut up Donghun, I’m not a child.” Kwangsuk high fived him from behind. “And make our way to the first ride, we have the fast passes and everything so we can really do everything today. There shouldn’t be a time crunch. So let’s get our hearts going with some rides, eat our hearts out in sugar and watch some shows.” 

Everyone smiled at the youngest and followed him as he took off. Junhee hopped off of Byeongkwan and basically skipped over to Donghun and wrapped his arms around him from behind. “Let’s go old man, let’s see how your heart does on the fastest rides in this park.” 

Junhee just threw his head back and laughed. “I bet you i’ll do better on them than you.” 

Junhee smirked at him. “I wouldn’t take that bet if I were you.” Donghun winked at him and pulled him to his side as they chased after the others. 

They made their way across the part of the park called European Adventure, deciding to do one side of the park before the other. As they came up to the first ride they paired up, it was obvious who the pairs were but Donghun was sure that throughout the day they would get switched up a least a couple times. 

The first roller coaster was T-Express, it was wooden and Donghun was already excited to get on it. He could see the twists and turns, the way it was throwing the riders around, he felt like a kid standing there waiting for the gates to open in front of him. 

To his side Junhee was leaning over the railing, doing the one thing you’re not supposed to do. He was looking above him, eyes closed, feeling the way that the coaster raddled the floor beneath them. There was a huge smile on his face, Donghun had a suspicion that Junhee actually really liked roller coasters, maybe he just really liked holding Donghun’s hand too. 

The cart that had just finished swooped into the entrance and everyone on it waited for the bars to raise, the riders walked off laughing and stumbling. All signs of an amazing ride. Byeongkwan was jumping up and down off to the other side, him and Yuchan not being able to hide their excitement. Kwangsuk and Sehyoon looked at them both with love in their eyes. 

Donghun could see the excitement in Sehyoon too, just a little bit more understated. He loved seeing Byeongkwan like this. Sehyoon grabbed Byeongkwan around the waist when the doors open and dragged him out giggling to their car. 

Junhee rushed out once the gate opened and pulled Donghun along with them. They stepped into the car and sat down heavily in the seats. They pulled down the bar and Junhee wiggled in his seat. Yeah, he liked roller coasters a lot more than he let on. 

Junhee reached over and grabbed Donghun’s hand. He intertwined their fingers and smiled at the other man. “I’m so excited, my hearts’ already racing so hard.” Junhee brought their intertwined hands up to his chest. Donghun felt how it raced harder than normal. 

Donghun kept his hand there for a few seconds and then pulled away. “So, was this whole scared of roller coasters just a ploy to get me to hold your hand?” Donghun teased him as the conductor of the machine started pressing the buttons to get it started. A countdown from 10 was started. 

“Not that I mind. You never need an excuse to hold my hand.” Donghun kept his eyes on Junhee. The other man just laughed. 

Junhee smirked at him. “Get ready for the ride of your lifetime, big guy.” Junhee winked at him as one was counted and the coaster shot off onto the tracks. 

Donghun heard Junhee scream and then laugh. A huge smile was all over Donghun’s face, nothing could wipe it away. He squeezed Junhee’s hand as the coaster rocked them all over the track and sped through the wind. 

He felt tears in his eyes and could hear Junhee’s cackling over the wind rushing. He looked over at him and felt so much love for the other man, he wanted to see him like this forever. 

Junhee looked over at him and smiled. He threw their linked hands up in the air and threw up his other arm. He threw his head back and let out the loudest scream. Donghun couldn’t stop laughing, he threw his head back along with Junhee and screamed. 

The first ride was a blast and when they came back to the entrance Donghun felt like the wind had ruined his hair and made his face flushed but he really couldn’t care. The coaster stopped at a jolt and they were thrown forward. 

Donghun heard Junhee let out an oof and then a yell. The bars to the cart came up and Junhee dragged them out of their seat. 

Junhee ran straight over to grab his hat that he had put in a cubby before the ride and then raced down the stairs to the ground. Donghun chased after him, Junhee’s energy was off the charts. 

Junhee got down the stairs, opened his arms wide and then there was a wild Byeongkwan jumping on him, his legs wrapped around his waist. They both started pumping their fists. “Again, again and again.” They chanted as passersbys gave them dirty looks and smiles. 

Sehyoon ran over to Donghun and put him in a headlock. Donghun protested. “Hey, fucking hell, dude.” Donghun pulled back up and wrestled with Sehyoon. “Why are all of you children.” 

Sehyoon laughed and he heard Yuchan answer. “Don’t act like you’re not having the time of your life already hyung. I agree with the two idiots, let’s go again.” Donghun saw the smile on Yuchan’s face, how he was bouncing on the balls of his feet, side to side, bumping into his boyfriend in the process. 

Donghun just smirked and looked at all his friends. “Fuck it, let’s go again.” He yelled as they all made a b-line for the ride again. He heard Sehyoon scream “watch out for the children” as they raced up the steps. 

(JH POV)

They hadn’t just ridden the T- Express twice, but three times. He rode with Byeongkwan the second time and Sehyoon the third. It was now his mission to ride with Yuchan on a ride too, maybe even pull the younger’s boyfriend with him during one. 

Junhee hadn’t felt a high like this, well since the last time he took too much coke and passed out. He had taken a little the night before, he had gotten up in the middle of the night and had a hit. Not enough to really affect him, but enough to keep back any withdrawal symptoms. He really didn’t want to go through that today. 

They walked off the ride for the third time windswept and leaning on each other to stand up straight. Donghun had his arms wrapped around Junhee’s waist as he animatedly talked to Sehyoon. Donghun’s head was turned to talk to the other man and Junhee watched his profile. 

Even with a few drops of sweat dripping down his temple, his hair and mess and his clothes crumpled Donghun was still the most beautiful man he had ever seen. 

He grabbed Donghun’s chin and pulled his face to look at him. “Hey, talk to me.” Junhee felt almost drunk, they had been at the park not even an hour and he felt free. 

Donghun laughed at him but didn’t turn away. “Yes, does the baby need more attention.” Donghun teased him. He brought up a hand to tickle at Junhee’s stomach. 

Junhee scoffed at the line. He pushed Donghun’s hand away and smirked at him. “I always need more attention, I can’t ever get enough.” 

Donghun pulled him even closer as they walked to the next ride. “Good thing I always want to give it to you.” Donghun was too good at this. Junhee pulled away from him, grabbed both of his hands and walked backwards. 

He got the attention of all the others and announced they would be going to the Raptor Ranger next. “We’ll have to escape from the raptors as we try our best to escape the village.” 

Junhee pointed at Yuchan and walked over to him leaving Donghun smiling at him. “Yuchan, honey, you will be my partner. Byeongkwan with Donghun and Sehyoon with Kwangsuk. Let’s change it up a bit. See who can get out faster.” 

None of them protested to the arrangements and grabbed their partners and headed towards the entrance to the attraction. 

Junhee wrapped his arms around Yuchan. “So what’s the plan babe, how are we gonna beat the others.” They both huddled close together as they got in line to enter. The other two groups were during similar things. 

“Well-” Yuchan started off and then he listed many different things that they could try. “Byeongkwan is a scaredy cat and Donghun isn’t much better. So while you and I probably aren’t the bravest of people I don’t think we’re gonna have too much trouble with these two scaring themselves in there. They jump at everything.” 

Junhee threw back his head and laughed. Honestly he was scared of pretty much everything too but he really wanted to beat Donghun. 

Yuchan pointed to Sehyoon and Kwangsuk. “Now those two are gonna be the tricky ones, but you know that.” Junhee didn’t know anything about Kwangsuk really but he did know about Sehyoon. 

He sighed at Yuchan. “Yeah, he literally laughs when we watch scary movies, and your boyfriend doesn’t seem like the type to be afraid.”

Yuchan giggled. “No he’s really not. They’re either gonna try and scare us or fuck us over somehow.” 

Junhee put on a resolved face. “No, we’ll beat them. Come on, we can do this.” He and Yuchan spent the next 10 minutes in line making up a secret handshake that had them being shh’d by mothers in line behind them, they just laughed harder.

When they were let into the attraction they took a lay of the land and figured out exactly how they were going to get out. They made a plan and stuck to it. It worked until the minute they were scared by the fake dinosaurs around the park. 

They ended up hiding in bushes multiple times and trying to figure out the clues to get out while looking over their shoulders for anything popping out at them. 

They were doing really well and knew they only had one more clue left when it all turned to shit. They had rounded a corner and saw their friends, all of them. All six of them stopped in their tracks, all coming from different directions, and stared each other down. 

They all for a split second just stood there and then they raced to their teams color to figure out the last clue, there was screaming and pushing and Junhee was smiling so hard he thought his face would crack. 

Him and Yuchan were working on the last puzzle when he noticed that the other teams were getting close to finishing, specifically Donghun and Byeongkwan. 

Junhee pulled in Yuchan to whisper in his ear. “New tactic, distract them enough so that they don’t win and we get away with it.” 

 

Yuchan smirked at him and laughed. “What did you have in mind.” 

“You distract your boyfriend, that shouldn’t be too hard and I’ll make sure Donghun can’t even think straight.” Junhee winked at him and watched as Yuchan made his way over to Kwangsuk, their puzzle wasn’t quite finished but he knew they needed to waste time on the others. 

He walked over to Donghun as him and Byeongkwan raced to finish. They were by a little alcove and there was a hiding spot behind it. He snuck into it and then whispered Donghun’s name as Byeongkwan was focused on the puzzle. 

Donghun turned his head and saw Junhee. He whispered to him. “What do you want Junhee, you’re gonna lose if you don’t get back to working with Yuchan.” 

Junhee just laughed and pulled him into the space. Byeongkwan was literally too engrossed in the puzzle to notice. He looked over Donghun’s shoulder to see Yuchan really fucking up Sehyoon and Kwangsuk’s puzzle. The pieces were all over the floor and they were scrambling to pick it up as Yuchan raced back to theirs. 

He hadn’t seen what Yuchan had done, but he knew it worked. He pulled back and looked at Donghun. “Hey, what’s up?” He smiled at Donghun and pulled him in against his body. 

Donghun put his hands on the wall behind Junhee, right by his head. “What the fuck do you mean, what’s up. If you’re trying to create a distraction it’s not going to work.”

Junhee just smirked at him and brought up a hand to run through his hair. “No, I just really wanted to see you.” 

Donghun scoffed “It’s been all of 10 minutes, didn’t think you were that needy.” 

Junhee winked at him and got close to him, their noses almost touching. “Oh, baby you don’t know how needy I can be.” He brought his lips up to Donghun’s ear, could feel his hard breathing. “I bet you’d like to find out, hear the sounds I make when I get worked up, when I’m missing someone’s touch.” 

Junhee knew he was going overboard but he felt Donghun’s hands on his waist clench. He had him in his grasp. He pulled away from his ear and looked up at Donghun, their mouths barely an inch apart. He smiled sweetly at Donghun, his eyes glassy. 

He licked his lips and smirked. “You’re a sucker you know that.” 

Donghun looked confused and Junhee turned them around, pushed him against the wall and ran. He heard Donghun curse out his name as he quickly made it back to the puzzle with Yuchan, the boy screaming. “Hyung, I’m done, I finished.” 

He watched Yuchan rush from their spot and made a b-line for the entrance. He saw the other pairs quickly finish their puzzle and start to move. Junhee and Yuchan made it to the end of the attraction seconds before he felt strong arms wrap around his waist. 

Junhee was yelling at the top of his lungs. Yuchan had him wrapped up and was lifting him yelling out. “We did it, we beat all of you.” There were other people around staring at them with concern and annoyance. They really didn’t care. 

The others raced over to them and an all out war broke out. The other pairs were laughing as they called them cheats and how unfair the competition had been. 

Junhee threw his hands up and they all watched him and got silent as they walked out of the attraction. “Hey, we played fair and square, well maybe not fair but it’s not our fault you are all easily swayed to not pay attention to your group.” 

Byeongkwan pointed at Junhee, trying to hide the smile on his face. “I didn’t sabotage Sehyoon, I let him play, I didn’t use my body to make him get sidetracked.” 

Sehyoon high fived him, but then made a face as Byeongkwan kept going. “Honestly it would have been easy too, it’s not like it would have taken much effort.” Sehyoon let out an offended hey. 

Donghun was rolling his eyes. “It’s just like you guys to gang up and use all your wiles to cause destruction.” He was laughing as he said it. 

Junhee sauntered up to him and smirked. “Wiles huh, why are you such an old man. And what do you mean by you guys?”

Byeongkwan laughed as he caught the tone. “He means the bottoms, don’t you Donghun?”

Yuchan made an offended sound as Junhee laughed. Junhee watched Donghun shrug with a smirk on his face. 

“I resent that statement.” Junhee said as he made his way across the park, the others following. 

Donghun caught up to him as the others grabbed their respective partners and joined them. “Yeah, because you are one to take charge.” 

Junhee winked at him. “Just because you like to take charge doesn’t necessarily mean you’re on top. Right, Byeongkwan?”

Byeongkwan high fived him as the others groaned. “Hey, stop that we all know how these relationships work.” Byeongkwan smirked as he said it then looked at Junhee. “Well, how they would work.”

Junhee eyed him, about to defend himself. Byeongkwan spoke up before he could answer. “Hey, Junhee I know you take charge with a lot of your customers but with Donghun do you decide to let him take over or is it your natural instinct to call him daddy.” 

Junhee scrambled and screamed. “I have never-” The rest of his words were lost as he lunged at Byeongkwan who literally was having trouble standing up from laughing to hard. Donghun grabbed Junhee around the waist and they all struggled as Junhee began kneading his hands into Byeongkwan’s sides. 

The smaller boy was laughing as Junhee tickled him, in the middle of the park, no less. They were a disaster. All of them laughing and yelling, children were smiling at their absurdity and adults were rolling their eyes. 

None of them seemed to care, to the trained eye it just looked like a group of friends so in love that they couldn’t handle five minutes without showing that to the world. 

 

They made their way through the rest of the European Adventure part of the park, with no more than three disasters. Junhee had lost his hat at one point and ran around three different rides until he had found it. Donghun had laughed his ass off at Byeongkwan slipping in a puddle and Sehyoon piggy backing him for a good 20 minutes around the park. Byeongkwan rewarded him with kisses to the neck every five seconds that made the others grossed out. 

Yuchan had already bought copious amounts of candy and was sharing them with Junhee. They were both bouncing off the walls hyper. They ran circles around the others and Donghun felt like he was corralling children so many times. He wouldn’t change it for the world. 

They had also stopped and rode the Festival Train that took them around the park, the babies had been complaining about their legs hurting. Donghun was glad that they had taken the time to rest, he needed it too. 

Yuchan had curled up with Kwangsuk in a seat, he seemed to have taken a nap. Byeongkwan had sat in Sehyoon’s lap looking out the window, much to the chagrin of the other riders. They never stopped looking at each other sweetly and whispering to each other. Donghun couldn’t stop smiling at how happy they were. 

Junhee had sat down and taken the window seat. He had patted the seat next to him and motioned for Donghun to move in close. They had ridden the train for 10 minutes when Donghun took a risk. 

He slowly brought his hand over to Junhee’s knee and placed it on top of it, he had done it before but this felt different. Junhee had just smiled at him and grabbed his hand. He had scooted closer to Junhee and they sat for the next 30 minutes pointing out the different pretty flowers and plants along the train ride. 

Donghun learned that Junhee did not have his enthusiasm for flowers but was willing to learn. Donghun taught him many different names and meanings, Junhee had smiled at him the whole time and never let go of his hand. Donghun was literally on cloud 9. 

They made it to their last stop at this end of the park. After this they were going to eat food and then head over to the other side. Donghun was excited, there were more adult rides over there to get their heart racing. 

The ride they were going on now was new and Donghun wasn’t sure how this was going to go. It was a scary haunted house and he knew that the only people in their group not scaredy cats were Sehyoon and Kwangsuk, he hoped Junhee didn’t see his fear. 

He had. When they walked up to the entrance they all stepped in with a little bit of worry. Sehyoon and Kwangsuk on the other hand were holding their boyfriends and jumping on the balls of their feet, too excited. 

Donghun felt Junhee grab his hand, he jumped a bit at the contact. “Donghun, are you actually scared?” Junhee teased him. 

Donghun decided to tell the truth. “I’m not really into scary stuff, it’s not really my thing but I know Sehyoon really wants to do this.” 

Junhee smiled at him. “We don’t have to I mean we can leave. It isn’t really my thing either. But I promise I’ll hold your hand the whole time and you can hide your eyes in my shoulder.” Junhee winked at Donghun. 

Donghun felt his heart soar and pushed his face into Junhee’s neck, trying to hide some of his emotions. He felt Junhee pat the back of his head. “Donghunnie, there’s nothing to be truly scared about, it’s not real.” 

Donghun loved the nickname. “So you’re telling me you aren’t going to be scared either.” 

Junhee laughed. “Oh God no, I’m definitely going to be a trembling mess.” 

Donghun laughed at him and pulled him along as the line moved. They didn’t leg go of each other’s hands as they made their way through the attraction to the ride. Honestly, the set up was scary on its own. It was a haunted hotel and it felt like the walls were closing in on him, but then he felt Junhee squeeze his hand and he was alright. 

Donghun got a treat though the closer they got to the ride. Junhee kept getting closer and closer to him. He quickly figured out that Junhee was worse than him with scares. Junhee got so close that at one point he unlaced their fingers, wrapped Donghun’s arm around his shoulder, and then took that hand and intertwined their fingers again. 

Donghun just pressed his face into Junhee’s temple and huffed out a laugh. “You’re gonna be okay Junhee, remember it’s not real.” He pulled Junhee in as tight to him as possible. He loved having him close, he felt so good against him. 

Junhee let go of his hand and wrapped both arms around Donghun’s waist, Donghun had the urge to call him baby and pull him into a kiss. He resisted it and just held him as close as possible. 

Byeongkwan was faring just as well, hiding in Sehyoon’s jacket as said man talked calmly to Kwangsuk, who was rubbing his hands along Yuchan’s arms keeping him calm. They really loved Sehyoon, them riding this showed that, they didn’t want him to feel left out. 

Finally they got to the ride and entered in their respective pairs, there was no changing of partners, they were all too comfortable. Junhee sat down in his seat gently and pulled Donghun down with him. The bar to the seat was thrust into place and Junhee scooted as close as he could. 

Donghun wrapped him back up in his arms. Their hands intertwined on the seat. As the conductor of the ride counted down Junhee thrust his face into Donghun’s shoulder. 

Donghun giggled at him. “I thought I was the one who was supposed to do that.” 

Junhee heaved out a breath. “You snooze, you lose.” He brought up his eyes to Donghun and smiled slightly. “You’re not gonna let anything get me right, you’re gonna protect me.” 

Donghun basically cooed at him, which earned him a slap on the arm. “Of course, always. From all the big fake baddies.” 

Junhee pretended to struggle out of Donghun’s arms, he just pulled him closer. Junhee laid his head on Donghun’s shoulder but kept his eyes open as the countdown hit one and the cart raced off. 

He heard Junhee scream and thought that maybe this would just be a regular coaster. They swooped down slopes and roared around turns. The whole time in the dark, Donghun could hear Junhee’s laughter beside him. 

Soon enough though, the train slowed, Donghun thought it was over but he was so wrong. When the carts started to roll instead of race down the tracks small lights cut on alongside the tracks. Donghun could see they were fucked. 

There were fake ghosts, skeletons and creepy characters surrounding them. A lot closer to the carts then Donghun expected them to be. He felt Junhee scramble as far as he could into Donghun’s lap. He pulled him close needing the comfort too. 

There were jump scares and props popping out at them. Donghun heard Byeongkwan’s shrieks in front of them and watched as Sehyoon laughed and pulled his husband close. Junhee never strayed from his side and screamed at the top of his lungs. Donghun thought he was going to go deaf. 

It was an experience and he learned a lot about Junhee, mainly that he really was more of a scaredy cat than Donghun, but that was okay he would protect him. 

When they passed all the ghosts and ghouls during the ride they were brought up a hill. Donghun was sure they were being brought back to the entrance but they were soon dropped straight down in the dark and whooshed around a couple more corners before they were jerked to a stop. 

Donghun heard Junhee let out a breath and then he saw Byeongkwan turn around and catch their eyes. They all started busting out laughing and got out of the carts. 

They were guided out of the fake hotel and back out into the park. They all gathered around and figured out where to go next. 

Sehyoon took out a map and laid it out on a table nearby. “So, we can either make our way over to the next park or eat real quick.”

They all yelled out for food and made their way back to where their locker and table were. The set out all the stuff once they got their. Sandwich fixings, chips, soda and ice cream sandwiches were eaten quickly and without mercy. 

Donghun sat back on his seat and watched as his friends made jokes and discussed what exactly they would do next. They had decided on going over to the other side of the park. 

Donghun was glad that it was a walk always because all the food he had needed to settle. He watched as Junhee sat on top of the picnic table and made everyone laugh. He really was everything to Donghun. 

 

(JH POV)

Junhee finished telling a joke as the others turned to each other and kept the conversation. He turned his body and looked at Donghun staring at his friends. He moved his hand to Donghun’s that was on the table and placed his fingers over his. 

“Are you having a good time, or do we need to get more sugar in you?” Junhee’ smiled at the look on the other man’s face, the sun was shining on him so beautifully. 

“No, I think you’ve had enough for all of us. I can’t believe how much cotton candy, icecream and funnel cakes you Byeongkwan and Yuchan sucked down.”

Junhee looked up to the sky and laughed. He brought his head back down to look sweetly at Donghun. “Don’t tell me you don’t like sweet things and I can’t help it, I like being on a sugar high.” 

Donghun turned over his hand and grabbed Junhee’s fully, “Oh I do like sweet things, especially when they come in beautiful packages.” Donghun winked at Junhee as the other man scoffed. Junhee couldn’t handle how precious Donghun was with him sometimes. 

“And I like the sugar high much better than any other high.” Donghun said it, Junhee could tell he hoped he hadn’t stepped over the line. He hadn’t. Junhee just shook his head at him. 

“I wish I enjoyed it more too.” Junhee rubbed his thumb along Donghun’s hand and got up from where he was standing. He watched Donghun’s eyes follow him. Donghun moved to straddle the bench and Junhee sat down with his back to him. He straddled the bench and leaned back on Donghun’s chest. 

Donghun supported him and Junhee grabbed his hand with both of his and played with his fingers. Donghun placed his chin on his shoulder. “So, are you having a good time then. You seem to really be enjoying it.”

Junhee nodded his head and continued with Donghun’s fingers. His hands were so much bigger than Junhee’s, they wrapped his up whole. “I’m having a blast, this has been the best day in a long time.”

Junhee felt Donghun push his face into his hair and breathe him in. Junhee sighed and wrapped Donghun’s arms around his waist. He was so far gone he didn’t even care that he was being like this right now, he wanted Donghun to hold him so badly. 

“I’m so happy about that, I love seeing you smile.” Donghun said it quietly. Junhee just nuzzled his head into Donghun’s and closed his eyes. He waited and relaxed as the rest of them cleaned up and got ready to move. He was upset when Donghun pushed him to stand up but was immediately satisfied when Donghun wrapped him back up as they made their way over to the other park. 

\--

They made it over to the other park and had a blast riding all the different rides. There were so many more adult rides on this side and they couldn’t get enough. They came off of each one holding each other up and giggling up a storm. 

Junhee had butterflies in his stomach and his body felt almost numb from the excitement and Donghun’s hands constantly touching him. 

There were a couple rides that really got to them. Having them swearing they would never ride them again. Donghun laughed every time Yuchan and Byeongkwan raced back to try them again. They all stayed back and watched them get flung around. 

Junhee found his hand somehow making its way into Donghun’s hand every chance it got, he never saw it coming and it was like his body had a mind of its own. 

They had skipped the water rides, seeing as it was still too cold, but Junhee wished it wasn’t. He imagined Donghun splashed with water, his sweater soaked through, clinging to his skin. 

It was definitely a sight he wanted to see one day. He walked away from the water rides with an almost put out look on his face. Donghun had laughed. “What’s gotten into you, it’s way too fucking cold to even think about those rides.” 

Junhee laughed and dragged him along. “No, but it would be a treat to see Sehyoon drenched in his t-shirt.” 

Junhee lied about the person he wanted to see get wet. Byeongkwan had laughed and agreed, pouting at Sehyoon when he was dragged away from the ride. 

They all eventually made it through every ride and did a lot of them multiple times. Junhee’s legs felt like jelly and not only because of the rides, Donghun made him feel like all his bones had turned to mush. 

He had been so sweet the whole day and Junhee wanted to wrap himself up in him. It was starting to get late and Junhee was getting a bit delirious, but they still had a few hours before it was time to go. 

They found a comedy show that helped them relax for about an hour. Junhee had laughed until he couldn’t breathe and had figured out that Donghun’s laugh was the only sound he ever wanted to hear in his life.  
He sat with his side along Donghun’s and let himself go, Junhee was realizing that the safest he ever felt was with this man. He also realized that his hand had been in his for the majority of the day. 

Once the show was over they wandered around for a bit. Donghun dragged them over to where the carnival games where and they all decided that they were going to beat each other and win their significant others stuffed animals. 

Junhee urged Donghun to play the games, he really wanted one of the soft bears hanging on the hooks. Donghun had just smiled at him softly and said he wouldn’t let him down. 

Junhee watched Donghun walk up to one of the stands and try his hardest to win Junhee a stuffed animal. He tried throwing rings at coke bottles, shooting down ducks from the wall and finally succeeded when he had to throw darts at balloons. 

Donghun had let out an excited yell and told the worker that he wanted the stuffed animal. He grabbed it and thrust it at Junhee. 

“Here, one stuffed bear for you.” Donghun smiled as Junhee took the animal. 

Junhee curled it into his chest and sidled up to Donghun and placed his hand around the back of his neck. He looked him in the eyes as he played with his hair. “Thank you, Donghunnie, I’ll treasure it forever.”

Junhee was partially joking and partially not at all. He lifted up and brought his lips to Donghun’s cheek. He kissed him lightly, lingering just a bit. He rested his cheek on Donghun’s when he was done and waited out the other man as he sighed. 

Donghun grabbed Junhee by the cheeks and pulled his head towards him, Junhee bent his head as Donghun gave him a sweet kiss on the forehead. He then pulled Junhee into his side and lead him over to the others. 

Junhee was literally bursting inside. He never wanted to leave the park. It was starting to get dark though and they only had about an hour and a half before it closed. The streets were lit up by lights as they walked their way across the parks to the exit. 

About three fourths of the way there they stopped when they heard music filtering through speakers and saw a group of people dancing. Junhee watched as they moved through the music, they were talented but Junhee thought him and Byeongkwan were better. 

 

He looked over to see Byeongkwan looking at him, he could tell the younger man felt the same way. Sehyoon also had a look on his face like he was ready to join in too. They had all danced together at points in their relationship, they were good, knowing how to freestyle with each other.

The song the group was dancing to ended and Junhee nodded at Byeongkwan and let go of Donghun and ran over to where there was a DJ playing music. He whispered to him a song he knew they all could dance to and the DJ nodded his approval, he saw the other two slide into spots, leaving a space for Junhee in the middle. 

They took their places and the song hit the beat and they let everything loose. 

(DH POV)

Donghun didn’t recognize the song that they were dancing too but he could tell they had danced to it before. He watched amazed as his best friends freestyled to a song and made it look like they had practiced this a million times. 

Sehyoon was so fluid in his moments, Byeongkwan graceful with all his tricks and popping and Junhee just looked like he owned the stage. 

Donghun had always been blown away by his dancing but this was different, this was just him dancing for fun and not money, for the benefit of others, this was for himself. 

He could see the way Junhee’s eyes were lit up and how much he was truly enjoying himself. He hoped one day Junhee could dance for a living in the way he wanted to. 

He saw as a crowd gathered and how they were so into the performance being put on. Donghun couldn’t wipe his smile off his face. They were so incredible. 

Donghun heard the crowd clapping and yelling as the boys danced, he had never been more proud, they were doing something they loved just for themselves. 

When the song ended they ended in a pose together, holding each other and laughing. They all gave each other high fives and huddled in a hug when they saw the crowd that had gathered. 

Junhee looked Donghun’s way and he saw how the younger man’s eyes sparkled in the light cast by the street lamps. Sehyoon picked up Byeongkwan who wrapped his legs around the other man, Sehyoon spun them around. 

He turned and saw Junhee running to him the next second, he was then full of Junhee in his arms. He had crashed into him and Donghun spun him around, his feet lifting off of the ground. 

Junhee pulled back from Donghun and pushed their foreheads together. Donghun was sure Junhee was going to kiss him but then he pulled away when he heard Yuchan yell. 

“Oh my god, Hyung, that was incredible.” Yuchan pulled Junhee into a hug and squeezed him tight. “You guys really are insane to watch.” 

Byeongkwan and Sehyoon made their way over to them, their breathing still hard after they had danced. They were curled into each other and couldn’t stop smiling. Donghun felt like he would never stop either. 

He pulled Junhee into his side after Yuchan let him go and whispered in his ear. “You are so amazing, I would watch you dance every day of my life if I could.” 

Junhee buried his face in Donghun’s shoulder and didn’t make a sound other than to slightly huff out a breath. Donghun lead them to the exit of the park while the others followed. 

Junhee finally looked up at him as they exited. “I’d let you watch me dance every day of my life if I could.” 

Donghun felt his heart plummet at the look on Junhee’s face, he looked like he had just found the answer to the universe. Donghun hoped, was selfish enough to hope, that it was him. 

 

(JH POV)

 

When they made it back to the hotel Junhee still felt like he was on a high. They wouldn’t shut up in the car and didn’t want to go straight back to their hotels. They hung out at the outside bar for an hour before they made it back to their rooms. 

Junhee was still tingling from Donghun’s hand on his thigh all night, he didn’t know when it ended up there but it had been there all the way home and at the bar. He had a couple drinks but wasn’t tipsy. 

They had all sat around a table outside and told each other stories about their past. Donghun had so many good embarrassing stories to tell of Sehyoon from their first year of college that Byeongkwan didn’t even know. 

Junhee found himself laughing multiple times into Donghun’s shoulder. Curling up next to him in the seat, pulling his legs up on the chair, as Donghun’s hand rubbed along his thigh. 

Junhee felt like he could do anything at the moment, felt like he was ready for everything. 

The minute they got into the room alone though, it all crashed into him. He didn’t know if he was ready for any of this. He knew he wanted to be with Donghun, but everything that entailed scared him. 

They had both taken quick showers separately and were getting dressed and ready for bed. They had turned on the radio, the music turning into soft melodies and stories about love or broken hearts. 

Junhee had finished pulling on a sleep shirt when he felt Donghun gently grab his hand and turn him around. Junhee looked at Donghun as the man ran his other hand up and down Junhee’s side and then finally landed on his waste. He took the other arm, the one his hand was holding and brought it up to his shoulder. 

Junhee realized what was happening quickly, his mind going into overdrive. He brought both of his hands to link around Donghun’s neck as Donghun pulled him by his waist. The older man wrapped his arms all the way around Junhee so they were no more than an inch apart. 

They had danced many times together but never like this, never with this much intimacy and tension between them. Junhee thought he would burst with it. 

He let Donghun sway them side to side and pulled him even closer. Junhee’s arms were completely wrapped around his neck and he was playing with Donghun’s hair at the base of his neck. Their foreheads almost touching. 

They got close, Junhee could feel Donghun’s breath along his face, their eyes closed. Their foreheads touched as they swayed. Junhee opened his eyes to see Donghun already looking at him. Donghun moved one hand up Junhee’s side and buried it in his hair. 

Junhee rolled his head into the motion, into the soft caress of Donghun’s hand. He closed his eyes and part of him wanted to cry. This was too soft for a man like him, he didn’t deserve the aching quiet he felt just from Donghun’s touch. 

He opened his eyes again and felt himself leaning back into Donghun, their foreheads coming back together. Right as he was about to let his lips touch Donghun’s he pulled back, not far enough to really move, just enough so that they wouldn’t touch. 

“Donghun, I-” Junhee felt his throat close up, felt tears well in his eyes. 

Donghun shook his head and pulled Junhee’s face into his shoulder and pulled him close, more of a hug than a dance. “It’s okay, baby. It’s okay, you’re okay.” 

Donghun squeezed him tight and Junhee cried, he wasn’t sure exactly why. Maybe because he wanted something he still wasn’t sure he could have. It’s like his body wouldn’t let him have it, wouldn’t let them move together. 

He cried into Donghun’s shoulder as he comforted him. “Don’t worry about it, we’ll get there. Take all the time in the world. Please, don’t be upset Junhee. I’m not going anywhere, ever. I’ll always be here.” 

Junhee sobbed even harder. He felt Donghun grab him under the knees with one arm, while the other supported his back. He brought them over to the bed and sat against the headboard with Junhee curled up in his lap. 

“Sleep love, it will all be more clear in the morning I promise.” Donghun ran a hand through his hair and caressed his back. He never stopped telling Junhee it was okay. 

Junhee fell asleep in his arms, feeling like the world could come crashing down on him and Donghun wouldn’t let a piece of it even touch his skin. 

He woke up to those same arms holding him tight, brushing his hair away from his face. When he opened his eyes Donghun smiled at him softly. Junhee brought a hand up to brush against his bottom lip. 

Donghun kissed his thumb softly, it almost brought tears back to Junhee’s eyes. “I-” He stuttered as Donghun brought his hand away from his face to kiss Junhee’s palm. “I will get there, I promise. I just-” Junhee paused again, let his heart break into a million pieces at the way Donghun was intently listening to him. 

“It was a lot yesterday, I had so much fun and it was like it all came crashing down. And how do I deserve this, how do I deserve someone like you. I don’t, and it’s not fair of me to ask you to even entertain the idea of being with me and-” Junhee stopped when he saw the look on Donghun’s face. He looked upset. 

He grabbed Junhee’s face with both hands softly. “Don’t ever tell me what I do and do not deserve. And don’t ever think you are not worthy of all the love in the world. Don’t ever.” 

Junhee nodded his head at Donghun as he brought up a hand to wipe away the couple of tears that had escaped Donghun’s eyes. “Okay, I promise.” Junhee curled into Donghun, the top of his head under Donghun’s chin. 

They stayed like that until the others called and told them it was time to go. 

\--

They had been in the car for about an hour when it hit Junhee. He was looking at Donghun, thinking about all the words that he had said that night and morning. The man was looking at the road, driving them back home. And when Junhee thought of home he realized it was a place he had never seen. 

A place with Donghun, where they could be together, actually together. Not whatever they were doing now. He watched as the light hit Donghun perfectly making him glow. He watched his hands guide the steering wheel and how one snuck away to grab Junhee’s hand on the center console, so gentle. 

He thought about the way Donghun laughed as Sehyoon made a joke and heard it play back in his mind over and over again like a mantra. He brought up his empty hand to brush away a stray piece of hair that had fallen into Donghun’s eyes. The car had gone silent for a minute, the others watching, Junhee had tuned them out and watched as Donghun smiled at the road softly. 

He listened to Donghun rage about the music choices and then end up singing along. He watched his lips sing the lyrics and that’s when it hit. Whatever had been going through him last night vanished and all he wanted was Donghun’s lips on his. Wrapped up in the other man. 

Junhee felt it like a lung, had never wanted anything so badly. Only an hour before he had been sure he wasn’t ready, but now, now he was desperate for it. 

He decided he would make an excuse to go with Donghun home, and he would brave through whatever his instincts said because God, he wanted Donghun so badly. 

\--

When they got back to Seoul they dropped Yuchan and Kwangsuk off first. Yuchan had hugged them all tightly goodbye. When he had hugged Junhee he had whispered to him. “You deserve to be happy, there is no one better than Donghun.” 

It was like the kid knew, he always seemed to know. 

They then made it to Sehyoon and Byeongkwan’s house and when Junhee stayed in the passenger seat and didn’t move to get out he got questioning looks. 

Junhee played it off. “Oh, I was hoping I could go with Donghun, we haven’t talked about the restraining order in too much detail since we got the go ahead. I’ll go with him, he can take me home afterwards.” 

Junhee hoped he didn’t go home that night. He wasn’t ready for all that, but he hoped to stay with Donghun tonight anyways. 

Sehyoon and Byeongkwan both looked suspicious. Sehyoon giving him a smirk and Byeongkwan giving him a wink after they had grabbed their bags. 

“Call us when you’re both home okay, we all need to do dinner tomorrow.” Byeongkwan said as he closed all the doors to the car. 

Donghun groaned but smiled. “We literally just spent all weekend together. Do we really need to see each other again tomorrow.” 

Sehyoon laughed and Byeongkwan rolled his eyes. Junhee was the one who answered him . “Yes, of course we do. Who do you think we are. It’s like we’re not codependent or something.” 

They all laughed, knowing it was true and waved to each other as the husbands made it up their driveway and into their house. 

“So, do you want to talk about the order at your place or-” Donghun started. 

Junhee shook his head and grabbed Donghun’s hand again. “No, let’s go to yours. I bet it’s a lot bigger than mine anyways. Also, we can order some dinner, I’m starving.” 

Donghun smiled at him and laughed quietly. “Sounds like a plan.” 

He drove them home, Junhee was already thinking of it as his too. He couldn’t hold back anymore. He looked over at Donghun, he turned up the music and under his breath so Donghun couldn’t hear whispered. “I’m so in love with you.” 

\--

They made it to Donghun’s apartment and when Junhee walked in his jaw dropped. It was huge, Junhee knew he made a lot of money but, damn. 

“So, are you gonna offer to be my sugar daddy or was I just gonna have to ask you myself.” Junhee teased as he walked around the huge studio apartment. He saw that it was only really on room but sectioned off to where the bedroom was hidden well. 

“Oh, I was waiting for you to ask first. I was being a gentleman.” Donghun walked behind him, watching him case the place. 

Donghun came up behind him when Junhee had walked the whole apartment and made it to the kitchen. “So, what would you like to eat. We can order or I can cook something.” 

Junhee smiled at him and grabbed at his hands. “How about you show me your mastery culinary skills Mr. Lee.”  
Donghun smirked and walked towards his cupboards. “I don’t know about mastery but I make a mean spaghetti. And it’s quick so I can make that rumbling in your stomach stop.” 

Junhee rolled his eyes and sat down at one of the chairs at the bar and watched Donghun start cooking. 

Donghun eyed him. “So are you just gonna sit there and be pretty or are you going to help me.”

“I always prefer to just sit and be pretty, I’m so good at it.” He got up from his seat and walked over to pull out a bottle of wine. “I’ll be useful and pick out the wine for us, how about that.” 

Donghun smiled at him and agreed. Junhee walked over and placed a hand on his shoulder and watched as he started to cook the meat and boil the water for the noodles. He put his head on his shoulder and watched the man he loved use his beautiful hands to take care of Junhee’s needs. 

After dinner Junhee felt stuffed and he wanted to change, he also wanted Donghun desperately. He asked Donghun if he could stay, it was late. 

“Of course, you’re always welcome here, how about I get you some clothes.” Donghun went into his bedroom and came out with shorts and t-shirt. He had quickly changed into some pajamas himself. 

Junhee grabbed him and thanked him. “There’s also some spare toothbrushes in the guest bedroom if you would like.” Donghun was being so sweet, Junhee could hardly take it. 

He walked to the guest bedroom and changed. He brushed his teeth and washed his face. He was ready to do this, but he also needed to do something else first. He walked out of the bathroom ready to tell Donghun as much as he could let himself. 

Donghun had cleaned up while he was in the bathroom and was now looking out one of his big windows with his glass of wine. Junhee walked over to him and wrapped his arms around him from behind. “There’s something I want to talk to you about.” 

Donghun smiled at their reflection in the window and nodded his head. 

Junhee took a breath and started. “I can’t tell you everything, I’m not sure I’m ready for that but I am ready to give you a piece of it.” 

Donghun tried to turn around but Junhee kept him in place. “Can we do it like this, I’m not sure I can tell you looking in your eyes.” Donghun nodded and Junhee breathed and then bled himself out on Donghun’s expensive carpet. 

“When I was younger my mom passed away, I was 15 and lost. My dad didn’t really know how to handle being a single parent but he tried, he gave away so much of himself to help me. He never blamed me for my mom’s death, never made me feel guilty and I miss him so much everyday that it hurts.” Junhee breathed and told Donghun everything he could about his life before. 

He told him how his dad never truly recovered from losing his mom, how when he was 17 he had to put him in a home because his depression and anxiety had gotten so bad, how Junhee had to find work to take care of himself because his dad’s disability wasn’t enough to keep them afloat. 

He told Donghun how since the age of three he had been a dancer and had even gotten a scholarship when he was in his senior year of high school to go to a performing arts school, but that was the year his mom died. 

He told Donghun how he fell in with the wrong crowd, when he found work at a local convenience store. How he started smoking and then later on started doing drugs to numb the pain he was dealing with. How one of those “friends” suggested that Junhee become a stripper, that it paid good money.

Donghun stayed still and held onto Junhee’s arms around his waist the whole time he talked. When he told Donghun how he had found his way into a club at the age of 18, Donghun didn’t make a sound of judgement or repulsion but just nodded his head and gave Junhee the support to keep going. 

Junhee explained how the club forced their dancers to do coke so that they were numb to pain and were high enough to go nights without sleep. He didn’t go into too many details, but he told Donghun enough about the pain he experienced. 

He then smiled when he told Donghun about how Sehyoon had shown up at the club for weeks on end and finally guided Junhee out of there when he was 23. Sehyoon had just opened up his club. Junhee had been guarded and scared. 

Sehyoon didn’t allow drugs in his club, but he made an exception for Junhee, on a promise that someday he would get clean. Junhee still held the promise. Donghun laughed when Junhee told him how he had hit on Sehyoon and how Byeongkwan had told him to get in line. 

He told him how he harbored a crush on the couple for a year before finally letting it go, how they were the first people after his father to take care of him, the first people he trusted in the world. 

At this he let go of Donghun and turned him around to look at him. “Until you, they were the first people until you that I trusted.”

Junhee didn’t know when he started crying but he felt Donghun’s hand come up to wipe them away. “Thank you for telling me, I don’t know what to say other than you are probably the most brave person I have ever met.” Donghun caressed his cheek. “You are fucking amazing, you know that right, like absolutely stunning and incredible. I’m in awe.” 

Junhee laughed at the absurdity of Donghun. “I hate when you say those things.” 

Donghun frowned. “Why, I can stop, I can-” Donghun stopped when Junhee shook his head. 

Junhee realized how close they had gotten, Donghun’s hand still on his cheek. They were almost nose to nose, whispering into the night. “Because, it makes me want to do the one thing I’m scared of.” 

Donghun breathed out. He brushed their noses together. Junhee felt like everything was pulling him toward Donghun, he didn’t fight it anymore. 

He just shook his head and brought his hands to wrap around Donghun’s neck, pulling him impossibly closer and whispered. “This.” 

Junhee leaned in and brought their lips together in the softest kiss either one of them had ever experienced. Junhee was soaring, it was so gentle but he felt everything in it. They had barely touched, he could feel the soft plush of Donghun’s lips barely on his, but it was everything. 

Donghun’s hands on his waist stayed where they were. Junhee knew he didn’t want to assume anything, but Junhee was ready for this. Junhee kissed him softly once more and pulled away. Donghun’s eyes fluttered open and he whispered his name. “Junhee.” 

Junhee was crying again, he also saw tears in Donghun’s eyes. “Donghun please, I need-” He swallowed. “Please.” Junhee desperately hoped Donghun knew what he meant. He did. 

Donghun threw all the softness to the wind and pulled Junhee in tight, arms completely around him and crashed their lips together. Donghun kissed him hard, but it was still like Junhee was porcelain, like the slightest touch would shatter him. His hands were weightless on his skin. There was a small part of Junhee that wanted to ruin it, but his heart felt full for the first time in so long. 

His lungs breathed, his shaky hands found a home in Donghun’s hair and his mind emptied. 

Donghun swiped his tongue along Junhee’s bottom lip and he whined. He opened his mouth to Donghun and all of him was lost. Donghun scooped him up in his arms wholly and Junhee hoped he never let him go.

Donghun was all around him, kissing him like he was the air he needed to survive. Junhee had never been kissed like this before, he never wanted it to stop, but he needed to breathe. He cursed whoever made it so he needed oxygen. 

He pulled away slightly from Donghun and sucked in a huge breath. Donghun didn’t stop kissing him. He just moved onto his cheeks, his jaw, his neck. Junhee giggled as Donghun’s kisses tickled down to his collarbone. Donghun left butterfly kisses and then met back up with Junhee’s eyes. 

Junhee thought he would go cross eyed Donghun was so close. The man smiled slowly, so brightly and Junhee couldn’t resist smiling back. He brought a hand to Donghun’s cheek, the other still in his hair and kissed him again. Donghun groaned and opened up to him. Junhee let Donghun explore his mouth and moaned when Donghun bit his lip, soothing it with his tongue. 

He pulled away and whispered “Donghun.” He felt as Donghun removed a hand from Junhee’s waist and brought it to his cheek to wipe away the tears that were still falling. 

Donghun pushed their foreheads together and swallowed. “Baby.” 

Junhee completely melted. He pulled Donghun into a hug and Donghun rocked him back and forth. He was home, finally after so many years, he felt like home was within his reach. 

In the form of this wonderful man, Junhee hoped he could handle what was to come, hoped Donghun could accept all of him. 

He pulled back away from Donghun and could tell the other man wanted more, Junhee wasn’t ready for that just yet. He had sex for a living but this was so much more than that. 

He nipped at Donghun’s lip as the other man groaned. He laughed at Donghun, teasing the other man. “I know that you’re probably thinking we’re gonna finally have sex but-” 

Donghun stopped him. “I’m not expecting anything Junhee, whatever you’re willing to give me will always be enough. Just holding you is everything. Hearing your story, knowing that you trust me enough to let me in. That will always mean more to me than anything.” 

He said this in between kisses to Junhee’s face, Junhee felt so loved it hurt. He pulled Donghun’s face away so that he could look at his eyes. “I really just want to curl up next to you and sleep. I don’t want to be away from you.” 

Junhee watched Donghun’s eyes light up. “We can do that.” 

Donghun stepped away from him and Junhee already missed his touch. But then he grabbed Junhee’s hand and guided him to his bed. 

Junhee walked slowly behind Donghun and let the man guide him to lay down. Donghun laid him down on his back and then came to hover over him. He pushed the hair away from Junhee’s face, he ran a hand up and down Junhee’s arm, he wrapped Junhee up in his safe embrace. 

He kissed Junhee softly, on his lips, his cheeks, his forehead his nose and neck. Junhee just sighed into all of it and let Donghun do what he wanted. Donghun stopped and looked back up at Junhee. “Junhee I-.” He stopped and swallowed. “You mean more to me than you could ever know. I never want to be away from you.” 

Junhee felt like crying again. He curled up into Donghun and felt him surround him. He never wanted to get up from this bed, from the man he loved. 

Junhee fell asleep for the third night in a row completely and utterly safe. He fell asleep for the first time ever feeling like he was worth more than the world told him he was. With the man he loved, the man that said he would never give up on him.


	6. Hold me, Talk real Slowly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I want your hands over me, holding me, pressing me down. I want you to surround me and make me feel i’m worthy of the love you possess. I want to give you all of me.”
> 
> A moment we've all been waiting for finally comes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually had to cut two scenes from this chapter because it was becoming too long, which I don't really believe in, but they didn't really fit well. I will definately add them to the next chapter though. They deserve to be in the fic. If you haven't please go over and read my new wowkwan fic Castle on the Hill. It is a very different feel from this one but it has a lot of heart. 
> 
> Also I made a twitter for my ao3, it is yoonseh92 if you want to go over there and give me a follow. I basically just scream about my fics and post headcanons! <3
> 
> Songs I listened to while writing:   
> Songs:   
> Take your time: Sam hunt  
> Safe in my hands: eli lieb  
> Hesitate: Jonas Brothers  
> Hungry Eyes: Eric Carmen
> 
>  
> 
> I really hope y'all enjoy this chapter, sorry for any mistakes I didn't really edit that much. Have fun! 
> 
> Byeongkwan, Sehyoon and Yuchan weren't in this too much. I miss them dearly when I'm not writing them, but they're all doing really well!

Junhee was warm down to his bones, a comfortable feeling. Not warm like fire was spreading up him but a warmth that surrounded him and made him feel safe. They were all over at Donghun’s house watching a movie. Junhee honestly couldn’t tell you what movie they were watching, he was preoccupied. 

Sehyoon and Byeongkwan were curled up in a recliner together, the younger one situated in Sehyoon’s lap. Eyes drooping as Sehyoon rubbed one hand over Byeongkwan’s legs. Sehyoon intently watching the movie, his other hand running through his husband’s hair. 

Yuchan and Kwangsuk were sitting on the other side of the couch, shoulder to shoulder, whispering and giggling to each other. Both trying to pay attention to the movie but getting caught up in each other. 

Junhee was distracted, had no idea what was going on besides the way Donghun’s hand felt smoothing up and down his stomach gently. His boyfriend was, Junhee still shivered everytime he called him that, leaning back against the couch. Junhee was in between his legs leaning his back against his chest. 

One of Donghun’s hands was under Junhee’s shirt on his stomach, the other running a light hand through Junhee’s hair. Junhee held onto Donghun’s arm, the one attached to the hand on his stomach. They were under a blanket together and Junhee had never felt safer than in this moment. 

Donghun sighed a bit above him and Junhee felt him lean down and kiss him on the forehead. Junhee looked up at him when he was done and pursed his lips. Donghun smiled at him softly and leaned down to kiss Junhee lightly, the hand in his hair coming up to cup his cheek. 

Junhee smiled into the kiss and then flicked his tongue out, running it along Donghun’s bottom lip. Donghun groaned and pulled away. He caught Junhee’s eyes and whispered. “Don’t be a menace, we have company.” 

Junhee just smirked at him and pouted again. “Donghunnie, please kiss me.” Junhee whined and then he felt Donghun move, he was worried that the other boy wanted him off of him. Donghun just pushed him slightly to the side so that Junhee didn’t have to crane his neck completely backwards. 

Donghun turned his head towards him and ran his nose along Junhee’s. “Behave.” He said it lowly, Junhee felt that voice low, very low. 

He just nodded his head and swallowed. He looked quickly around the room, the others were too engrossed in each other and the movie to care. He went back to waiting for Donghun to kiss him. The other man had other things on his mind. 

The hand on his stomach slipped to his hip as Donghun kept his eyes on Junhee’s, he squeezed the soft skin and Junhee felt goosebumps erupt over his arms. Donghun just smiled softly at him and brought his lips to his cheek. He kissed him softly and then moved to the other side to kiss his other cheek. He peppered soft kisses over Junhee’s face and over his neck. 

Junhee just sighed into the contact and got as close to Donghun as he possibly could. Finally, Donghun brought his lips to Junhee’s and kissed him slow and soft. He kept it respectful, closed mouth and light. 

Junhee felt Donghun’s leg that had been falling off the couch bend up at the knee and he leaned back against it, it allowed Donghun to kiss him a little bit harder. Donghun pushed down more with his lips and Junhee suppressed back a moan as he felt Donghun’s tongue trace his lips. He opened up to him and the warmth got stronger. 

Donghun led the kiss and Junhee went with everything he did. He let Donghun move his head around and followed his motions. Junhee could feel himself being affected by the kiss, he still wasn’t ready for more, but he couldn’t stop himself. 

He was ready to throw it all away to kiss Donghun forever when he saw the lights flicker on behind his closed eyelids. He heard a groan as he pulled away from Donghun. 

“Seriously, can you two not keep your hands off each other for more than a minute.” Sehyoon was still in the recliner with an asleep Byeongkwan in his lap. It was like when a puppy fell asleep on you, that was where you now lived. 

Junhee looked over to where Yuchan had turned on the lights, he was smirking at them, not caring in the slightest that he found his friends making out in the dark. 

“What, Sehyoonie? Like I haven’t caught you and Byeongkwan in even worse conditions, I’ve literally walked into you having sex.” Donghun huffed out, he didn’t let go of Junhee the whole time. 

Byeongkwan just rolled over into Sehyoon’s chest in the chair, snoring lightly. Junhee laughed lightly at the sight. He looked up at Donghun who was staring Sehyoon down, he then turned to his other friend, it felt like an hour before both boys just smiled and let it go. 

Junhee rolled his eyes and pulled up from where he was basically laying down against Donghun. “So, are we calling it a night? Byeongkwan seems to be out like a light.” Junhee walked over to the man and got close to his face. 

Sehyoon lightly swatted him and rubbed a thumb against Byeongkwan’s face, it made Junhee’s heart drop. Junhee could feel the love come off of Sehyoon in waves, the way he was looking down at his husband like he wouldn’t rather be anywhere else. 

They all heard Yuchan yawn and Junhee felt a small smile pull on his face. They had drank a bit of wine and had some beers, they were all feeling the fatigue a bit. 

Donghun got up from the couch and walked over to Junhee and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. “How about I call you guys a cab, it’s pretty late. We all need to get some sleep.” 

Sehyoon nodded at Donghun and wrapped his arms around Byeongkwan and picked him up bridal style, walking towards the door. Yuchan and Kwangsuk grabbed all their stuff and followed after them. Junhee and Donghun right behind them. 

Donghun called two cabs as they reached the doors, knowing they’d be there quickly. 

They all reached the door and Junhee hugged Yuchan and Kwangsuk. He leaned up and gave Sehyoon a kiss on the cheek. Sehyoon looked down at his husband in his arms. “Hey, baby, we’re leaving do you want to say goodbye?”

Byeongkwan made a precious sound into his husbands t-shirt. Junhee took it as a bye and whispered out, “Goodnight, Kwannie.”

He saw one of Byeongkwan’s hands flick out and it lightly hit him on the chest. The man’s version of saying goodnight. Junhee smiled softly at him and leaned into Donghun at his side. 

When all their friends had left Junhee untangled himself from Donghun and moved to the living room to pick up all the blankets and fold them back into place. Donghun went to the kitchen to clean up after dinner. 

Junhee knew he would stay, he usually did. Out of the two weeks they had been dating, starting to call each other boyfriends after the night they kissed, Junhee had stayed there more than not. He went home to get clothes and feed Luna. He knew they were moving fast, but if he didn’t actually move in it was okay. He just wanted to be with Donghun all the time, the times he didn’t stay he didn’t sleep well, he had gotten used to Donghun’s arms around him. 

After Junhee finished cleaning up the living room he moved to Donghun’s dresser and pulled out one of his boyfriends shirts and a pair of shorts. He changed out of his jeans and short-sleeve button down. 

He shook out his body when he was done, much more comfortable. He brought up the neck of the shirt to his nose and breathed in, he felt surrounded by his boyfriend. He walked over to his bag and grabbed his glasses, he then made his way over to the bathroom. His contacts came out and he put the glasses on, making sure his face was clean.

Donghun was still in the kitchen cleaning so Junhee walked lightly over to the old radio that Donghun had. 

He turned the dial and tried to find a station with relaxing music. A slower song caught his attention and he smirked, this was a good one. 

He looked around to the kitchen and saw Donghun leaning on a pole in the middle of the room. His hands were in his pockets and he was smiling hard at Junhee. He noticed that a couple more of the buttons on Donghun’s work shirt were undone, leaving his collarbone and a part of his chest bare. 

Junhee took in a deep breath, Donghun looked incredible in the soft light of the house, making Junhee want to do nothing more than to drown in him. 

Donghun started walking towards Junhee and he waited until he got closer. Donghun brought his hand up to Junhee’s face and fixed the glasses slightly askew on his face. The first time Donghun had ever seen Junhee wear him the man had stared at him perplexed. Junhee had worried that Donghun didn’t like them, but the other man had just scooped him up in his arms and kissed him, saying how beautiful he looked. 

Donghun kept the hand that adjusted Junhee’s glasses up near his face and cupped his cheek. “Hungry eyes, really?” Donghun smirked at his boyfriend. 

Junhee just laughed and grabbed at Donghun’s hips. “What, it was what was on the radio. It’s a classic, a good song to dance to.”

Donghun wrapped both of his arms around Junhee’s shoulders and they started to sway. Donghun brought his forehead to Junhee and whispered into his space. “Not the kind of dancing we normally do, this requires actual skill, not just you grinding your hips into me.” 

Junhee scoffed. “I have plenty of skill I don’t know what you’re talking about.” They kept swaying along to the beat. 

“You do, but I don’t.” Donghun said, running a hand through Junhee’s hair. Junhee smiled at him and brought his lips close to his ear. “Let me teach you then.” He pulled back away from Donghun and winked. 

Donghun just stood there waiting for Junhee to make his move. Junhee pulled Donghun’s hands away from his shoulders and placed one on his hip and grabbed the other with his other hand, he intertwined their fingers. 

He placed his free hand on Donghun’s other shoulder, the other man still just stood there lost. Junhee giggled at him and started to sway again, pushing Donghun’s hips in the right direction. 

“Okay, first step is easy, just stay standing up straight and follow my lead.” Junhee said it quietly, the moment not calling for more. 

Donghun watched Junhee’s feet as they stepped forward and backwards, he followed his motions. He looked up at Junhee when he got the steps. “Usually, I’m the one to take the lead.” 

Junhee laughed and pulled Donghun in a bit closer. “You technically are in the lead with this position.” He pushed at Donghun’s shoulder, silently telling him to turn his body slightly. “Now for the harder part, we have to turn while we do this.” Junhee started to motion them to do the steps but also make a circle while they did it. 

Junhee smiled at Donghun, him easily getting the hang of it. Junhee knew Donghun wasn’t a dancer, but that didn’t mean he had two left feet. He danced with him too much at the club to think that. 

Donghun moved with him easily, starting to lead the dance, it was a simple one but Junhee loved it. He moved in as close as possible to Donghun as he could, running his nose up along Donghun’s neck, breathing in his scent. 

Junhee hadn’t danced like this with anybody as far as he could remember. He had done a lot of things, many that would never be appropriate for prying eyes. But this, this felt more intimate than anything he had ever done. 

Donghun’s hand on his hip pushing him in the right direction, their feet hitting the rhythm of the song. Donghun’s hands caressed his skin and Junhee felt Donghun shiver as Junhee’s fingers brushed against his collarbone. 

Neither of them said a word, just looked into each other’s eyes as they danced around the living room.

 

Donghun pulled him even closer by the hip and brought his head back slightly, allowing Junhee to start moving his lips along his neck. Junhee softly kissed him, across his collarbone, his neck, up his jaw. 

When he got to the line of his jaw Junhee opened his mouth and started to suck a bruise into the skin. Donghun moaned and made sure that there was no more space left between them. The hand on Junhee’s hip wrapping around his lower back. Junhee groaned at the contact, feeling how this was affecting Donghun. 

They were still dancing to the song, Junhee kept working at the mark along Donghun’s neck, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to stop with Donghun if the other man didn’t push away. 

Eventually Donghun groaned out Junhee’s name and he pulled away. He looked up to the other man and the minute he caught his eye, Donghun dipped him. Junhee laughed as he bent back, swirled around and came right back up to Donghun’s height. 

He was smiling so hard, Donghun caught it with his lips, kissing him more breathless than he was before. The song had ended and another one came on the radio, Junhee took his arms and wrapped them tight around Donghun, kissing him like his life depended on it. Recently, he thought it did. 

Donghun pulled away after a few minutes and breathed out. He brought his lips to Junhee’s temple and kissed him softly. He then pulled away completely and grabbed one of Junhee’s hands and dragged him to the bed. 

Junhee flopped down on top of the sheets and waited for Donghun. The other man went over to his dresser and started to change. It wouldn’t happen tonight, Donghun was waiting for Junhee’s consent, to show him he was ready. Junhee wasn’t ready yet. 

Donghun finished getting dressed, which really only consisted of sleep shirts. As he turned around to put away some clothes Junhee noticed the tattoo on Donghun’s back. He had seen it for the first time the morning after they kissed. 

Donghun had slept shirtless and he had rolled over in the morning and Junhee had spotted it. It was a flower, each petal colored in a different shade of the rainbow. Junhee had ran a light finger over it, scooted closer to Donghun’s back and brought his lips to it. 

Donghun had stirred awake and blinked up at Junhee once he had rolled over. Junhee had just smiled at him and said, “tattoos are so fucking hot” and then kissed him fully awake. 

Donghun sat down now on the edge of the bed and Junhee got up on his knees and scooted over to him. He got close and ran a hand over the tattoo. Donghun’s head drooped and he reached back for Junhee’s hand. 

The dancer gave it to him and the man brought it to his mouth. He sighed and kissed Junhee’s hand. Junhee hugged him from behind and they stayed there like that until Donghun turned around and tackled Junhee into the sheets. 

Junhee fell asleep with a smile on his face, Donghun holding him close. 

\---

A week later Junhee made his way into the club around noon to be greeted by a very whiny Byeongkwan. The man was pouting on stage watching some of their newer dancers, he was making sure that their routines were up to par. 

He had his head in his hands and his eyes looked upset. Junhee walked over to him with his bag and sat down next to him on the side of the stage. He bumped his shoulder, “What’s up with you grumpy?”

Byeongkwan looked over at him and then leaned his head on his shoulder. “Nothing, just Sehyoon went out early with Donghun, I didn’t even get to wake up to him this morning.” 

Junhee tried to hide a laugh, he wrapped an arm around his shoulders and patted him. “It’s okay Kwannie, I’m sure he’ll be back soon.” Byeongkwan got like this sometimes, him and Sehyoon were attached at the hip, a couple hours away was a disaster for the younger one when he was being clingy. 

Byeongkwan huffed and then turned to Junhee, ignoring the mess that was going on on stage. The routines weren’t coming together very well, they would both have to spend some time choreographing them. 

“Tell me about you and Donghun, how’s it going, how’s the sex. I remember Donghun in college, boys would beg him to stay the night.” Byeongkwan scrunched up his nose at the memory. Junhee coughed into his hand and tried to look anywhere but at Byeongkwan.

He heard the man take an inhale of breath and he finally looked at him. Byeongkwan was smirking at him, eyes big and Junhee could tell he was about to be teased. 

“No, way. No fucking way.” Byeongkwan smacked him on the shoulder. Junhee pushed him slightly away from him. 

“We haven’t actually-” Junhee started but stopped, he wrung his hands together as he bit his lip. 

Byeongkwan was shaking his head like he couldn’t believe it. “You’re shitting me, holy fuck that’s-” Byeongkwan looked around the club for the words, Junhee helped him out.

“Yeah, I know.” Junhee didn’t really know what else to say. Byeongkwan looked at him and grabbed his hand. 

“Why haven’t you, I mean is he not-” Byeongkwan made some weird gestures Junhee wasn’t sure he even knew what they meant. “Is it him or-” 

Junhee shook his head, “God no, it’s definitely me. I don’t think-” He brought his knees up to his chest and laid his head down on them. “I honestly am not sure if i’m ready yet. Which is a fucking joke cause i’m a literal stripper who gets paid to have sex with people. But this isn’t that this is real and I can’t just throw myself at him. I fucking lo-” Junhee stopped. 

Byeongkwan hugged him to him. “I understand. You don’t have to do anything you’re not ready for. It’s a big deal. People might not think it is, but it means a lot. To be with someone that you actually care for. I remember the first time I had sex with Sehyoon, it was like my fucking world shifted. It wasn’t even necessarily the sex, it was being that close to him and seeing how much he loved me and wanted me.” 

Junhee felt tears prick his eyes, he rubbed his face in Byeongkwan’s shoulder. “I want to be with him, i’m just scared that we’ll have sex and then he’ll be done with me, he’ll see how truly fucked up I am, how used I am and not want me.” 

Byeongkwan brought their foreheads together. “Never, that would never happen. I promise you. He loves you so much, I haven’t seen someone look at another person like he looks at you.” 

Junhee choked out a laugh. “You haven’t really seen Sehyoon look at you then have you.” 

They both huffed out a breath and hugged each other again. When they heard the door to the club slam closed they looked up at the entrance. 

Sehyoon was walking towards them with Donghun right behind him. “Hey lovebirds, how’s it going.” 

Both Byeongkwan and Junhee’s mouths dropped open at the sight before them. They both understood why their partners had left so early in the morning now. 

\---

A number of hours before Donghun had met Sehyoon for a light breakfast and then they had made their way over to their true destination unbeknownst to their partners.   
They had made this decision weeks ago and were finally going through with it. Donghun opened the door to the tattoo shop for Sehyoon and they entered and made their way up to the receptionist. 

The girl looked up at both of them and smiled. “What can I do for you today? Do you have an appointment? Piercings or tattoos?”

She waited for them to answer, both the boys smiling through their nerves. Donghun finally answered. “Uhm, no appointment but we both want piercings, should be pretty quick.” 

The lady smiled and nodded her head, she did a couple things on her computer before she looked back up at them. “Do you mind going in together, we have one artist in right now that can do you back to back. What kind of piercings would you like?”

Sehyoon answered her, “No, of course we don’t mind. And Donghun, here wants an eyebrow piercing and I would like a lip piercing.” 

She pulled out a book of photos for the boys to look at and pick which types of rings and where exactly the placements would be. When they were done she escorted them to one of the rooms in the back. 

They sat there for about 10 minutes before the artist came back. Sehyoon took the time to grill Donghun. “So, what’s been going on with you and Junhee?”

Donghun was wandering around the small room and stopped in front of Sehyoon. “What do you mean, what’s going on? You literally see us all the time.”

Sehyoon just smirked at him. “No, I know how you’re doing but how are you doing?” Sehyoon emphasized the last word, Donghun got the implication. 

“He’s not ready for that yet Sehyoon and yeah I know people would be like but oh Donghun he’s a stripper he literally fucks people for money why is he not giving you anything.” Donghun sighed out and sat down next to Sehyoon. “You know what I say to them, fuck that. That probably makes it harder for him. Having sex with people paying you, there’s no real intimacy, but what we’re doing, it’s an actual relationship and it means something.” 

Sehyoon held his hands up to calm Donghun down, he was getting heated. “Donghunnie I agree with you, I completely get it. It’s really sweet of you to stick up for him like that though. He needs that in his life. I’m proud of you two for allowing each other into your lives.” 

Donghun smiled at Sehyoon and laid his head down on his shoulder. “Thanks Sehyoonie, he means the world to me, I love him so much. We’ll get there and even if we don’t it’s okay. But he’s getting closer and closer every day. I keep having to pull back because I’m not sure he is able to. I haven’t gotten the impression he’s ready yet though, I need him to actually tell me.” 

Sehyoon laid his head on top of Donghun’s and shook it, telling Donghun he understood. They stayed like that until the artist came into the room. She got both of their piercings done within 30 minutes and they both prided themselves on how they didn’t cry, well not a lot at least. 

When they left the parlor they got into Donghun’s car and started to drive towards the club. Sehyoon turned to Donghun in his seat and smirked. “So how do you think they’re gonna react to these.” He motioned towards both their piercings. 

Donghun laughed lightly as he drove. He kept his eyes on the road as he said, “I think Byeongkwan is going to want to put the lip ring in his mouth. I’m gonna book it out of there the minute he jumps you.” 

Sehyoon laughed and looked at the road. Donghun bit his lip and gathered his thoughts. “How do you think Junhee is going to react to mine? Do you think he’ll like it?” 

Sehyoon brought his eyes back to his friend. “Didn’t you say the first time he saw your tattoo he kissed it and said tattoos were hot?” Donghun shook his head yes. Sehyoon smirked. “I think you have your answer for you.” 

They were both now at the club as their partners stared at them, jaws dropped. Byeongkwan was the first to break the silence. “Holy shit, what the hell?” Byeongkwan sprinted off the stage and ran to Sehyoon. 

He reached him and jumped on him, Donghun already wanted to leave. Byeongkwan wrapped his legs around Sehyoon’s waist and the older man wrapped his arms around him. Byeongkwan brought his hand up gently to the ring and flicked it. 

Sehyoon winced. “Fuck, Kwan.” Byeongkwan smirked at him and brought his finger back up to it. He whined out, “Jesus, that’s hot. I kinda wanna put it in my mouth.” 

Donghun groaned and walked over to Junhee and grabbed his hand and pulled him toward the back rooms. Junhee was laughing and his eyes never strayed from Donghun. The older man looked back at his two friends, they were making out on the floor of the club. Donghun booked it before he could hear Byeongkwan’s moans. 

He rushed Junhee into his dressing room and closed the door. Junhee spun around and Donghun was slammed against the door. “Honestly, damn that looks good on you.” Junhee whispered it, they were close, Junhee having pushed his body up against him. 

He brought his hand up to Donghun’s hair and moved his bangs away. He ran a gentle finger across the two balls around his eyebrow. He looked amazed, Donghun groaned when Junhee tapped them lightly. 

Junhee brought his eyes back down to Donghun’s and he bit his lip. “I am honestly so turned on right now.” 

Donghun laughed and hugged him to his body. Junhee laughing along and wrapping his arms around Donghun, the older man squeezed him and brought him to his toes. He eventually pulled away and kissed Junhee hard, his tongue finding entrance immediately. 

Donghun backed them up against the vanities until Junhee’s legs were crashing into the little tables. The mirrors shook on the wall, Donghun grabbed Junhee’s hips and lifted him until he was seated. 

The dancer opened his legs to let Donghun press up in between them, getting as close as possible. Junhee’s hands were all over the other man, his hands finding their way to hot skin as Donghun kissed him like he was breathing. 

Junhee sucked in a breath and pulled away, Donghun kept kissing him moving down to his neck and sucking a mark into his skin. Junhee knew he should stop him, his clients wouldn’t appreciate the mark, but he didn’t. He let him do it. 

“Donghun, hunnie.” Junhee whined as Donghun grabbed under his knee to hike the dancer's leg up higher around his hips. Junhee could feel Donghun’s cock pressed up against him, could feel how he was affecting the man. He knew he was in a similar situation. 

Donghun’s other hand, that wasn’t under his knee wandered. It made its way from Junhee’s hair, to his back, to his stomach and down. Donghun pressed down on Junhee’s cock through his jeans and the other man moaned. Donghun moved his hand up and down slowly, Junhee slowly coming unraveled. 

Quicker than it had started it ended. Junhee got suddenly cold and he was somewhere else, not with Donghun. He came back to himself quickly and grabbed Donghun’s hand that was on his jeans. He pulled him away softly, “I’m sorry-” 

Donghun pushed away gently, not moving too far. He grabbed the back of Junhee’s head and brought his lips in to kiss his forehead. “Never apologize.” 

Junhee sniffled. “But, I can’t just keep-” He looked up at his boyfriend. “I can’t just keep leading you on.” 

Donghun grabbed his face with both hands and bent down so that he was eye level with Junhee. “Baby, no, you are never leading me on. Don’t ever think that.” He hugged Junhee to his chest and they both sighed. “Take all the time in the world, I'll be here no matter what.”

“I promise I’ll be ready soon, I’m just so worried.” Junhee couldn’t look Donghun in the eyes, he just kept squeezing his waist. He pulled away a bit to shove his forehead into Donghun’s chest. The older man rubbed the back of his neck and let him continue. 

“I’m so scared that you’ll remember who I am and what I've done, who would want someone so used up as me.” Junhee could feel the tears coming. He didn’t move. 

Donghun didn’t make him but he ran a hand through his hair and brought his lips to his hair to whisper. “Never, ever think that of yourself. You are not used up and you are more precious than anything else. I don’t care what your job is or who you fuck at the club. All I care about is what is in your heart and it’s so fucking beautiful I sometimes can’t stand it.” 

Junhee finally looked up at Donghun. He had tears coming down his face. Donghun wiped them away and pulled him back into a hug. Junhee held him tight, his mind trying to get out the words he so wanted to tell Donghun, he couldn’t bring himself to utter them. 

\---

That Saturday night was good for Junhee, he didn’t have many private sessions and got to dance multiple times, Donghun stayed all night and they went home together and crashed into bed. But it was now Sunday and Donghun had to go into work late. 

He wouldn’t be able to make it to the club and Junhee was having a really bad night. He had a lot of sessions and none of them men were being very cooperative or nice to him. He only got to dance once on stage and Byeongkwan, who had caught a small cold, was at home sick. 

It wasn’t faring well for Junhee and before it even hit two in the morning he had gotten himself high enough that none of it was affecting him. He was feeling lighter than air and accepted drinks and let his customers do what they needed to. 

By the end of the night he was so hyped up he couldn’t believe the time on the clock, it was a little after four a.m. He got dressed, barely. It was getting warm out he could afford to dress in the outfit he had on. It was the outfit he had worn on stage tonight. Byeongkwan had helped him choreograph a badass routine, the outfit matched. 

He was in short shorts that were layered over fishnet tights, his make-up was glittery and red just like the shirt he had on. It was a velvety material, the front tucked into his shorts. It was only done up with about two buttons and Junhee had nodded his head at it like it was the best idea ever. His heavy boots knocked against the ground as he walked out to meet up with Sehyoon. 

He spotted the owner wiping down the bar tops. He basically skipped over to him and threw his arms around him. “Hey Sehyoonie, how’s Kwannie? Hopefully he’s not like dying or anything.” Junhee kept a hold of Sehyoon, but the other man wasn’t smiling. 

Sehyoon looked at him, grabbed his cheek and turned his face toward him. “Jesus, Junhee how much did you take tonight?” He watched as Junhee brought up his fingers and made a motion with his hand. Pinching his fingers together to signify very little. Sehyoon could see that it was a lie. 

“Donghun is going to kill me, you are so fucking high right now.” Sehyoon went to grab his phone. “I’m calling you a fucking cab and then calling Donghun to tell him to go home so he’ll be there. You need someone to make sure you don’t choke on your own vomit.” 

Junhee just laughed at Sehyoon and watched him call the cab. “It’s okay Sehyoonie, Donghun will take care of me. Maybe he’ll take really good care of me.” Junhee made a crude gesture as he rolled his eyes at the dancer. 

Sehyoon dialed another number after he called the cab. Donghun picked up after the third ring, Junhee could hear his voice through the fuzz in his brain. “What’s up Sehyoon, you know I’m working tonight, fucking stupid new kids.” 

Sehyoon wasn’t having that. “You have to go home Donghun, i’m getting a cab for Junhee, you need to be home when he gets there.” 

Donghun made a shocked noise but Sehyoon could hear him moving around his office. “I’ll be there, what the fuck happened?”

Before Sehyoon could answer Junhee took the phone and bounced away from the man. “What’s up hunnie, I just had a little too much fun that’s all.” 

Donghun let out a breath. “Baby, are you okay. I’m going home now, please get in the cab and drink some water.” 

Junhee nodded his head. “I’m perfectly fine. My customers though were fucking dicks tonight, let me tell you. Sehyoon is exaggerating, I didn’t take nearly that much.” He was telling a partial truth, he’s taken more before. 

Sehyoon wandered back over to him and started to push him out the door. He grabbed the phone from Junhee and got back on the phone. “Donghun, I’m gonna go with him, make sure he gets to your house, I took a cab to the club today anyways, I’ll just take it home.” 

Donghun just breathed. “Thank you, Sehyoon. Tell me how bad is it really?” 

Sehyoon pushed Junhee into the cab and got in behind him and closed the door. “I’ve seen way worse, but I would be prepared because he’s kinda-” Sehyoon stopped and looked over at Junhee who was staring at him, well at the phone like he wanted to jump through it to Donghun. 

Donghun waited for him but got impatient. “What is it Sehyoon?” 

Sehyoon huffed out a laugh. “He gets like super horny when he’s this high, so just be aware of that.” 

Donghun scoffed. “I’m not gonna fuck him hi, Sehyoon. I’m better than that. Just like i’d never pay for it.” 

Sehyoon let out a breath. “I know Donghun, I’m just warning you.” 

Donghun thanked him but he wasn’t done talking. “And Sehyoon we need to figure out how to get him off this stuff, I want him to be okay.”

Sehyoon frowned and pulled a rambunctious Junhee to his side, he started to squirm. “We will, I promise.” 

\---

Donghun didn’t go inside his house when he got home, he waited for the cab to pull up outside. He watched as Sehyoon said something to the cab to make sure he stayed and then saw Sehyoon drag a very hyper Junhee out of the backseat. 

The dancer was all jittery limbs and wandering eyes, he couldn’t seem to concentrate on anything. Donghun made his way to both of them. He watched as Junhee spotted him and the dancer ran towards him. 

Junhee jumped at him, clumsily and Donghun grabbed him. He nodded at Sehyoon a thank you and dragged Junhee inside, the man whispering in his ear the whole time. 

“Donghunnie, i’m so glad you’re here. I wanted you bad all night. All those men that were with me, I was imagining they were all you.” Junhee started to lick at his neck, sucking a mark into his skin. 

Donghun got them into the apartment and walked Junhee over to the bed. He pushed him down onto and made a sit motion. Junhee just smiled at him and pulled on his hand. “Please don’t go, don’t be mad Hunnie, i’m sorry I took too much.” 

Junhee went from happy to teary in seconds flat. Donghun reached for him and grabbed his face gently and peppered kisses across it. “No honey, I’m not going anywhere, just wanted to get you some water.” Junhee nodded like that was acceptable. 

He got up to get his boyfriend some water and crackers from the kitchen, suspecting he probably hadn’t eaten all night, but knowing with the drugs in his system he needed something light. 

After he got the crackers and water he went to leave the kitchen but was stopped by Junhee standing in the entrance. It was the first time Donghun had really noticed the outfit he was in. Donghun sucked in a breath, his chest feeling tight, it was a good outfit. 

Junhee smirked at him knowing exactly what he was thinking. He walked over to the man and pushed up against him. He grabbed Donghun’s hand and ran it up his side and then guided it to his ass. 

Donghun allowed Junhee the small control, but knew he was going to have to stop this. Junhee pushed up on his toes and whispered, “You wanna fuck me don’t you, in this outfit, right here in the kitchen. I’d let you, I want you to.” 

He bit down lightly on the shell of Donghun’s ear and the man squeezed his hand on Junhee’s hip. Junhee groaned and started to grind himself against him. But Donghun wouldn’t let him do this, couldn’t. 

“Junhee, Junhee-ah, baby no.” Donghun pushed him away gently. Junhee again went from one mood to another very quickly. 

He pouted at Donghun and tears started to well up. “You don’t want me do you? You think I'm disgusting.” Junhee started to cry and his knees started to buckle. Donghun didn’t know what to do. He wrapped Junhee up and then let them fall to the ground, Junhee safe in his lap. 

“No, absolutely not. You are not disgusting and I do want you, just not like this. You don’t want this now, even if you think you do. I promise, it’ll happen, but only when the time is right, when you’re ready. Please, don’t cry, i’ve got you. I’ve always got you, love.” Donghun kept whispering to Junhee, rocking him back and forth, kissing over his face. 

Eventually Junhee fell asleep, exhausted from the drugs and the different emotions. Donghun picked him up and brought him to the bed. He changed his clothes and curled up into him. He got as close as he could and whispered into Junhee’s ear. “I love you so much Park Junhee, i’d give you the damn universe if I was allowed. I love you with everything I have.” 

Donghun fell asleep to the feel of Junhee’s heartbeat under his hand. Junhee wouldn’t remember what Donghun said the next day for weeks, but he had been awake to hear it and eventually the memory would present itself. 

\---

Junhee had awoken that next morning with a crushing headache and remembered, somehow most of the night. He was mortified even after Donghun told him he shouldn’t be. He had just pulled Junhee into his side and kissed him whispering “You have to stop baby, it has to stop.” 

Junhee had nodded, he promised that he would try, he wouldn’t promise that it would happen, but he could try. He didn’t stay with Donghun much through that week or the next, he needed to get his shit together a little bit more. 

He had stopped going to his drug dealers as much, trying to cut himself off slowly, but they weren’t having it. He had showed up on Donghun’s door step multiple times in disarray. 

One night Donghun had opened his door to him soaked from the rain. Junhee had got caught in the rain walking home, Donghun had let him in laughing at his misfortune. He had grabbed him a towel and dried his hair off and then pushed him toward the shower. 

Junhee had jumped in and to his surprise Donghun asked if he could join. Junhee had blushed a bit and then nodded his head. They were both bare in the shower but somehow Junhee wasn’t thinking about sex in the slightest. He had a moment were he looked at Donghun, completely naked in front of him and his mouth had watered, but it had passed when Donghun had almost tripped stepping into the shower. 

He laughed until Donghun grabbed him and put him in a headlock, calling him a punk. They showered and Junhee had never had so much fun, they kissed with smiles on their faces and helped wash each other’s hair. He felt like a child almost, playing. 

They brushed their teeth next to each other, bumping shoulders and trying not to laugh around the toothpaste. They then made their way to Donghun’s bed where he pulled out his laptop, but on a movie and they wasted the night together in front of the screen. 

There were other nights though were Junhee showed up on his doorstep bloody and bruised, one of his dealers having been fed up with Junhee refusing their business. Junhee had assured Donghun that he got in more hits, but Donghun had been furious. 

When he opened the door, he was shocked to find his boyfriend with a split lip and bruise around his eye. Junhee played it over in his mind, that night going from the worst to one of the best. 

“My drug dealer doesn’t take no for an answer, he also didn’t take fucking kick boxing lessons with his best friend either though. He forgot that I know how to throw a punch.” Junhee said this as Donghun cleaned his knuckles off on the couch.   
Donghun blew on the peroxide he had just put on Junhee’s hand and he winced. Donghun smirked up at him, “Don’t be a baby about it, that’s what you get for punching a hard headed dick in the face.”

Junhee scoffed and let Donghun bandage his hand. “What would you have liked me to have done, just let him pound me.” 

Junhee immediately laughed at his choice of words as Donghun grabbed his face to look at his lip and eye. “I would rather you let me pick you up at the club or take a cab home. Why the hell do you walk or even take the bus?”

“Donghun, we don’t all have money like you do.” Junhee teased as Donghun worked on cleaning the cut on his lip. 

Donghun smirked and pulled away his hand. “I thought I was your sugar daddy though.”

Junhee pushed him backwards on the couch. “If you were, you’d be giving me a lot more money. You don’t even pay for my time anymore, it’s so sad.” Junhee straddled Donghun on the couch after he landed on his back. 

Donghun let him and rubbed his hands up his thighs. “Maybe we should go back to that, you were such a good supplier.” Junhee said it as he leaned down and went to kiss Donghun, but before he could he was flipped on his back, Donghun in between his legs. 

He yelped and wrapped his arms around Donghun’s back. “You’re such a brat, why do I love you again?” He said it as he brushed the hair out of Junhee’s face. 

They both stopped after he said the words, Junhee’s eyes got wide and Donghun stuttered. “Junhee-”

Junhee just smiled and shook his head. “Because you have a thing for brats apparently.”

Donghun let himself smile, dodging that bullet, they’d need to talk about it, but not now. Now, he kissed Junhee until they couldn’t breathe and curled up on the couch and talked about their equally crappy days. Junhee stayed the night for the first time in days. 

They had more nights like that over the weeks, they had kissed about a month before and Junhee found solace in Donghun’s home, showing up whenever he felt he needed the comfort of the other man. Always staying and finding it easier and easier to call it home as time passed. 

\---

Junhee was at the club just finishing up his set on stage when he caught sight of his boyfriend in the crowd. He smiled hard, Donghun had been busy at work a lot and rarely was early enough to catch him dancing, usually coming in later in the night when he was with customers. 

He made sure that Donghun got the full experience, staying near the middle of the stage where Donghun was seated near on the floor. He winked at him and saw Donghun’s smile. His stage tonight was more of a strip show than anything, people throwing money up at him. 

He looked to Donghun again and saw that the man was waving ones in front of his face. The bills making Junhee smirk and drop down on his knees and crawl to the very front of the stage. 

He made a come here motion with his hand at Donghun and the man stood up immediately. Donghun walked over to him and flashed the money in his face. Junhee grabbed his hand and brought it up to his chest, Donghun stepped closer, the stage making it to where Donghun’s eyes were in line with Junhee’s stomach. 

They smirked at each other as Junhee brought Donghun’s hand down his chest and kept rolling his hips in his face. Donghun kept control of the situation though, rubbing his hand down and finally pushing the bills into Junhee’s shorts. 

Junhee thought he was done but Donghun wasn’t, he came forward and pressed a small kiss to right under Junhee’s belly button. The older man looked up and caught his eye, Junhee leaned back and stood up and let go of him. He didn’t need to get fucking hard on stage, but here he was. 

He finished his set quickly and rushed off stage to get to his boyfriend. Over the weeks Junhee had come to terms with how he felt, he had been ready since Monday to be with Donghun, but the man had been so busy there had been no time. Junhee didn’t want to rush it, he wanted all the time in the world. 

He was adamant it would happen tonight, no sessions that required sex and he made sure that he didn’t get high. But as he was making his way towards Donghun on the floor Sehyoon caught him. 

“Junhee, there’s a customer asking for you. Says he wants a double session.” Sehyoon was frowning, he didn’t like those types of sessions but Junhee did. 

Junhee rolled his eyes. “I’m not letting anyone fuck me tonight, Yoon. What did he specifically say he wanted?”

Sehyoon smiled at him softly. “I told him that you wouldn’t be doing any of that tonight, he said it was okay, he just wanted to watch you dance.” 

Junhee nodded. “Thank God, a few lap dances, maybe a handjob and he’ll be good.” Junhee patted Sehyoon on the chest before he walked away. 

Sehyoon caught his arm before he could leave. “Not that I’m not glad you’re not accepting sex tonight, can I ask why?”

Junhee just cocked his head and smirked. “No reason, really.”

Sehyoon’s confused face made him laugh and Junhee just smiled. “Go find your husband, big guy. I have a client waiting for me.” 

Junhee finished up with his client easily, but his night had been hell otherwise. He had sessions booked back to back, not being able to get out of any of them. He had seen Donghun once the whole night, had dragged him around a corner and kissed him like he was dying. 

Donghun had told him it was okay, that he needed to work. He grabbed Donghun before he could leave and go back to Sehyoon. “Hey, meet me in my dressing room before you leave tonight okay. If you could just stay until close that would be even better.”

Donghun cupped Junhee’s cheek and kissed him sweetly. “I’ll stay, no work tomorrow thankfully.” 

He turned to go and Junhee caught his hand and smiled at him and pulled him in once more. “Don’t drink anything tonight okay.”

Donghun looked at him a bit weird but nodded. “Okay, I won’t” He kissed him again and walked away. Their hands only letting go when Donghun got too far. 

Junhee spent the rest of the night wanting it to end and when it did he thanked whoever was up there. He rushed into his dressing room but didn’t see Donghun there. He hoped he was at the front with the others, that he didn’t leave. 

Junhee dressed in one of his velvet shirts, liking the feel of it on his skin. Tight black jeans, ripped to hell and boots. He checked himself in the mirror, wiped down and grabbed his bag. He tried hard not to sprint out into the club, he failed. 

He spotted the other three at the bar, talking to each other. He bounded up to Donghun and kissed him on the cheek. “You ready to go, Hunnie.” 

Donghun nodded at him and threw an arm around his shoulders. “What’s gotten into you, you’re not-” 

Junhee shook his head, completely sober. He looked up at Donghun’s eyes and put his lips to his ear. “I want you to take me home.” 

Donghun pulled away from him, hearing what he was asking in his voice. “But, are you-”

Junhee just nodded at him. “Take me home, Donghun.” The older man nodded, they said goodbye to their friends and made their way out to Donghun’s car. 

It was the longest car ride of Junhee’s life and Donghun’s hand on his thigh didn’t help in the slightest. Donghun was using it to caress him, his hand occasionally slipping in between his legs, crossing the inseam of his jeans. 

At one point, Junhee had got fed up and clenched the hand on his thigh. He slowly guided it up to right below his crotch, he knew Donghun could feel his cock hard in his jeans. 

Junhee had gasped slightly when one of Donghun’s fingers had slipped out from his grasp and gently rubbed along his clothed cock. Junhee didn’t want to have sex in the car, but he was seriously contemplating leaning over Donghun’s lap and giving him a blow job as he drove them home. 

He didn’t want to die though and when he looked over at Donghun he could tell that just this much was affecting the man enough. Donghun caught his eye quickly and Donghun pushed his hand back down Junhee’s thigh. 

“Junhee-ah, behave yourself, please.” Donghun watched the road and squeezed Junhee’s knee. 

Junhee let out a breath and spread his legs wider on the seat. He whined out a breath and caught Donghun swallowing. “Can you drive any fucking faster.” 

Donghun smirked and instead of slamming on the gas he took his foot slightly off it. Junhee watched stunned as they went from a cruising 65 to a measly 40. Donghun smirked. “Now, be good and be patient. Trust me it’ll be worth it.” Donghun’s hand slip back up and gripped Junhee through his jeans. 

Junhee thrust his hips without his approval and moaned. “Holy shit.” Junhee hoped the hand would stay but Donghun clearly had other ideas. Junhee whined again when the hand left. 

He looked over at Donghun stunned as the man pulled in slowly to his driveway and stopped the car. He looked over at Junhee and smiled. He leaned in and kissed him, Junhee let him but gave him a mean look. “Oh, so it’s like that.” 

Donghun smirked and undid his seatbelt. He licked into Junhee’s mouth before he answered, making the other man moan, taking over all control. “It’s always been like that.” Donghun got out of the car. Junhee sat for a minute and caught his breath. He watched Donghun walk to the front door, turn around and walk back to him. Donghun got up real close through the open window of the passenger seat. “I’m not fucking you in the car Junhee.” 

Junhee scrambled to get the car unlocked and step out. He crashed into Donghun and they practically ran into the house together. The minute they got inside Donghun slammed Junhee up against the wall. Junhee moaned as his arms went up around his neck. 

Donghun didn’t waste any time, pushing his body against Junhee’s hard. Junhee had opened up to him immediately and Donghun pushed his tongue inside his hot mouth. Junhee felt him everywhere, he let him control the kiss. Let was a strong word, Junhee practically melted at the control Donghun had over him. 

They kissed until Junhee felt his lips bruising, Donghun’s tongue making him whine out swears and having him grinding against the other man. Donghun bent down and grabbed under Junhee’s thighs and hauled him up. 

Junhee wrapped his legs around Donghun’s waist and pressed all his weight into him. The man holding him up groaned and pushed one hand into Junhee’s hair to pull as the other arm supported him under his ass. 

Donghun walked them to his bed, he never stopped kissing him. Junhee just kept at it, not worrying about their destination, he was too focused on getting enough friction by grinding down onto Donghun. 

Donghun made it to the bed and pulled away from Junhee, he whined at the loss of his lips. He was rewarded with Donghun throwing him down on the bed, albeit gently. Junhee smirked up at him and watched him. 

Donghun was breathing heavily, hair messed up from where Junhee ran his hands through it. Junhee could feel his shirt ridden up on his stomach, he watched Donghun’s eyes zero in on the skin. He sat up slowly and scooted to the end of the bed. 

Donghun stood there watching him, he put his hands on the older man’s thighs. “What do you want me to do Donghunnie?” Junhee pressed his face against Donghun’s stomach and kissed him through his shirt. Donghun grabbed a handful of hair and gently pulled Junhee up to look at him. Junhee smirked, “Or better yet what do you want to do to me?” 

Donghun inhaled and looked at him with so much love Junhee couldn’t believe it. “Everything, I want everything.” Donghun surged down and kissed him. He reached down and pulled Junhee’s shirt up and off his body. Junhee doing his best to get Donghun’s off too. 

Donghun peeled his off and then was scooting Junhee up the bed. Once Junhee’s head was near the headboard, Donghun pressed his legs apart with one hand and laid down in between Junhee’s thighs. They were lined up everywhere, the skin on skin contact was making Junhee fuzzy. 

Donghun brushed a hand away from his hair and whispered to him. “You are so fucking beautiful you know that right, not just on the outside.” Donghun brought up a hand to Junhee’s chest, he pressed it against his heart. “Here is where your true beauty lies.” 

Junhee grabbed him and kissed him hard, he couldn’t fathom how he deserved this man, but he was gonna take all he could. 

Donghun kissed him like he was starving, like wanted to devour him. His hands running along his side, squeezing his hip as Junhee’s nails raked across his back. Donghun started to grind down onto Junhee. They both groaned at the same time as they finally felt relief, but not enough. 

Donghun’s hand that was on his waist ran across the waistband of Junhee’s jeans, coming to a stop in the middle of his stomach. Donghun ran his hand down and flicked the button on his jeans. He looked up at Junhee before he went any further. Junhee nodded, he pulled him down into a sweet kiss and gave his consent. “Yes, please Donghun.” 

Donghun moved back from Junhee, the dancer whined but Donghun just smiled at him and kissed him once more. “Be patient, baby. We’re getting there.” 

Donghun slid down until his face was in line with Junhee’s stomach. He flicked open the button on Junhee’s jeans and slowly, torturously pulled down the zipper on his jeans. Donghun brought his lips down to the area he revealed. 

He kissed along the edge of the waistband and licked along Junhee’s abs. He came all the way up his chest and smirked at Junhee before he flicked a nipple. Junhee let out a loud moan.

Donghun groaned at the sound. “Don’t hold back, no one can hear I promise.” With that he sucked one of the buds into his mouth and Junhee arched into his mouth. He treated the other one the same way and found out how sensitive Junhee was. 

“God, I bet you could come just from this.” Junhee was breathing heavily, sweat already starting to build up on his body. 

Junhee caught his breath and smirked at him. “Oh, I could, but if you don’t fuck me soon you’ll never get the chance to find out.” 

Donghun tisked at him and moved up to worry a bruise along his collarbones. “We’ll get there, I want to take my time. Make sure you’re all the way worked up.” 

Junhee whined and grabbed a fistful of Donghun’s hair and yanked. Donghun groaned as he did it. “I’m worked up I've been worked up.”

Donghun winked at him and pulled the hand away from his hair. He grabbed both of Junhee’s hands and shoved them above his head. He ran his nose up Junhee’s cheek. “I see no one has ever given you the decency of proper foreplay.” Donghun sweetly kissed Junhee and lowered his body back down on him and grinded his hips. 

Junhee kept his hands above him, not being able to move much because of Donghun’s waist. “What a fucking travesty, you deserve someone to worship you, to take their time on you.” Donghun looked truly upset and Junhee was having a hard time handling it. His feelings were all over the place. 

Donghun looked at him sweetly. “I’ll never let you feel like sex is just a means to an end Junhee, I can’t-” Donghun shook his head and let go of Junhee’s hands. Junhee brought one up to cup his cheek, he kissed him on the cheeks, his jaw, then his lips. Donghun finished what he was saying. “I will never make you think that I don’t want every part of you. I love you Junhee.”

Junhee felt tears and he just nodded at Donghun. He surged up and kissed him, licking back into his mouth. Donghun let him control the kiss for a minute before he pulled away. He looked at Junhee’s hands and mouthed stay, Junhee’s whole body felt the command and he didn’t move. He grabbed the headboard behind him to keep himself from grabbing. 

Donghun slid down his body and brought his hands to the edge of Junhee’s Jeans. He gripped them and started to pull them off, Junhee lift up his ass to help him. They got stuck around his ankles and Junhee started to smile, they were too tight. Donghun frowned at them and tried to get them off. Junhee tried to hold back a laugh but he couldn’t. “Need some help over there tiger?”

Donghun huffed and then laughed. “Jesus, why do you have to wear these this tight.” Donghun was giggling now, huge smile on his face as he finally tugged the jeans off. 

Junhee just smiled at him, “They make my ass look good, what can I say.” He turned sideways a bit to show it off, he smirked. 

Donghun just rolled his eyes at him and brought down a hand on a cheek. He spanked him lightly and Junhee half laughed, half groaned. “Oh, we’re doing that aren’t we?”

Donghun smirked and got on all fours above Junhee. “Well, I mean it’s definitely on the table.” He then ran a hand along Junhee’s underwear, running a finger along his hard cock. All jokes were over and Junhee was whining again. 

“Christ Donghun, please just do something.” Junhee couldn’t stand much more. 

Donghun kissed right above his waistband and pulled the briefs off. Donghun had seen Junhee naked before, but not in this scenario, not like this. He heaved out a breath and looked up at Junhee. 

The man was still holding onto the headboard, but Donghun could see him squirming, see that he was a little embarrassed. He had nothing to be embarrassed about. “I know you know this and I know I say it all the time, but fuck you are stunning.” 

Junhee just rolled his eyes. “Fuck off.” 

Donghun smirked and leaned down, in between Junhee’s legs again. “Do you want me to fuck off or do you want me to do something else.” 

Junhee whined and wriggled on the bed. Donghun brought his hands up Junhee’s thighs and almost to where he wanted him. Donghun breathed hot breath on his cock and brought his mouth down to the meat of his thigh and kissed him. 

Junhee breathed out. “Anything, please anything.” 

Donghun sucked a mark into Junhee’s thigh, the other boy moving around trying to get some friction where he desperately needed it. Donghun was playing the long game though, Junhee felt showered in love, but he was honestly dying. 

Donghun finally moved his mouth over and smirked up at Junhee. The dancer groaned when Donghun flicked out his tongue and circled it around the head of his dick. Junhee’s hips thrust up and one of his hands buried itself in Donghun’s hair. 

Donghun pushed Junhee’s hips down to the bed and then took the hand out of his hair and pushed it back down into the bed. He looked up at Junhee “I told you to stay, I’ll tell you when you can touch.” 

Junhee could only whine as he listened to Donghun. The man then stopped teasing and took Junhee into his mouth. Sucking him down and swirling his tongue in the process. Junhee didn’t move his arms, he stayed put and moaned as Donghun worked him over. 

Donghun grabbed Junhee’s hips after a minute and pulled him toward the edge of the bed. Donghun let him slip out of his mouth as he got down on his knees on the floor. Junhee didn’t know what he was doing, but he didn’t complain. 

Donghun then grabbed behind Junhee’s knees and placed them on his shoulders, both legs crowding around his head, Donghun grabbed a handful of Junhee’s ass and sucked him back down. 

Junhee was honestly losing his mind, he had never experienced this before. It was all too much. He needed to warn Donghun before he came. “Donghun, I’m gonna, I’m not gonna-”

Donghun pulled off and used his hands to jerk Junhee off, he brought his mouth back down to his thigh and sucked another bruise. Junhee was clean, took tests ever three months but they both knew better, they needed to be safe. 

Junhee arched up as Donghun sunk his teeth into the meat of his thigh and came on his stomach and on Donghun’s hand. He was shaking when he came out of his daze and Donghun was surging up to kiss him, moaning into this mouth. 

“Holy fuck, you are so hot.” Donghun couldn’t stop praising him. He kept kissing him all over, but Junhee was still wanting more. 

 

“Donghun, please, I need you.” Junhee whined at him and pressed his body up into his. Donghun shut his eyes tight as Junhee’s body caused him to remember how hard he still was. 

He reached over into his nightstand and did his best to find the lube and condoms. Junhee had attached his lips to his neck, it was causing him to lose control of most of his functions. He finally felt the tub of lube and grabbed it. He yanked out the box of condoms and threw the lube on the bed and grabbed one out of the box. 

Junhee was moaning into the side of his throat and doing his best to grind his body into Donghun’s. Finally, he pushed Junhee down on the bed and kissed him hard. “I’m gonna let you touch this time, but be good.” 

Junhee nodded his head and his hands made their way into Donghun’s hair as he kissed him. Donghun took the opportunity to bite Junhee’s lip and hear him groan before he pulled away and grabbed the lube. 

He opened the cap and the sound made Junhee whine, finally he was getting what he wanted. Donghun drizzled the lube on his fingers and then rubbed them together to warm them up. He used his clean hand to rub along Junhee’s thighs. “Do you want to do this on your stomach, it’ll be easier.” 

Junhee shook his head. “No, I want to see you.” Donghun smiled at him and kissed him sweetly, he grabbed a pillow to put under Junhee so his hips could be lifted. Junhee watched him concentrate, get him into place, his pupils were blown out and there was sweat glistening across his chest. He had never been more attractive. 

Donghun got him settled and then leaned down to kiss him. Junhee felt his hand coming up to his thighs and moved past. He kept kissing Junhee as he pressed a finger to his rim. Junhee sucked in a breath, this part had never been that fun for Junhee, but he wanted to be with Donghun. 

Donghun kissed him on the forehead, but didn’t push in. He whispered to him, “Junhee-ah you have to relax, I promise it’ll feel good.” 

Junhee breathed out and Donghun pushed his finger in, it wasn’t the most comfortable at first but Junhee stuck it out and after a minute the feeling went from weird to something he had never really felt before. 

Junhee had never had an amazing exprerience with sex, it had never been incredible, Donghun was proving all his theories wrong. He was moaning before he could catch it, loudly into the pillow under his head. Donghun worked his finger in slowly, taking his time and not rushing. 

Donghun had big hands, Junhee couldn’t even think about how turned on he was. Those hands were working over him, in him and making him feel things that he didn’t know he could. 

He kept kissing along Junhee’s face as he did so. “Does that feel good, do you want me to keep going?”

Junhee couldn’t talk, he just nodded his head yes. Donghun’s finger disappeared and he whined, but it was quickly remedied by Donghun coming back and slowly inserting two fingers, he had taken the time to use more lube. 

Junhee tried not to move too much on the bed, but when Donghun started scissoring his fingers he couldn’t help it, he was doing his best to move with Donghun’s fingers, shoving himself down on them. Donghun was doing his best to find that spot. 

Junhee let out a loud moan and arched his back, Donghun had done the one thing no man had ever done for Junhee. Donghun kept up a relentless pace right on that spot, he added a third finger and Junhee could see stars behind his eyes. Donghun just watched him in awe. 

“Donghun if you don’t stop, I will come again.” Junhee breathed out, finding it hard to find the words. 

Donghun bit down on his neck. “And tell me why that would be a bad thing.” He kept twisting his fingers and hitting that spot.

Junhee whined. “Because I want the next time I come for you to be inside me.” 

Donghun pressed his forehead against Junhee’s neck as he groaned. “Fuck, are you sure?”

 

Junhee nodded. “Yes, I’m ready. I want you.”

Donghun nodded and pulled away, they both realized that Donghun still had his jeans on somehow. They both smiled as they quickly got them off and Donghun opened the condom. Junhee took it from his hands and smirked at him as he unrolled it and put it on Donghun. 

He then took the lube and prepped him, Donghun moaned at the contact, he watched as Junhee’s small hand jerk him off. 

Finally Donghun took Junhee’s hand away and pushed him down gently on the bed. He kissed him and asked him one more time if he was sure, Junhee just kissed him in response. 

Donghun lined up but didn’t push in, he ran his hands all over Junhee, the other man ready to push himself down onto him. But Donghun kept him steady with his hands. 

“I want to feel you, baby. Can you look me in the eyes.” Donghun asked Junhee sweetly. 

The other looked up at him and nodded. “ Please, I want you inside me.” Junhee had never felt the need so strong before, never had he wanted it this much. 

Donghun nodded and pushed in slowly. Both men groaned, Junhee’s eyes rolled back, Donghun had done the one thing no other man had for Junhee, prepped him. Junhee felt his world tilt and his whole body was for Donghun. 

Donghun sank all the way into Junhee and stopped, he waited to Junhee to adjust. After a few seconds Junhee wiggled his hips and pushed down, Donghun got the hint and started fucking him slowly. 

He did it as slow as he could, not wanting to rush, wanting to feel all of the man he loved. Junhee was blown away by what he was feeling, Donghun was filling him up and it was everything. He needed him to move faster, push harder. 

“Donghun, faster. God.” Junhee whined out, he couldn’t help it. He started to rock down onto Donghun

Donghun just looked him in the eyes and pushed the sweaty hair off his forehead. He held his hips so he could control his thrusts, stopping Junhee from doing it. “Baby, slow okay. I promise i’m right here.” 

Donghun kissed him and started to thrust a little bit harder, pulling out almost all the way before pushing back in. Junhee watched him, the love in his eyes. He was so overwhelmed, he couldn’t believe this was happening. That his man was moving so slow for him, being so gentle. 

He felt tears slip out of his eyes before he could stop them. Before he knew it he was crying. Donghun stopped his thrusts, the look on his face worried. “Honey, sweetheart, what’s wrong did I hurt you?”

Junhee shook his head and locked his legs around Donghun to make sure he didn’t pull out. “No, I just-” Junhee sniffled, the tears were coming out hard now. “I’ve never had this, it’s never felt like this.” 

Donghun looked teary eyed, Junhee wiped away a tear forming at the corner of his eye. Donghun cupped his cheek and wiped away the tears with his thumb. “You deserve to feel this good every time and only this good.” 

Junhee choked on a sob as Donghun started to move again. Junhee looked at him and was lost, the words came out before he even knew what was happening. “I love you.” 

Donghun stuttered in his thrusts and looked at Junhee amazed. “Junhee, baby. I love you too, so fucking much. You are everything I ever dreamed of having. I can’t believe that I get to be with you.” 

Junhee pulled Donghun into a kiss, both of them still crying. Donghun started to thrust harder and faster like Junhee had wanted. Both boys were a mess, Junhee felt like he couldn’t breathe but he didn’t care. 

Donghun felt so good moving in him, holding him down. Junhee held on as Donghun thrust into him, not slowing down his relentless pace, causing Junhee to feel his whole body erupt in goosebumps. 

He was close, he threw his head back and arched as Donghun nailed him in the same spot over and over. Junhee screamed as he came, Donghun mouthing along his jaw. Junhee saw stars and wasn’t aware of much for what felt like hours, but was probably a couple seconds. He came back to Donghun looking at him with a mesmerized face. 

“Park Junhee, you are astonishing.” Donghun muttered into his ear. He had stopped moving, Junhee could feel him still hard inside him. 

He shoved back down on Donghun and the man below him groaned. Junhee smirked at him. “Come on, fuck me Donghun.”

 

Donghun thrust hard into him and Junhee moaned as Donghun went hard and fast for almost 30 seconds before he felt him come inside the condom. Donghun groaned into his neck and Junhee held him close. 

They lay like that for a while, just breathing each other in and feeling all the emotions. Eventually, Donghun got up and cleaned himself up, he grabbed a wet towel for Junhee and cleaned him up as the man stayed in bed. 

Donghun ran the towel along Junhee, making sure he was thorough. Junhee just sighed as Donghun did it, muttering thank you’s and soft hums. Donghun got up to put up the rag and walked back over to the bed. 

He climbed on and situated himself above an almost asleep Junhee, he brushed away the hair on his forehead and kissed his temple. “Junhee-ah, are you okay?” He rubbed his nose along his cheek. 

Junhee hummed again and finally opened his eyes. “More than okay, that was just-” He squeezed his eyes shut and opened them again. “Intense, but I wouldn’t change anything.” 

Donghun kissed him, “Not even what you said. It’s okay if you didn’t mean it yet Junhee, you don’t have to-”

Junhee stopped him. “Do you love me Donghun? Are you in love with me?”

Donghun nodded his head. “I am, always been.”

Junhee smiled at him and brought up a hand to his cheek. “Then I meant it, I love you so much Lee Donghun. More than I thought I ever could.” He swallowed. “I heard what you said that one night, when you thought I was asleep. That you loved me. I was too high to really remember but it came back to me a couple weeks later and I just I couldn’t hold back anymore. My heart is yours now and forever.” 

Donghun was getting teary eyed, Junhee huffed out a laugh. “Cry baby.” He kissed him softly. 

Donghun squeezed him to his chest and whispered. “My baby.” Donghun didn’t let go of him and kept his hold tight. They kissed until Junhee couldn’t keep a yawn from slipping out of his mouth. 

Finally, Junhee turned over and pushed his back against Donghun’s chest. “Sleep now, okay?” 

Donghun pushed his face into Junhee’s neck. “We need to take a shower and put on new sheets and-”

 

Junhee just pulled Donghun’s arm around his waist, intertwined their hands and placed them over his heart. “Sleep, shower in the morning.” 

Donghun nodded and settled. “Okay, in the morning.” 

Junhee hummed and breathed out a breath. He was okay, he was going to be okay now. He had Donghun.


	7. Don't Lose Hope, It'll be Alright

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s sunken into my bloodstream; this safety that you’ve given me. But sometimes something etched into your bone and skin can’t be erased by even a love this strong. It might only take one moment to have it all slipping back through your fingers.
> 
> Uh, hey, I'm sorry :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Explicit stuff in this chapter, just a warning! I hope y'all enjoy! It's very early in the morning and I haven't slept so i'm gonna sleep, please leave some love for me for when I wake up. <3
> 
> Songs:   
> Do you?: Rebecca Black   
> Be Alright: Dean Lewis  
> Stay Awake: Dean Lewis  
> Dive: Ed Sheeran   
> Wild Love: James Bay (this was playing during the sweater scene (: )
> 
> Dances:   
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IpVf5-aTgys (this is the dance bk and jh’s is based off of, please watch it, it’s incredible, this company is amazing.)
> 
> Also if you haven't yet please go follow me over at twitter at yoonseh92! <333

Junhee felt the sun hitting him before he was even fully conscious, could feel the warmth surrounding him. His lungs pulled in his chest as he breathed in a huge gulp of air and let his whole body expand into the bright light that was cascading through Donghun’s blinds. 

He stretched his arms out, letting go of Donghun’s hand in the process. His legs pushed out and his body sighed back into the bed, he felt washed anew with a satisfaction that usually only came after he crashed into sleep. 

He smiled at the way Donghun squeezed him tighter and moaned into his shoulder. “It’s too early, go back to sleep Jun-ah. I don’t have to be into work today, let’s have a lazy day.”

Junhee turned around and held up his head with a hand under his chin. He pushed up higher than Donghun who was still laid out flat against the bed. He brought out a hand and brushed a stray piece of hair away from the man’s face. Junhee couldn’t help the way his heart tried to jump out of his chest, it was like it wanted to be as close to the source of warmth as it could. 

Donghun hummed as Junhee rubbed a thumb across his cheek, his eyes closed in pleasure. He looked completely relaxed, Junhee was amazed that he had done that. He was responsible for the way Donghun’s whole body sunk into the bed. 

He brought his face down close to his boyfriend’s and rubbed their noses together, Donghun scrunched his face up cutely. Junhee didn’t stop, just kept running the tip of his nose over the other’s face. 

Donghun sniffled and brought up a hand to shove away Junhee’s face, the man laughed and grabbed the hand that pushed him. He kissed the hand and the pads of his fingers. He brought his lips to the back of Donghun’s hand and left butterfly kisses. 

He kept going, all the way up the man’s arm. The whole way Donghun just laid in his spot and made disgruntled noises that were trying to hide the sighs he kept letting out. Junhee finally reached Donghun’s shoulder, he bit down and the older yelped. 

“What the hell Junhee?” He looked up to see his boyfriend smirking, a gleam in his eye. Junhee continued his kisses, across his collarbones, up his neck and to his chin. He brought out his tongue and flicked it across Donghun’s chin lightly, the other bit back a groan. 

Junhee brought his whole body up, looking Donghun in the eye. He was half lying on him, his left side resting comfortably on his boyfriend’s chest. The older’s arms came up and wrapped around his back, one hand coming up to run a hand through his hair. 

Junhee leaned down and whispered into Donghun’s mouth. “Good morning, my sunshine.” He kissed him after he said it, feeling the shivers that ran up the older’s body. He felt him smile into the kiss, “Or should I say grandpa, you sure sound like one this early.” 

Donghun pulled away from the kiss and shook his head. “You’re such a little shit, you know that right?”

Junhee only had time to nod his head before Donghun flipped them, pushing Junhee down into the mattress, taking his hands and pushing them up toward the headboard. 

Junhee yelped but then groaned loudly as Donghun’s whole body settled down on his, he forgot that they had not put any clothes back on after the night before. He could feel all of the man above him, he never wanted to be in another position. 

Donghun raised his eyebrows at him and slightly moved his hips, Junhee peeled away one hand from his grasp and quickly grabbed his boyfriend’s hip. He squeezed and got him to stop the movements. “If you would like this to be a calm morning I suggest that you don’t do that.”

Donghun winked at him and pushed past Junhee’s grip to circle his hips. “Who said anything about a calm morning.” He whispered it in Junhee’s ear before he brought his lips back to his mouth. 

He kissed him closed mouth, light, before he flicked his tongue across the younger’s lips. Junhee opened his mouth to him easily, moaning as Donghun took advantage of the permission. 

Junhee felt himself losing sense of everything, his boyfriend surrounding him, all over him. Finally, he had to pull away for air, to allow Donghun the chance to move his lips to his neck. 

Junhee huffed out a moan and spoke softly. “Hunnie, I have to go to work at noon, I can’t -” He stopped as Donghun’s hand grabbed behind his knee and pulled his leg up to wrap around his waist. He kept his hand there, his thumb caressing the sensitive skin. 

Junhee thought his whole body had now centered on that patch of tissue, all of his nerves bundling up around the area. He arched his back and pushed up into Donghun. The older was working his way down to Junhee’s chest. 

He stopped once he reached in between his pecs and looked up at Junhee, an innocent smile on his face. “I promise that I'll have you ready and out of this house by noon. But-” He turned his head to look at his clock. “Now, we have over three hours and if you would give me the permission I can show you what I can do in that amount of time.” 

Junhee swallowed as he watched his boyfriend keep his eye contact. He nodded his head and he swore he could feel his whole body thrum with electricity. Allowing Donghun access to every part of him had been the best decision he had ever made. 

Donghun smiled at him and leaned back up to meet his lips in a soft kiss. “Can you give me a yes out loud, baby.”

Junhee whispered out, “Yes, please.” He didn’t seem to be able to handle another minute. He breathed out a sigh of relief when Donghun bent down and kissed his chest. He looked back up at him one last time and said in his husky voice. “Just relax love.”

Junhee made it out of Donghun’s apartment at noon on the dot. Donghun had even had enough time to make Junhee pancakes. He had kissed his boyfriend with sugary sweet lips and left the building with his heart still lying under the covers of his boyfriends bed. 

\---

Donghun was finishing up a meeting when he spotted a familiar black haired mail sitting outside of his office talking to his secretary. He looked at him through the glass of the conference room and smiled, organizing his things as fast as possible. 

He was stopped by one of his coworkers, Changho, who was smirking at him as he placed a hand on Donghun’s chest. The man quirked an eyebrow at him and Donghun just scoffed and pushed away from him. 

Changho laughed and called out to him as he opened the door to the room. “You know boss, with that look on your face I would say you’re about to do something inappropriate in that office of yours.”

Donghun just threw up a slight middle finger as the other man laughed behind him. Donghun jogged over to where Junhee was talking animatedly with Jina, holding a take out bag in his lap. 

They were both leaned in close to each other, looked like two 13 year old girls whispering secrets to each other in the dark of a bedroom. Donghun walked up slowly and did his best to listen in, but Junhee caught him before he got close enough.   
The younger smirked at his boyfriend and gave Jina a look, she laughed when she saw Donghun. The smile on his face fell, he felt talked about, like they were sharing things about him. Junhee watched the pout on his face form and matched it on his face, mocking him. 

He placed the take out bag on Jina’s desk and walked over to Donghun. He squeezed his cheeks in between his hands and made cooing sounds. “Oh Mr. Grumpy, don’t worry we weren’t saying anything mean about you.” He punctuated the statement with a sweet kiss to Donghun’s face. 

Donghun crossed his arms as Junhee assaulted his face with kisses, he could hear his secretary laughing in the background. He let Junhee keep going for about 30 seconds before he pulled the man’s hands away from his face. 

Junhee pulled up a pout on his face when he was pushed away. Donghun smiled slowly and kissed the puckered lips. Junhee couldn’t hold the face, his lips upturned into a small smile and did his best to intertwine his hands with Donghun’s. 

Donghun noticed a small cut along the underside of Junhee’s eye, but didn’t say anything, he would wait until they were in his office to ask. He looked over to Jina as Junhee grabbed the take out. “Please, direct any calls for the next hour to my voicemail please.” He turned to go to his office, Junhee’s hand in his before he turned back to her. “No meetings or interruptions either.” 

Jina nodded her head with a smile and replied. “You got it boss.” She went back to her computer, but not before she winked at Junhee. They both burst out into helpless giggles, Donghun dragged Junhee away. 

Once they were in his office he locked the door and waited for Junhee to set out the food on his conference table. Junhee had been bringing him lunch steadily for almost two weeks. His afternoons weren’t super busy during the week and he liked having lunch with Donghun. 

They both sat down on the same side of the table and dug into their food. After some time went by, without talking Donghun remembered what he wanted to ask Junhee. 

He brought up a hand to thumb across the cut under Junhee’s eye, the younger looked at him and grabbed his hand and placed it in his lap. “I’m okay, babe. Just had a scrape with Minjae.” 

Donghun’s eyebrows scrunched together. “Why are you seeing Minjae, why are you fighting with him?”

Junhee sighed and rubbed a thumb along Donghun’s hand in his lap. “He came by the club earlier today and was asking for money. He actually had the balls to walk in the club and ask me for money and drugs.” Junhee shook his head and looked down. “I can’t help him, Sehyoon had to kick him out by threatening to call the cops. He knows better than to show up there.” 

Donghun swallowed before he asked his next question. “I don’t want to drill you and we haven’t really talked about a lot in the last couple weeks but why isn’t he allowed at the club?”

Junhee brought up his free hand to rub a thumb against Donghun’s cheek. “It’s fine, you know you can ask me anything.” Junhee sighed before he went on. “Minjae was the reason that I got addicted, you know that.” It was the first time Junhee had ever said the words addicted. They had said things in passing but this was one of those times Junhee didn’t hide from him. 

“He gave it to me at the club Sehyoon got me out of, said that it would be better if I was high. The club supplied it, basically made us take it. When I left Minjae couldn’t understand and Sehyoon couldn’t risk taking him, it was like he had some kind of stockholm syndrome.” 

Junhee swallowed and kept going. “He tried so many times to get me to come back to the club, he threatened me a few times. I was always made sure that he didn’t overdose, that he wasn’t puking his guts out night after night. Finally, it got physical and Sehyoon had to ban him from the club. But he just keeps coming back. When I told him that not only I wasn’t going to get him money but that I was trying to get away from coke he lost it.” 

Junhee swiped a finger under his eyes, tears trying their best to roll down his cheek. Donghun listened carefully as he remembered the morning Junhee had decided to try to get clean. 

It had been the night he had come home so high he broke down in Donghun’s arms. That morning he had been so embarrassed, he had never been so bad in front of the older man before. He had woken up and immediately apologized. Donghun had said he didn’t need to but he needed to get clean. 

They talked for almost an hour about it, laying in bed together, their warmth protecting them. Junhee had told him that it would be hard and he wouldn’t be able to do it cold turkey. He was still taking it sometimes at the club, but it was a lot less and in smaller doses. There were no withdrawal symptoms yet, but Donghun didn’t question him. 

Junhee had come home enough exhausted from fighting with dealers trying to get back his business. He only talked with one supplier lately, the man kept him with enough to start getting himself off the stuff. Junhee was scared to pull back completely, he didn’t want Donghun to know though. 

Case in point why he didn’t let Donghun in on when he took the drugs, if he took just a bit the other man never truly knew. 

He just knew that Junhee was trying his best to get clean, he was happy just knowing that. Junhee wanted to tell him more but it was hard. He trusted him fully but this was something he felt like he had to do on his own.

Junhee finished his story, “He grazed me with his fist before Sehyoon pulled him away from me and threw him out. I’m fine, I just wish he would leave me alone, that everybody would leave me alone.”

Donghun brought a hand to the back of Junhee’s neck and brought his forehead near him. He kissed him on his temple then near his hairline. He rested their foreheads together and breathed with Junhee. He whispered to him, even though no one else was around to hear. “I’m so proud of you for trying, you know that right? You’re fucking incredible and so strong.” 

Junhee nodded his head and finally let his tears fall, he was struggling a bit with it. It was hard, he wasn’t going to be completely clean for a very long time, but for Donghun it was worth it. It had been over a month since he started, he could keep going. 

He never wanted to be high with the other man, especially since Junhee was finally ready to be with him fully. Nights at the club had become more than bearable the past week knowing that he could go home to Donghun and have the other man push him into the mattress and help him forget everything around him. 

Donghun pulled Junhee into him, the man clambering into his lap. He curled up on him and wrapped his arms around his boyfriend’s neck. Sometimes, he didn’t think the word was strong enough for what Donghun was to him. Savior. Partner. Soulmate. 

He let Donghun’s arms swallow him whole, felt the way that his chest moved as he breathed out steady breaths. He matched his own to the other man’s, he let it caress him into a calm. 

Donghun just held him, whispering soft “I love you’s” into his ear. Junhee felt them melt like butter and seep through his skin, find their way into his bloodstream and directly into his heart. 

He was safe and he could make it. 

\----

 

They were all at dinner that Thursday night, the elegant restaurant casting a beautiful glow on Donghun’s skin as he cuddled up close to Junhee in their booth. 

They had decided to have a fancy dinner for Yuchan, he had received a promotion a couple days before. The 23 year old was now quickly climbing up the ladder, Donghun projecting that they would be partners in the next few years. He wouldn’t mind being a co-ceo with the younger friend. 

Yuchan was bursting with energy when they were seating, pulling his boyfriend down in the booth next to him. He always had plenty of energy but now he was extra bubbly. 

Junhee watched him with a smile as he roamed the nice restaurant with sparkling eyes. He reached over and tapped the other man on the hand. “Channie, it’s like you’ve never been in a restaurant this nice before. I know that’s not true, I know how much Donghun makes.” 

Donghun slapped him lightly on the shoulder as the hostess handed them drink menus and walked off back to the podium at the front. 

Yuchan giggled at Junhee and waved his hand in a stop it motion at him. “I have I just-” His eyes shined under the crystal chandeliers. “I haven’t been here with everyone, with all of y’all. It’s like, my family’s all here to celebrate an achievement with me.” 

Byeongkwan made a choked sound as he reached across the booth to grab Yuchan’s hand. Sehyoon’s hands came up to his waist to make sure the man didn’t fall over the table. Byeongkwan looked teary eyed as he spoke to Yuchan. “That’s exactly what it is chan.”

They all smiled at the youngest as Kwangsuck pulled him to his side and planted a kiss on the top of his head. 

The waitress came over and Donghun and Sehyoon both leaped at the chance to order wine for the table. Junhee and Byeongkwan both rolled their eyes at the men, both trying to show off their superior wine knowledge. 

Junhee scoffed and winked at Byeongkwan. He put a hand over Donghun’s mouth to stop the pretentious nonsense that was coming out, Byeongkwan thumbed Sehyoon on the neck to get him to stop talking. 

The waitress looked confused so Junhee saved her. “Bring two bottles of your best champagne and a couple of pitchers of beer for the table please.” 

The waitress giggled at the way Sehyoon and Donghun both made offended sounds. “Don’t worry about them ma’am, trust me you’ll appreciate the tip with the beer much more than with the wine.”

She smiled shyly as Junhee winked at her and she walked off to put in the order. Junhee sat back in the booth and crossed his legs. Donghun was giving him an incredulous look, Sehyoon was massaging the spot Byeongkwan had flicked. 

“What the hell guys, really?” Donghun did his best to look offended, Sehyoon’s pout was more on the nose than anything. 

The rest of the table laughed at the two oldest acting like babies. “Oh please, we’ll enjoy the beer way more than some stupid $200 bottle of wine.”

Sehyoon smirked, “Oh yeah what about the two bottles of champagne you just ordered?” Sehyooon cocked his head at Junhee.

Junhee just shrugged. “We’re celebrating aren’t we, isn’t that what champagne is for?”

Yuchan laughed as he pulled a menu to him and checked out the list of bottles. “Yeah, but you did order the one that costs $250”

Donghun sunk down in his seat and groaned. “Holy fuck Junhee.” Said man just laughed at patted his boyfriend on the knee and leaned close to his ear. “What, my sugar daddy isn’t going to put out for the expensive champagne?” 

Junhee’s hand that was on his knee slid up higher, he could tell that the words had affected Donghun. He winked at the man as Donghun sat up straighter and scowled at him. He leaned in to whisper to him. “You’re getting it when we get home.” 

Junhee just scooted as close to possible to him, Donghun wrapping an arm around his shoulder. “You promise?”

He felt Donghun shiver and laughed as he rejoined the conversation at the table. Donghun’s thigh against him pushed in harder and Junhee knew that the night would only be getting better the later it got. 

\---

They were two bottles of champagne and a pitcher of beer deep when Donghun’s sister called. The man put down his silverware and excused himself from the booth. Junhee watched him walk towards the entrance of the restaurant and walk outside before he picked up the phone. 

He looked to Sehyoon for any information. The man was deep into his steak and Junhee had to reach over and kick him under the table to get his attention. He accidentally missed and kicked Byeongkwan instead. “Ow, what the fuck Junhee.” The tiny man kicked him back. 

Junhee laughed as he cursed. “Get your husband, he looks like he’s ready to marry that steak.” 

Byeongkwan rolled his eyes and pumped shoulders with his husband. Sehyoon’s head shot up and he looked over to Byeongkwan. The man just shook his head and pointed to Junhee, Byeongkwan went back to his conversation with Yuchan. 

Sehyoon looked over to Junhee and gave him a questioning look. “What’s wrong?”

Junhee pointed over to where Donghun was talking on his phone outside. “What do you know about his sister, why is she calling him? He looked a bit frustrated.”

Sehyoon’s eyes showed recognition and he nodded. “It’s one of his sister’s birthdays next week. His family is planning a big party and everything. His sister is still trying to get Donghun to go, but he’s proving to be stubborn about it.”

Junhee’s forehead wrinkled as the words sunk in. “Why is he not going, he hasn’t really talked about his family too much, just that he doesn’t see them often.” 

Sehyoon sighed. “He doesn’t get along with his extended family well. His parents are supportive but all his family is super close, so that means that when his aunts and uncles stopped talking to him his parents pulled back a bit on their relationship.”

Junhee scoffed. “So what, they found out he’s gay and wanted to disown him.” 

Sehyoon shrugged. “Basically. Donghun was going to go work for his dad after college, the business he runs was right along his path but he came out his first year and it kind of all went to shit.” Sehyoon looked over to where Donghun had hung up but was still standing outside. 

“The family didn’t forgive him, not only for coming out but for going to another company. His dad never blamed him and they love him, but it’s just hard.” Sehyoon looked sad, Junhee guessed he had lived it all with his friend. 

Junhee looked down at his lap. “I shouldn’t have asked for that information, I should have asked him.” 

Sehyoon smiled at him and shook his head. “No, it’s okay. He would have told you willingly, it’s just not something he tells unless you ask about it. I bet if you did he’d tell you in more detail.” 

When they went home that night he did and Donghun told him the whole story easily, but now still at the restaurant he watched as his boyfriend made his way back to them. 

Donghun slid back into the booth and leaned into Junhee. The younger wrapped his arms around his boyfriend, the rest of their friends’ eyes on him. “You okay?”

Donghun nodded at Junhee’s question and looked over at him, he kissed him on the cheek softly. “Yeah, everything okay. It’s good, my sister invited all of you to her birthday party next week. She said it would probably be easier for me if I had backup.” 

Donghun let out a humorless laugh and pushed himself even closer to Junhee. The younger just held him tighter. “We don’t have to go Hunnie, we can celebrate with her later if you want.” 

Byeongkwan backed him up. “Yeah, your sister loves smaller events. I bet she’d love coming over to our house and having dinner and playing some games with us.” 

Donghun nodded his head at that but then shrugged his shoulders. “She would love that and we should do that but I need to go to this party. I need to show my family that they can’t ruin me, that they have no hold over me.” 

He sat up straighter in his seat and smiled at his friends. “Plus, my nieces are all going to be there and I know how Byeongkwan gets baby fever every time he sees their tiny faces.” 

He also secretly was like Byeongkwan, he melted around babies. He hated it but they were a weakness for him. 

Byeongkwan slapped a hand down on Sehyoon’s thigh, the man winced as Byeongkwan smiled wide. “The babies are going to be there. Oh my God, now we have to go.” 

Everyone laughed as Sehyoon made a face at his husband, Junhee thought about how hilarious they would be with a baby. He thought they’d be amazing parents one day, maybe not while Sehyoon owned the club though. 

Junhee laughed at the thought and Donghun turned to him and smiled. Junhee kissed him and smiled. “I can’t wait to meet your family, maybe kick one of your uncles asses.” 

Donghun threw his head back and laughed. The rest of the night Junhee stayed tucked under the older man. His thumb rubbing circles into the shoulder of his sweater. Junhee felt like a livewire, electricity thrummed through him the whole night. 

\----

Junhee was finishing up laying out his clothes for the night when he heard Donghun curse from the bathroom. He gently put down the sweater he was going to wear and made his way in that direction. When he peaked in the doorway he tried his best not to laugh. 

Donghun was giving his reflection in the mirror the cutest scowl he had ever seen. Junhee cooed at his boyfriend as he saw the little nick he had made with his razor. He walked up to his pouting boyfriend and grabbed the side that wasn’t lightly bleeding. “Did my poor Dongdong cut himself.” 

Junhee pouted back at him, using a baby voice as he said the words, mocking him. “Do you need Junjun to help you.” 

Donghun practically growled at him before lowering his gaze and nodding his head. Junhee huffed out a laugh and kissed him on the cheek before grabbing his razor and a washcloth. He first wiped away the blood from Donghun’s chin and then maneuvered Donghun around so his back was to the mirror. 

He tapped on Donghun’s hips and motioned for him to sit on the counter. Donghun pushed up and sat down near the sink, his legs falling open when he got comfortable. Junhee raised his eyebrows at him and winked. Donghun swatted at his hip and the younger man just laughed and moved to stand in between his thighs. 

Junhee gently cupped Donghun’s face and slid the razor down one cheek. He worked calmly as Donghun sat and let him finish shaving his face. The older sighed as Junhee’s soft hands cupped his face, he felt safe in Junhee’s arms. 

Junhee liked taking care of him like this he found out, usually it was the other way around but he really felt comfortable here too. Donghun watched him intently as he worked the razor, cleanly shaving around his chin and neck. 

Donghun brought up a hand to push the glasses back up Junhee’s face, he was forgoing his contacts tonight, Donghun looked really happy about that. 

As Junhee was finishing up Donghun grabbed his hips and spoke. “Have I told you how much I like you in your glasses? You really should dance in them sometime.”

Junhee hummed and rinsed out the razor, he grabbed a towel and brought it up to Donghun’s face. The older was expecting the other man to gently wipe him off, Junhee smushed the towel over him. 

He rubbed harder than he needed to, shutting Donghun up. The older could hear him laughing, finally the towel was taken away and thrown on the counter. Junhee smirked at him. “Oh yeah and what would you do to me after I danced with them, big boy.” 

Donghun pulled Junhee in closer by the waist. “I don’t know, hopefully fuck you hard enough you couldn’t see straight even with them on.” 

Junhee groaned as Donghun’s thighs closed in on his hips. The older was taller than him barely, but sitting on the counter he had to look up at him. Junhee leaned down and Donghun’s tongue poked out and swiped against Junhee’s bottom lip. 

The younger grabbed him by the back of the neck and kissed him hard. Donghun opened up to him immediately and Junhee groaned as he explored his mouth. Donghun’s hands were pulling on his shirt, trying to get as close as possible. 

Junhee could feel him hard against his stomach and he wanted nothing more than for Donghun to get up off the vanity, drag him to his bed, and do exactly what he had said he would. 

Sadly, they had somewhere to be. Donghun bit Junhee’s lip and he gasped as the older pulled away and smirked. As much as I love where this is going, my sister will not us appreciate being late because we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. 

Junhee leaned back into Donghun and kissed down his neck, the other groaning at the sensation. “We can just tell her we hit traffic. She never has to know.” 

Donghun laughed and pulled Junhee away from him, he didn’t look that pleased about it, looked like he would rather agree with his boyfriend. 

Donghun jumped off the counter and wrapped his arms around Junhee’s waist. “Come on, baby. I promise that i’ll make it up to you when we get back.” 

Junhee leaned into him, his scent causing him to flutter his eyes shut and press a kiss to his neck. “You promise?” 

Donghun leaned down and kissed him sweetly. “I do.” 

They left the bathroom to get dressed and Junhee thought he had calmed down until he turned and saw what Donghun was wearing. He mostly saw the man in suits, he almost always came to the club in them too. Sometimes in just a button down and slacks, rarely in jeans. 

When he did see him out of a suit it was either in his sleep clothes or in more casual outfits, like t-shirts. Junhee always thought seeing a man that never wore a suit in a suit was the height of attraction but he had it wrong. 

Seeing a man that always wore suits and rarely in anything else in business casual was absolutely the thing that would ruin him. It’s not like he had never seen him in clothes like this before but it was like Junhee’s brain decided to project the fact that him and Donghun weer having sex now across his mind. 

He had somehow managed to get 10 times sexier than he had ever been in clothes like these. 

Donghun’s hair was pushed back with a light amount of gel, his eyebrow piercing on full display. His black jeans were stylish and looked new, the fit of them stretching tight across his thighs. When he bent over Junhee moaned at how his ass looked in them, Donghun had peeked over his shoulder and made a face at him. 

Junhee had coughed and looked in the other direction, hearing the older laugh at his reaction to him catching him looking. The rest of the outfit didn’t help quell Junhee any, how did someone look hot in a turtleneck. 

The shirt was long sleeved and black striped, it came all the way up past Donghun’s neck and looked cozy. He had tucked the shirt in and Junhee was given full display of the black belt laced into the loops of his jeans. He didn’t know why that turned him on but it did. 

Donghun was almost oblivious to Junhee’s struggle as he slid into a leather jacket that just made the look go from almost sophisticated to “hop on the back of motorcycle” hot. 

Junhee watched as he put a stud in each ear and sat down to put his boots on. He just stood there until Donghun was done, when the older looked up Junhee couldn’t stand it. 

He walked over to him and threw a leg over his lap and settled on his thighs. Donghun’s hands immediately came to his waist and he smirked at him. 

“Junh-ah we need to go.” He held onto his waist as Junhee started to circle his hips. 

Junhee put his mouth up to his ear and whined. “I need you Hunnie, you don’t know what you’re doing to me. That outfit is going to torture me all night.” He practically wilted in the older man’s lap. 

Donghun stilled him and pulled him back to look in his eyes. “Now who’s acting like a baby.” He kissed Junhee, keeping his eyes on him.

The younger pouted and tried to move his hips again, he was on his way to being hard and he didn’t want to go to a party like this. “Baby needs you though.” He didn’t bring his voice out of a whine, he could see Donghun’s will dissolving. “I might not be able to resist at the party.”

The man brought up a hand to Junhee’s cheek and kept his gaze. “If you promise to behave at the party, I might just take care of this quickly.” 

Junhee nodded and watched as Donghun reached the button on his jeans, popped it open and unzipped them. He shoved his hand inside and Junhee moaned at the direct contact. 

Donghun pressed his lips up to Junhee’s neck and started to suck a bruise on his skin as he quickly jerked him off. Junhee’s hips moved on Donghun’s lap and pushed into the hand on him. Donghun didn’t slow down his pace, just moved his hand in ways that he knew would ruin Junhee quickly. 

It was no more than 5 minutes before Junhee was panting into Donghun’s ear and coming in his hand. Donghun kissed up his neck and met his lips. He pulled away after and smirked at the man on top of him. “Satisfied now?”

Junhee nodded and cuddled close. “I need to go change though, kinda ruined the jeans.” 

Donghun just laughed, “Your fault, not mine.” Junhee stuck his tongue out at him and started to walk off to get another pair. 

Donghun grabbed his hand before he got far and pulled him back towards him. He looked up at him with the sweetest look. “I love you.” He brought Junhee’s hand up to his mouth and kissed his palm. 

Junhee leaned down and brought a hand to his cheek, kissing him sweetly and rubbing their noses together. “I love you too, so much.” 

Junhee went to get a new pair of jeans, his heart feeling light. 

\---

Donghun followed his boyfriend once they got out of the car, he grabbed the younger’s hand and intertwined their fingers. He watched a smile spread across Junhee’s face and felt his whole body lean towards it. 

Junhee looked amazing, the jeans he had changed into where ripped a bit in the knees, but nice nonetheless. He had on a plain black tea with a button up hanging off his slim shoulders, his hands peeking through the sleeves. The button down was a soft blue flannel that looked warm. Junhee’s brought the look to a whole new level with the wire brimmed glasses that settled on his nose. 

Donghun practically sighed at him as they walked up to his sister’s front door and rang the doorbell. Junhee checked his phone when it buzzed and showed Donghun that the others were already at the house.

The door swung open and Donghun’s older sister squealed as she saw her brother standing in the doorway. Donghun pulled her into a hug and rocke her back and forth. She almost cried in his ear. “It’s so good to see you Hunnie, I’m so happy you’re here. This is like the best birthday present ever.” 

Donghun’s sister was in her late 30’s but she would always be tinier than him and she would always talk to him like they were still kids. He loved her so much and missed her when he was trying to stay away from his extended family.   
Donghun pulled away to look at her, she was beautiful and looked so much younger than her age entailed. “I’m happy to be here too, I wouldn’t miss it for the world you know that, no matter what the family says.”

His sister kept smiling as she looked over at Junhee, the man stood up straighter, but almost shrinking into himself at the same time. 

Donghun’s sister held out her hand to him, the smile never wavered from her face. Junhee wasn’t sure what she knew about him, he looked toward Donghun who was just giving him an encouraging smile. 

He shook her hand as she introduced herself. “I’m Do-hee. You must be Junhee. It’s so nice to finally meet you, everytime I talk to my brother on the phone he can’t shut up about his boyfriend.” 

Junhee jolts as she pulls him into a quick hug and then pulls back, keeping her hands on his shoulders. “You are gorgeous though, holy shit. Damn Donghun I can’t believe he’s dating you.” 

Donghun scoffed and pulled Junhee to him causing Do-hee’s hands to drop off his shoulders. “What is that supposed to mean? I’m cute.” 

Junhee laughed and went to squeeze Donghun’s cheeks with his hand. “Yes you are baby, so cute.” 

He heard Donghun’s sister laugh quietly and looked over to see the smile on her face. “Junhee, i’m so glad you’re here. Seeing that smile on his face makes me hope that you stick around for a very long time.” 

Do-hee leaned into the door when someone called her name, she started chatting with someone about which wine they could open. 

While she was distracted Junhee leaned over to Donghun and whispered into his ear. “How much does she know about me exactly?”

Donghun replied back, “She knows where you work, that’s all. I’m not gonna tell her anything else unless you want me too.” 

Junhee swallowed. “She knows I’m a stripper and she still-”

Donghun brushed a hair away from his face. “Yeah, she does. I trust my sister implicitly. She didn’t even blink an eye. She just countered back with ‘and what would a stripper want with your ass?”

Junhee burst into laughter and Do-hee turned back to look at them from the door. “What’s so funny?”

Junhee just let go of Donghun and walked up to her to enter the house. “Nothing, I’m just excited to meet you too.” He kissed her on the cheek and walked into the house to find Sehyoon, Byeongkwan and Yuchan. 

Donghun watched him go and smirked at his back. His sister turned back to him with that look she always gave him, her eyes twinkling. She pulled him up to her, an arm wrapped around his waist as they walked inside. She leaned into him. “Marry him Donghun, I swear to God if you don’t-”

Donghun just kissed her temple and nodded as he walked away to find his boyfriend.

\---

Donghun found Junhee in the kitchen with the others, pouring a couple glasses of wine and snacking on what was left around the kitchen. 

When Donghun got over to Junhee the other man pulled him into his side. He cuddled up to him and Donghun was sure that he could stay in that position all night. Unfortunately it was only about half an hour before he was forced away from Junhee by his mom. 

She had finally found him and they needed to talk, at least those were her words. He kissed Junhee on the cheek and left him with the others. He walked toward his mother, she was smiling at him gently. 

She took his hand when he got close enough and led him to a bedroom on the first floor. She closed the door once they were inside and sat down on the made up bed. Donghun sat down next to her when she patted the spot. 

He huffed out a breath and looked at her. “What is it you wanted to talk about? Is it Junhee because if it mom he’s not going anywhere I love him and-”

His mom waved her hand in front of him. “No, honey. He can stay, your sister invited him of course he is welcome here.” 

Donghun shook his head. “Then what did you want to talk about, if it’s not him then what did I do wrong?”

His mom looked sad and she put her hands on his cheeks. “Oh no baby, you did nothing wrong. I just wanted to talk to you privately. It’s hard to say how proud I am in front of the whole family without one of them making some joke or ruining it. I didn’t want my praise to be tarnished by one of their sneers.” 

Donghun was taken aback. “What-” His mom smiled at him softly and took his hand again. “I heard from Sehyoon that you’re doing very well at work. I read about your company in the papers all the time. You are doing some incredible things young man.”

Donghun lowered his head shyly and bowed at her praise. “Thank you, I’m really trying.”

She patted his cheek and her eyes were shining. He didn’t think he’d seen his mother this happy since her last grandchild was born. “Also, that new boyfriend of yours. I’ve never seen you look at someone like that before.” She looked close to tears. “He seems very special and you seem happier than I've ever known you to be.” 

Donghun smiled and wiped away a tear from her cheek. “I’m very happy mom, he makes me so happy. I love him a lot.” 

His mom hugged him to her small body. He whispered to her, afraid to speak too loud. “I’m scared that I could lose him though. He’s-” He swallowed. “He gets himself into trouble sometimes, he’s getting better but-”

His mother pulled away and listened as he told her about Junhee. About where he worked and how the drug addiction pulled at him daily. She never once let go of his hand, she never looked disgusted, she just listened. 

Once Donghun was done he felt tears on his face, he wiped them away with his thumb and took a deep breath waiting for his mother to speak. 

She sat for almost a full minute before she caught his gaze. “It does not matter what he does or where he came from, only how he loves you and how you love him. Does he love you Donghun?”

Donghun nodded, the tears still falling. “Yeah, mamma. He does, I know how much he does.” 

His mom smiled again and got up from the bed pulling him with her. “Then you don’t need to worry child, it will all work out in the end. I promise.” She pulled his head down to her level and kissed his temple. He wrapper her up in his arms and they walked out of the room together. Donghun felt lighter than he had in a long time. 

\---

The sight before him caused him to stop in his tracks, his mom stopping with him. His jaw dropped at what was before him. 

There was Byeongkwan smiling like an idiot as Junhee knelt down in front of his sister and calmly held his hand out to Donghun’s oldest niece. She was only four, she still hid behind her mother’s legs, holding her dress tightly in her chubby hands. 

Junhee called out to her softly. “It’s okay baby, my name is Junhee. I’m a friend of Donghun’s.” Donghun watched as his little niece looked up at her mom, her big eyes asking so many questions. 

His sister leaned down to her daughter and rubbed a thumb across her cheek. “Honey, this is uncle Dongdong’s boyfriend. Can you say hi?”

The child’s eyes lit up at the words. She stepped out from behind her mother’s dress and took Junhee’s outstretched hand. She smiled at him and the words slipped out in her small voice. “You love uncle Dongdong too? That’s why you’re his boyfriend?”

Junhee cooed at the way the words came out of her mouth, her voice like bells in his ear. The sweet little girl was still holding his hand and smiling like she had made a new best friend. One that loved her Dongdong just as much as she did. 

Junhee nodded his head and smiled at her, she showed him her teeth and gums with hers. He was melting, he could hear Byeongkwan’s soft squealing behind him. “Yes, I love your uncle too. Very much, he means a lot to me, does he mean a lot to you?”

She nodded her head and rushed to hug Junhee to her. He stayed kneeled on the floor as her tiny body crashed into him. He hadn’t hugged a child in a very long time, he couldn’t remember the last time he held something this precious in his arms. 

She pulled away to look at him. “Yes, uncle Dongdong always brings me presents and takes me really cool places. But you want to know what he does best?” Junhee nodded his head and waited. “We make friendship bracelets together and he makes me pancakes and helped me learn not be afraid of the dark.”

Junhee was seriously just a puddle on the floor now, he couldn't imagine what the expression on his face was. He didn’t know what to say so he just held up his wrist to the little girl, she gasped as she saw the bracelet on his wrist. 

“He must really love you too, that’s what the bracelet means.” She giggled as she looked up and her eyes got even bigger. “Uncle Dongdong.” She screeched as Junhee turned his head to see none other than Lee Donghun smiling at him, his eyes shining in the light. He loved him so much. 

His niece sprinted to him and jumped at him. Donghun caught her and pulled her up to hold her against his chest. She giggled and squirmed and pulled away to squish his cheeks together. “Dongdong, your boyfriend is really nice, you should keep him.” 

Donghun bursted into laughter and was glad this was happening in a secluded hallway and not in the living room of the house. Only about five people had seen the whole interaction. Donghun smiled at his niece and laughed. “I think I will, thank you for the advice.”

She shrugged at him and said “you’re welcome” and then squirmed her way back down to the floor. She ran back off to Junhee and caught both his and Byeongkwan’s hands. He watched as she pulled them over to where her craft stuff was, sat them down and started having them make bracelets with her. 

Donghun watched as both boys happily did just that, not complaining once, huge smiles on their faces. Donghun watched them until he felt someone bump his shoulder, Sehyoon was standing next to him. The other man watched the pair and then looked at Donghun. 

“I hope that I can give him a family one day, he wants one so badly.” Sehyoon sighed as he rested his head on Donghun’s shoulder. 

The oldest wrapped an arm around him and nodded his head. “You will Yoonie, one day you will I know that.” Donghun knew it would be years off, that they’d have to do something with the club but he also knew Byeongkwan and him had their own plans for it. 

Byeongkwan wanted to open a dance studio under Sehyoon’s management. The older would still keep the club but he wouldn’t be the manager anymore, he’d just own it from afar. Donghun thought it was a wonderful plan and hoped they’d get to reach it soon. 

Sehyoon hummed as he kept watching their partners. “One day, I want to be standing next to you at the altar, as your best man, watching you take his hand in marriage.”

Donghun felt his whole body shake at the idea. “Sehyoon-” The other just leaned back to look at Donghun. “I know things too Hunnie, I'd bet my life on it.” 

At that he walked away from Donghun and towards his husband. Donghun spent the rest of the night sitting behind Junhee, legs spread around him as his niece taught them the best way to make friendship bracelets. 

The only hiccup in the night past that was when his sister woke her littlest one from her nap and brought her out to the party. Junhee had seen her and immediately had made grabby hands for the baby. She was only 6 months old and his boyfriend couldn’t resist. 

Junhee sat in between Donghun’s legs, the older leaning back on his hands, crossed legged and held the baby out in front of him. 

He cooed at her and rocked her back and forth. He babbled at her as she smiled at him and giggled. The laughter that came out of Junhee was one of pure happiness. The next 30 minutes were spent with his head on Junhee’s shoulder as he watched his baby niece fall asleep in his boyfriend’s arms. 

“Yeah.” He thought as Junhee rocked her to sleep and kissed her chubby cheek. “I’m definitely gonna marry him someday.” 

\---

Junhee smirked as Donghun’s eyes followed him across the stage, his boyfriend was sitting down but Junhee could tell that he was having an effect on him. He was practising some of his pole work in the club and Donghun had showed up about a half hour ago because it was Saturday and he didn’t have to work. 

Junhee spun around the pole and pulled himself up it climbing until he was about to the middle. He flipped upside down and practiced some of his shoulder work. He wasn’t being sexy, this was hardcore practice for him but Donghun seemed to find it enticing. 

 

He heard the other boy yell out as he slid down the pole to the ground. “That’s my baby!”

Junhee covered his face as he hit the floor, the other dancers in the club looking at him and smirking. One of them laughed and swatted Junhee with a sweat towel. “How about you go and play with your boyfriend instead of practicing so much, it’s not like you actually need it.” 

Junhee fired back by smacking him on the back of the head and jumping down from the stage and making his way over to his boyfriend. He thought about how they had been together for almost four months now and he still got butterflies every time he looked at him. 

Junhee felt amazing, he had been doing so much better. He was still working on cutting himself off from the drugs, it was slow but he was dealing with it. He was never high with Donghun and really only took it at the club and it was in small doses. He was proud of himself for handling it all incredibly well. 

When he reached Donghun he sat down in his lap bridal style as the older man brushed away hair from Junhee’s face. His other hand went to Junhee’s legs and ran his hand on his thigh over his sweatpants. 

Junhee leaned down and kissed him sweetly, hearing wolf whistles from the dancers. Junhee threw out a middle finger to the whole lot of them. Donghun eventually pulled away and he whined at the loss. 

Donghun just smiled at him and swiped a thumb across his bottom lip. Junhee cupped his cheek with his hand. “What do you say to us going to my dressing room and me riding you in a chair.”

Donghun’s pupils widened at his words but he didn’t move from his spot. “Or we could wait until we are home tonight and I can fuck you into my mattress instead. Or you can ride me in my desk chair, either one is an option.” 

Donghun brushed his lips against Junhee’s neck and the younger sighed. He pulled back Donghun’s face after letting him kiss his way up his chin. “But what if I wanted you now, right here?”

Donghun growled as Junhee ground down on his lap. “There will be no one here for hours and I’m desperate Hunnie.” 

Junhee wasn’t above begging when he really wanted something, he also knew how much it turned Donghun on. He was right to do it, too. 

Donghun sat up as he let Junhee put his feet on the ground, grabbed his hand and dragged him to the back rooms. He pulled Junhee into his dressing room and pushed him against the closed door. 

Junhee sighed into the contact and let Donghun have his way with him. This was his new high, the drugs on his vanity had nothing against the way his boyfriend pulled at his thighs to have him wrap them around his waist. Or the way Donghun thoroughly prepared him. Or how he pushed into him as he held Junhee up against the wall. Nothing compared to how Donghun felt surrounding him. 

\---

Junhee and Donghun walked back out to the main floor almost an hour later, they were almost assaulted by a wild Byeongkwan running into the building screaming. 

Said man was pulling the two of them and Sehyoon off to the side of the bar and couldn’t stop his whole body from jumping up and down. Finally, Sehyoon placed his hands on Byeongkwan’s shoulders and tried to still him. 

“What is going on Kwan, you need to calm down.” Sehyoon was smiling at his husband, but he looked slightly worried. Junhee couldn’t stop smiling at the interaction.   
Byeongkwan caught his breath and shoved the papers in his hands at his husband. “I got the job.” Sehyoon’s head shot up and he made a surprised sound, Byeongkwan kept talking. “The choreography job, I got it. They said they loved my work and they wanted me to partner with them on their showcase. Sehyoon this could mean so much for the studio. I can finally have some work to show and people might want to start taking lessons from me and-”

Byeongkwan didn’t finish before Sehyoon was pulling him into a hug and spinning him around. “Kwannie, this is fucking amazing. I’m so proud of you.” Sehyoon put him down and kissed him, the two separated but couldn’t stop smiling at each other. 

Junhee kept his face schooled with a smile. He was so happy for Byeongkwan, he had been working for so long to get a choreo position, one that could help him break out and start building his studio. This was the opportunity his best friend had been looking for, so why did Junhee feel a pit in the bottom of his stomach. 

He knew what jealousy felt like and he felt horrible for it being turned toward his best friend. It was gonna eat at him, but he couldn’t stop the way his whole body felt tight and hot. 

He smiled at Byeongkwan and hugged him, he congratulated him and didn’t let the others see what he was feeling. He never would. 

Junhee eventually pulled away from the group, excused himself to the restroom and made his way over to the hallway where they were before he slumped down against the wall and put his head between his knees. 

He wasn’t going to cry, he was going to be fine. He didn’t know how to push what was happening away, for the first time in a while he wanted a hit. Actually, felt like he needed one and not just for the night or work. 

He was about to make his way to his dressing room when he heard footsteps in the hallway. He wiped his eyes and stood up, but then he saw Donghun hovering in the entryway. The need for the drugs washed away and all he wanted and needed was standing right in front of him. 

Donghun rushed to him when Junhee felt himself break. Donghun had no clue what was happening, he just ushered his boyfriend into his dressing room and held him close. 

After a while, Junhee finally stopped crying and Donghun grabbed a towel to wipe off his face. They sat on the floor in front of the door curled into each other, Donghun broke the silence. “You don’t have to tell me, but if you want to i’m listening.”

Junhee pulled Donghun’s arm closer around him and snuggled into his side. “I feel like everyone is moving forward but me. You have this incredible job and you literally couldn’t get any higher if you tried. Yuchan is moving up, he just got a promotion. Sehyoon, well the club is doing amazing as always. And now Byeongkwan is finally able to stretch towards his dream after so long. And don’t get me wrong I’m so fucking happy for him but I just feel like i’m not going anywhere. I’m stuck here.” 

Donghun pulled him closer and wrapped both of his arms around him. He whispered to him. “There is no race here Junhee, we do things at our own pace. If there’s something you want to move towards then you take your time and do your best to get to it. If you need help you ask, if you just want someone to support you i’ll always be here.” He kissed Junhee on the head as he finished. 

“That’s the thing though, I don’t even know where to start or what I'd do. I just-” He shrugged his shoulders, “I don’t know what else there is for me.” 

Donghun kept him tight to his side. “There are so many things that you could do, the world is so open for you baby. What is something you want to do?”

Junhee played with a loose thread on Donghun’s jeans. “I just want to dance Hun, that’s all I’ve ever wanted to do.”

Donghun hummed and pulled up Junhee’s face to his. “Then just dance.” He kissed Junhee and the man melted into his side. The three words sounded so simple coming from Donghun, but they were like a ledge he was standing on. He felt if he jumped toward them he could lose everything. 

\---

That night Junhee was still trying his best not to sulk, but he was failing miserable. Donghun had made him feel better but the pit in his gut was still there. He was glad that tonight wasn’t a normal night for the club. There would be no stripping or private rooms on the agenda, just old-fashioned dancing. 

 

Sehyoon did this every once in a while. He held what surmounted to a competition between the dancers at the club and anyone else who wanted to join. There was a cash prize and the audience were the ones who voted. 

Junhee and Byeongkwan didn’t actually compete but they still danced in the show, they just weren’t allowed to win. There had been a debacle a few years back, when they had won back to back three times in a row. They made a deal that they would give others a chance at the title. 

The dance they were doing tonight was something that they choreographed together, it was a piece of art and Junhee was so proud of it. It wasn’t a happy dance, the story was quite sad but it was powerful nonetheless. 

Junhee was backstage stretching out with Byeongkwan a few minutes before they would go on. He could hear the crowd cheering on the dance on the stage, his ears were ringing. 

Byeongkwan looked over at him and cocked his head to the side. “Are you okay, you’ve seemed upset all day. If you need to talk I'm here.” 

He smiled at his best friend, he loved him a lot. He just shook his head at Byeongkwan and smiled. “Nope, I’m fine. Just trying to get into character. Thanks though.” 

Byeongkwan laughed lightly, “Yeah, this dance is pretty heavy. I’m kinda hoping there are no dry eyes in the house.

Before Junhee could respond they got a one minute queue from the stage crew and then got ready to go on stage. They held hands as the curtains for the front opened and walked out together as the lights hit them. Junhee couldn’t see the crowd well, but he could spot Donghun in the front clapping and smiling at him. 

Junhee smiled back at him and winked, Sehyoon sitting beside him was blowing kisses at Byeongkwan. Both him and Donghun both rolled their eyes at the same time. 

Junhee let go of Byeongkwan and took his place. Him and Byeongkwan stood on opposite sides of the pole that was in the middle of the floor. Their backs towards each other, arms spread out behind them crossing over each other. 

The music started and Junhee breathed in, let his chest cave in with the air and then let it go. He moved to the music, feeling Byeongkwan on the other side, the air rushing around them. Their loose tank tops and jeans breathing air into their skin. 

The music was soft at first but it picked up quickly as they danced together. They used each other as props and spoke with their bodies to the music. In the beginning of the dance Junhee had grabbed Byeongkwan threw him over his shoulder, spun and then thrust him back to the floor where he landed on his knees. 

They danced around the stage, guiding each other and becoming as much of one person as they could. Junhee didn’t know when he started crying, but he could feel the tears coming down his face. He tried his best to stop them. This dance was about a break-up, he was in a loving relationship, so why did he feel so much connection to the song and dance. 

Finally, he caught himself as he lifted Byeongkwan up and threw him into the air and caught him again as they both rolled out of the trick. The song picked back up to the chorus as the ropes from the ceiling. Byeongkwan and Junhee both stepped to opposite sides of the stage and stood right below the silk robes. 

They landed in their outstretched hands as they both wrapped the fabric around their wrists and tangled themselves up in it. Once they both were secure they twisted and pulled themselves up upside down, legs above their heads. 

They both rolled down to the floor and then the ropes were lifting up off the ground. Junhee could see Donghun’s face lighting up, he could see a spark of fear in him too though. He had never seen Junhee do the ropes, he didn’t do them often. 

As the ropes lifted them Junhee wrapped one side around his body securely before they were too far off the ground. They lifted them all the way up to the ceiling. Byeongkwan and him gracefully spun around with the silks captivating the audience. 

The song came to a close and both men looked at each other and nodded. They looked to the audience and Junhee caught Donghun’s attention, knew the man was watching. They both pulled at the silk and spun towards the floor. They heard the audience gasp as they stopped right before they hit. 

The song ended at the perfect time and both boys lowered themselves completely to their feet. They unwrapped themselves and bowed. Byeongkwan ran over to Junhee and wrapped him up in a hug as the audience went wild. Junhee couldn’t stop smiling, this was the feeling he was looking for. 

He caught Donghun’s eye and then ran down the stage, he wasn’t working tonight he could do what he wanted. He ran to Donghun and jumped in his arms, the other man ready to catch him. Donghun spun him around whispering praises into his ear. 

Junhee pulled back and saw the tears in his eyes. He wiped them away with his thumb and frowned at his boyfriend. “Why are you crying?”

Donghun just shook his head and grabbed Junhee’s face. “You were born to do this, you lit up like a night sky up there. Junhee, you are so-” He never finished, Junhee pulled him into a hard kiss. He thought he heard the audience cheering louder but he didn’t pull away to check why. He just kissed his boyfriend, in the middle of the club, while others started to dance around them. 

He was still sad, but he had hope that maybe Donghun could erase the feeling from his memory.

\---

Donghun was exhausted when he unlocks the door to his house and walks into the building. He throws his keys on the kitchen counter and goes straight to the fridge to get a bottle of water. He gulps half of it down before he realized that there is soft music playing from his radio.   
He turned to the rest of the building and looks over the living room to his bed. It’s late, he usually sees a sleeping Junhee there but not tonight, what he sees tonight jump starts his system. 

His boyfriend is sitting on his heels on the bed, but that’s not what causes Donghun’s breath to stop. It’s the sweater he is wearing, Donghun’s big purple sweater to be exact and the fact that Donghun can tell he has nothing else on underneath it. 

Junhee had been off and on with his emotions lately, going from sad to happy between the days. He would have thought Junhee was using too much again but he was with the man almost all the time, he knew that he wasn’t high. 

Donghun watched as Junhee got up from the bed and made his way over to him. He pulled at the sweater on his way over, clenching it in his small fists. The fabric bunched around his hands, the hem swishing against the top of his thighs. Donghun thought he was going to die for the lack of oxygen that was getting to his brain. 

Junhee had his glasses on, his hair was wet from a shower and his face still a bit red from his nightly routine. Donghun thought about how he had never looked more beautiful. No make-up, fresh scent of soap coming off of him, and just Donghun’s sweater to warm his lean body. 

Junhee was only a few feet in front of him before Donghun came out of his daze. The other was looking at him from under his eyelashes, acting like he was shy. He wasn’t. Donghun walked the rest of the way to him and grabbed his hip with one hand and pulled him into his body. 

Junhee made a soft sound when they’re bodies touched and he reached up and wrapped his hands around the back of Donghun’s neck. He brought his face up to Donghun’s and rubbed their noses together and whispered “Welcome home, Hunnie.” Donghun shivered as the words reached him. There was nothing truly special other than the fact that he felt warm as the words wrapped around him. 

Donghun brought a hand up to move into Junhee’s hair. He pulled his head back slightly and looked into his eyes. “Certainly a nice thing to come home to.” He ran his hand through his boyfriend’s hair and watched his eyes flutter shut. 

He brought his lips up to his cheek and kissed softly. He ran kisses down to his chin and then his neck. He pulled away the neckline of the sweater to reach his collarbones. He lightly bit down on the skin and felt Junhee push his body into him. The whine that left his mouth was involuntary. 

Donghun took his time and sucked a mark into the skin, Junhee squirmed in his hold, one of Donghun’s hands coming around to wrap up his waist to make sure he stayed standing. 

Junhee whimpered as Donghun licked at the purpling bruised he left on his skin. “Donghun, please. I need you so badly. I missed you all day and you’ve been so busy lately.” He brought his lips up to Donghun’s and licked into his mouth. 

Donghun groaned and wrapped both arms around him. He lifted him slightly off his feet and Junhee using his strength slowly wrapped his legs around Donghun’s waist. He could feel the way that Junhee’s thighs trembled as he pulled himself up, climbing Donghun like a tree. 

He shifted one hand to Junhee’s ass and groaned when he was met with warm skin, he squeezed a bit into his hand as his boyfriend let out an “ah” sound into his mouth. 

Donghun turned them around so that Junhee was facing the kitchen and set him down on the nearest countertop. The view he was met with was almost obscene. Junhee was sat on the counter, legs dropped open. His mouth was hanging open as he breathed and his hair was a wet mess where Donghun’s hands had run through it. 

His eyes dragged down the man’s body. The sweater seemed to swallow him, Junhee brought up a hand to his mouth and started to bite as his finger. Donghun moaned out a “fuck” as his eyes caught on the motion. His eyes moved lower and saw that while the sweater was big it didn’t cover up much when Junhee was sitting on the counter. 

It had bunched around his hips and he was completely on display. His hard cock was red and already leaking. Donghun surged up to his boyfriend and caught the whine that was let out in his mouth as he opened up Junhee’s mouth with his tongue. 

The younger man started to grind against Donghun, who grabbed behind a knee to pull him closer. They stayed like that for a while, kissing and moving their hips into each other before Junhee couldn’t take it anymore. He whined in Donghun’s ear and the man got the hint. 

He helped Junhee down from the counter as the younger started to pull him toward his bed. Once they got there Donghun was ready to throw him down on it and have his way, but Junhee had other things on his mind. 

Donghun was pushed onto the bed and he watched as a smirk came over his boyfriend’s lips. He brought both knees to the bed and straddled Donghun’s thighs. He stayed propped up, he didn’t bring down his body to rest along him. 

Donghun brought up his hands to Junhee’s hips, but they were slapped away. Donghun humphed but the younger man just watched him with a smile. If he wanted to play, he could play, that was just fine with him. 

Junhee leaned down and let his hands rest on each side of Donghun’s head. They both just watched each other for a minute before Junhee lowered himself down onto his lap. 

Donghun tried his best not to groan at the contact, he was still fully clothed but the image of Junhee was doing everything for him. Junhee went for the buttons on his work shirt and pulled him up to a sitting position. 

Donghun watched him as he started popping each individual button out of the hole. He chased them with his mouth as he kissed down his chest when the skin was exposed. Finally, Junhee got the shirt all the way unbuttoned, but before he pushed it off Donghun’s shoulders he kissed at the waistband of his pants. Donghun groaned as Junhee’s tongue flicked across the hem line. 

He smirked up at him as he leaned up and pushed Donghun’s shirt off his shoulders, the moment was so tense, Donghun could feel the heat burning in his abdomen. 

After Junhee pushed the shirt off his shoulders he threw it to the chair near the bed and then pushed Donghun back to lay down on the bed. He complied very easily, Junhee never took charge and Donghun was a bit stunned at the behavior. They had barely said anything to each other as he had walked in, but he knew exactly what Junhee was trying to say with his actions. 

Let me take care of you. Let me love you. Let me help you to forget everything and relax. He loved Junhee so much. 

As Donghun laid down the other boy shimmied down farther on the bed and then sat back up around Donghun’s knees. Their breathing was heavy in the otherwise quiet room, the radio too low to hear over the oceans roaring in their ears. 

Junhee flicked at the button on Donghun’s slacks and smirked at him. He pulled it free and then so slow the oldest started to squirm, he pulled down the zipper of his pants. Junhee pulled his slacks down his thighs and quickly discarded them and then sat back down on his knees. 

He brought up a hand to Donghun’s chest and then brought his mouth to where his hand was rubbing across his abdomen. He kissed down his stomach until he reached the hem of his underwear. 

Junhee licked a line across his abdomen and Donghun almost surged up into the heat. Junhee slammed his hips back into the bed. Donghun laughed as Junhee flicked his head up to eye Donghun. “Oh, really?”

Junhee just smirked and leaned back down. He brought one hand to Donghun’s thigh and the other rubbed up to where he wanted him most. He circled his hand around Donghun’s cock and slowly rubbed up and down. Donghun could barely feel the contact, he needed more. 

He moaned out a “Fuck, Junhee do something.” His boyfriend kept lightly stroking, not listening to what he was asking for. Donghun wanted to flip them over and pound him into the mattress but he knew Junhee wanted this, he would let him have hit. 

Junhee finally stopped barely stroking and reached for the waistband of his boxer briefs. He slowly peeled them away and licked his lips when Donghun was revealed. He wasted no time chucking them across the room, he seemed almost impatient now, Donghun wasn’t going to complain. 

Junhee got down on his stomach between Donghun’s legs and started palming his cock. He brought down his mouth to his thigh as he stroked and sunk his teeth into the skin. Donghun screamed out and bucked up as Junhee sucked a mark into his skin. 

By the time Junhee was satisfied with it Donghun was dying from the slow stroking he was receiving. Junhee looked up at him, an innocent smile on his face. “What do you want Donghun? Do you want my mouth or-” 

Donghun nodded. “God yes, your mouth please.” He didn’t beg but he wasn’t opposed to saying please. 

Junhee seemed please and before Donghun could even say anything else he sunk down on his cock. Donghun’s hips shot up but his boyfriend’s hands where there to push them back down before he choked. 

Junhee swirled his tongue around the head as he pulled up and winked up at him. After that Junhee got to work on making sure that every cell in Donghun was burned up and falling to ash into his bloodstream. 

Junhee bobbed his head as he used his tongue to do wonders for Donghun. Eventually Junhee grabbed one of his hands and put it in his hair. He lifted up off of him and said one word that almost had Dongun coming. “Pull”

Donghun listened and pulled on Junhee’s hair, the other moaned around his cock, the sounds vibrating through him. He was shaking, he didn’t know when that started but his whole body was attuned to Junhee’s mouth. 

Junhee started sucking hard but after a minute he stopped and just sat there. He then moved his hands from Donghun’s hips and the man knew exactly what that meant. He grabbed one of Junhee’s hands and intertwined their fingers as he slowly thrust into Junhee’s mouth. 

Junhee sucked as Donghun used his hips to slowly push in and pull out. He was moaning out “Baby, so good.” and before he knew it he was coming down Junhee’s throat. The other man swallowed and then let him slip from his mouth.   
Junhee sat up with a smug smirk on his face, incredibly proud of himself. Donghun just grabbed his hips and flipped him down on the bed under him. Junhee yelped and then laughed as Donghun settled under him. “My turn now, what do you say to me prepping you and then you riding me in just the sweater. How does that sound baby?”

He punctuated the words by slipping his hand down between their bodies and giving Junhee a soft stroke. Junhee nodded through a wine and a “please”. Donghun pushed at his hips until the younger man got the cue and flipped over onto his belly. 

Junhee wrapped a pillow under his head and crossed his arms under it. He laid on his stomach and waited for Donghun. He heard the other man rummaging in the nightstand drawer and his toes curled just at the thought. 

Donghun got everything he needed and then hovered over Junhee, straddling the back of his thighs. He felt Donghun lean down and press his chest against his back, Junhee could feel him half hard against his ass. He pushed back into it and felt Donghun groan. 

Donghun pressed his lips up to Junhee’s ear and kissed it. Junhee turned toward the feeling and let out a light laugh. He turned to look at Donghun and whispered. “You know, when I took that shower earlier I was very thorough.” 

Donghun cocked an eyebrow at him and Junhee’s heart jumped from his chest. “Oh did you now?” Donghun just hummed as he moved away from Junhee and sat back down on his heels. 

He felt Donghun’s hands on his ass a few seconds later, his big hands covering most of him. He spread him and Junhee wasn’t ready for the first swipe of his tongue over him. He pushed back into the feeling and whimpered as Donghun licked him again. 

Junhee’s hands clenched into the sheets as Donghun licked around his hole and when he felt a lubed finger press near his tongue he yelled out. Donghun circled the finger around his rim before he gently pushed in. His tongue still not stopping its movement. 

Donghun pumped his finger in and out of Junhee as he writhed on the bed. Donghun eventually pulled the finger out only to replace it with his tongue. Junhee whined as he felt his tongue push through the muscle and he didn’t know whether to push back into him and grind down on the bed. He decided to try to do both, he wasn’t very successful. 

Donghun grabbed his hips to still him and kept him away from the bed, Junhee whined as the stimulation was robbed from him. Donghun just kept going, thrusting his tongue in and out of him. He eventually added the finger back and Junhee was ready by this point. 

“Donghun-ah, please I’m ready. I need you inside me, I can’t take it anymore.” The words slipped out of him without him really knowing.   
Donghun lifted his head away from Junhee and just shook it. “I have to prep you a bit more, baby.” He punctuated it by pushing another lubed up finger into him. He started to pump and scissor them, stretching Junhee. 

Junhee just kept whimpering tears forming in his eyes as Donghun added a third finger. He thrust them in for about 20 seconds before a jolt made its way through Junhee’s system. “Right there, holy shit, please don’t stop. God, i’m gonna come.” 

Donghun didn’t stop, just kissed up Junhee’s back and thrust his fingers over and over into that spot. Junhee was coming on the sheets in under a minute. He sagged into the bed when his orgasm was over and Donghun held him up. They rested for a minute before Donghun flipped him onto his back and then did it once more. 

Junhee ended up in Donghun’s lap, sitting on his thighs. He felt like jelly, but his cock was stirring again quickly, he could feel Donghun hard against him. 

Donghun pushed hair away from Junhee’s forehead, the sweat slicking it back. “You ready, baby?”

Junhee couldn’t form the words so he just nodded his head and lifted up as much as he could. He felt Donghun help him and then he felt his cock pushing at his entrance. He let himself sink down slowly onto him and moaned all the way down. This was what he needed all night, he was waiting up for Donghun and now he was inside him, surrounding him. 

Donghun groaned as Junhee was fully seated on him, this was where he belonged. He grabbed at Junhee’s hips and started to help him set a slow pace. Donghun was sitting up against the headboard and it was the best view he had ever had. 

Junhee was slowly grinding down on him, the sweater still on him, slightly hanging off his shoulders now. Donghun took one hand and ran it up Junhee’s stomach under the sweater, he reached up to his chest and between his pecs. He felt the others heartbeat steady against his hand. 

Junhee was swirling around on his lap, using what little strength he had to lift up off of Donghun and then crash back down. Donghun could tell he was exhausted, he took control. 

He pulled Junhee to him and wrapped one arm around his waist and brought the other to Junhee’s neck. He pushed Junhee’s head up to look at him, the other’s eyes were hazy but he was looking right back at him. 

Donghun pushed their foreheads together and whispered into the air between them. “Keep your eyes on me, don’t look away.” 

Junhee just nodded his head and wrapped his arms around his neck. Donghun thrust up into him and Junhee let out the most beautiful sound, Donghun knew that this wouldn’t last much longer. 

He zoned in on that one spot and turned Junhee into a mess in his lap. The man was puddy in his hands and was pulling at his hair and trying his best to kiss him through the whines and moans. 

He never let his eyes move from Donghun’s, neither had never felt something more intimate than this moment. It wasn’t long before Junhee was surging up and coming on their stomach’s Donghun only a couple thrusts behind. 

Junhee collapsed into him when he stopped shaking and Donghun held him close to his chest and they breathed together. Donghun finally found his voice, husky from disuse. “I am so in love with you, did you know that?”

Junhee laughed into his neck and then pulled away to look at him. “Yeah, I think I did.” He kissed him sweetly and brushed the hair away from his eyes. “I didn’t think I could ever love like this, you’re hell bent on proving me wrong.” 

Donghun just smiled and slid down until he was laying down on the bed, Junhee on top of him, running a finger across his cheek. Donghun shifted so that he slipped out of Junhee, letting out a small huff of air. 

Donghun pulled Junhee tight to him and the man kissed him on his chest. They fell asleep, woke up around 3 a.m. and showered, and then curled right back into each other. The moon shining a glowing light in through the open curtains, casting them in some 3 a.m. magic. 

\---

Junhee woke up to his cell phone ringing his ears off. He pulled the covers away from his body and groaned as he sat up, he was sore but it made him smile. Last night was too good to care about a couple tender muscles. 

He grabbed the offending phone from the dresser and picked up the call without looking at the caller id. He answered, his voice soft from sleep. “Hello?”

A lady on the other end answered. “Hello, is this Mr. Park Junhee?”

Junhee nodded and answered. “Yes, this is he?” He felt Donghun stir and wrapped his arms around his waist, kissing his back. He turned his body to look at him and ran a hand through his hair, the man still laying down. 

“I hope I didn’t disturb your morning. I’m Ha-na from Seoul Assisted Living. Have you heard about your father’s condition recently?”

Junhee stuttered out surprised with the call. “Uhm, I heard about a month ago that he was doing well. I haven’t had the chance to come see him, I've been so busy.” 

The lady, Ha-na, made a comforting sound. “Oh no, it’s okay, we completely understand that. It’s just-” she paused and Junhee felt his heart pause along with it. 

“Is my father okay, is there something wrong?” Junhee didn’t want to panic but it was bubbling up in him. He felt Donghun sit up behind him and press his chin into his shoulder, anchoring him. 

“I’m sorry to tell you, but your father’s condition is getting worse. He’s been asking for you, there are some things that his doctors want to discuss with you. I’m sorry Mr. Park, we are doing everything we can, we’re just not sure how much longer he has. His dementia is getting worse.”

Junhee lifted his head to the ceiling so that the tears that were burning his eyes wouldn’t fall. He felt Donghun pull him back into his chest. “Thank you for letting me know, I will come by this afternoon.”

Ha-na told softly spoke after him. “Thank you Mr. Park, see you soon.” 

Junhee hung up the phone without a goodbye and placed it on the dresser. Donghun leaned more into him. Junhee didn’t know what to do. He felt himself shaking. Donghun pulled him back into his chest and pushed his own back against the headboard. Junhee was in between his legs and for a reason he didn’t know Donghun was pulling up his legs to his own chest and pushing his head between his legs. 

Donghun wrapped him up and Junhee finally understood why he was struggling to breathe. He couldn’t take in enough air, his whole body felt like it was on fire. Donghun kept whispering things to him, Junhee’s ears could finally register them. 

His breathing finally caught up to him but he still felt like acid was settling in his stomach. Donghun whispered “it’s going go be okay love” into his ear as Junhee felt everything slip through his hands before his fingers could pull it all back.


	8. Comfortable Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'll fall to pieces and crack wide open and you'll still be there. You'll still be warm words and open arms. A safe place to lose myself in."
> 
> Junhee's dad comes into the picture and it heals and breaks Junhee. Donghun does his best to help him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love you guys sooooooooooooooooooo much. I'm sorry for taking so long to update, there was a lot going on. This chapter, i'm sorry! l hope it's good enough. Also there's some heavy stuff in here so just be warned. Junhee is very sad, he doesn't do anything but his thoughts are very deep and dark. 
> 
> Songs I listened to while writing:   
> Comfortable Love: Keaton Henson (i’m sorry)  
> Take your Time: Vance Joy  
> I Dare you to Move: Switchfoot  
> Lights up: Harry styles  
> Start Again: Conrad Sewell*** (I listened to this mostly toward the end)
> 
> The last one is everything ok! I hope you enjoy. I missed y'all.

Junhee sat slumped in a hard plastic nursing home chair as he rubbed a hand through his hair. He had his other hand stretched out clutching his dad’s, their fingers intertwined as his dad slept. 

Junhee brushed the wetness away from his eyes as he watched his father. Donghun had left him to be alone, Junhee had needed the time. He knew that the other man wasn’t far, but he appreciated that Donghun knew he wanted to be alone. 

When they had gotten to the nursing home the younger had raced to the reception desk to get as much information as he could. The nurses said that his father had made a turn. He was barely eating, sleeping most of the day and refusing to get out of bed. 

Junhee had been so lost, he didn’t know what to do. Donghun had grabbed his hand and kissed his palm right above his pulse. He had brushed the hair away from his face and helped settle Junhee’s heart. 

He calmly talked to the nurses and asked if they could visit Junhee’s father. They had led them back to his room. Junhee had gasped when he walked into it, he hadn’t visited his father in a long time. There was too much that had been left unsaid and it was incredibly painful talking to a man that didn’t recognize him. That his eyes didn’t light up at his own son’s face. 

Him and his father had struggled for so long, had lost so much and Junhee hated himself for letting it get to the point it was at. When he walked in the room he saw how much his father truly still saw. 

There were pictures all over the room. Polaroids and printer paper and official snapshots of their life together. Of Junhee’s mother and sister running to the ocean. Of Junhee on his father’s shoulders throwing his head back and laughing. Of his parents walking hand in hand as him and his sister played tag in their front yard. To so many moments that Junhee had stored away for safekeeping. 

This was his story, everything he was and Donghun was standing beside him. When he looked over at the older man he saw a look of awe in his eyes. Donghun scanned the room like he was parched. This was everything for him. 

He could see tears swimming in his boyfriend’s eyes, he could see the reach for nostalgia. He could feel these memories and moments deep in his bones. Donghun was seeing them for the first time but Junhee was reliving each and everyone in a way he never thought he would. 

He didn’t realize he was shaking until Donghun wrapped an arm around him and pulled him close. “Your life is so beautiful Junhee.” Donghun whispered to him. 

He didn’t say was, he said is. Still is and will continue to be. The faith Donghun had in him was astounding and he was not worthy of an inch of it. He burrowed himself in the warmth of his boyfriend’s arms. 

They heard a slight cough and turned behind them to see the nurse that led them to the room smiling softly. “You can stay for as long as you like Mr. Park.” With that she left the room and gently closed the door. 

Junhee pulled away from Donghun but as he did he reeled in his hand. He walked around the room guiding his boyfriend behind him. He touched all the pictures on the wall with a reverence that showed how special they were. 

Donghun didn’t say anything about the young teenage girl in the pictures. Junhee had never said he had a sister. 

Donghun didn’t dare touch anything but Junhee. He didn’t want to mark any of these beautiful moments with his greasy hands. He didn’t want them to be touched and mared. He wanted them whole and shining as they were. 

Junhee’s face slowly lent itself to a smile as he stopped at a picture of a landscape, Donghun didn’t know anything about the picture but it exuded longing and nostalgia. 

Junhee touched it like it was the most precious thing in the world. He stared at it for a long time before Donghun heard him speak softly. “This was the land that my dad bought when I was not even in school yet. My sister and I learned how to ride our bikes along the dirt paths. We learned how to play soccer and race out in the grass fields.” 

“I didn’t tell you I had a sister before because it was too much. I kept her locked away because losing not only my mother but her too just made it so much more painful. I don’t want to lock her away anymore though, she deserves to be remembered.” Junhee looked on with deep sadness at the photos.

Donghun saw a tear escape Junhee’s eyes as he laughed softly. “This was where we were a family, where I felt so loved I never thought there could be anything else. Nothing could touch us, we were invincible.”

Junhee lightly turned the picture over and sighed. “This was taken a week before my mother and sister died. If you look carefully you can see them in the distance.” 

Donghun got up close to the landscape. He scanned it and finally saw what Junhee was talking about. He saw a woman in a long dress, dark hair trailing down her back spinning a small teenage girl in her arms. It was something out of a painting. So stunning Donghun couldn’t believe it had been an actual moment in time. 

Junhee leaned into his side and grasped his arm. “She’s the one who taught me how to dance. She taught me in the barn on our land. She had my dad install ropes and ribbons in the scaffolds and she showed me the beauty that we could become.” 

Donghun leaned down and kissed him on the forehead and they breathed each other in. Junhee let go of Donghun’s hand and walked over to his father’s bed and sat in the chair off to the side. He moved it as close as it would go and grabbed his father’s hand. 

Donghun walked over and placed a hand on his boyfriend’s back. He put his forehead to the back of his head and they just breathed together as Junhee told him stories of his family. 

An hour later Donghun whispered an “I love you” in his ear and left him to be with his father. This was where he was now. Head lowered and body slightly shaking. He started speaking in a low voice to his unconscious father. 

“Hey, Dad. I can’t believe you’ve done all of this. It’s like a photo album exploded all over your walls. Im dripping in memories.” Junhee laughed softly. He felt them cascading over him and swallowing him whole. He could sit here forever and worship the way the sun hit the pictures of his mother and sister cooking dinner in their kitchen. 

Or the way that the paper shined and made his mother’s eyes look alive and how the fan in the room made it seem like they were dancing across his vision.

He sniffed and looked back to his father. “I’m sorry that I haven’t been to see you. There has been so much going on and to be honest I thought that you would be ashamed to see who I've become. Not just the stripper, but the man.”

Junhee let out a sob and pushed his forehead to his father’s arm. “I’m so lost Dad. I don’t know what to do. I have this beautiful man who loves me and I can’t see how I deserve him. I can’t make myself stop destroying everything I've gained.” 

“I don’t want him to ever leave but I have this gut feeling that I will do something to cause him to. To make him hate me or never want to see me again. I can’t have that, Dad. I’ve lost so much already, I can’t lose him too. I love him so much.” Junhee wiped the tears as they fell and looked up to his Dad’s face. 

He brushed away a lock of hair that had fallen into his Father’s closed eyes. “I want to be the man he thinks I am but I don’t think I’m strong enough. There’s just so damn much going through my head, it feels like I’m being crushed under all the weight. I’m not… I don’t think I’ll ever be enough.” 

When Junhee stopped talking he heard a creak at the door and turned to see the nurse from earlier standing inside the room. She smiled at him. “Sorry to interrupt but it’s time for lights out.” 

Junhee looked around the room and saw that it was dark outside. He didn’t realize how long he had been in this room. Donghun would be waiting for him. 

He got up to leave but the nurse tsk’d at him. “You can stay, you don’t have to leave.” 

Junhee smiled and shook his head. “It’s okay, I’ll be coming back tomorrow and as much as I can, the rest of the week. I’m going to do better about seeing him.”

The nurse gave him a sad smile as he walked to the door. When he reached it he felt a soft touch at his arm and heard the nurse whisper into the dark room. “He talks about you in his more lucid moments. He tells me how strong his son is, how he has weathered so many storms.”

Junhe looked down at the floor and scuffed his shoes along the cold tile. He looked back up to the nurse and saw her kind eyes as she spoke. “You have always been enough. You are a good son Mr. Park, please don’t ever doubt that.” 

Junhee nodded at her and gave her a weak smile. He turned to the door and left his father behind in his room full of sepia colored memories. It felt like he had traveled back in time when he had entered the room and the real world came back full force when he stepped into the hallway. 

He walked down it slowly, processing what the nurse had said and what he had seen. His father wasn’t getting better and neither was he. He didn’t know who had more of a fighting chance, him or his father. 

He caught Donghun dozing in the waiting area at the front of the nursing home. He smiled at the way the man had curled himself into a chair and held his head in his hand. Junhee loved him so much but he wasn’t sure if it was enough to be who he needed to be. 

His strength was rattled and torn to pieces. Donghun woke with a start as Junhee got closer. When he saw him he smiled, his eyes crinkling along the sides and them shining brightly back at Junhee. 

His heart sank at the look he was given, the sheer love and pride. He didn’t deserve this. He was a shell of a man, just like his father was now. He tried his best to smile and knew Donghun would see through it. 

That was okay though, he was allowed to be in pain, he was given an excuse to be in the state he was. He hoped that his father recovered soon so that Junhee could start to repair the damage that this had done to his heart. 

He pulled Donghun up by his hands and the man wrapped him up in his arms. The only strength he had was what Donghun gave him and for now that had to be enough. 

*

Junhee walked those halls so many times in the passing month, his father still lying asleep in his bed. When he asked the doctors if he was going to wake up they told him it was up to his father. The couldn’t force it and it wasn’t up to them. His father was very sick and he needed to come back to them on his own. 

He took off days from work and didn’t worry about the money or the drugs. He needed to be with his father. He could feel it in his bones that he would wake up. The doctors had said it wasn’t a coma, that his father was just too weak. 

Junhee took that as good news that he would wake up. He let Donghun take care of him. He tried his best to stay away from his addiction. It crept up on him a lot and he gave in more times than he would have liked but he was trying. 

He had somehow found strength in his father waking up to greet him. To see recognition in his bright eyes. 

About three weeks after Junhee had gotten the initial call, he received another. The nurse on the other end of the was huffing breaths as she spoke into the receiver. She only said three words. “He woke up.” 

Junhee ran to Donghun’s front door as he crashed through the apartment. Donghun immediately on his heels grabbing up their keys and wallets. He hadn’t heard the conversation but made a couple guesses as to what was happening. It didn’t matter either way, he’d follow Junhee to the ends of the Earth. 

Junhee threw Donghun’s passenger door open and jumped inside. They didn’t speak until they were five minutes into their drive. Junhee had muttered a “nursing home” into the air and Donghun knew where to go. 

“What happened?” Donghun’s knuckles were white on the steering wheel and Junhee felt bad for scaring him. 

Junhee turned to him, tears threatening to spring forth. “He woke up, that’s all they said.” 

Donghun pressed his foot harder onto the gas and they made it to the home in less than 15 minutes. 

Junhee slammed the doors of the home open and didn’t wait for the reception nurses to usher him through the halls. He sprinted, his tennis shoes hitting the tiled floor as the walls blurred behind him. 

He didn’t hear Donghun racing after him, he didn’t see the nurses with their shocked but knowing faces. All he could see was the door to his father’s room open at the end of the hallway. 

He could hear his Dad’s voice in the back of his head. “Son, remember I’ll always be here. I will never leave you. I promise you this.” 

Junhee stormed into his father’s room, his eyes alight and his heart on fire. The doctors in the room cleared the path for him and were wide-eyed at the flushed man before them. 

Junhee walked to the bed and dropped to his knees when he saw his father’s eyes slanted open just the bare minimum. He would notice later how the lights were dimmed, how his knees would be bruised by them hitting the tiled floor. But now all he could care about was that his father was awake and his eyes were bright with recognition. 

“Dad?” Junhee sobbed as he grabbed his father’s hand. His dad blinked at him and shook his head slightly. 

He opened his mouth to speak and Junhee was attuned to the way his voice cracked on the one syllable. “Son.” 

Junhee started to cry harder and buried his head in his father’s chest. One of the doctors placed a hand on his back and his father cradled him to his body. He would realize later that there were also a pair of hands running along his shoulders and through his hair and circling his waist. A forehead pressed into his back, strong nose along his spine. 

Junhee and Donghun stayed on the floor of the room for longer than their bodies would have liked. No one spoke, the doctors eventually left and it was silent except for the photographs scratching against the walls as the fan blew. 

Junhee finally let out a breath and lifted his head, he grabbed Donghun’s hand and kissed his palm. He introduced him to his father. Mr. Park smiled brightly at his son’s partner and Junhee thought it was the most beautiful moment he could ever witness. 

Junhee introduced his father to Sehyoon, Byeongkwan and Chan a couple hours later. The boys making their way to the nursing home to meet Mr. Park. 

They all sat around his bed as Junhee told stories of his childhood. Wonderful stories of his beautiful and enchanting mother. Of his loud and proud sister. Stories of a whole family, so loved and loving it seemed fairytale. 

Junhee sat across Donghun’s lap and never let his eyes stray from his father’s. He gained so much strength from the way they glided across each of his friends, his family. His father looked proud, he looked happy and relaxed. 

The laughter bubbling up inside of him until it burst. His friends looked at him with wide eyes and then joined in. He couldn’t believe how light the moment felt. 

Junhee felt like he was melting into Donghun’s lap. He felt free and safe in a way he hadn’t since his father had slipped. He thought how incredible it could be if he could sit in this moment forever. 

His dad fell back into his slumber two weeks later. Junhee came into the nursing home with flowers picked from a garden he and Donghun liked to go. They had been his dad’s favorite. Bursts of bright colors, more weeds than not. His dad had always said that not everything had to be beautiful to have beauty. 

Junhee walked with the flowers, his feet light on the tile. He was alone today, Donghun had work and the others were taking care of their respective lives. It was fine, he would spend some time with his father and then go meet Donghun at the club tonight. He’d work up to tell his father what he did for a living and how he planned to move on from it soon. 

He walked into his father’s room, passed by the lights and flicked them on. He placed the flowers onto the bedside table as his father slept peacefully in the morning. He threw open the curtains to let the light spread warmth and sunshine into the room. 

 

Junhee hummed as he walked back over to his father and sat down in the chair that caused him pain every time he fell asleep in it. He grabbed his father’s hand and rubbed his knuckles with his thumb. 

He sat and stared as his father breathed deeply in his sleep. He stroked a finger across his face, the way he had been waking him up every day for two weeks. When his father didn’t wake he tried it again. He didn’t wake. 

He stood up and over his father and shook him lightly, he stayed in his slumber. Junhee started to panic and got frantic and whispered “wake up, wake up” as he shook his father. 

He slammed his hand on the call button when he felt the fear truly creep in. He was pushed out of the way as doctors and nurses rushed into the room. The vase of flowers shattered to the floor as he was knocked out of the way. 

The glass scraped across the floor and the flowers, more weeds than not, spilled as his heart dropped into his stomach. 

He stared at the mess on the floor as he watched shadows pass over the glass and water. It reminded him of how the shadows played across Donghun’s face the one night they had danced in the moonlight as his father watched on with a smile. 

The small radio had played something slow and Donghun had pulled him up out of the chair and spun him around the room. His head thrown back as he laughed and pushed his body into his boyfriend. They had circled the room, hands in each others, hands on waists and shoulders. 

Noses brushing and laughter breaking at the seams. Donghun had dipped him and his father had snorted and whispered “damn romantic fools” into the silver light of the room. 

He watched his father’s eyes light up at the sight of his son happy and alive. So in love it reminded him of the way he felt about Junhee’s mother, so in love it was etched into every part of who he was. 

His father never said anything about Donghun being a man, just thanked him for looking after his son. He smiled when they kissed and brightened when they walked in his room, hand in hand. 

When his dad slipped from them in those two weeks, going in and out of lucidness Junhee would grab Donghun, turn up the radio and dance. It always brought his father back, like all he needed to remember was his son’s smile and him dancing like it was what he was made to do.

Bringing him back to his father watching him and his mother dance in the light of the morning sun, of him and his sister twirling around in the sunflowers in the garden.

He told them how he used to spin Junhee’s mother around their kitchen before Junhee was born, how they danced barefoot in the summer and let the cold tile seep into the soles of their feet. How when he dipped her she would giggle and kiss his nose. 

Junhee blushed at the way Donghun placed a kiss to his temple and watched his father scrunch his nose up as he watched. He could feel his mother’s presence in the room, caressing the side of his face. He was happy here, he wished he could stay in the shining memory.

Junhee felt the moment pierce through him and finally looked up to see the doctors working on his father. The nurse caught sight of him and ushered him out of the room. She explained how he had slipped again during the night. He was becoming too weak again. They were worried he’d slip into a coma soon. 

Junhee dropped into a chair as the nurse pulled out Junhee’s cell phone from his pocket. She called Donghun, had been instructed how to handle a situation like this. Junhee didn’t know when Donghun had talked to her but he could tell he had. 

Donghun came bursting into the nursing home, work coat floating behind him. He skidded to his knees in front of Junhee on the tiled floor. All Junhee could think about was how he was getting his expensive slacks dirty. 

Donghun shushed him. He had apparently said it outloud. His boyfriend cradled him in his arms. Junhee didn’t cry, he just let Donghun rock him back and forth and then finally pulled him up and guided him to his car. 

He helped Junhee in and closed the door as he went to the driver’s side. He started the car and drove them home. The radio was playing and it buzzed in the back of Junhee’s mind. The song bringing forth a memory from a week ago, when everything was perfect, when Junhee was sober and didn’t feel like drowning. 

The song fizzled and blurred and then broke into Junhee’s mind. It crashed into him. It wasn’t a happy song, it was filled with burning pain and sorrow. But to Junhee it was life and love. Donghun smiling at him through a lens as he danced in their living room. His father awake in his bed at the home, flipping through a photo album of their family.

No, no the song wasn’t happy but Junhee sure had been.

*

They had been at Donghun’s, the older man cooking dinner for them. Byeongkwan, Sehyoon and Chan would be over later for beer and leftovers. 

Junhee swayed in the kitchen with a glass of wine and held up an older camera as he filmed the space around him. Donghun had found the camera in boxes in his house. The thing had been dusted off and blinked on. Junhee immediately filmed Donghun and his smiling face. 

They found old family movies that Donghun’s parents had packed up with the camera that said man had somehow ended up with. Junhee had chased Donghun around with the camera intending to make his own movie. 

They got as far as the living room before the camera had fallen onto the couch and Junhee was pressed onto the floor and taken apart. Donghun had kissed him so intimately Junhee dropped his arm and let it be limp at his side. Donghun holding him up around the waist. As the camera slipped to the couch, Junhee wrapped his arms around his boyfriend’s neck and forgot all about making a movie. 

Now, Donghun was cutting up vegetables and the camera was back into play. Junhee walked over to the kitchen and behind Donghun. He filmed the strong lines of his back, the way his arms moved in his t-shirt and how the steam from the boiling water slightly curled the hair at the nape of his neck. He walked around to the side of Donghun so he could get his profile, he was certainly photogenic. 

Donghun gave him a look that screamed annoyance and you’re going to get it later. Junhee smiled and laughed at the look, ready for whatever Donghun had planned. He finally pulled the camera out of his boyfriend’s face and walked around the kitchen. He closed the camera and set it on the counter. 

He grabbed his wine and spun into the living room. He was light and airy as music played on the radio. He breathed in the smell of Donghun’s cooking and glided across the wood of the room. The song changed on the radio and Junhee slowed to a stop. 

He gently placed his wine on the kitchen counter. Pushed the coffee table out of the middle of the room and danced. He let his body take him where it needed to go, where the music went he followed. 

It was full of ups and downs. He was on the floor and then leaping into the air. He’d catch Donghun filming him after but right now he was captured. The song was so bittersweet it ached inside him and lashed at his heart. 

He danced the way it felt and it pulled at his skin. It wanted him to feel everything. He let himself. He strained his body and stretched his muscles toward the emotions. He didn’t let anything hold him back. 

The song cascaded and fell and finally stopped. The radio kept playing but Junhee stopped dancing. He turned, breaths falling out over themselves, trying to latch on to the air, he saw Donghun wide-eyed, camera pointing towards where he was. 

He looked mesmerized. Junhee sauntered over to him, eyes a predator, teeth sharp and white. He smiled at his boyfriend and the man shuddered. Junhee gave the camera a wink before it was snapped shut and Junhee climbed Donghun. Limbs wrapping around his waist and shoulders. 

The camera placed on the counter and big soft hands grabbing onto the soft parts of Junhee. A new song swayed in the background as Junhee hugged the love of his life to him and whispered sweet nothings into his ear. Donghun carressed his back and smiled into the words. 

They ate their dinner and went to bed. The camera stayed in it’s spot, off and facing away. They took their moments and hid them away for them to see. Some things were just too precious for prying eyes and other things, Junhee’s dancing, was too mesmerizing to not be seen. 

That night, his friends came over late, the silver of the moon shone through their curtains. They turned on the radio and danced together. Junhee thought as long as he danced he couldn’t crash. His addiction sat idly by and he didn’t crave for it the way his body craved the music. 

He thought, if he could just keep dancing it would crawl away into the darkness, but apparently it was just lying dormant waiting. The weeks passed by until that vase crashed onto the floor and shattered whatever strength he had built up.

The darkness swallowed him whole when he watched bright colors scatter across the tiled floor. 

*

Junhee wiped his nose as he looked in the mirror. His eyes were red and his skin looked paler than normal, but he was fine. He wiped any excess powder off his vanity into a baggie and sniffed. He grabbed his eye drops and blinked. 

He grabbed his robe to cover himself as he walked through his dressing room and picked up his scattered clothes. He had sessions booked for the next three hours and he wasn’t sure how much he could handle when he was sober. 

Donghun wouldn’t be here until later in the night anyways and he needed it. He told Donghun that he was doing fine and he had almost kicked the addiction but it was far from the truth. It burned his stomach to lie to the man but he just didn’t have the strength right now. 

He could only handle his father’s condition when he was numbed to all the pain. It wasn’t that bad, the drugs, he really was still trying to get clean, but there were moments that hurt just a little too much. Moments that even Donghun didn’t know about. 

Donghun knew that drugs were still involved but Junhee thought about how Donghun would feel when he saw Junhee like this. He hoped he didn’t have to. 

He looked at the clock on his wall and sighed. He pulled on his shorts and threw on the button up t-shirt that was his outfit for the night and fluffed up his hair. He could get through this, he just needed to push himself to make it out on the other side. 

Junhee sucked in a breath and then walked out the door of his dressing room into the private area. The customer was seated on the chair, back facing Junhee. 

As he approached the man he thought about how the line of his shoulders looked familiar and the crop of black hair looked soft to the touch. He was running his hand up the strong back of the customer when the man tipped his head back.

Junhee let out a surprised noise as he saw Donghun’s smiling face. “What the fuck are you doing here, Hunnie?”

Donghun laughed and got up from the seat to wrap his arms around his boyfriend. Junhee leaned into him even though he felt the urge to run in the other direction. He was jittery and hyper, he was turned on by the way Donghun was looking at him. He needed to make an excuse fast before Donghun made a move. 

“What, baby? Surprised to see me?” Donghun laughed and leaned in as he spread kisses up Junhee’s neck and then into his hair. Junhee melted into the touch and sighed. 

“What happened to working late and also where the fuck is the customer that was supposed to be here now?” Junhee pulled away as he said it, a confused look on his face. 

Donghun ran a hand through Junhee’s hair and answered. “I took off early because I wanted to see you. I didn’t want you to be alone tonight. I know it’s been a couple weeks since your dad but I still can’t help but want to keep taking care of you.”

Junhee sighed and pushed his forehead into Donghun’s and shook his head. “I know and I want you around always too. Thank you, I mean it. You do too much for me.” 

Donghun wrapped him up in a hug. “I could never do enough for you, for what you deserve.”

Junhee walked them over to his dressing room door and led him inside. He wanted to curl up with Donghun but not on the gross couches in his private room. He dragged Donghun over to the love seat him and Byeongkwan had set up and pushed Donghun down into the cushions. 

He laid down over his boyfriend and wrapped his arms around his neck. He pushed his face into Donghun’s collarbones and inhaled. Donghun pulled him tight and sighed. “You know I didn’t pay to just sit here and hold you, you could give me some love you know.” 

Junhee scoffed but didn’t move from his spot. “Ya, like you paid. You know how much shit I would give you if you did. Anyways, I’m not in the mood to do anything other than let you hold me. Baby me if you must, this is the love you’re getting.”

Donghun pushed his nose into Junhee’s hair and smiled. “That’s plenty for me, more than enough.” 

 

Junhee hated how his heart skipped and how his stomach felt like it was ripping apart. He was doing his best to sit still and not move. He didn’t want Donghun to know how he wasn’t sober. The drugs were kicking in and he was twitchy. 

He focused on the way Donghun stroked his hair and let himself relax. He didn’t know how he fell asleep but he did, in his boyfriend’s arms as the club moved and danced around them. 

*

Junhee found out later that night that Donghun had just asked Sehyoon to cancel Junhee’s appointments. To let the customers know that he wasn’t feeling well and couldn’t work that night. 

Junhee should have been upset at the lost income but he really couldn’t get himself to care. He was more than happy to give it up and rest in his boyfriend’s arm. 

The rest of the weekend had been irregular, Byeongkwan out working on choreography for a new group he just got assigned. Donghun had to go into work that weekend, some new recruits were being trained and Donghun didn’t feel comfortable letting them be trained by certain members of his staff.

Junhee found himself attached to Sehyoon all weekend and most of that next week. Going out with the man during the day when the others were working and sticking close at the club at night. Yuchan was struggling at work, trying to manage his work load and personal life. 

Junhee wasn’t complaining, he loved Sehyoon but he missed being a unit. He felt everyone was moving in opposite directions and he wanted them all perpendicular. He knew it was stupid, but he couldn’t contain the feeling. 

He was happy for everyone but it hurt more than he felt it should. As Byeongkwan got more acknowledged in the dance world, the less time he spent at the club. He had been found and Junhee missed him. 

He came to the club only a handful of times the next couple weeks and it felt like Junhee’s anchor was pulled out underneath him. He didn’t have his partner at work and his actual partner was too busy to be around at night. 

Donghun would get home late and leave early. He gave all his free time to Junhee and it still wasn’t enough for the younger. Sehyoon was the one holding him together while his dad was still not showing signs of waking up. 

Donghun did everything he could, there was no resentment from Junhee, but Sehyoon took a lot of the burden off his other friends. The club was doing well and the owner could handle holding some of Junhee’s stress. 

They were out to lunch after visiting his father and Junhee wasn’t hungry, Sehyoon was staring at him with sad eyes. They were full of concern, but never pity. Junhee loved him for it. 

He was looking down at his food when he felt a warm hand grab his across the table. He looked up to Sehyoon and watched a small smile form on his face. He tried his best to reciprocate the action, he didn’t feel like it was successful. 

“Junhee, I know you feel like everything is falling apart around you right now, but I promise we’re all here for you. He is going to get better. I know that.” Sehyoon rubbed his thumb over Junhee’s knuckles and squeezed. 

Junhee wanted to jump over the table in front of him and sit in the booth next to Sehyoon and curl up with his friend. He was touch starved, which was fucking hilarious because Donghun made sure to touch him as much as possible. 

He was missing his boyfriend, who much to Donghun’s hatred of it, was on a work trip for the week. He would be back in a few days but it had felt like forever. This was the longest they had ever been apart since they started dating. 

He looked back up at Sehyoon and squeezed his hand back. “Thanks, Yoonie. I know you have other things to worry about. But thanks for still taking care of me, even when I’m being a pain in the ass and sad.”

Sehyoon laughed lightly and Junhee could see his eyes light up just a little bit. Junhee smiled at his friend. They finished their dinner and walked out of the restaurant, one of Sehyoon’s arms wrapped around his shoulders, keeping him close to his side. 

Sehyoon walked them to the corner and to his car. When they got in Junhee figured they’d go back to the club but they took a different turn and Junhee noticed they were on the way to Sehyoon and Byeongkwan’s house. 

Junhee turned and looked at his friend. “Why aren’t we going back to the club, I have customers tonight. I can’t pull out.” 

Sehyoon looked at him and smirked, he kept driving. 

Junhee smirked back at him and punched him in the shoulder. “And you know what I mean by that. Don’t be gross.”

Sehyoon laughed and turned the wheel to pull into his driveway. “You’re always gross, why can’t I be?”

Junhee threw his head back and laughed. “Because it’s part of my charm. Part of your charm is how wholesome you are. Even though you run a strip club and your best friend is a stripper for a living and your husband is kind of a stripper.”

Sehyoon scoffed. “Byeongkwan would kill you for saying that.” He turned off the car and got out as Junhee pulled on the door handle and stepped out. 

“Byeongkwan loves me too much to do anything about it.” Junhee said as he thought about his friend. The jealousy and resentment he was feeling for him was making him sick. He hated that he had this demon inside of him telling him to react the way he was. 

He remembered Donghun telling him that they all moved at their own pace, he’d get there one day. It’s not like Byeongkwan did anything to him, he deserved everything he had and Junhee just needed to get over it. 

It did help that said man’s husband was spending the day with him though, making him feel better about everything. 

They walked into the house and Sehyoon steered Junhee into Byeongkwan and his bedroom. Junhee had slept in this bed multiple times curled around both of them, there were no worries associated with him sleeping with the other. 

Junhee knew what Sehyoon was doing and he loved him for every bit he did to make just a little bit happier. Sehyoon started taking off his jacket and Junhee followed. 

The older man walked over to his dresser and pulled out two shirts and a couple pairs of sweatpants. He handed one set over to Junhee and he stripped and put the offered clothes on. 

Junhee thought back to a time he would have relished watching Sehyoon stripping out of his clothes. The man was naked in front of him changing and Junhee looked at him. He was built like a God, strong shoulders and arms. Back thick with muscle and his thighs, oh his thighs. Men could write sonates about those thighs. 

Junhee sighed out loud as he watched his best friend pull on the sweatpants and Sehyoon looked up as he heard the sound, the waist of the pants snapping around the cut of his hip bones. He saw Junhee staring and winked at him. 

Junhee smirked and whistled at him, the playfulness in him that had been dormant for a few weeks coming out. “You know it’s a shame I never got to hit that. You really are a God among men.”

Sehyoon rolled his eyes as Junhee playfully bit his lips. Junhee was trying not to laugh as Sehyoon flexed his muscles and walked over to him. He held out his arms and pulled Junhee to him when he got in reach. 

“To think I never had the opportunity to have your twink ass.” Sehyoon said as he breathed into Junhee’s ear. Junhee laughed hard and tried to push away from the older man but he just got pulled into him tighter. 

Junhee’s eyes were shining. “You oaf let go of me. Oh my God I can’t breathe, how are you so strong.” Junhee kept trying to pull away but Sehyoon just started tickling his sides and Junhee squirmed in his grip. 

He turned around in Sehyoon’s arms and felt tears well up in his eyes. Sehyoon held him tight to him and continued the assault. Finally, after Junhee called uncle the man stopped. He didn’t let go though, he just held him to him. 

Junhee felt his body sag in his arms. He stopped laughing and huffed out a breath. “I can’t believe you called me a twink, you shit.”

Sehyoon laughed into his shoulder and rubbed a hand along his stomach. It was intimate and Junhee was aching for Donghun’s touch. “I mean, you kind of are so.” 

Junhee brought back a hand and smacked him upside the head. Sehyoon scoffed and apologized. Junhee pushed back into him harder and the older rubbed his face into his shoulder. Junhee really missed Donghun. 

Before he realized it he was crying, huge tears coming down his face. Sehyoon didn’t say anything, just turned him around and cradled his head into his shoulder. Junhee held on tight and let himself feel everything. 

He felt like he was having a breakdown every other day, he had only had them in front of Donghun though. He felt silly for doing this with Sehyoon, but the other just shushed him and rubbed his back. 

“It’s going to work out Junhee. Everything is going to be okay I promise.” Sehyoon whispered in his ear as he put a hand in his hair. “Your dad will get better, Donghun will be home soon and you will figure it all out. I promise. You’re so strong, you’re going to make it through Junhee, there isn’t any other way this could go.”

Junhee knew of so many other ways it could go, namely him dead in a ditch somewhere because of an overdose, but he didn’t say a word to Sehyoon. 

He let his friend lead him to the bed and curled up around him and they slept. Sehyoon called the club and told his second to take over for the night and to make sure that Junhee’s appointments got seen to. 

When he hung up Junhee looked up at him and mouthed a thank you. Sehyoon kissed him on the forehead and told him to sleep. Junhee did.

*

Junhee woke up and he was warm, he squeezed the hand around his waist tight and turned to face Sehyoon in bed. He was shocked when he opened his eyes and there was Donghun. His hair a mess on his head, his eyes closed in his sleep. 

Junhee gasped and brought a hand up to touch his cheek. He ran a hand down his face and felt tears slip out. He rubbed a thumb over Donghun’s lips as the other man’s breath hitched and his eyes fluttered open. 

Donghun smiled at him when his eyes opened fully. “Hey, baby.” That was all he said before Junhee felt everything slip. He pushed his whole body into Donghun’s embrace and let it all out. He didn’t think he had more in him after how he was with Sehyoon last night. But apparently he was just a well of sadness and pain at this point. 

“Oh love, I’m sorry that I ever left. I shouldn’t have gone, I knew I should have stayed here with you. Baby, I’m right here, I’m not going anywhere I promise.” Donghun stroked his back and rubbed a nose along the side of his cheek. Junhee just let himself be held. 

They stayed there for a while before Junhee pulled back and looked at his boyfriend. “I thought you weren’t supposed to be back for another couple of days? What are you doing here?”

Donghun rubbed a thumb under Junhee’s eye to wipe away the tears. “Sehyoon called me last night and said that I needed to come home. I shouldn’t have left in the first place when I knew you were in this much pain.”

Junhee shook his head and grabbed Donghun’s hand. “Don’t be stupid, you have a job. I’m fine. I just had a moment and I missed you. Missed your touch and your…” Junhee sucked in a breath and brought his hand back up to touch Donghun’s lips. “Your smile and your lips and…”

He felt full looking at Donghun, satisfied in so many ways. He still felt the sadness around him but it was manageable, tame in his belly. He knew it would come back, bursting from inside but for now it was chained down. He crashed his lips into Donghun’s. 

The other boy made a noise like he was surprised and then moaned as Junhee pressed harder. He brought up a hand and thread it through Junhee’s hair and pulled. He brought his head back and Junhee moaned at the tight pull. 

Donghun shook his head at him. “You’re upset, we shouldn’t…” 

Junhee pushed him down in the bed and straddled him. “We shouldn’t what? I missed you so much.” Junhee leaned down and kissed up Donghun’s neck, sucked a mark into his adam’s apple. “I need you Hunnie, please.” 

Donghun growled at the way Junhee sounded, at the way that he felt on top of him. He couldn’t resist this man. 

He flipped them over and settled himself in between Junhee’s thighs and licked into his mouth. Junhee moaned and sunk his hands into Donghun’s hair. He wrapped his legs around his boyfriend’s waist and felt himself growing hard. 

Donghun didn’t hold back, he showed Junhee just how much he loved him. 

*

After the pair got dressed they walked down the stairs of their friend’s house and made their way to the kitchen where they heard the sounds of breakfast being made. 

Junhee saw Byeongkwan dancing around Sehyoon as they cooked. The younger one doing his best to distract his husband as they made eggs and what looked like pancakes and bacon. 

Junhee looked into the living room and saw a half asleep Yuchan laid out on the couch watching some drama on their tv. He felt Donghun’s hand slip into his as Byeongkwan turned as he heard them approaching. 

He smirked at them. “So do we need to throw the sheets out or just wash them 10 times. How bad is the damage, be honest.” 

Donghun scoffed and pulled Junhee to sit at the bar stools by their counter. “I promise you we didn’t do anything untoward.”

Junhee smirked and winked at Byeongkwan. “Not anything that that bed hasn’t already seen. Well, maybe a couple things.” 

Sehyoon stopped what he was doing and turned to give them a look. He then looked at his husband and in a low voice said, “I think we should just throw out the whole bed, Donghun’s a freak in bed, you know that.”

Donghun made an offended noise as the others broke into laughter. Yuchan came out of the living room with a disgusted look on his face. “Can we please not talk about our friend’s having sex this early in the morning?”

Junhee caught him as he was walking past and pulled him into his side, he buried his nose in the youngest one’s hair. “We’re sorry Channie, we can talk about your sex life instead.”

Yuchan pushed away from him and squaked. “Please can we change the conversation?” He walked over to Sehyoon and nicked a piece of bacon from the plate. “Sehyoon, can we eat, I'm starving. The only reason I came this early was because you said there would be food.”

Sehyoon brushed a hand through Yuchan’s hair and smiled. “It’s ready, you heathen, go make the table.” Yuchan smiled at him and bounced to grab the plates and silverware. Sehyoon rolled his eyes and pulled his husband to him. 

Junhee leant into Donghun’s side and breathed him in as they watched the youngest put everything where it needed to go. He couldn’t believe how lucky he was to have these people in his life. He just hated how it still didn’t feel like enough at times, he was itching. He pulled Donghun even tighter into his body. 

*

That weekend everyone was back at the club, Donghun, finally getting some time off from work, had been there in the afternoons as well as nights. He was able to watch Junhee practice and give a comforting shoulder to lean on. 

Junhee was needy, always touching him, but it was the only thing keeping him from his addiction. It kept creeping up, in the worst moments he would be searching for it. He wasn’t successful in getting clean, he wasn’t sure what he was successful in. 

Junhee had been really good about keeping it away from Donghun, he told him that it was rare that he was taking anything. Told him that it had been weeks since he had wanted it. He hated the lie, but he was getting good at it. At not showing the signs of his high, he was a master of settling his nerves and quieting his hands and body. 

He knew Donghun was suspicious but he trusted him and didn’t want to question him. Junhee hated that one day Donghun would find out and all that trust would break them apart. He knew it would come but he couldn’t stop himself. 

He was at the club getting ready for a performance when Byeongkwan came bursting into their dressing room. The other man hadn’t danced at the club in a couple weeks, he missed performing with his partner. 

Tonight Byeongkwan was finally getting on stage again. Junhee had helped Byeongkwan choreograph and prepare a dance for the group he was working with that month. They would be doing it tonight, Junhee thought the dance was stunning, dark and sad with so much emotion. It felt like he was telling a story every time he moved with the music. 

Byeongkwan shoved an envelope in his face as he leant up from where he was brushing his legs with a light amount of glitter. He had just shaved, they were smooth with lotion and a sparkle that would catch eyes. 

Junhee blinked at the white object in front of him, it shook as Byeongkwan flailed around. “Byeongkwan, why are you shoving an envelope in my face?”

The other man squealed at him and talked so fast that Junhee almost didn’t catch what he said. “It’s from the bank, I got…” He was breathing hard, like he ran here. “I got he loan, I got the fucking loan for the studio.”

Junhee’s brain stopped as he processed the sentence. Byeongkwan had been working with different groups for the last couple months, creating choreo for the company that had hired him on. His goal was to always use the experience and presence to open up his own studio. The letter in his hand confirmed the younger’s dreams. 

Junhee’s heart skipped a beat as he felt an overwhelming happiness and sadness rush through him. It was everything Byeongkwan wanted and everything Junhee needed. He jumped up and hugged his friend even though parts of him wanted to run from him. 

He pulled Byeongkwan to him and whispered into his ear. “I’m so proud of you Byeongkwan, this is so fucking incredible. I can’t believe this is happening.” He rocked his best friend back and forth. “What am I saying of course I can believe it, you deserve everything you’ve ever wanted.” 

Byeongkwan sighed and squeezed Junhee, hands tight around his shoulders. Junhee felt a wet drop hit his shoulder. He wasn’t the one crying for once. He pulled back to look at Byeongkwan, expecting to see a smile, happy tears to go along with the news. 

He didn’t see a smile, he saw a deep sadness in his friend. He brushed the tears away from Byeongkwan’s eyes and shook his head. “Honey, why are you crying, happy tears would be understandable but this…” 

Byeongkwan ran a hand through his hair and looked at the floor. He spoke but Junhee couldn’t hear him. “Sorry, Kwan I didn’t hear you.”

Byeongkwan looked back up at him and Junhee caught the words this time. “I’m sorry.”

Junhee’s eyes got wide, he pulled Byeongkwan back to him. He thought he had been hiding his feelings well, but he knew that look. Byeongkwan could see how he felt, could probably feel the resentment that had been eating at the other for a long time. 

“Dumbass, don’t you dare apologize, I’m the one who should be sorry. I’m an idiot who can’t seem to put aside my own shit for my best friend.” Junhee didn’t let Byeongkwan pull away, he kept him close as the other burrowed his face into his neck. 

“I just want you to be happy, this means so much to me, but it’s nothing if you are this sad. I want your dad to get better, I want you to kick the drugs, I want you to get everything you want.” Byeongkwan was crying harder now, they had to perform in less than 30 minutes. “I can’t have you hate me, I’d throw all the money away, give it back, if it meant you were okay.” 

Junhee pulled back and placed his hands on both of Byeongkwan’s cheeks. “Don’t you dare throw away this opportunity for me. I will not be responsible for you doing that to yourself, you’re too good for that. You’re too good for me.”

Byeonkwan shook his head and pulled him in to place their foreheads together. “You can work with me at the studio, be a head choreographer. It was always my plan to ask you to come and do it with me. It’s not charity, I know what you’re thinking, I promise I just want you with me.”

Junhee felt his heart jump at his friend’s offer, but knew he couldn’t take it. “What would Sehyoon do without me, I’m his biggest dancer, the club would fall apart without me.”

Byeongkwan scoffed and punched him in the arm. “I should be offended that you think I’m second best, but you’re right.” 

Junhee rubbed his shoulder and pushed their foreheads harder together. “You will always be number one in my eyes Kwannie.” 

Byeongkwan choked on a sob and wrapped Junhee up again. “I love you so much Hee, you’re one of the best things to happen to me. I wouldn’t be here without you, I hope you know that.” 

Junhee stretched his arms around his smaller friend and nodded. “I know, and I wouldn’t be alive without you.” He hoped Byeongkwan knew how true that was. He hoped that he wouldn’t resent him if he couldn’t save him in the end. 

He was happy, and he wanted everyone to know, he was over the moon for Byeongkwan, but he also felt like he was ash, like a fire had burned inside of him and only left dust behind. 

*

Junhee was standing on stage, spandex black shorts covered by a long t-shirt. Black choker covering his neck, dark make-up highlighting his eyes. Bare feet sliding along the cold floor of the stage, legs bare and smooth looking longer with the spotlight hitting them at an angle. 

Byeongkwan is next to him in a similar style, both of their shirts are ripped along the collar. They book look stunning and Junhee knows that this dance is going to cause a stir. He hopes it’s everything Byeongkwan dreams, it kind of makes him want to lay on the floor and never get up. 

It also makes him want to accept Byeongkwan’s offer of joining his studio, it makes his heart race with excitement and love. He pushes it down so far it’s only an echo in his body. 

He struts out of the spotlight when the music starts, this isn’t a show to take their clothes off. Junhee isn’t ripping off sweats and jackets tonight, no, he’s dancing to a song that brings out the darkness in his head, giving it a place to explore. 

He doesn’t dance around the feelings that it’s pulling out of him, he crashes into them and lets them run all over the stage as him and Byeongkwan sync up. They’re a perfect duo, Junhee hopes this isn’t the last time he gets to dance with him at the club. 

The music gets creepier and stronger as the ending is near. Junhee pulls on his shirt and bunches it in his hands. His knees knocking together and his hair a mess where he’s run his hands through it. 

He looks out at the crowd as the words “what do you want from me” are sung from the speakers. He catches Donghun’s eyes, they’re wide, look wet from tears that haven’t quite escaped. He knows the dance has done its job. 

He finishes the routine, fallen to the floor as Byeongkwan lays over him. All he hears is silence and their breathing before the club breaks out in applause and everyone is standing. You would think they would be unhappy about two people that were supposed to strip just dancing on stage but that was how much they were loved by the patrons. 

Junhee knew they came to see him dance, knew he could survive off of doing it for a living, he just didn’t know how to push himself to find out how to get there. 

He stood up as Byeongkwan wrapped an arm around his waist. They bowed and winked at the audience. They walked off as a pair and when they got to the back of the stage and away from prying eyes Byeongkwan jumped on him and wrapped his legs around his waist. 

He was screaming in his ear and shaking him. Junhee smiled as he held him. “That was so fucking awesome. The company is going to die for this dance, I can’t believe it. You have to go to the practice with me to show them, it has to be you.”

Byeongkwan was pulling away and smiling so wide at Junhee, but he just couldn’t accept, he was too fucked up. He would probably end up messing the whole thing up for Kwan. “Byeongkwan I can’t, it’s your thing. You will amaze them, I know you will.”

Byeongkwan frowned but accepted it, he wouldn’t push Junhee. The younger jumped down from him just as Sehyoon and Donghun came in to enter backstage. Sehyoon picked Byeongkwan up and spun him and whispered encouragements in his ear. 

Junhee watched Donghun saunter up to him. Once he reached him he pushed a hand into his hair and smiled. “You are so fucking incredible, you know that right? You belong on that stage.”

Junhee nodded and wrapped his arms around his boyfriend’s neck. He wished he could believe it, maybe one day he would. Maybe one day he would truly be happy. Feeling safe and loved was enough for now he thought. 

*

That night he woke up wrapped in Donghun to a message on his phone, a voicemail had been left. He looked at the caller ID and shook. He unlocked his phone and clicked on the icon. He listened, his breath stuck in his chest. 

The nurse had called to tell him some news, his dad was officially in a coma. They had to medically induce it to protect his body and brain. Junhee felt like he was about to fall apart. He couldn’t breathe. He needed to move. 

Donghun slept as Junhee packed a bag, grabbed his keys and walked out the front door. He looked at his phone as his screen told him it was past one in the morning. He caught a bus to his apartment and curled up in the seat.

He let the cold of the window on his temple calm his shaking. He got to his apartment, unlocked the door and walked in as a blur of fur pushed in. Luna made her way inside as Junhee shook. 

He had talked to one of his neighbors after he started staying with Donghun and asked them to feed Luna on the days he wasn’t home. Those became less and less as him and Donghun started dating. It had been months since he’d actually slept in his own bed, he didn’t really know why he still kept the apartment. 

Maybe he kept it for moments like this. He walked to the bathroom and pulled open a drawer on the bottom, he moved aside a fake bottom and pulled out a baggie. He had left it here a while back. Before him and Donghun had basically moved in together. 

They had been together for almost 6 months, it never seemed like that long until he really thought about it. The time moved fast, it had been over a month since his dad had gotten worse. He felt dizzy from everything. 

He took the drugs, not a lot, but enough to numb himself. He felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. He’d knew Donghun would call him, he wanted him to find him. He just needed a minute to himself. 

Donghun would be pissed but he’d be here and that was all Junhee needed. He waited almost 30 minutes before he picked up the phone. Donghun was furious when he answered and sounded scared out of his mind. 

“Where are you, I woke up and you were fucking gone. You took clothes with you. Junhee what the fuck happened?” Donghun caught his breath as he finished. Junhee could hear the car in the background. Donghun was probably out looking for him. 

“I got a voicemail from the hospital. They put my dad in an induced coma. They said if they didn’t his organs would start to fail. I needed to go, I felt like I was crawling out of my skin.” He could feel himself starting to let the drugs take over. He was shaking. 

Donghun spoke again. “Tell me where you are baby, you don’t have to come back home, but please tell me you’re safe.” 

Junhee slid down to the ground of his bathroom and put his head on the cool wall. “I’m at my apartment.”

Donghun swallowed on the other line and Junhee heard the engine purr as Donghun pushed down on the gas. “I’ll be there soon.”

Junhee just nodded and heard Donghun say “I love you” before he hung up. 

*

Donghun pounded on his door 10 minutes later while Junhee was stroking Luna’s fur. He picked her up and went to the door. He realized Donghun had never actually been here, he had only dropped him off at the building, per Junhee’s request. 

Junhee unlocked the door and opened it to Donghun’s frantic face. The older rushed in and grabbed at Junhee, checking to see if he was okay. When he saw nothing physical he leaned his head onto Junhee’s shoulder. 

Junhee rubbed a hand through his hair, he knew Donghun saw his red eyes, he was glad he didn’t comment on them. 

They both pulled away when they heard a loud purr. Luna was looking at Donghun with curious eyes, moving her head back and forth taking him in. 

Donghun cued at her and brushed a hand across her head. “And this must be Luna. Oh you are gorgeous, aren’t you?”

Junhee laughed as Donghun took the cat from him and brought her up to his face. Luna stuck her tongue out and licked his nose, still purring at him. She obviously liked him a lot already, Junhee understood the feeling. 

Donghun cuddled Luna to his chest and rocked her as he looked at Junhee. “You going to be okay?” He closed his eyes and shook his head. “That’s stupid, of course you’re not okay, what do you need baby?”

Junhee smiled lightly at him. “Just you. I got here and realized that I needed you and kind of freaked.” He wrapped his arms around himself. “I just needed to get out, I didn’t realize I should have taken you with me.” 

Donghun looked at him with sad eyes and then grabbed his hand. He guided him to Junhee’s bed and they sat down on it. Luna curled up in Donghun’s lap as Junhee leaned his head onto his shoulder.

“I’ll always be here, don’t worry about that.” Donghun turned and kissed his hair as Junhee nodded. They stayed on the bed for a while before Junhee needed to move, the drugs causing him to be jittery. 

He walked over to his radio and turned it on. Luna’s head popped up from where she was laying in Donghun’s lap and she walked over to Junhee. She curled around his legs and rubbed up against him as he started to move to the music. 

Donghun watched him for a minute before he pushed off the bed and walked over to him. He grabbed Junhee’s hands and placed them on his shoulders. 

They danced as moonlight crept in through Junhee’s curtains. Their temples pushing together, breathing each other in. They mostly swayed to the music as it fluctuated from fast tempo to slower melodies. 

They never moved faster or changed up the style, they just moved together as Luna watched them with big shining eyes. Hands curled into each other, pulling and pushing into hair and under shirts. 

It reminded him of the times he caught his mom and dad dancing in their living room. How they would be smiling at each other so wide, he thought they would break. Always after moments of heartbreak. After his grandfather had passed, after one of their family pets got sick, after any sadness.

His mom always told him that she felt safe when her father’s arms were wrapped around him. He hadn’t truly understood it at that age, had never felt anything but safe. He understood it now.

Junhee felt safe for the moment, he felt a need in him, to show Donghun another part of himself. A part he already knew about, but one that he truly wanted to share. In the morning; he would show him in the morning. 

*

Junhee’s arm was wrapped up in Donghun as he guided him along the grass, it was freshly cut and smelled of the cold winter air. It was one of Junhee’s favorite scents, the wind carrying the smell of wild flowers with it. 

He rounded a corner and stood still when they reached their destination. Junhee let go of Donghun and crouched down in front of the tombstones in front of him. One for his mother, epitaph telling about how loving she was, his sister’s telling how young and beautiful she had been. 

Junhee placed the wildflowers he picked down in the middle of their graves. Donghun stood behind him respectfully as Junhee took in the area. It had been a long time since he had been here, he had missed this part of his family. 

He felt a part of him settle as he sat down on the grass and reached a hand behind him for Donghun. The older grabbed it and sat next to him, placing his hands behind his back and leaning on them. 

When Junhee had told him he wanted to show him something he hadn’t thought it would be this, but he was glad that his boyfriend was finally bringing him here. It felt big, too wide for him to hold inside. 

This was trust wrapped up in greens and reds and yellows. He watched the trees sway in the distance as Junhee started to talk. 

“I haven’t been here in a very long time. I always felt like my throat was closing up just thinking about it. It felt heavy, I felt like an intruder. I don’t feel that way anymore, I just miss them and want to be close.” Junhee let out a long breath and reached for Donghun’s hand. 

Donghun intertwined their fingers and let Junhee continue. “They were so beautiful and kind. My sister knew I was gay before I even did. When I came out to her when I was 11 she didn’t even blink an eye, she didn’t say she already knew, just gathered me up in a hug and smiled. I could feel her grin against my hair. She started giggling when I asked her why she was smiling.” 

Junhee smiled and ran a hand along the grass below him. “She had pulled away and with shining eyes told me she knew exactly how I was feeling. She was 13 and just like me. We held our shared secret like a treasure.”

When I lost her it felt like I lost a part of me. The part that was brave, the part that believed I could be anything. I was lost. That was really when everything started, when her and my mother died I couldn’t feel anything. 

“My mother gave everything to us, all of her. She was the person who showed me how to love dancing, how to love myself. Even though I never told her that I was gay I know she would have accepted me, loved me. She would have adored you.” Junhee smiled as Donghun matched it. 

I started hanging around with the wrong people and well you know the rest. My dad got sick, I couldn’t handle it and somehow I ended up where I am now.” Junhee looked over at Donghun. 

“Somewhere along the way you came into my life, like a walking miracle. You picked me up off the floor and made me feel alive again.” Donghun sucked in a breath. 

Junhee kept going. “Sehyoon and Byeongkwan kept me breathing, you showed me how to live. I know it doesn’t seem like it but you did.” 

Donghun ran a hand along his shoulders and pulled him tight. “I know that I haven’t been strong, I know it seems like I’m stuck somewhere that I can’t get out of but I need you to know that if I ever do crawl my way out it’ll be because you showed me I could.”

Donghun felt tears rolling down his cheeks. Junhee brushed them away, he wasn’t smiling but his eyes weren’t darkened like they had been. Donghun could see a weight being lifted. 

Junhee thinks about the love he has for this man, how he keeps slipping farther in love even as he slips further into his own addiction. He thinks he should give Donghun up before he truly hurts them both. He admits he’s too selfish for that. Donghun has a part of his soul. 

*

They’re all visiting his father at the nursing home, Junhee needed to see him. Even though he was in a coma he still needed to hold his hand, see that his chest was rising and falling. They had been there for a while when Junhee needed to get out of the room. 

He wandered around the home with his friends at his heels. He stopped at the entrance to a family room, wide with floor to ceiling windows. Junhee watched family and friends roam around with their loved ones. 

A grand piano in the middle of the room caught his eye. The sun was shining off of it, the glossy black of the body calling to him. The white keys making his fingers itch to touch. 

He walked over to it, the others making questioning noises behind him. They stayed far behind him, it was like he was in a trance. 

He pulled out the bench when he reached the instrument and walked around it to sit down in the middle. He brushed his fingers against the keys and felt a shiver run down his spine. He hadn’t played since high school. 

He lightly played a key and felt the sound deep within him. He still remembered all his lessons. It all came rushing back to him, every note and piece of music. He remembered one he had learned right before his mother and sister had passed. 

He had played it at the funeral. He ran his hand across the keys, found the first note and started to play. His eyes closed on their own as he started the haunting melody. It shook him to his core, he felt bittersweet emotions start to form in him. 

He played and played, he felt his eyes flutter closed. He felt the keys under him, they were an extension of him. He had forgotten this feeling, the control that it had over him, the love he had for it. It almost rivaled the love he had for dancing. 

The love he had for Donghun rivaled both.

He played through the bridge and then the melody was brought to its biggest. He played it like everything he had been feeling could be shown through the vibrations of the piano.

When he played the last note he opened his eyes. The room had gone silent and everyone was looking at him, astounded by what had just happened. 

He looked to his friends and saw them wide-eyed. None of them had known he could play, not even Sehyoon who he thought knew more about him than most. Or Byeongkwan who he told so many secrets too. 

Yuchan’s mouth was forming around a smile and Donghun looked struck. Junhee saw love and awe in his eyes. He felt light for a moment. 

He didn’t register the sound of feet pounding outside of the open room, he didn’t register that Donghun was pulling him up and off the stool. He didn’t register a nurse talking to them or the sound of machines calling for a code. 

He didn’t register the tears coming down as he was told his dad’s heart had stopped. He didn’t register almost falling to the floor before Donghun caught him, before he completely collapsed. Nothing registered except for the numbness of another loss. 

*

Donghun held him, Junhee thought hours had passed, but it had truly only been minutes. They had got his dad’s heart beating again but the prognosis wasn’t promising. 

Junhee felt almost nothing as he was told the information, as he held his dad’s hand in his hospital bed, as they transferred him to an urgent care unit. As Donghun pulled him away, of him screaming that he needed to stay. 

Donghun took him home. He ran him a bath and left him for a few minutes to get water and food. Junhee stood in the bathroom and then unpacked the bag he had taken with him to his apartment. 

He took out the baggie he had stashed and laid it out on the counter. It was a lot, too much. He knew this but there wasn’t anything to stop him. 

*

Except for there was. 

Donghun grabbing him and trapping his arms around his waist. Donghun harshly throwing all the contents of the baggie into the sink. Donghun turning the water of the sink on so in ran down the drain. 

Donghun pulling him away as he reached for it. Donghun dropping them to the floor and curling Junhee up into him. Donghun whispering to him as he broke. Every piece of him falling to the floor. 

Donghun was there as he cracked wide open and lost himself. Donghun held him until there was nothing left.

Donghun never left.


	9. Rubble Beneath my Feet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I pray the lord my soul to keep... As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death… death… death… what do you do with an atheist who needs to pray to release the inner demons working to destroy everything that has become holy under their touch. You’re something else, something that’s not a nightmare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs I listened to while writing:   
> Half a Man - Dean Lewis  
> Adore You - Harry Styles  
> Before - Ulrik Munther
> 
> This was not the chapter I intended to post, this was only supposed to be a small part of chapter 9 but it became its own. Junhee goes through withdrawal and a month of of pain.

\----

Hour 0 - 7:20 p.m.

Junhee had started shaking. After sitting on the floor with him for 10 minutes, cradled in his arms, Donghun slowly let him lean against the wall. He got up from his spot against the bathroom wall, his knees aching. 

He walked towards the sink, to make sure that the remnants of what had happened had swirled down the drain. When he looked, nothing was left. He bent down to pick up the baggie the drugs had been in. He shoved it into his back pocket - he would throw it out somewhere Junhee couldn’t find. 

He turned around to the other. He wasn’t moving but Donghun could see his chest rising and falling. He looked defeated, utterly so. His arms were hanging at his sides, his body limp. Donghun had never seen him look like this, had never seen the blank look on his face. 

He bent down and got as close to Junhee as he could without broaching his personal space. He brought a hand up to see if the other reacted. When he didn’t he brushed the hair out of the younger’s face. Sweat glistened on his forehead and his breathing was shaky. 

Donghun wrapped a hand around Junhee’s neck and pulled his head up so that he could properly see his face. Junhee let him maneuver him, he hadn’t said a word or even made a sound. 

When Donghun saw the other blink open his eyes he caught a sob in his throat. His eyes were glistening and his face was so pale Donghun wondered where all the color had gone. He felt a tear slip down his cheek. He didn’t want to cry but his throat already hurt so much from trying to hold it in. 

“Junhee, baby?” Donghun didn’t know what to say, so he just whispered the other’s name out into the bathroom. Junhee just closed his eyes and swallowed. Tears started to slowly stream from the younger. 

Junhee hadn’t cried the whole time Donghun had been holding him, just screamed. Just Junhee trying to rip himself out of his grip until he had lost all of his strength. Until he couldn’t fight the other anymore and he had slumped in his arms. 

Donghun had sat silently with him until he felt it was time to let go and clean up. Now all he could think about was grabbing the other and pulling him close again. 

He brushed away the tears from Junhee’s eyes and took him back in his arms. This time the other didn’t try to get away. He curled into the embrace and sobbed, Donghun held him in his lap until he started to shake uncontrollably. 

Hour 1 - 8:30 p.m.

Junhee was warm but he had just been soaking wet from the shower he had. After he had started shaking Donghun scrambled to fix it. The younger had just whispered in his ear, “Withdrawal” when the older looked at him with scared eyes. He was so weak, even just that one word felt like giving up what strength he had. 

The shaking set in and then the chills raced up Junhee’s body and he couldn’t get warm enough. Not even with Donghun wrapped around him, he felt like he was freezing from the inside out. His bone and muscle and heart turning to ice. 

He craned his neck to see Donghun. “Hunnie I’m so cold.”

Donghun had flown into action. He let Junhee lean against the wall, the younger whined at the loss of warmth. He raced the short distance to the tub and turned the water on scalding. 

He gathered a towel from the cupboard and then started to undress Junhee. He let him, couldn’t find it in him to do more than lift his arms. His body was racked with tremors, he thought his bones were trying to shake themselves out of his skin. 

Donghun got all of his clothes off and picked him up, gently placing him in the tub. Junhee’s body felt the heat of the tub hit his skin and the first thing he wanted to do was get out. It was burning, but he shuddered violently. He tried to push himself out, hands hitting the cold edge of the tub.

Donghun placed his hands on his arms and with one look had told him to stay. He stayed in the tub until Donghun was satisfied. 

Now he was wrapped up in Donghun’s warmest clothes, with the blankets wound around him, he should have felt at least a little bit better, but no. He was still shaking but it had subsided to a manageable amount. 

He sat still, almost catatonic on the bed. His eyes were glazed over and all he could do was wish that Donghun was in bed with him. 

Donghun had placed himself in his desk chair on one side of the bed and had his laptop in his lap. He tapped at the keys, eyes concentrated on the screen.

“Donghun?” Junhee tried, his voice rough from the screaming and crying. Rough from how hard he was holding in tears now. The other didn’t look up at his name. 

“Hunnie, please.” Junhee coughed. Nothing. He tried again. “Hun, look at me.” 

Donghun looked up at him. “Please. Bed.” He hoped that was enough for the other to understand.

Donghun just went back to his laptop. Junhee would figure out eventually that he was looking up the symptoms of cocaine withdrawal. Junhee had been doing well, but he had fucked it up now. 

He had been using just enough to keep the symptoms at bay but now, now they were here like demons in his soul and he wasn’t sure he could vanquish him. 

Hour 4 - 12:30 a.m.

Donghun was curling into him, the bed sinking as he sidled up behind the other. He wrapped one arm around his waist and pushed the other under Junhee’s head. The younger felt him along his whole back, his chest pressed up flush against him. 

Junhee had shed his layers, now only in a pair of Donghun’s sweatpants. He was exhausted and the feel of Donghun’s naked chest against him was heaven. He wanted to refuse the affection but he couldn’t get himself to. 

His whole body ached. His nerves felt like a livewire and all he wanted to do was sleep. He didn’t think he would be able to but with Donghun warm against him, his eyes drooped. The heat made him even more drowsy, his brain slowed and on the next blink he fell asleep. 

Hour 7 - 3:30 a.m.

Donghun had gotten up from the bed an hour after Junhee fell asleep. He sat at his desk chair, looking up the help he could give Junhee. He knew the other would refuse rehab, so it was up to him. 

He knew all the symptoms now; shakes, slowed activity and thinking. Restlessness and exhaustion contradicted themselves. The nightmares would come eventually and he knew Junhee’s body probably hurt so much that he wanted to crawl out of his skin. 

He laid his head down on his desk and let out a sob. He let himself cry. He gave himself the time and spent all his pent up anger slamming a hand against his desk. He didn’t know if he could do this; he wasn’t sure he’d be enough. 

His ribs felt like they were breaking as he tried to silence his crying. His head was pounding and his throat felt raw. This wasn’t how things were supposed to go. This wasn’t - 

Junhee screamed in his sleep and Donghun whipped around to see the other curled in a ball shivering. 

He rushed to Junhee, grabbing another blanket and his sweatshirt on the way. He grabbed Junhee by the shoulders and tried to keep him from clawing at his skin. 

Donghun was so scared he thought he would break from it. Junhee let out another heart shattering cry and let himself be pulled into Donghun’s lap, Junhee’s back against his chest, his own back against the headboard. 

He held him close and whispered in his ear. He spoke sweet nothings and told Junhee how much he loved him and how safe he was. He cradled him and before Donghun knew it Junhee was limp in his arms. 

He had fallen back asleep, though Donghun wasn’t sure if he had ever really woken up. Donghun pushed his forehead into the back of Junhee’s head and breathed him in. Another sob forced its way out of Donghun. 

He laid Junhee gently back down on the bed and leaned over him. He brushed the hair away from his face. He lifted Junhee’s arms and put him into the sweatshirt. He wrapped him in the blanket and then leant his forehead down to meet the younger’s. 

“Please Junhee, please. You have to get through this. You can’t leave me. You saved me, do you know that? I was so far gone in my job and with my family. I’m pretty Sehyoon and Byeongkwan were even getting tired of me. Yuchan was a bright spot in my life but even then he wasn’t -” Donghun choked. 

“He wasn’t you and I didn’t even know who you were when he came into my life. Junhee, you made me realize that I’d forgotten myself. So, please don’t -” He felt the tears on his cheeks, he watched them land on Junhee’s collarbones. 

“Just, please.” Donghun begged as he wrapped his whole body around Junhee. He kissed him on the forehead and then his cheek and then the back of his neck. He kept him warm through the night and begged a God neither of them believed in to get them through this. 

Hour 11 - 7:30 a.m.

Donghun threw on a sweater as he got out of bed and padded his way over to the kitchen. He turned on the coffee pot and opened the fridge. Eggs stared back at him and in the pantry he knew there were organic pancakes that were to die for. 

He bit his lip and sighed. He closed the fridge and opened the pantry. He bypassed the pancakes and grabbed for a box of grits. He pulled out the brown sugar and started to make a breakfast he thought Junhee could possibly keep down. 

As he made the food he thought about what he needed to do. He thought about what Junhee would need from him. He thought about how he needed to call Sehyoon and Byeongkwan. He thought about how he needed a hug from his sister or mother. 

He made breakfast and slowly crumbled into pieces. 

Hour 12 - 8:30 a.m.

Junhee shot up straight in the bed. Sweat was pouring down from his forehead and collecting near his collarbone. He looked around the room and didn’t see Donghun. His chair was pushed back near his desk and the laptop was closed.

He closed his eyes and breathed, brought his knees up to his chest and tried to calm his thundering heart. It felt like it was beating out of his chest, every other part of his body could feel its pounding rhythm.

He steeled himself and threw back the covers of the bed. Sometime during the night Donghun had undressed him again. He was only in a pair of black shorts; they were not his. 

He placed his feet on the hardwood floor and felt the cold rush up into his ankles and through his legs. He could hear noises coming from the kitchen but didn’t dare look yet. 

He knew that if he turned his head he would see Donghun in there, from what he could smell he was making something sweet. It smelled like grits - the brown sugar was possibly where the sugary scent was coming from. 

He finally gathered the courage and looked toward the kitchen. He saw Donghun in a hoodie and track pants moving around the kitchen. Headphones were placed on his ears and he was lowly humming to the song that was playing in them. 

Junhee couldn’t gather up the energy to smile but his lips twitched just the tiniest bit. His stomach was in ribbons; he felt like his whole body was trying to destroy itself. His stomach rumbled even though he knew whatever he ate would probably end up coming back up. 

He let out a breath, could feel his hands and legs shaking, and stood up. The sheets fell around him and he wobbled as his head caught up with the rest of his body. He was dizzy but he pushed through. 

When the headache settled into a dull throb he found his way to his boyfriend. The older didn’t hear him coming up behind him, Junhee lightly wrapped his hands around his waist. 

Donghun jumped slightly and removed his headphones, laying them around his neck. He turned and smiled at the younger. 

“I didn’t hear you get up. Has it been long?” Donghun whispered into Junhee’s cheek. He was wrapping the other up in his arms, the contact calming his racing heart. 

Junhee grabbed Donghun around the waist fully. “No, I just got up. I had a nightmare.” Junhee stopped and looked down at the floor. “Well, I had a couple actually.” 

Donghun nodded his head and turned back to the food he was making. “The websites said that could happen. Have you ever looked up the symptoms of withdrawal? It’s -” Donghun stopped and his breath shook. 

Junhee grabbed at his cheeks and made him look him in the eyes. “Yeah, I have. It’s brutal, but I can’t keep doing this?”

Donghun shook his head, willing himself not to cry. He failed. His voice shook, “No, you can’t baby.” 

Junhee brought his arms up to wrap around Donghun’s shoulders and held the other as he let himself break. 

They ate breakfast and Junhee thought for a moment, everything could be okay. 

Hour 20 - 4:30 p.m.

They were wrapped up watching a movie. The day had been exhausting, Junhee hadn’t managed to keep any food down throughout the day and Donghun looked haggard. 

There had been more showers taken in the past few hours than Junhee had ever experienced in his life. The shivers racking his body returned with a vengeance around lunch time and now he was swaddled in blankets and Donghun’s sweatshirt. 

He had managed to eat some saltine crackers and water was the only thing that would stay in his system. 

Donghun had placed a trash can at the end of the couch in case Junhee couldn’t make it to the bathroom when the nausea decided to knock on his door. 

He was miserable, but right now he was content with it. Donghun was running his hands through his hair, untangling the strands that had dried clumped together. He didn’t have his contacts in so he couldn’t see the movie well but the pictures made his stomach roil so maybe it was actually a good thing. 

He fell asleep to the feel of his boyfriend rubbing a hand across his back and through his hair. His breath falling across his neck where he held him to his chest. 

Hour 24 - 8:00 p.m. 

Around dinner time Junhee felt helpless. Helpless to the point where he would rather take every drug under the sun than try to push through the withdrawal. He was so tired. Sleeping wasn’t possible, the nightmares just woke him - and Donghun - up screaming. 

His body kept going from stagnant and sloth-like to fidgeting. He was restless and then he would shut down before he even understood what his body was asking for. 

Donghun had dark circles under his eyes though it had barely been 24 hours. He’d asked the other to call Sehyoon or Byeongkwan but he refused. Junhee knew that the older thought this was his responsibility and he wished he could tell him that the only person whose responsibility it was was the idiot who got addicted to drugs. 

He wanted to get up and dance but his muscles ached and anytime he tried to stand he felt spasms course up his legs. Putting pressure on his arms set fire to his nerves. 

All he could truly do was sit on the couch and try his best to hold down any food that Donghun prepared for him. It was torture and the only thing keeping him intact was the older. 

Junhee hated though, that no one was watching over Donghun. 

Day 2; Hour 26 - 10:15 p.m. 

There was a knock on the door and Donghun gently removed his arm from behind Junhee’s head. The other had finally fallen asleep after eating a measly meal of cold soup. It had mainly been chicken broth and some saltine crackers but it was something. 

He couldn’t imagine who could be here at this hour. He looked over at the younger and saw him curl into one of Donghun’s pillows. The nightmares hadn’t resurfaced yet. 

He padded over to the door and opened it to Sehyoon and Byeongkwan. Donghun sighed as they pushed past him. 

He threw up his hands, they barely acknowledged him until he closed the door. 

Sehyoon grabbed his arm as Byeongkwan stared at Junhee sleeping on his bed. “Why the fuck didn’t you call us when this happened?” Sehyoon whispered trying his best to not wake up the other. 

Byeongkwan didn’t look at them as they held their conversation. He slowly made his way over to Junhee. His shoulders were slumped and the glimpse Donghun had caught of him showed that the younger man had been crying. 

Donghun brought his gaze back to Sehyoon who was giving him a look, it wasn’t pity, Sehyoon would never pity him. “Donghun, you shouldn’t have to handle this yourself.”

Donghun started to walk to the kitchen to clean up their dinner. He put the pots and dishes into the sink and turned it on. He let the water get scalding hot before he talked. “I can handle this Sehyoon, he’s my boyfriend and it’s up to me to make sure he’s okay.” 

Sehyoon turned the sink off and watched as Donghun placed his hands on the edge and breathed. “It’s not all up to you. Not to be an asshole but he’s our friend too. Donghun, I might not be in love with him but that doesn’t mean I love him any less than you do.” 

Donghun started nodding his head and before he realized it he was shaking with tears. Sehyoon bundled him up into his arms and let him truly cry. 

When Donghun regained his composure, they walked over to Donghun’s bed. They smiled as they saw Byeongkwan curled around a still sleeping Junhee. The youngest was breathing deeply as he too had fallen asleep. 

Sehyoon brushed a hand through Byeongkwan’s hair and kissed him on the cheek. He looked to Donghun and the oldest nodded his head towards the door. Byeongkwan could handle Junhee. 

Donghun grabbed a couple beers and they found the building’s staircase up to the roof. They let the cool air around them soothe some of the wounds that had been festering. 

Day 2; Hour 32 - 4:00 a.m. 

Junhee woke up, but it wasn’t because of a nightmare, well, not his anyway. He had thought he heard something, a light whimpering. He looked to the side and Donghun was there curled into him. He was making the noise. 

Junhee looked around the apartment and saw Byeongkwan and Sehyoon cuddled up together on one of Donghun’s chairs. He hadn’t been awake when they finally showed up. 

The texts he had sent had been short but efficient. He was glad they were here. It was embarrassing but it was for the best. 

He looked back to Donghun and ran a finger across his cheek and then shook his shoulder lightly. The older man whimpered and shook his head a bit. Junhee leaned down and whispered his name in his ear. “Donghunnie?”

Donghun curled into himself and whimpered. Junhee brought a hand up to his cheek and ran a finger down his soft skin. Donghun pushed into the touch but it wasn’t enough to wake him up. 

He thrashed lightly on the bed and Junhee shouted his name. Donghun shot up in the bed, sweat starting to gather at the base of his throat. He looked around frantically and then found Junhee next to him. 

“Holy shit.” Donghun muttered as he brought his knees up to his chest. He wrapped his arms around his knees and placed his head on his forearms. Junhee could hear him trying to catch his breath and he rubbed a hand across his back. 

Donghun whispered curses under his breath and got his body under control. Junhee wrapped his arms around his shoulders and buried his head into Donghun’s neck. The older just sighed into the contact. 

Donghun unwrapped his arms and maneuvered him and Junhee so that he was the one holding the younger. He brought them to the headboard of the bed and curled around him. Junhee’s head still in the crook of his neck and safe in Donghun’s arms. He felt like this was the opposite of how it should be after Donghun was woken by nightmares. 

Junhee let the other hold him, maybe this was how he came down from a bad dream, how he felt safe. Junhee melted into the touch and waited it out. 

They didn’t talk about the dream, well, Junhee didn’t ask. Donghun just whispered about how it had felt too real, how what he had seen could have happened too easily in their world. 

Junhee just kissed his neck and shoulder and the edge of his jaw. Donghun leaned into the kiss and hummed at the soft touch. 

He leaned over Junhee and pushed him into the bed when the kisses moved to the edge of his mouth. Donghun covered the other with his body and for a few minutes Junhee thought he was in heaven. 

His body betrayed him as Donghun took charge and started to kiss him, his whole body warm from the amount of skin laid out across his own body. 

Donghun kissed him and licked into his mouth and Junhee moaned and then his heart clenched in his chest. He pulled away from the kiss and he could feel the tears slip out from his eyes. Donghun pulled away when he felt the wetness hit the skin of his hand cupping Junhee’s cheek. 

Donghun looked at him with those eyes, Junhee didn’t want to say it was devastation in them but he felt it would be soon. “I’m sorry Hunnie, I just can’t. I’m not -” Junhee swallowed and close his eyes, more tears slipping out. 

His boyfriend just caressed his face and kissed him on the forehead. “Please don’t apologize baby, it’s okay. I shouldn’t have pushed.” He curled around the other again when he finished. 

Junhee wanted to be with him so badly but his body wanted to curl in a ball far away from the other. He felt like he was on fire and that if Donghun touched him he’d turn into ash. 

It was like the other knew, because he kissed his shoulder and then let him go gently. Junhee whined at the loss but was also thankful because Donghun had known what he needed. 

He heard Donghun’s feet hit the hardwood floor and move toward the living room. 

It was almost an hour later when he felt another body dip the bed and curl around him. He didn’t lean into the touch or even really acknowledge its existence. He let whoever it was grab him in their arms. 

The other three had been quietly talking in Donghun’s living room and Junhee slipped in and out of sleep. He let their voices guide him into a fitful sleep. But he fully woke up to the soft hands holding him. 

He started to shiver even though his skin was contact paper and felt hands rub along his arms. He wanted to ask but he had a pretty good idea who was behind him. He knew he was right when they started to speak. 

“Junhee it’s all going to be okay, but I need you to work with us here.” Byeongkwan whispered into his ear as he kept trying to push warmth into Junhee’s skin. “We can’t lose you. And Donghun - well he needs you so much more than he will ever know.” 

Junhee felt Byeongkwan’s nose rub along the base of his neck. They both sighed at the contact. 

He felt the bed dip in front of him as Byeongkwan kept his shivers from causing him to break. Sehyoon settled in front of him on his side and grabbed one of his hands. He made Junhee look him in the eye. 

There was no pity, just sadness and exhaustion. The older didn’t give away too much until he really caught Junhee’s eye then he could tell Sehyoon was feeling just as bad as the others. 

Junhee wanted to wrap him up but he just let him stare until he was ready to say whatever was on his mind. 

Sehyoon finally cleared his throat and spoke so softly Junhee had to strain to hear. He grabbed the younger’s chin hard and he breathed it out. “You fight this, you hear me? Tooth and nail, fucking pushing until you physically can’t anymore and then you let us help. Giving everything that you have, showing us the strength we know and have seen is inside of you.” 

Sehyoon looked at him softly, his eyes drooping and his breath steadying a bit. “I will not, under any circumstances lose you Junhee, do you fucking understand me?” 

Junhee couldn’t do anything other than nod his head. He felt Byeongkwan leave the bed but he didn’t go far. Sehyoon rolled himself until he was on his back, pulling Junhee by the arm to lay his head on his chest. 

Byeongkwan came around the other side of the bed and laid down opposite but just like Junhee. The dancer looked over at the younger and smiled, a half smile that didn’t reach his eyes. Byeongkwan grabbed at one of his hands and brought it to his lips. 

He kissed him softly and then placed their linked hands on Sehyoon’s chest. Junhee sighed as he felt the older’s heart beat, he tried to match the rhythm of his breaths to his. 

He succeeded and right as his eyes drooped and he started to drift off he felt another weight press into the bed. Donghun leaned over him, brushed a hand over his hair and Junhee opened his eyes to him. 

Donghun smiled, and it reached his eyes. The oldest leaned down and kissed his forehead and then pushed his own against Junhee’s. He rubbed their noses together and whispered. “I love you more and more every day. Please get through this so I can show you just how much more each day brings. 

Junhee pushed up just the slightest bit and kissed Donghun lightly on the lips and answered back. “I promise. I love you too.”

Donghun nodded and then curled around his back as Junhee turned the slightest to curl back onto Sehyoon’s chest. He fell into a deep sleep, only to be awoken by Yuchan an hour later doing his best to come into the apartment as quietly as he could. 

The bed dipped one more time as too many boys tried their best to curl around each other, all breathing to the rhythm of each other’s hearts. 

Day 2; Hour 40 - 12:00p.m. 

They ate lunch, which, in theory, should have been good. All five of them were sat around Donghun’s table, shoveling noodles down their throats and laughing at dumb jokes. Junhee wasn’t smiling but it was near, he could feel it rising in his chest, the happiness. 

That was until his muscles tightened and his stomach cramped. Until he started to shake again and felt his body turn on him. Before the others could even notice that something was wrong he was up and out of his seat racing towards the bathroom. 

He crashed into the room and emptied his stomach into the toilet. He should have been able to eat, should have been able to stomach noodles. But no, his body decided against it. 

Donghun came into the room, breathing labored from sprinting after the younger. Junhee heaved and Donghun made sure he was comfortable. He pushed the hair off his forehead and had Yuchan come in and wet a cold rag. 

Junhee waited until the room wasn’t spinning anymore and the pain in his legs and stomach shifted into something manageable. He sagged onto the floor, leaning against the bathtub as Donghun asked him probing questions. 

Junhee just nodded his head to show that he could hear him and that he was okay. The older grabbed at his hands and kissed the backs of them. The younger smiled slightly at the gesture and how Donghun wasn’t looking at him in disgust, just worry. 

He pulled himself up and started to stand. Yuchan hurried over to help him as Donghun held onto his hands. The youngest’s hands came to his waist and steadied him. 

He leaned into him and thanked him in a low voice, his throat raw. “I’m okay, I promise. Just shooting pain up my legs and the room turned into a spinning top for a minute there.” 

Junhee laughed breathily, it didn’t reach his eyes but he wanted them to see that he wasn’t dying. He pushed at Yuchan to get him to move to the sink. The younger complied and helped. Donghun let go of his hands and let them move. 

Junhee got to the sink and grabbed at his toothbrush, Yuchan beside him handing him his toothpaste. He brushed his teeth mechanically as they both stood there staring at him in the mirror. 

He washed his mouth out after and made sure that the gross taste was out of his throat. He bent down and splashed water onto his face and then pulled up to look in the mirror. Donghun was behind him biting his nails, he looked about ready to cry, but for Donghun that wasn’t unusual, what with his teary eyes. 

Junhee caught his attention in the mirror and held his gaze. Donghun moved toward him and brought both hands to his waist to wrap them around his stomach. His forehead went to Junhee’s back and they stood there for a few minutes as both of them let the other catch their breath. 

Yuchan watched on, not wanting to interrupt the moment but not wanting to leave. He could hear Sehyoon and Byeongkwan mulling around in the living room, the radio started up a melody and he could hear their footsteps against the hardwood floor. 

Junhee huffed at the sound as it caught his ears. He looked up into the mirror and then over at Yuchan and they both smirked. He was feeling a little bit better, sometimes puking your guts out did that for you. 

He patted at Donghun’s hands around his waist and the older squeezed once before he started to let go. Junhee turned around in his loosened grip and grabbed at his hands. Donghun was still looking at the floor. 

Junhee brought up a hand to place under his chin to make him look up at him. “Donghunnie please look at me.” 

Donghun brought his eyes to Junhee’s, his lips twitching at the other’s puppy dog eyes. He leaned in and kissed his cheek, his lips lingering on soft skin. Junhee sighed into the contact and then wrapped him up. 

His arms came up to wrap around his neck and their knees knocked at Donghun re-wrapped his arms around Junhee’s waist. They swayed on the spot and Junhee felt it all the way down in his skin and bones. His heart skipped and his breath hitched as he held Donghun as close as he could. 

He needed to make it through this, he had to. Donghun was worth so much more than he was, but he couldn’t give him up. Wouldn’t. He was too selfish for that. He would get through, it might kill him but the alternative was losing the most important thing he had ever laid his hands on. 

Day 2; Hour 41 1:00p.m. 

The thing about withdrawal was that one minute you were so low the floor felt like it was melting beneath you. Like you could slip through the ground, the surface of the earth and make it all the way to the molten center. 

Then, oh then, the next minute you were floating and your body wanted anything and everything. This was where Junhee was. He had been sagged onto the floor an hour before but now he was so full of energy his body felt like it was a firework. 

He was running around the living room with the people he loved most in the world. They had somehow found nerf guns, Donghun’s childhood boxes shipped from his parents had given them wonders. 

The couch was now overturned and the dining table was base. Donghun’s bed was fair game to seduce your opponent to give them a Nerf to the face. The living room was bare except for the said couch that was a hideout and a barrier. 

Yuchan was screaming at the top of his lungs as Sehyoon grabbed him around the waist and used him as a shield. Byeongkwan was hiding behind the coffee table pointing straight at his teammate but didn’t shoot because his target was Sehyoon. 

Donghun was hiding out of sight and Junhee was at their base trying to figure out the best tactic to get Yuchan back without triggering Donghun into firing at him from wherever he was hiding. 

“Give it up Sehyoon, you know you’re going to lose.” Byeongkwan shouted even though they were no more than 10 feet from each other. Yuchan struggled playfully in the older’s arms.

Sehyoon just smirked. “Oh, but Kwannie I really don’t know that. I have way better aim than you give me credit for.” Byeongkwan scoffed at his confidence. 

“I could persuade you to give him up. What do you want for him?” Byeongkwan said, a sultry tone to his voice. 

Yuchan let out an offended “Hey!” as he listened to his friends bargain for him. 

Sehyoon winked at Byeongkwan as his mind started to run through the options. Before he could get the words out though they heard footsteps from the bathroom. Donghun came out, nerf gun aimed. “I really, really don’t want to hear this Sehyoon, come on. You really going to give in so you can get some dick?” 

Sehyoon tilted his head to the side and laughed. He let go of Yuchan who turned and pushed him to the ground and stole his nerf gun. Yuchan was smirking down at the other, Sehyoon just smiled. 

“Well, guess that backfired on me.” He said as Yuchan shot his own gun at him. Junhee took the opportunity to run out from his spot and surprise Donghun. He jumped on his back when he reached him and the older yelled. 

Junhee laughed in his ear as he did his best to stay on his back. They wrestled until they were both on the floor struggling to get their nerf guns to where they could aim. Somehow, Junhee ended up pinning Donghun down onto his back, both guns in his hands. 

Donghun just sighed and laid out on the ground when he realized no amount of struggling would help him now. Junhee had him pinned down, ass on his lap and guns pointed straight at him. 

Junhee was smiling wide and bright and the older couldn’t give less of a fuck about the game. His eyes shone back at his boyfriend and Junhee started to lower the guns. Junhee winked at him and whispered “I love you” down at him. 

Donghun wanted to surge up and kiss him but at the moment he decided to Junhee ended the game by pelting him with the Nerf bullets. He gave the younger a betrayed look. “How could you? Love of my life, star in my eye. How dare you betray me this way.” 

Junhee threw the guns to the side and leaned down, hands on either side of Donghun’s head. “All’s fair in love and war, my dear.” He then wasted no time and captured his lips in a soft, warm kiss. 

Donghun hummed into the contact and threaded his fingers through Junhee’s hair. He let the other set the pace and when he pulled away he sighed at the loss but smiled nonetheless. 

Junhee looked down at him and Donghun wanted to have this view forever. He thought about the ring sitting in a hidden spot in a closet. One he had gotten weeks ago, one that he had no clue what to do with. A ring that would only ever belong to one person, he vowed that it would sit on this man’s hand. 

He cupped Junhee’s cheek and sat up with him still in his lap. They were in their own world, smiles finally real and present. Junhee’s cheeks were alight with red and his hands weren’t shaking. Donghun thought that maybe this would work, they would get through this almost unscathed. 

That’s the thing about addiction though; good moments, happy and joyful moments betray you for the devastation of reality. 

Day 3; Hours 52 - 60 Time unknown 

Junhee was wild for hours, releasing energy in every way he could. They stepped outside for the first time in over a day. It was late, too late but they had exhausted all avenues inside. They played every video game Donghun had and they almost destroyed his living room playing makeshift hockey. 

They crashed up the stairs to the roof when the sun had fallen and the wind blew ice across their cheeks. They were standing, basking in the crisp and clean air. Byeongkwan and Sehyoon holding each other close as Yuchan moved around the roof. 

Donghun was bundled up with Junhee, both of them looking out at the city. Junhee was smiling, light and easy talking animatedly to his boyfriend about anything and everything when it all stopped. 

Junhee had been telling a story about his dad when Donghun heard the hitch in his voice and it was like all the energy and stamina had drained from his body. 

“I forgot for a second, I forgot he was in the hospital and I might never get to see his eyes again.” Junhee looked down at the roof as he said it. Shivers ran up his spine, they weren’t due to the cold. 

Donghun just watched him, watched his face fall into sadness and then completely blank. It was like he was a clean slate, no emotion. He looked to be shutting down. 

Donghun turned him towards his body and whispered in his ear. “You will get to Junhee, I promise. Please don’t tell yourself the worst.” Donghun pushed their foreheads together but Junhee pulled away. His blank stare scared the older, but he let him go anyways. 

Junhee moved away from Donghun towards the edge of the roof. “You don’t know what’s going to happen and I wish everyone would stop fucking telling me it was going to be alright when it very well could all go to hell.”

He stepped closer to the edge and Donghun followed him, giving him space. If he turned around he would see the other three watching, their eyes wide, waiting. 

Junhee scoffed before he went on. “My life has been one shitshow after another and just, here we are again. One thing after another, everything just falls apart. I can’t seem to hold onto anything. I’m tired, so fucking tired of not being okay.”

Donghun couldn’t stand this, wasn’t prepared for any of it, but he had to try. “Junhee listen to me.” 

Junhee turned and looked at him, blank stare back. “Why? You’re just going to wax poetic about how I will get everything I deserve and how I’m strong and I’m going to make it. Please spare me the bullshit.” 

Donghun’s lips downturned, he had never been this frustrated with the other. There was no reasoning with this Junhee, the one that shut down. He knew it was part of the withdrawal but he couldn’t let it go. 

“Listen here, you absolute shit.” He heard Byeongkwan behind them cough, trying to disguise a laugh. Yuchan outright yelled and Sehyoon let out a huff of air. 

Donghun kept going. “I will not stand here and let you have a pity party for yourself. You can shut down and you can scream and cry. You can waste away all your energy and you can even yell at me. But you will not, absolutely will not fucking tear yourself down. I will not take that. It’s not bullshit that you’re strong Junhee, fucking hell you are the strongest person I’ve ever met. That isn’t some shitty platitude, it's just God's honest truth.”

Donghun let out a breath, Junhee stood there staring at him, but he wasn’t done. Junhee went to speak but the other cut him off. “You are everything. You’re smart and kind and beautiful and a goddamn force of nature. But you’re also a shithead and whiny and you hate taking control because you like being taken care of and you love my sister’s kids like they were your own and you’re still wearing the fucking friendship bracelet I made you during our fourth session.” 

Donghun saw tears in the other’s eyes. He still didn’t stop, Junhee had been backing up toward the edge of the roof. His back now turned to Donghun again, but he didn’t stop talking. “You are without a doubt the most trouble I have ever laid my eyes and hands on but you’re also the most loving. You’re sexy as all hell and just looking at you makes me feel unworthy. You give me goosebumps when you walk into a room, your confidence almost suffocates me. You are a whole world of impossibilities and I consider myself lucky to have even crossed paths with you.” 

Junhee’s shoulders loosened as he looked up at the sky, his back still turned. Donghun walked up to him, letting him feel his presence behind him. “So go ahead and tell me that you’re not strong, tell me to stop with the bullshit. I will, but just know that in my eyes you’re the opposite of everything you think of yourself and that’s just how it’s always going to be.”

Junhee turned around, tears in his eyes. Donghun brought up a hand and wiped away a stray tear that made its way down his cheek. He smiled softly and made sure Junhee’s eyes were clear and focused and finished his speech. “So if you have a problem with that, deal with it because I’m here to stay. You’re stuck with me, baby.” 

Junhee’s breath hitched and then he sobbed, falling into Donghun’s arms. The other wrapped him up and brought them down to the floor. The oldest felt the other three wrap them up in a bundle of arms and legs. 

They stayed out in the cold way too long but the shared warmth was enough. Junhee somehow passed out in Donghun’s arms. He carried him, bridal style, back down the stairs and into his apartment, the others trailing behind. 

He laid Junhee on the bed and told the others they were welcome to keep sleeping on his couch. They all found their spots and as Donghun curled into Junhee he let himself have a moment. He let all of the terrifying thoughts flood his mind, let all his fears burn him from the inside out and when they finally turned to ash he pulled Junhee closer to him and fell asleep. 

Junhee turned into him once his breathing evened out. The younger looked at his boyfriend, really seeing him and thought about how this man had turned him inside out. How he would give anything to be better. He placed his hand over Donghun’s heart and closed his eyes. The beats pounding out a rhythm against his palm, Junhee’s heart did its best to match it. 

***

The times in between were filled with new and old obstacles. Junhee shivering again until he thought his bones would splinter. His whole body going into overdrive before shutting down completely. 

Sitting on the couch for an hour staring at nothing and barely blinking had scared Donghun so much that Junhee tried hard to at least make an effort when he was at his lowest. 

There was a moment where Junhee watched Donghun change and his whole body yearned to touch him, so he did. He kissed him hard and his hands wandered. It had ended in Junhee staring at the wall and leaning against Donghun’s bed as the other told him it was okay and that he needed to get better first. 

He couldn’t even touch his boyfriend without his stupid withdrawal making its way into his brain. His friends stayed, coming and going to get food and whatever they needed but nothing helped. He was a shell, three days in and he was cracking at the seams so hard he was desperate. 

Day 4; Hour ~

Junhee winced as the door clicked shut, the sun was slipping down into the trees and everything was a pastel purple. He got into his jacket and flipped the hoodie up. He looked back at the door and steeled himself. He knew this was a mistake but he couldn’t help himself. 

He trudged down the apartment stairs and made his way out into the street and didn’t look back again. 

***

Donghun woke up to an empty bed and cold sheets. His friends were curled up in various places around his apartment and he could feel the cold seeping in through his windows. He threw off the sheets and got out of bed, checking the time. 

It was too late for the world to be awake but Junhee wasn’t with him. He wandered around the apartment looking for him, not that there were many places since it was practically a studio. He paced in the living room and spun in circles. His heart started to beat out a wild rhythm. 

He ran a hand through her hair and then down his face. He bent over at the knees as the world started to spin. He raced to his kitchen and found the spot where Junhee’s keys lay. They were gone, his shoes were gone and so was his hoodie. 

Donghun shook at the thoughts that ran through his mind. He hoped he was wrong, hoped that this wasn’t happening. 

He ran to Sehyoon and started to shake him awake. “Sehyoon, get the fuck up. Junhee is gone!” 

Sehyoon shot up in bed at the violent way Donghun was pushing at him. “What the fuck, holy hell?” Sehyoon caught his eyes and looked confused. “Donghun, what is going on?”

Donghun’s eyes welled up with tears and grabbed at his hair. “Junhee is fucking gone! He took his keys, I think -” He couldn’t finish the thought. 

Sehyoon blinked a couple times and then jumped up from the couch, he ran to where Byeongkwan had passed out in the chair next to him. Donghun had never seen them sleep alone, it disturbed him a bit. 

“Byeongkwan baby, wake up, Junhee is gone.” Sehyoon gently shook Byeongkwan, unlike the way Donghun woke him up. Byeongkwan muttered in his sleep and smacked his lips, then blinked up at his husband.

“What’s going on?” He mumbled, still not awake. 

Sehyoon bent down and whispered to him and then his eyes got wide and he was up out of the chair in a matter of seconds. “Donghun do you have any idea where he is?” Byeongkwan said as he went to grab his shoes and coat. 

Sehyoon walked over and woke up Yuchan, who was snoring in his sleep. Donghun turned back to Donghun. “I have some ideas - he’s told me some names and places before but I'm not sure.” Donghun didn’t know where to start. 

Sehyoon came back over, shoes and jacket now on. “Donghun, we’ll find him, I promise. Tell me the names and places, I’ll probably have an idea of where to go.”

Donghun nodded his head and told Sehyoon what little Junhee had told him. Sehyoon really sprung into action, grabbing some paper from Donghun’s desk and writing a couple things down. 

He came back over and grabbed his keys, the younger two following him. Donghun raced to put on his shoes and grabbed his coat. Sehyoon looked at him and nodded and then headed for the door. 

“Okay, we stay together.” Sehyoon said as he got the door open and stepped into the hallway and the stairs. “I don’t want any of you going anywhere without the whole group, that would just be a clusterfuck. I have a few places that I know we can look. He should be at one of those, if not that’s where he is.” 

He turned around to Donghun as they made it to Sehyoon’s car. “Donghun, keep trying his phone.” Donghun gave him a look. “Don’t give me that look, I know you’ve probably tried that but just keep trying, maybe you’ll annoy him into answering.” 

Sehyoon opened the door to the driver’s side and Donghun got into the passenger’s seat. Sehyoon started the car and reversed out of the driveway and started down the road. “We start at his apartment, then we check other places.” He turned to Donghun one more time. “You with me here Hun?”

Donghun nodded, he couldn’t speak, his stomach in knots. He just gave Sehyoon a look that said “please help me, please let me find him.” Sehyoon reached over and grabbed his hand and gave him a promise with his eyes that they would. 

***

He wasn’t at his apartment but they had stolen Luna from her hideout in the kitchen. They took food with them and her supplies. Donghun held her as they made their way through the city, the cat purring gently in his lap. 

His hands were buried in her fur, his anxiety building up until he couldn’t feel anything else. They had checked three places already, no sign of Junhee. They were now onto the fourth and Donghun wasn’t sure he could take it anymore. 

They drove along until they stopped at a small shopping center, back alley pitchblack and grimy. They got out of the car when Sehyoon motioned that this was the place. The minute they stepped out into the open air, they heard a commotion. 

Donghun’s eyes grew wide at the sound and he took off, the others yelling after him. He knew that voice, he knew the tone and the words slipping out. He saw a man coming out from the alley, his face bloody and bruised. 

He raced around the corner as he heard Sehyoon yelling his name. He pointed to the man and Sehyoon caught on and changed course. Donghun kept his the same. 

When he got to the alley he stumbled to a stop and thought he was going to lose it at what he saw. Junhee was flat on the ground, his clothes wet from the rain an hour ago. He was coughing and curling into himself. There was blood on his hands, blood that Donghun hoped came from the other man’s body. 

He stopped for only a second but then kicked himself back into gear. He raced to Junhee and dropped to his knees. It made him realize he never changed out of his pajamas. The wet pavement was cold against his knees, the water soaking them through in a matter of seconds. 

There was sweat dripping from his hair and his hands turned grimy the minute they hit the ground. He said the others name as he got a good look. His breath hitched. 

Junhee looked almost unscathed, Donghun knew he was hurt from the way he was curling into himself, but he wasn’t bleeding as far as he could see. 

Donghun let his breath go and then pulled Junhee up and into his lap as best as he could. The other coughed and grabbed at his stomach. Donghun stopped his hands and pulled at his shirt. 

Junhee tried to stop him but Donghun just hissed at him to let him. “Idiot let me look, make sure that nothing is broken. The way you’re holding yourself, it looks like you got kicked in the ribs.” 

Junhee coughed and let out a small laugh. “That’s exactly what fucking happened you dick.” He coughed again and then finally let Donghun manhandle him. Donghun pulled up his shirt but Junhee wasn’t done talking. “I came here to get what I needed and it got heated. He’s mad I haven’t been contacting him, apparently I owe him money. About halfway through the transaction I changed my mind. I heard your voice in my head and it was like a fucking flame let itself off inside my chest.” 

Donghun let him speak and felt around his ribs and stomach. Junhee was right, nothing was broken, he was just very badly bruised. Donghun let out a sigh and then cupped Junhee’s cheek. 

The other looked up at him. He was seeing him upside down and he was wet, the rain started to fall again. Droplets from Donghun’s hair dripped down onto his cheeks, well, he pretended they were rain. 

He reached up and touched Donghun’s cheek, wiped away a drop of rain. Donghun shuddered and then leaned his forehead down to Junhee’s. They both closed their eyes. Donghun whispered to him like a prayer. “Don’t ever fucking do that again, at least leave a fucking note or something please. I can’t do that, I thought -” 

The older shook and Junhee did his best to turn around to face Donghun. He brought their lips together in a searing kiss and he couldn’t pretend the drops on the other’s cheeks were rain anymore. 

He put all of himself into the kiss. This kiss on the wet and dirty pavement in a back alley. This kiss done after an almost catastrophic drug deal. This kiss as Junhee felt his ribs swell with the pounding in his head. This kiss that devastated him to the core, but brought him to life. 

Donghun pulled away after a while and pulled Junhee into a hug. They held on for dear life and didn’t let go until the others made their presence known. 

Junhee looked up, still in Donghun’s embrace, to Sehyoon. He could see blood on his friends knuckles but they weren’t bloodied and bruised like his own. Sehyoon knew how to throw a punch. He heard the sirens a little too late but the second oldest just shielded them. 

Junhee found out later that Sehyoon had called the cops, told them that Junhee was just trying to get away from the man. The dealer was taken into custody that night. 

As Junhee looked up at Sehyoon he knew that eventually they would talk, it would be the hardest one out of all his friends. This man didn’t pull punches and he didn’t soften his words because the truth was the truth. 

Sehyoon was kind in every way but he didn’t allow for destruction and Junhee was on a warpath. 

Junhee nodded at him and Sehyoon came over to them and ran a hand through Junhee’s hair catching Donghun’s attention. They got up from their embrace and the minute he let go he had an armful of Byeongkwan. 

The younger sobbing as he petted over Junhee’s hair and rubbed at his back. Junhee just held onto him and whispered how he was okay into his ear. 

His ribs throbbed and every part of his body was turning against him but Byeongkwan deserved to think he’d be okay. He would be okay, he would. He told himself that all the way back to the house, as Donghun fell asleep on his shoulder and he watched the city lights blur by, glass reflecting their rainbow of color. 

Day 4; Hour ~ sometime after 

Junhee was drying his hair and making his way towards Donghun’s big bay windows. The sun was peeking out from the curtains and Junhee wanted to throw them wide open, he wanted the sun to burn his skin enough that he could really feel it. 

No one else was in sight, they had all made their way up to the roof. Donghun had checked him over again when they got home and they had crashed, fallen asleep in a pile of blankets in the living room. 

Junhee didn’t sleep much but it wasn’t the worst sleep he had gotten in the past few days. He was grateful for even the slightest amount. Now, though, now he was sluggish and his mind was slowing. He felt it spiraling down, down, down. 

He threw the towel over and chair and stared out the windows and then reached for the seems in the middle. He threw them open and the sun poured out, the heat of it warming up his chilled insides. 

He sighed at the sensation and basked in it. It almost gave him enough courage to think about what had transpired hours before. He looked down at his stomach, he was bare except for the thin shorts he had thrown on. 

He wasn’t shivering in the little amount of clothes, but his muscles kept clenching and unclenching, spasms going through his calves and shoulders. 

He hummed to himself and closed his eyes as the warmth of the sun and how he could almost feel the chill of the air outside making its way through the glass planes. Donghun’s apartment smelled crisp and clean and he wished he had the energy to soak it all in. 

He didn’t notice another presence until Sehyoon was right up next to him, crowding into his space without touching him. 

Junhee kept his eyes closed as he heard Sehyoon cough and then sway slightly at his side. He expected a lecture but it never came. Instead he heard Sehyoon hum next to him and then settle against his side. 

Junhee leaned into the contact and opened his eyes. Sehyoon was staring down at his phone before he looked up at him. He just smiled at him and then looked out the window, a chime from his phone gave up who he was messaging. 

Sehyoon answered the text and then bumped his shoulder with junhee. He slid away from their comfortable spot and headed for the door, he opened it and Junhee could smell the hint of cold in the air. 

When the door was fully open Junhee finally knew what this was. Sehyoon had been waiting for Junhee to be ready. Junhee wasn’t sure if he was going to make it through this conversation but his best friend deserved to have this conversation with him.

He watched Byeongkwan as he stepped into the apartment. When he saw how tired the younger looked he matched his body to the slope of Byeongkwan’s sagging shoulders and curled around himself in a way that showed how sorry he really was. 

Sehyoon caressed one of Byeongkwan’s cheeks as he kept one hand on the door. Byeongkwan looked tiny sidled up next to his husband, Junhee thought about how much the look in their eyes showed their love. 

How the hand on Byeongkwan’s cheek was decorated with a simple silver ring and how the hand that came up to wrap around that wrist was adorned in the same way. 

He watched their hands come together, their rings colliding slightly and wished with everything he had that Donghun didn’t hope they would be there too, one day. Not because he didn’t want matching rings and something saying they were each other’s. But because he couldn’t handle disappointing someone that much, he couldn't handle marrying someone who deserved more than he had to offer. 

He watched their hands interlock and Sehyoon kiss Byeongkwan’s forehead and whisper something to him. He saw Byeongkwan swallow and then drop their linked hands as Sehyoon walked out the door and closed it behind him. 

Byeongkwan wrung his hands together as the door closed, he didn’t look up at Junhee for what seemed like forever. When he finally did, Junhee wished he hadn’t. 

His eyes were red rimmed and he was bundled in a hoodie that spoke of Sehyoon. Junhee could see that he was shaking. 

Junhee let out a whimper at the way he looked, “Byeongkwan I’m so -” He couldn’t finish. Byeongkwan had walked up to him, his tiny body upon him in seconds. For a second Junhee thought he would slap him but the other stopped right before he reached him.   
Junhee went to speak again but Byeongkwan’s frown turned into a scowl and he shut his mouth. 

Byeongkwan huffed and everything spilled out. Junhee listened. “How dare you do this to us. You think that you can just go out and almost get yourself killed. And before you say you were refusing the drugs and had changed your mind, you knew that going out there was dangerous. What did you think? We wouldn’t notice you were gone, that we would just let you be out there on your own? I can’t believe you did this, especially to Donghun. All he’s ever done is love you. He allowed the drugs, he let you try on your own to get rid of the addiction. Now, it’s like a slap to the face and I wonder if this will even be the end of it all.” 

Byeongkwan stopped and let himself breathe, but he wasn’t done. “I want you to figure this out and I love you too much to stop helping you but there has to be a point Junhee. There has to be a point where you realize that only you can do this, you are in control of all of it. I’m so scared we’ll fix this and it’ll just be something else because you can’t seem to care about yourself even the slightest bit. I can’t stand here anymore and watch you destroy yourself.” 

The tears were falling hard now and all Junhee wanted was to wrap his best friend up but he didn’t. He let him finish. “I love you so much, you are one of the most important people in my life. You’re someone I wish I knew before I got married, before college, so you could have been there for all of my lives incredible moments but you’re here now and I can’t fucking watch you waste away.” 

Byeongkwan grabbed at his hands and held them up to his chest. “Please, if you care about Donghun, Sehyoon, Yuchan, or me at all you will try. You will fucking fight for yourself. I know life has given you a shitty deal and I know it’s fucking hard but you can’t let it ruin you. You just can’t.” 

Byeongkwan hugged him then and Junhee wrapped him up. Tears fell as the younger squeezed him tight. They didn’t move for a very long time and Junhee let his thoughts wander. He thought about how much he loved these people, his friends and saviors and how if he got better for anybody it would be them. 

He just didn’t know if it would be enough, if he could remove all the damaged parts from himself. 

Byeongkwan sighed in his ear and he let the thoughts fall away for later. He pulled away slightly and then walked them over to Donghun’s bed. He let Byeongkwan curl around him, the younger’s head on his chest and played with his hair. 

Sehyoon, Yuchan and Donghun came down from the roof a bit of time later to see them completely wrapped up in each other. They didn’t disturb them. 

 

Day 5; Hour ~ midday 

He woke up to purring in his ear. The bed was warm but not from another body; the sun was streaming in through Donghun’s curtains. Junhee glanced at the alarm clock on the side-table and saw it was midday.   
He ran a hand through Luna’s fur and she curled up closer to his head. She had decided her spot was on his pillow, as close as she could get. 

He laid down until everything caught up to him. The talk with Byeongkwan, the argument on the roof, his will to get past this crumbling. He didn’t know what he was going to do except push through every hour until he was standing on his own. 

He wasn’t even sure if it would help, if he would get through this only to fall down again. He was pretty positive this wouldn’t be the end of it all, he knew himself better than that. 

He finally sat up, the room wasn’t spinning like it had been other times he had woken up over the past few days. His stomach actually felt settled and was rumbling from hunger. He had an appetite and that was a new thing for him, he needed to eat before his body decided against it. 

He uncovered himself and stepped out of the bed, shivers racing up his spine when his feet hit the wood floor. He wrapped his arms around himself and trekked to the kitchen. No one was around but he didn’t let his mind linger on the fact too long. They probably needed some air, maybe they went for groceries or a walk. 

Junhee made himself a cup of tea and looked through the pantry for something to quick. He pulled out a cup of ramen and started to boil some water. 

He leaned back against the counter as the noodles cooked and let out a sigh. He was alone and he finally let himself dwell on everything that had happened in the last few days. 

There was so much to go through, the first night had been bad and the subsequent nights hadn’t been much better. He could feel himself gaining strength but he wasn’t out of the woods yet. He was still shaking at random times during the day and he still craved anything that was slightly addictive. 

His hands shook as he took the ramen off the burner and got out a bowl to pour it in. He grabbed chopsticks from the utensil drawer and started to slowly eat, he knew if he shoveled them he would puke. He had done enough of that in the last few days. 

When he finished the bowl he allowed himself a small smile, it was progress. It wasn’t much but it was something. He wasn’t necessarily proud of himself but it was more than he had managed before. 

He placed the bowl in the sink and turned back to the living room. He looked down at the floor as he ran a hand through his greasy hair. The next thing he needed to do was shower but before he moved another step he stopped. 

When he looked up he saw Sehyoon now sitting on the couch, how he had gotten there without Junhee noticing was a mystery, but he wasn’t on his game anyways. 

Sehyoon was looking down at the floor, his hands clasped together between his knees. The other man didn’t look up at him but Junhee knew that his attention had been caught. 

Junhee waited, he didn’t move because he could see everything in the line of Sehyoon’s shoulders. Dread sunk deep into his stomach, he swallowed and it felt like acid slipping down his throat. His eyes burned and he thought his knees might buckle but he stayed upright. 

He waited until Sehyoon looked up at him and when he did Junhee held his breath. All the air in the room felt like it had been sucked out, there was nowhere to go. 

Sehyoon’s eyes were hard, but not entirely unkind, he didn’t have it in him to be devoid of emotion. What Junhee saw though, what he could see broke his heart. This man, this wonderful, gracious man was angry at him and Junhee wanted to fall to his knees in front of him and beg for forgiveness. 

He didn’t. He stood in his spot and waited. 

Finally, Sehyoon stood up and walked over to him. He came to a stop right in front of Junhee and lowered his head. The younger could hear him breathing, sharp intakes. 

When Sehyoon started speaking Junhee listened with everything he had. The older was furious and Junhee deserved every word that was thrown at him. 

“I don’t know what to say other than I’m so disappointed in you. I know how fucked up your life has been, I know that you’ve been given a shit lot but that doesn’t mean you just get to fucking throw it away.” Sehyoon huffed out a breath and then kept going. 

“You had us searching the city for you thinking that you might be dead. You had Donghun wondering if he would find you in an alley somewhere with a needle in your arm.” Sehyoon shook his head and ran a hand through his hair. 

“Junhee, when I pulled you from that club four 4 years ago you were a husk of a person, but you pulled yourself out of it. I allowed the drugs because I thought you needed something to get back to yourself. I knew it was wrong but it was the only thing keeping you alive. Fucking ironic, looking back on it. But back then I just wanted you to be alive. Byeongkwan and I found you and we couldn’t lose you. You meant so much to us right off the bat. You still mean the world to us. You’re our best friend, business partner, fucking family.” Sehyoon was almost in tears, Junhee wanted to go to him so badly. He stayed where he was, hands twitching for his best friend. 

“You pulled yourself up and we thought we could finally move forward. Donghun came along and we had even higher hopes, but nothing helped. And now here we are and I wonder if it’s even going to be worth it. I wonder if you’ll just go back or find something else. And by God I don’t want to be right Junhee, but heaven forbid you fall again, I won’t be able to take it.” Sehyoon was now crying, tears leaving wet tracks against his cheeks. 

“I’m not Byeongkwan or Yuchan who are going to give you the fluffy you can do this speech or Donghun who’s gonna kick you in the ass and tell you he loves you. That’s not me, I know you too well for that to fucking work. This is what I’m going to tell you Junhee, right here and now I’m telling you if you don’t get your fucking shit together I might not be able to stand here anymore and watch you bury yourself alive.” Sehyoon sucked in a heaving breath. Junhee was crying, silent tears that he couldn’t hold back. 

“I won’t do it, I can’t be here for it. I can’t watch my husband do it and I can’t watch Donghun either. It doesn’t matter who you do it for, yourself or us, you just have to, because losing you would be devastating. I wouldn’t come back from it, not fully. I’m not going to say how strong you are, I’m not going to give you platitudes. All I’m going to say is that I love you more than most in this world but I will not stand witness to your destruction.” He wiped a hand under his eyes as he finished. He nodded his head, telling Junhee he was done and then walked away. 

Junhee was desperate to go to him, but he didn’t. He needed to let him walk away. He wouldn’t go far. He watched Sehyoon make it all the way to Donghun’s bed and sit down. He watched him wipe his nose with the back of his hand and then grab tissues from the side-table. 

Junhee watched him as his shoulders slumped, as he shook with sobs and then he finally moved. 

He walked over to him briskly, shoved himself into the space that was open and sat in Sehyoon’s lap. After a few seconds Junhee felt strong arms wrap around him. He shook, but not from his own crying or shaking. He shook from Sehyoon’s emotions wracking his whole body. 

Junhee hugged the arms around him and laid his head back on Sehyoon’s shoulder and stayed silent. He didn’t move or talk for a very long time and when they finally untangled Junhee could feel and hear his limbs protesting. 

Sehyoon looked up at him as Junhee settled on the bed next to him. The younger brought up a hand to wipe all the tear tracks from Sehyoon’s cheeks. His hand was caught and Junhee worried that he didn’t want to be touched but Sehyoon just brought his hand to his mouth and kissed the side of his palm. 

Junhee shuddered out a breath and collapsed into the older’s side. His arms wrapped around him again and he settled into the spot. His mind spun with what if’s, with he wasn’t going to be enough, with he wouldn’t survive this.   
It didn’t matter, he was safe. His demons couldn’t breach the warm circle of his best friend’s arms. 

Day 6; Hour ~ 

Yuchan was smiling at him and it was like the sun came out. He was the only one that didn’t give him a speech, telling him to kick his ass into gear. No, Yuchan didn’t give him a speech. He brought him flowers on the sixth day, daisies. Specifically they were Bellis Daisies. The card form the delivery service said “To rebirth and a light in the darkness. May we always follow you out of your most troublesome times.”

Junhee hugged the youngest and swayed them back and forth. The flowers sat on the sill of Donghun’s biggest window and soaked up the rays of sun. He wished more than once that he could be like those Daisies, preening in the glow of light. 

The sixth day was a good day. Junhee ate three meals and they all stayed where they were supposed to. The shivers not caused by cold stopped making appearances and he finally felt his hands stop twitching. It was a good day. 

They went swimming in the indoor pool in Donghun’s apartment complex. They splashed each other and Donghun tried his best to drown all of them. He spent most of his time attached to his boyfriend’s back. 

They ate fresh fruit and sandwiches, they drank enough water for days and Junhee tried to suck up the rays of the sun from the greenhouse roof over the pool. 

He watched rivulets of water make their way down Donghun’s chest and got an urge to lick them off of his toned stomach. That’s all it was, an urge, but it was enough for now. 

Day 9; Hour ~

A week passed and then a couple more days and Junhee was feeling almost back to normal. Well, not normal but better. Normal felt jittery and unstable, now he just felt still, like his body finally remembered how to function without an extra source supplying it. 

They were in the kitchen cooking dinner when the radio played a familiar song. It haunted Junhee’s mind and brought him back to better nights. He remembered dancing with Donghun, dancing on his own, the song building a waterfall of bittersweet sadness in his lungs and heart and stomach. 

The radio played and Junhee started to move. He was in comfortable clothes, a hoodie of Donghun’s and shorts that clung to his thighs. He had no shoes on and he slipped across the hardwood floor.   
He moved the coffee table in the living room, a burst of deja vu pulling him into memories. He stood up when nothing was in his way and then he danced. 

He danced like he hadn’t in years, it had truly only been a week but it felt like eons had passed. He slid across the floor and let his body take him where it wanted. He felt light, the air around him a friend, dust making itself visible in the light cast from the sunset drowning outside Donghun’s windows. 

He felt hands grab around his waist, he felt movement that flowed with him and knew Byeongkwan was guiding him along the living room floor. The song changed but the feeling in him didn’t. 

They danced and danced. They danced until Junhee’s feet were sore, until his arms couldn’t hold themselves up. They danced until Donghun caught him around the waist and spun him into his chest. 

He caught sight of Byeongkwan and Sehyoon gliding along the living room. He watched Yuchan’s sparkling eyes wide and amazed. He leaned into his boyfriend and let himself dream that this was his life, that this was his every day and in between. 

He threw his head back and laughed at one point in the night. He thought, later wrapped in Donghun’s arms, about how he didn’t recognize the sound, it wasn’t hollow, it felt full and sounded real. He remembered eyes shining bright back into his. He remembered Donghun’s laughter filling the room like never before. 

They danced and Junhee wished he could be this person who danced in a living room with the love of his life. 

Day 11; Hour ~ Morning

Junhee walked the halls of Seoul Assisted Living for the first time in almost two weeks and he almost felt like he couldn’t breathe. 

His father wasn’t doing much better, but Junhee wasn’t either. The days had been getting more stable for him but that didn’t mean he was kicking his addiction in the teeth either. He still craved and reached for something that wasn’t there, he was just better at pulling back. 

When he made it to his father’s room he didn’t bother turning on the lights, he didn’t need to see his family staring back at him. 

He pulled up the chair he sat in for weeks, the chair that he slept in and watched his dad come back to life in. He sat down and he felt defeated in a way. He was back here and his dad hadn’t made improvements.   
He was still in a coma and Junhee was still struggling to come to terms with the fact that he might not ever wake up. 

He reached for his father’s hand but didn’t say anything. Donghun would be here soon; he had headed to work for a small amount of time. He had needed to meet with his secretary on a few matters but he would be back. 

Leaving Junhee had been hard but they both felt it was necessary. So, Junhee decided he would get himself to the nursing home and now he was here. 

He squeezed his father’s hand and closed his eyes as he rubbed his thumb across the back of his hand. He breathed in the air around him and waited. He didn’t speak, he tried not to think. He basked in his father’s presence, comforting even as he laid still, only alive thanks to beeping monitors. 

He awoke to Donghun resting a hand on his shoulder and dropping a kiss to his hair. He got up and Donghun sat down in the chair, Junhee moved so he was sitting in his lap. He thought they’d talk when his boyfriend got here, but the older didn’t say anything. He just started rubbing a hand along Junhee’s arm. 

Goosebumps raised on his arm and he leaned back into the older’s embrace. He felt Donghun’s breath on his neck and closed his eyes again. He could feel the other’s heart beating, the rhythm light against his back. 

Junhee fell asleep to its pattern. 

Day 14; Hour ~ Late into the night 

They were alone, the apartment was blessedly empty. Their friends had cleared out that morning and Junhee, as much as he loved them, was glad to not see their faces. He watched Donghun clean up in the kitchen and felt heat build up in his stomach. 

He had had a good day, well, good was underselling it. After he had visited his dad some of his symptoms had slipped back for a day or two. He hadn’t been able to eat and keep it in his stomach, his nerves felt like they were on fire and shivers raced up his body. 

Thankfully it had passed and his friends felt comfortable finally leaving him alone with his boyfriend to handle him. He knew the worst of the withdrawal was over. There was still more to come but it wasn’t anything he couldn’t handle. At least, he hoped it wasn’t.

Donghun made his way over to Junhee who was sitting on the couch, he looked beautiful. Donghun thought that the moonlight casting a glow on his tan skin made him even more stunning than normal, but he was biased.   
Junhee smirked as his boyfriend slouched down into the couch and he ran a hand through the older’s hair. He pouted at him and Donghun smiled softly and his face. “What is it, baby?” Donghun grabbed at the hand that wasn’t in his hair. 

Junhee slid down more into the couch, trying his best to match Donghun. “Nothing. I just-” He stopped and thought about his next words. “I’ve missed you the past couple weeks. I know that you’ve been here, but I’ve missed how we used to be. Can we go back to that please?”

Donghun sat up straighter and leaned over Junhee. He brought up a hand to caress his cheek and leant down, hovering over him. “Yes, yes we can.” He kissed Junhee after the words left his mouth. 

Junhee surged up into him and pushed him back into the couch. He scrambled into Donghun’s lap, doing his best not to break the kiss. It was a slow one, their lips closed and it was so very soft. Junhee wanted more, finally wanted more than soft. 

He pushed hard into Donghun’s lap and the older gasped. Junhee took the opportunity and pushed his tongue into his mouth. He moaned at the contact and from there the soft kisses stopped and Donghun understood what he wanted. 

Donghun kept the pace slow but it was bruising. Their clothes were shed quickly and when every article was scattered off the floor Donghun reached for something in the table by the couch. 

He looked up at Junhee with questioning eyes, the younger knew exactly what he was asking and nodded. 

Donghun took his time prepping Junhee and when he entered him Junhee sobbed out a moan. His boyfriend took it torturously slow, whispering soft words of praise into his ear. Junhee let him control all of it, he just moved with him, taking everything he gave him. 

Junhee cried and Donghun wiped away his tears, kissed his cheeks and then made him see stars. 

Afterwards Donghun cleaned him diligently and then ran them a bath. Junhee sat with his back to Donghun’s chest and relaxed in the warm water as a colorful bath bomb swirled around them and released a fresh smell into the room. 

They laughed as Donghun covered his head with a towel and dried his hair roughly. Junhee pulled on a soft t-shirt and shorts and Donghun looked at him lovingly from the bed. 

Junhee smiled softly as he climbed into bed with his boyfriend and crawled his way over to lay down on his bare chest. He huffed out a breath once he settled down, arm wrapped around Donghun’s stomach. Their hands played together as they lay silently, listening to the sounds of the night outside Donghun’s window. 

Junhee looked up at his boyfriend after a while and brushed a hand across his cheek. Donghun smiled at him and he was hit with a rush. He leaned on an elbow to look down at his boyfriend. He stroked his cheek again and then kissed him where his thumb had been. “Donghun.” He whispered and the older knew what he meant. 

They fell asleep in each other’s arms. The day passed, but stuck in Junhee’s memory. 

Day 16; Hour ~

The sixteenth day was the worst. Junhee got cravings and he was having to be held back from leaving the apartment. Donghun had him wrapped up in his arms and the other’s were moving around the home doing their best to entertain him. 

Most of it didn’t work and most of the time Junhee was just annoyed and bitter. Donghun didn’t whisper sweet nothings into his ear, instead he told him that he wouldn’t come back from this if he left the apartment now. 

Donghun told him that it wouldn’t be worth it, wouldn’t be worth losing everything he loved. His friends were almost harsh but he needed to hear it. His heart needed to know what he would lose if he walked out the door. 

He stayed put, kept Donghun’s arms locked around his middle and tried his best to focus. The day passed and Junhee was still sober, still clean. He counted it as a win. 

Day 20; Hour ~ 12:00 p.m. 

Junhee sat up in bed biting his nails, he was dressed for lunch and Donghun was doing the finishing touches on his hair. The older was going back to work in a couple days and it caused Junhee to think. 

When Donghun came out from the bathroom he pulled his boyfriend over to the bed and told him what he was feeling. “I want to go back to work.” 

Donghun looked at him with a blank stare before the words fully hit him and then his face turned into a big frown. “No.”

It was all he said and Junhee was appalled by the reaction. “What do you mean no?” 

Donghun got up from the bed and started shaking his head. “Junhee, you are still getting better. You can’t go back to the club. It will just cause you to regress.” 

Junhee walked over to him and placed his hands on his shoulders. “Yeah, it might. I will probably struggle and I’ll probably drink a lot to cope with everything.” He laughed at the joke that they both knew wasn’t really a joke. “But I need to, I can’t stay cooped up here like your kept man.” 

Donghun scoffed. “And why not? I have plenty of money, I can take care of you.”

Junhee just stared at him and then raised his eyebrows at the older man and let him catch onto what he just said. Donghun looked up at the ceiling before he spoke again. “Okay, yes that sounded bad but baby, are you sure?”

Junhee grabbed his hands and rubbed his thumbs along his knuckles “Yes, I am. Sehyoon and Byeongkwan will be there. The other dancers can help me too. I need to do this.” 

Donghun looked at the ground and then nodded. When he looked back up his eyes were cloudy and he swallowed through whatever emotions he was dealing with, but he spoke his next words confidently. “Ok, then I’ll be there every step of the way.” 

Junhee kissed him and then pulled away to hug him to his chest. His arms wrapped around his neck and Donghun wrapped his around Junhee’s waist. They stood there for longer than necessary basking in each others warmth and strength. 

Junhee summoned up all the courage he had and told himself that he could make it, push through everything thrown his way. 

Day 22; Hour 11:00 a.m. 

Junhee walked into the club, his hand in Byeongkwan’s and closed his eyes as the door shut behind him. He opened them to the club lights blinking above him, to dancers practicing on the stage and to over four years of his life staring back at him. 

He squeezed Byeongkwan’s hand and the other pulled him closer and laid his head on his shoulder. Junhee pulled strength from him and walked to the stage and began his first practice in almost a month.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even though Junhee is feeling better it is not just going to be uphill from here, he still has a ways to go and falling down a few more times will only get him where he needs to be. So prepare for a lot more angst. but also some really good times!!! Don't hate me too much, lololol :)


	10. I'm Sorry by the Way Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m sorry, by the way, for everything that I've put you through. Your heart must be made of steel with the way I've tried to bend and break it. I’m so high up I hope that you can catch me when I fall.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all.... I'm not gonna say much other than I promise this will have a happy ending and I'm sorry for taking so long! This is the first part of chapter 10 and the second half will be in chapter 11. It was way too long to post as one so I split them up. I really hope you enjoy everything. There's some hard times but also some really good ones too!!! 
> 
> Songs I listened to while writing:   
> Cherry - Harry Styles  
> Adore You - Harry Styles  
> Before - Ulrik Munther  
> Ocean Eyes - Billie Eilish   
> Hurt Somebody - Noah Kahan  
> False Confidence - Noah Kahan  
> Save Me - Noah Kahan (literally Junhee this chapter)  
> Noah Kahan songs will show up again and again and again :)
> 
> Junhee and Byeongkwan dance to Manufactured Love by Michael Blume  
> Byeongkwan dances to Me & You by EXID  
> Sehyoon dances to Tempo by Lizzo  
> Junhee dances to Love on the Brain by Rihanna

***

Junhee sighed as he watched people move across the club’s stage. They had just auditioned new dancers and they weren’t up to par with what he was used to. He was conducting a callback to see who would work well with their team. 

He appreciated Sehyoon giving everyone that auditioned a chance, but sometimes they needed to have higher standards. 

He looked down at the clipboard in his lap and marked off a couple names - guys he believed wouldn’t benefit the club. He felt a little bad, but not enough to give them a pat on the back and tell them they did a great job. 

They really only needed three new dancers, and there were 15 in front of him. He’d already identified the standouts, and Sehyoon was allowing him to narrow it down to the last few.   
Sehyoon was allowing him to weed out the stragglers and they really only needed three new dancers, he had 15 in front of him. He already knew the stand outs and was trying to narrow them down to at least five. 

He brought his eyes to the stage and watched as a young kid, barely 19, fell from the pole. He hadn’t been up high, but it still didn’t feel good to smack into the stage floor. He got up from his seat and placed the clipboard on the chair he had been sitting on. 

He made his way to the stage, leaned his elbows against it and scanned the possible new employees. He looked over his shoulder and found one of the newer dancers Sehyoon had hired a few months back. “You.” He pointed to the kid who looked at him with wide eyes. “Go get some ice for our friend here.” The dancer nodded and scuttled off. 

He looked back to the stage and to the dancer that had just fallen. “Follow him. Ice your leg and make sure that you check on it later tonight. I’m sorry, but I don’t think this is the job for you.” Junhee felt bad when the kid frowned, but he followed the instructions. 

The other dancers stood at attention. Somehow, Junhee had gained a reputation, and it seemed like a good one. 

Over the next hour he dismissed everyone in small pairs until only four dancers remained. They sat on the stage gulping down water as he rounded the group and came to the front to address them. “You will all be evaluated by Mr. Kim.” Feeling the need to specify, Junhee added, “Byeongkwan will assess you to make sure you are aware of the parameters of your job when it comes to dancing. The owner, Sehyoon, will make sure you are prepared for the other aspects of the role.”

He circled the recruits one more time; they all followed him with their eyes. “This job isn’t easy and it isn’t all hot guys and taking off your clothes, so please be sure you are ready to transition into this environment.” He tapped his pen to his chin and waved a hand to the door. “You can leave now. You will be contacted by Mr. Kim in the next few days. Good work.” 

All the recruits stood up, grabbed their things and shuffled out the door chatting with each other. Junhee waited until they left and made his way to the front of the stage. He jumped down and went to his dressing room to get his things. 

Thankfully it was a Wednesday and he didn’t actually have to work tonight. He was meeting his friends for a nice dinner and then making his way home to sleep. He had only been back at work for two weeks but it had been harder than he’d imagined. 

No drugs, no alcohol and barely any Donghun made it a struggle to keep up with everything going on. Sehyoon and Byeongkwan were keeping him in check and he was seeing them in just an hour, but Donghun had been super busy with work. 

He had missed almost a month with getting Junhee through withdrawal and had a lot to catch up on. Junhee wasn’t used to not seeing him every day, for most of the hours he was awake. Of course he still slept in the same bed with him every night and kissed him as many times as he could, but he missed him like a lung. 

When he made it to his dressing room he went over to his vanity and grabbed his clothes for dinner. He changed out of his sweats into a soft button up and ripped jeans. He sat down in his chair and slipped his boots on, then looked up to the mirror. 

There were dark circles under his eyes and his skin looked tight. He hadn’t been eating that much; Donghun had been working so late that he didn’t have time to make him dinner and   
the stress of having to satisfy his customers with nothing to take the edge off had been making him sick to his stomach. 

He was tired of giving others pleasure, of being with men that he didn’t give a shit about. He needed the money - his father’s nursing home bill hadn’t gone away - but it was wearing on him more now than ever. 

He wondered if he would have to quit doing that part of his job soon. He’d lose a big part of his income but maybe his mental health wouldn’t struggle so much. 

He grabbed concealer from his make-up bag and dabbed some under his eyes, brushing some light powder on afterwards. He lightly applied a bit of eyeshadow and then blush to his cheeks to give him some color. He didn’t want to worry his friends. 

He was glad to be hanging out with them tonight - work aside, he hadn’t seen them much either.

Byeongkwan hadn’t been at the club much during the week because of the studio. He was busy getting everything ready. He wanted to open it within the next few months but there were many things that needed to get done. Cleaning, mainly. The building was huge and open but had been abandoned for years and it needed a lot of love. 

Sehyoon was out helping him today and Junhee had been left in charge of the recruits. It wasn’t his favorite but Sehyoon paid him handsomely for the extra work. 

He finished up his make-up and grabbed his things, doing one last fluff of his hair in the mirror. He looked good. Hopefully he would look even better after Donghun came home tonight. 

***

Donghun fell against the bed with a long drawn out breath. Junhee heaved in his own, his hands releasing their grip on the pillow underneath his head. He rolled his wrists around, getting the blood to circulate after having them clenched for so long. 

He wiped sweat from his brow and pushed his hair back and out of his eyes. He felt sated and wonderful and like he could do anything. He turned his head to look over at Donghun 

His boyfriend was smiling at the ceiling, Junhee brought his arm over and smacked his stomach lightly with the back of his hand. Donghun slowly turned his head to look at him, his eyes clouded like he was in a daze. 

Junhee gently moved his hand up and down the other’s stomach as their eyes fluttered and just stared. Finally, Junhee smiled at him, it filled up his face and lit up his eyes. Donghun saw them sparkle and he couldn’t help the soft laugh that escaped from his lips, more of a breath than anything. 

He didn’t take his gaze away from the other, couldn’t. Moonlight was streaming in through the open curtains of his big bay windows and Junhee was magical. He swore the other had caught the stars hidden beyond the city lights and trapped them in his eyes. 

It was cheesy and he could feel his cheeks heat up at the thought, but it didn’t matter, that’s what he saw. 

Junhee rubbed the back of his hand up and down Donghun’s stomach and eventually the older grabbed at it and kissed his knuckles. Junhee closed his eyes at the contact and let out a soft sigh. 

He was content. He didn’t even know he knew what that felt like, but right now he was. Warmth had spread all the way across his body, and yes he was gross with lube and sweat and come from just a few moments ago but he was content. 

He let Donghun kiss his knuckles and then took back his hand, wrapped it around the other’s body and pushed up onto his other elbow to hover over him. 

Donghun watched him move and squirmed a bit until he could get an arm around Junhee’s waist. The need to touch him was overwhelming and he wouldn’t let the time go to waste. 

They both expected the other to talk but they stayed silent. Junhee rubbed a line along Donghun’s stomach all the way from his belly button to the side of his ribs. The older one held still, stifling the need to move at the tickling touch. 

He reached up a hand and brushed Junhee’s hair behind his ear. They both needed a haircut but he also liked it long. Soon they would both be able to put their hair up into small ponytails and he was looking forward to that day. 

Junhee stilled his hand as he leaned into Donghun’s palm that had moved against his cheek. The older man felt how warm his skin was and savored how red his cheeks had gotten over the course of the night. 

He closed his eyes as he rubbed his thumb along Junhee’s check, the soft skin making him want to curl up against the other and sleep for days. He slowly blinked his eyes open when he felt a pair of lips against his palm. 

Junhee kissed his hand and then leaned down to kiss his cheek, his neck, his ear, the side of his lips. Eventually he kissed his lips and Donghun melted into the bed at the contact. 

It was a soft kiss, all lips and soft hands on his body. He ran his hands gently through Junhee’s hair, scratching his nails along his scalp. He felt the shiver run through the younger man and took the opportunity to push him onto his back. 

Junhee let him move him how he liked and Donghun sure liked this position. Junhee spread his legs to let his boyfriend slip in between them, and when he felt the other press down gently against him he let out a soft whine. 

“Donghun, please.” Junhee whined, he could feel the other start to grind down against him. He didn’t think they’d go again so soon but he wasn’t going to say no. 

Donghun had finally been able to get away from work at a reasonable time and tonight was the first time in a long time where it didn’t feel rushed. They had come home from dinner with their friends and Donghun had taken him apart slowly. 

The love had been overflowing and Junhee still had the tear tracks across his cheeks to show it. But now, he could feel the others hands running along his sides, greedy for more and Junhee would let him have whatever he wanted. He was all his. 

“Baby, you okay to go again? I don’t want -” He stopped and looked at Junhee, pulling his head up from where it had been in his neck. 

He spoke softly. “I don’t want to pressure you, I know it’s been a while since, well everything.” Donghun looked at him and Junhee could feel how much he loved him. 

He grabbed the back of Donghun’s neck and nodded his head up and down and then pulled him down to kiss him again. 

Donghun didn’t waste anytime, he opened up Junhee’s mouth with his tongue. Junhee moaned through the kiss and shuddered as Donghun’s hands ventured lower on his body. 

He heard a cap open and then felt Donghun’s finger along his hole. Donghun once again looked him in the eye and asked him if he was ready without saying words. 

Junhee just smirked at him and then laughed. “Honey, you were just inside me, you don’t need to prep me again.”

Donghun just scoffed and pushed his finger inside as much as he could. Junhee sucked in a breath and then pushed down on his hand. 

His boyfriend prepped him again slowly, making sure he wasn’t too sensitive. When he entered him Junhee felt his body go limp and relaxed as his boyfriend took all the control. 

He let Donghun maneuver him how he wanted and whined out his appreciation for the man above him. 

Donghun brought his face down to hide in Junhee’s neck and thrust into him deep, hitting him right in his sweet spot. 

“Donghun please, I need to -” He couldn’t finish his sentence because the older was already reaching down to stroke him. He didn’t last long and with a couple more thrusts he was coming between them. 

He would be a complete disaster after this, in need of a long bath, but he still pulled Donghun closer to him as the man thrust harder and faster chasing his own release. 

Junhee whispered in his ear. “C’mon baby, fuck me, harder. I know you know how to.”

Donghun groaned and opened his mouth against Junhee’s neck to bite a bruise into the skin. He came right after, both of them groaning at the sensation. 

Donghun let his whole body weight lay against Junhee for a minute, the younger rubbing a hand against his back. 

Junhee kissed across his cheek to his ear and whispered into the night. “I love you, Hunnie.”

Donghun pulled away and kissed him on the lips and whispered the same into his mouth. 

In a little bit they would get up and go take a long bath together. Donghun would ask Junhee about work and the younger would be honest about his struggle but ultimately he would say he was fine. It wouldn’t be a lie. 

Donghun would trust him with his whole heart and pray to God that nothing changed, that they moved past everything. He would pray that Junhee would stay his and be able to stay the path he was on. 

Junhee knew Donghun was praying to whatever he believed in that everything worked out, that he didn’t slip. Junhee just hoped that prayers weren’t like shooting stars. You had to believe in it for them to work. 

***

He was finally on the stage a month after coming back to work at the club. Sehyoon had him the first two weeks just training new dancers and working the floor. He had gone back to his regulars last week and it had been hell dealing with all of them. 

Some had been sweet and told him that they missed him but most had just bitched at him for being gone too long. He took all of it in his stride because he needed the money. His dad’s bills hadn’t gotten cheaper and he still needed a lot of care. 

He sat backstage and stretched out his sore muscles. He had been practicing and preparing the choreography for his first night back. Thankfully Byeongkwan was going to be dancing alongside him. His best friend had been his rock through everything. 

He wasn’t sure if he would be able to go up on the stage tonight without him. He also knew Donghun would be out in the crowd. He peeked around the backstage curtain to see him and Sehyoon sitting in the front row chatting, huge smiles on their faces. 

Donghun hadn’t been too happy when Junhee started taking customers again, but he also knew it was his job and he wasn’t just going to stop. He accepted it with grace, Junhee just hoped it didn’t affect their own sex life. 

He had been extremely tired after that first night back and when Donghun tried to touch him when he came home Junhee had flinched away. He hadn’t meant to and it had nothing to do with his boyfriend. 

They hadn’t had sex that week, Junhee hadn’t been able to do more than cuddle or kiss him. Donghun said he was fine with it and he had been okay this week. They had been together the night before and it was amazing. He just hoped it stayed that way. 

He smiled at Donghun’s laugh, he could hear it even through the crowd. It brightened the other man’s face and when he saw Junhee spying on them it got soft and personal. He saw Donghun lift his hand to his lips and his brain blacked out as the older man blew him a kiss.

He laughed to himself as he pretended to catch it and hold it to his heart. He moved behind the curtains again and cringed at the cheesiness of the gesture but couldn’t lie about how his heart fluttered. 

He was smiling to himself when he heard more than saw Byeongkwan clapping his hands in front of his face. 

Junhee came back to himself as the younger man smirked at him. 

“Lovebird, you ready?” Byeongkwan laughed as he moved around backstage and stretched out his arms. He was in simple clothes that matched Junhee’s. 

They were both wearing black leggings. Tight enough to be risky if they were walking around in public and then baseball tees. The sleeves were black where the body of the shirt was white. They were cropped to their belly buttons and the sleeves were mid-length.   
It wasn’t their normal attire and they would be for sure keeping it all on, but the dance didn’t call for flashy outfits. It really didn’t need them taking their clothes off to get the audience's attention. He knew this would be a dance that Byeongkwan would take back to his almost ready studio to teach to a class. He knew this would be a good dance to audition with if he ever got the opportunity to do something like that. 

But for now he was going to go dance with his best friend on a stage usually meant for men taking their clothes off. He was fine with it, for the time being. 

Byeongkwan walked up to him and slapped him on the ass, giggling as Junhee swatted at him. 

“You’re gonna do great Junhee. This is your element, the stage is where you belong, no matter what you’re doing.” Byeongkwan turned to look at him and put his hands on his shoulders. “I’ll be there the whole time, just look at me if it’s too overwhelming.” 

Junhee pulled Byeongkwan in to properly hug him. He was nervous to go out for the first time since he started dancing here over four years ago. He pulled away from his friend and looked into his eyes and grabbed his hands. 

Junhee let out a breath. “Let’s do this.” 

Byeongkwan smiled at him and put both hands on his cheeks. “Hell yeah.” He said softly just so they could hear. 

Junhee turned toward the stage and watched the curtains sway as the fans hit them, he let go of Byeongkwan’s hands. He would go out alone and the younger would join. 

He walked towards the curtains and then turned back to look at Byeongkwan. He gave him a cute smile and a thumbs up. Junhee nodded at their backstage manager and the lights cut off. 

He heard the crowd murmur and their voices died down. He felt adrenaline run through his veins as the performance was announced. 

He breathed in and pushed the curtains aside. 

***

There were no lights to hit him as he walked out on stage. Everything almost pitch black. He found his spot purely on instinct and got into position. His legs spread apart and his arms straight out. 

He closed his eyes and waited. 

The music started but he didn’t move. He waited a few beats and then he heard Byeongkwan running out onto the stage. He felt the other man’s arms wrap around his neck as they started to sway with each other. 

He pulled Byeongkwan’s arms from around his neck and then pushed his forehead into his neck. They moved with each other. Arms tangling and faces pushing into skin as they collided together. 

They moved with the music. Junhee felt the beats as his heart pounded out the same rhythm. This dance wasn’t easy in the way that it was incredibly personal. 

They needed to be one. Playing off of each other to get across the correct message. They held on for moments and then Junhee would throw Byeongkwan’s hands away. 

They danced in sync, parts of the choreo allowing them to show off their individual skills. 

The pole that was so often used stayed lonely hiding in the back, lights only focused on them. 

Byeongkwan’s role was to try to keep Junhee with him, but Junhee’s character was too broken to stay for long. The dance flowed as they moved across the stage. 

Byeongkwan hugged Junhee to him as the song started to slow and end, but Junhee threw him away. Their hands clenched together as they swayed and then stilled as the song came to a close. 

Their manufactured love cracking at the seems. They were heaving breaths as they stayed still and the lights dimmed completely again.

The minute the club whent pitch black again the crowd started to scream. Junhee could hear praises flowing through, echoing in the club. He clenched Byeongkwan’s hand in his and the younger finally dragged them off stage. 

He bent over to catch his breath the minute they were out of view. Byeongkwan rubbed a hand across his back. Junhee sucked in and the moment he let the breath out the tears came. 

Byeongkwan felt him start to shake and pulled him up until they were face to face. He rubbed his fingers across his cheeks and Junhee could see through his tears that he was starting to cry too. 

“Oh honey, you were so amazing. You’re stunning, you know that right?” Byeongkwan pulled him into a tight hug and Junhee clenched his fists into the back of his shirt. 

He wasn’t sure exactly why he was crying - it was just a feeling. It was like his emotions had finally caught up to him. 

Dancing on stage again caused a euphoric reaction inside of him and for once he wasn’t crying because he was upset. He knew they were happy tears, he just couldn’t stop them from flowing. 

Byeongkwan kept rubbing his back until he could feel another pair of hands wrap around him. 

He smelt Donghun’s cologne and the warmth of his hands along his sides made him shiver. He stayed locked in his boyfriend’s arms until he calmed down. 

They didn’t say anything when he stopped crying. Donghun just kissed him gently and guided him to his dressing room. He packed his things and then brought him out to his car. 

Junhee didn’t argue, he let him guide them. He watched as street lights blurred past them. He listened to the soft music tinkling out of the radio. He smiled, his lips gently lifting, when he realized Donghun hadn’t taken them home but to his father’s nursing home. 

Junhee turned his head to Donghun before they got out of the car and grabbed his hand. “Thank you.” 

Donghun just shook his head. “I’ll give you some time alone with him. I know we haven’t really been able to come much lately. But you need to see how well he’s doing.” 

Junhee kissed the back of Donghun’s hand. His dad wasn’t awake but he was better than before. Junhee opened the door to the car. 

Donghun settled into his seat, thinking about taking a nap as he closed his eyes to wait for Junhee. He jumped at the tap against his window a few seconds later. Junhee’s smiling face was gleaming at him through the glass. 

Donghun just shook his head and rolled down the window. “Do you need something?” He asked, pretending to be annoyed.

Junhee shook his head at his silliness. “Yeah, I need one thing.” Donghun raised his eyebrows at the statement. 

Junhee laughed. “You, idiot. You’re coming with me.” Donghun smiled and closed his eyes. He knew that his face was showing everything he was feeling and he didn’t mind. 

He opened the car door and immediately threw an arm around his boyfriend. Junhee cuddled up to him as they walked inside the building. 

*** 

Junhee did well at the club for the first month; dancing, dealing with customers, staying away from temptation. But the second month triggered something in him and that’s when the drinking started. 

His customers started to get needy and aggressive. They knew about Donghun because he was at the club so much and they wanted more from him. He wouldn’t give it to them and they were wearing him thin. 

He took to doing shots of whatever he could get his hands on before he had a session. The poor new bartenders didn’t know about Junhee’s past and the old one’s weren’t very familiar with what had happened either. 

No one stopped him. Sehyoon was too busy moving back and forth between the areas at the club and Byeongkwan, when he was working, was either dancing or keeping an eye on their new dancers. 

He took it upon himself to take care of his nerves and the strain on his body. He let customers buy him drinks and did his best to not go past tipsy. He did a good job, he knew his limit well. This he could handle. 

What he couldn’t handle was the conversation he had had with Donghun previously. 

Junhee had been having trouble with touch lately. Since he had been back, for some reason this time the private work had been affecting him greatly. 

If he was “intimate” with his customers he would come home that night too sensitive and skittish for Donghun to do more than hug him and kiss him softly. The nights he had no customers he had been his normal self. 

They had somehow come to a deal a few nights before. Junhee could still take customers but penetrative sex was off the table. He could do other things, but he needed a line that they couldn’t cross. 

They were too rough with him and wanted way too much. So, they agreed that he’d finish off the week with the sessions he had now and then slowly he would start to back off. Ween them off, Junhee had said. 

Well, he had said something a lot more vulgar but Donghun had just given him a disappointed look as Junhee laughed. 

So now he was here, a Friday night, finishing up a session with one of his worst customers. He let his mind roll through the fact that he only had two more days of this. The deal would start on Monday, but then his brain went through the fact that he would have to announce this to all his regulars. 

He wasn’t sure how to. Email blast, note on his door, as he was giving a handjob. There really was no easy way to do it so he just decided to rip off the band-aid. He made Sehyoon tell them. 

He had gathered all their emails, fake private ones obviously, and told them that per policy there would be no more penetrative sex permitted at the club. Sehyoon had painstakenly gone through with Donghun and Junhee that morning what they would be comfortable with. 

Sehyoon suggested that Junhee just stop the private sessions all together, but Junhee insisted he still needed the money. He had felt Donghun tense next to him, but that would be a conversation they could have later after this was dealt with. 

Junhee knew, while this would solve some of the problems he was having, it wouldn’t solve everything.

For the first couple weeks it had helped, but he started to slip back into it causing him to be uncomfortable with touch at times. He was sensitive to so many things without the drugs and Donghun was amazing about it. 

Junhee couldn’t tell if he was frustrated or not - Donghun was really good at hiding all of that. When he asked him, he denied it and just told him that he was really proud of all his progress. Junhee knew that Donghun loved him no matter what, but that didn’t mean he didn’t miss being intimate with him. 

Junhee drank to numb that pain, he drank so that he could go home and be with Donghun. He always made sure to keep under his limit and that by the time he was home he was okay again. He knew they never agreed to drinking being off the table, but that usually came with the expectation of being sober. 

Junhee took liberties with that word though. He would be fine, he had always been able to handle his liquor. It had always been drugs that had been his downfall. A couple shots here and there were just help. He’d be fine. 

***

He was fine too, until he came to the end of his second month back at work.To say he had it under control wouldn’t be a lie. He knew what he was doing, but other people didn’t see it that way. 

Kwangsuk came to the club one night, on his own. The others were nowhere to be seen. Sehyoon was hidden away somewhere dealing with a situation. Byeongkwan was finishing some stuff up at his studio and Donghun was working even though it was Saturday. 

He found out that Yuchan was going to meet his boyfriend at the club, but they never got the chance to enjoy their night out the way they had intended, at least not Kwangsuk. 

Junhee had somehow kept it a secret that he had been drinking. Sehyoon saw him with alcohol a couple times here and there. He had let Donghun know that drinks had been had, but they both thought it was minimal. 

That he had accepted some from customers and felt rude not to accept it because he was working. They knew that with their line of work it might be impossible to stay away from it, but they thought it had only been a couple times. He wouldn’t say they were okay with it but Junhee was always their weakness. 

Kwangsuk caught him in the act of it. He was throwing back a shot when he felt an arm grab his wrist. He got ready to swing at the person who touched him without his permission when the man caught his eye. 

“Kwangsuk, what the fuck do you think you’re doing?” He screamed it over the music. He watched the other’s face, his frown darkening his eyes. 

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing Junhee? Didn’t you just get off the drugs?” Kwangsuk let go of his wrist when Junhee growled at him and shook him off. 

“Sehyoon and Donghun know that it happens every once in a while. It’s part of the process.” 

“Don’t act like you fucking know my dirty laundry. And yes I did, what of it?” Junhee finished the shot and slammed the glass on the counter. 

Kwangsuk let out a humourless laugh. “That’s such fucking bullshit. What did you tell them? That you were just taking drinks from customers, that it wasn’t hard liquor, that it was for the money?”

Junhee closed his eyes, he felt like punching the asshole, but he knew it would upset Yuchan. “God, get off your fucking high horse. Don’t forget you don’t actually know me. Don’t act like you know my relationship at all.” He poked Kwangsuk in the shoulder. “You weren’t there for any of it, so you don’t get to know anything.”

Kwangsuk scoffed. “I wasn’t there because it wasn’t my place, but I was there for Yuchan when he came home. When he was sobbing because he thought you were going to kill yourself. I was there when he told himself you would get better and for a long time you didn’t. I was there for when he prayed every fucking night that you wouldn’t die.” Kwangsuk sucked in a breath. 

Junhee was fuming, but not at the man in front of him. He was mad at himself, he knew he had hurt his friends. He knew that Yuchan had been beside himself. He didn’t need it thrown back in his face, but here it was. 

He went to speak, to have a comeback for Kwangsuk but that was when Yuchan walked up to them. He smiled at them both, and they looked at him guiltily. 

Yuchan could feel the tension between them. “What’s wrong?” He asked as his smile started to fall. 

Junhee was about to speak but Kwangsuk beat him to it. “Nothing, just having a chat with our friend here before you showed up.” 

Junhee looked at Kwangsuk with barely concealed shock. The other didn’t look pleased but he was, for some reason, protecting Junhee. Probably so that Yuchan wouldn’t be upset, but he felt something in him tell him that he needed to talk to Yuchan. 

He shook his head as Yuchan looked at him. “Actually, something is wrong. Kwangsuk was making sure I wasn’t slipping.” 

Yuchan’s eyes got wide and grabbed at one of his hands. “Junhee, no -” 

Junhee stopped him before the train of thought went further. “No, no, no. I was just drinking. I had a couple shots and Kwangsuk saw me. He was worried about my health. I’ve been drinking a little bit to cope with work, but I promise it’s okay.”

Yuchan looked at him, softness in his eyes and then pulled him into a hug. “You’re doing great Junhee, if you need to talk about anything just let me know.” 

 

He smiled as he pulled away, he patted Junhee on the cheek and the older leaned into it. “I know you’re struggling but please really think about the choices you’re making. If you need help coping please come to us. I have a lot of activities that will get your mind off of everything.” 

Junhee smirked at him and laughed, throwing a wink in for good measure. Yuchan giggled and slapped him on the arm. “Not those kinds of activities, you perv.” 

They both laughed and hugged again. When Yuchan pulled away and started to drag Kwangsuk to the dance floor, the older of the two turned and looked at him. Junhee would have to be careful because the look that he was giving him told him he wouldn’t be able to walk, much less dance if he hurt Yuchan by slipping up. 

Junhee knew he needed something to take the edge off, he would just have to be more careful with who saw and how much he had. 

***

He felt good as he danced across the stage. There was enough alcohol buzzing through him to keep him steady and the nerves at bay. He pulled at his clothes, his shirt coming unbuttoned as his fingers worked their way across his chest. 

He was smiling at the screams coming out from the crowd. He was in his element and Donghun was in the front row watching. His eyes never left him and it felt electric, their gaze undressing him even more than he already was. 

He finished his set in just his shorts and walked off the stage, his hips swaying to the beat of the music the DJ started to play after his set finished. 

He didn’t bother picking up his clothes, he found his way backstage and then onto his dressing room. 

He knew Donghun would meet him there. He was right. Donghun pulled him into a hard kiss as they crashed into his vanity. He was pulling off his boyfriend’s clothes as the other rid him of the last piece of his own clothing. 

They fucked against the mirror and Junhee wondered why he was still working at a job that had him touching anyone else other than the person he loved. 

He sobered up when they were done. Messages on his phone blinking, reminding him that he needed to pay for his dad’s care. Rent due on an apartment he still paid for even though he never stayed there. Day to day expenses piling up, even though Donghun insisted on paying for almost everything. 

He just couldn’t let the man take care of him in that respect. He had been on his own for too long and had been taking care of himself that he just couldn’t let it go. He would let Donghun do everything else for him, but this, money, wasn’t up for debate. 

He kissed his boyfriend as they cleaned up and smiled at him. He needed a shot before he had his session with his next customer. Donghun would be going home, having an early Monday morning. 

“Are you going to be okay tonight? I know that you still have some customers asking for things that you aren’t giving anymore.” Donghun said as he finished looping his belt through his jeans. 

Most of the customers, while pissed, didn’t try to fight Sehyoon on the new regulations. Junhee would still be giving out a lot, but there would be a limit. A few of his customers though, were still not understanding what was being told. One of the said customers was going to be here next. 

Junhee would have to be creative if he wanted to make it through without having to call security and wasting the chance to get enough cash to pay for his dad’s monthly hospital bill. 

When he said he was doing fine he really did mean it. He hadn’t been on any drugs, hadn’t even touched something in months. But his throat ached at the thought of something strong enough to dull his senses for an hour. 

He needed the burn of something; whiskey, vodka, a freakin martini. It really didn’t matter, he just craved it. 

Donghun had no idea, he had been busy, too busy. Junhee hid everything better a lot this time. He never got drunk and still held the rule that he would be sober in front of Donghun. He didn’t have a problem, he was sure of it. But Donghun might not see it that way so he kept it to himself how much he drank some nights. 

Donghun pulled him into a kiss as he pulled himself out of his thoughts. His hands wandered to touch at his waist and then to his ass. Junhee whined at the contact as Donghun squeezed. 

Donghun pulled away from the kiss and dragged his lips along his cheek to his ear. His husky voice caused Junhee’s legs to weaken. “I’ll see you when you come home okay, I’ll try to stay awake so we can spend a little bit more time together.”

Donghun caught Junhee’s eye and winked. “Maybe roll on some of that body glitter before you get home. Put on those fishnet tights with the shorts.” Donghun’s eyes drooped. “Just a thought, if you would like.” 

Junhee felt like he was going to collapse in want. He hummed as Donghun grabbed at his sides again. His skin was hot to the touch, and his brain was going a mile per minute at the fact that he was completely naked and Donghun had put all his clothes back on. 

It was a sight when he caught them in the mirror. He groaned as Donghun pulled away and reached for him again. “Stay.” 

He pouted but Donghun just laughed. He kissed him one last time before he made for the door. “I’ll see you at home, okay baby. I promise you can have me again then.” 

The minute that the door closed on his dressing room, he fell into his vanity chair and rubbed his hands across his face. He got himself together, made his way out onto the dance floor with minimal clothes, took a shot and finished out the night. 

He came home sober to Donghun spread out on their bed. He had taken the suggestions, putting on fishnets and his short shorts before he left the club. He had rolled on glitter as he made his way home in a cab. 

He topped it off with a sheer shirt that Donghun almost immediately ripped off of him. He was able to enjoy his boyfriend that night, and didn't flinch at his touch. He was doing well, he could keep this up. 

***

The club was very bright, not with lights, but costuming. Everyone was in white. They had made it through another winter and summer was creeping up. Sehyoon had decided that it would be a good idea to have a theme night since the nights were getting warmer. 

Junhee scoffed at the way everyone was dressed, he looked down at his own attire and rolled his eyes. He walked across the dance floor, drinks in his hands for customers. His stockings rubbing against his shaved legs, white tennis shoes creating an interesting effect. 

The stockings connected to the white corset he was wearing, tight across his body, showing a minimal amount of skin. His short shorts, also white, almost blinding in the dark club. 

His hair was in a tiny ponytail which was decorated with small white flowers. Other dancers and workers had variations of the same outfit. Some included veils and miniskirts showing off more skin than Junhee had wanted for the night. 

He watched Byeongkwan make his way across the floor in an outfit that was sure to catch even more eyes. 

The man walked his way to the stage and stepped up on it, his long veil stopping at mid back, the sheer texture creating a beautiful silhouette on his back. He had brought back the mini pigtails and looked absolutely stunning. 

Everyone turned to the stage as he made his way across it. The white heeled boots he was wearing clacking across the floor. A hush almost came across the club, no one was looking anywhere but the small man getting ready for his set. 

Byeongkwan stood with one hip popped to the side and his arms down loose. Junhee watched as back up dancers walked onto stage behind him, all dressed in tiny white shorts, boots and suspenders connected to their minimal clothing. 

Byeongkwan was the only one to look at though, Junhee knew this dance backward and forwards, having practiced it with their best dancers but he wasn’t a part of it tonight. 

Bridal night wasn’t really for him, it made him feel queasy thinking about getting up on stage and dancing to a song that talked about marriage or engagement. He was fine to dress up and chat up customers but the dancing might take it too far. 

If Donghun showed up tonight though, dancing might have been the better option than his boyfriend spending the whole night ogling his outfit. He knew what he wanted from Donghun in the grand scheme of things but he wasn’t sure if they would ever have it. 

He was brought out of his thoughts when the music started. The shine of glitter coming off of Byeongkwan creating a disco ball effect throughout the whole club. 

His corset was lined with soft white flowers, sequins sewn into the delicate material. The sides were completely see through, lace creating a flowery effect. He had a skort on and Junhee loved how he hadn’t decided on one type of outfit, he had gone with both. His stockings were up to his thighs with flowers and made his legs look longer than normal. 

His white heeled boots helped him to catch all eyes, while the veil swayed gently behind him. His makeup was glitter and blush. 

He looked like an unattainable bride and Junhee just laughed as he finally caught Sehyoon’s eyes in the crowd. The man was staring at his husband so hard Junhee thought he could see what was going through his mind. 

As the music continued Junhee felt himself swaying to the beat. The song was soft in its own way, starting off with a sweet “me and you” and then slipped into lyrics that were clearly about breaking off a relationship. 

The song became upbeat during the chorus and Byeongkwan didn’t miss a beat, the backup dancers doing their best to keep up. Everyone knew who the star was though. 

Byeongkwan’s hips were hypnotizing, he hit every beat with his arms but his body was also smooth through its movements. 

Junhee had seen him do way harder dances but this called on lines that were normally reserved for girls. Byeongkwan had always praised women dancing and the way they moved to the choreography, his goal was to be accomplished in that area. 

Junhee was seeing his hard work pay off. He didn’t miss a beat and no one would be able to say whether the choreography was better suited for a boy or girl. It was clearly suited for just Byeongkwan. 

The music ended as Byeongkwan once again ended another dance without once taking an article of clothing off and still causing the crowd to fawn over him more than the strippers. 

Byeongkwan smiled at the audience and walked towards the front of the stage his hips swaying. Junhee watched as Sehyoon pushed through the crowd, the older looking like he was on a mission. 

Byeongkwan spotted him and his face lit up even more. He jumped off the stage straight into his husband’s arms. They kissed hard on the dance floor. Sehyoon’s hands running all over Byeongkwan’s body and the younger’s hands messing up his husband’s carefully sculpted hair. 

Sehyoon’s white shirt was half way undone by the time the pair came up for air. Junhee expected them to make their way to a private room, but Byeongkwan just dragged him onto the dance floor where everyone started to move with the music the DJ started. 

Byeongkwan was giggling as Sehyoon grabbed his hips and whispered something into his ear. The younger threw his head back and Sehyoon smiled a gummy smile. 

Junhee was jealous for a second, until he realized how happy his friend's relationship made him. He pulled them to him by their arms and they all danced together. They were close enough that Byeongkwan’s glitter got all over his skin and he could feel the heat rising from the amount of bodies surrounding him. 

They were dancing for a while before he felt hands on his hips. He started to turn around to meet the clubber that might want a dance when he was stopped. He felt hair run across his neck and then a mouth at his ear. 

“Don’t turn around, I was enjoying the view.” Donghun all but hissed into his ear. He felt his boyfriend press against his back and he pushed his ass toward him. Donghun’s hips met his backside and they swayed against each other. 

He brought a hand back to wrap around Donghun’s neck and wind in his hair. Donghun kept his face buried in Junhee’s neck as they danced. It got hot quicker than before and he was sweating before he knew it. 

The beat of the music was pounding through him and he could feel how much Donghun was enjoying this. 

He looked up and brought his head back to lay on Donghun as he felt the other’s hand run across his belly. His corset had ridden up just enough for the older to feel skin. 

Donghun’s pinky slipped just barely inside his shorts and he gasped head snapping back to look across from him. He saw Byeongkwan’s eyes on him, he was smirking. He was in a similar situation but one of Sehyoon’s hands was running along his thigh. 

They both winked at each other and continued to dance with their boyfriends. They never shied away from talking about sex and honestly Junhee knew that if their so’s agreed to it, well neither would mind seeing it happen either. 

He could see Byeongkwan’s eyes sparkling and he burst into laughter, he knew they were thinking the same thing. 

That was a night Junhee would remember for a very long time. Donghun had taken him apart that night, he had asked Junhee to keep on most of the clothes, really just removing the shorts. 

Donghun’s eyes had been bright and his smile never left his face. Junhee felt them standing at the edge of a cliff and he just hoped that the fall wouldn’t be lonely. That maybe he’d have a ring on his finger and Donghun holding his hand instead. 

***

Junhee had good nights and really bad nights the next couple of months and they all accumulated in a fight that he never saw coming. 

He was just getting ready to meet with a customer and he had about 30 minutes before he needed to be back in his private room. He decided it was time for a drink, he had done a good job at hiding it from his friends. They suspected that even the drinking had all but stopped. 

He did his best after the fight with Kwangsuk to keep it to himself completely, they just thought he was doing really well on his own. 

He snuck out of his room and made his way to the bar where he proceeded to down a couple shots. Customers were coming up to him and offering to buy him drinks, he didn’t resist. 

He accidentally found himself tipsy and before he knew it he had passed his normal limit. He was starting to have to say no to customers and clubbers wanting to supply him with more alcohol. 

He was trying to politely get one guy off his back by just downing a shot when a hand caught his waist and then his wrist. The drink was taken out of his hand and he turned to see a very angry Sehyoon. 

He had gotten clumsy. He didn’t realize Sehyoon had come back out on the floor, and normally he was so careful. The older man looked ready to throw the shot glass across the club, but Junhee saw him restrain himself. 

Sehyoon had had anger issues when he was in highschool. Nothing that Junhee would ever worry about, but he knew that the older man knew how to fight. He knew how to throw a punch and right now Sehyoon looked like he wanted to punch the customer that was having Junhee down drinks. He also had wandering hands, but that was another story. 

Junhee smirked at Sehyoon when the shot glass was poured out and put down on the bar. “What? I’m just having a little fun. It’s no big deal, Yoonie.”

Sehyoon fumed, his voice came out as a growl. He pulled Junhee towards him, he was gentle with his hand on his wrist. “No big deal? Are you fucking kidding me? You told us that you weren’t doing this. We thought everything was better. You aren’t taking-” He stopped as he saw eyes on them. 

Multiple club goers and staff were watching them with wide eyes. No one expected to see a fight break out between the club’s highest paid dancer and the owner. 

Sehyoon gave them all a look and everyone either got back to work or left for the dance floor. Sehyoon pulled Junhee to him and then dragged him to his office. 

He gently pushed Junhee inside and slammed the door shut from prying ears. 

“Honestly what the fuck Sehyoon, Jesus?” Junhee spit out as he fell into a chair in front of Sehyoon’s desk. 

The older paced his office, hands running through his hair. “I can’t believe you, I should have known. You’ve been so okay lately. I should have seen this coming.”

“What the fuck does that mean?” Junhee hissed. 

Sehyoon scoffed. “It means, that without some sort of substance you can’t seem to be happy. You can’t do your job without something helping you, because it’s a strain on your mind and body.” Sehyoon kept pacing, it was making Junhee’s head spin. 

“Fucking sit down please, you’re making me dizzy.” Junhee closed his eyes and put his hand over his face. 

Sehyoon sat on his desk. “Yeah, well if you weren’t fucking drunk than maybe the room wouldn’t be fucking spinning.” 

Junhee laughed “I’m not drunk, I know what I’m doing.”

Sehyoon leaned forward into his space. “Do you really? Because from what I could see you were a few more drinks away from breaking the new protocol we came up with. I could just see the way that man’s eyes were taking you. He was ready to pay whatever it would take to get you to have sex with him.” 

He leaned down more, getting on Junhee’s level. “You can’t fucking do this. You just can’t. I know it’s hard, I know you don’t want to do this job anymore but you can’t fucking throw all your hard work away because you can’t handle it.” 

Junhee shoved him back and stood up, trying his best not to wobble. He was drunk, he really had gone too far. “Oh, fuck you. Like you’re so perfect. Mr. found the love of my life in college and got married at 22 and bought a club and am now practically a millionaire before hitting 30.” Junhee came right up to Sehyoon and pointed a finger in his face. 

“Don’t fucking tell me that I’m throwing my hard work away, because what fucking hard work. I have sex with people for a living Sehyoon. I’m not some prized member of society. I’ve done absolutely nothing with my life.” Junhee poked him in the chest. “I’m done with the high horse, from everybody acting like you would do any better with the lot i’ve been given.”

Junhee could feel the tears welling up. “You can be there for me all you want, but that doesn’t mean you lived it. Lived all the pain I’ve been through.” 

Sehyoon stood up and pushed Junhee back. “Bull-fucking-shit. Like I’ve never been through anything shitty in my life. Like we haven’t all had hardships. Yes, you have been given and taken a lot more than all of us but that doesn’t mean that you get to do this.”

Sehyoon turned his back to Junhee and put his head down. “I told you that if you couldn’t get everything under control I couldn’t be here for it, I wouldn’t watch Byeongkwan go through it.” Sehyoon turned around, tears glistening in his eyes. “Yeah, it hasn’t gone that far yet, but I’ve seen this spiral and I won’t let it happen.” 

Junhee raised his eyebrows at him. “Fuck you, you say that you love me and you’re my best friend but honestly you just -” Junhee felt a tear roll down his cheek. “You know what? I’m not even going to bother, I’m going.” 

Sehyoon went to grab his wrist. “Junhee don’t -”

Junhee ripped his wrist out of his grasp. “Go fuck yourself Sehyoon.” 

Sehyoon goes to follow him but finds himself with a handful of Junhee after the door is opened. Donghun and Byeongkwan are standing on the opposite side. Both of them look shocked at what they probably heard through the door. 

Junhee laughs at the sight. “This is fucking great. Thanks, Yoon. Go home and fuck your husband and be happy with the fact that you don’t have to deal with someone like me anymore.”

Byeongkwan stopped him before he could leave. “Junhee, I know you’re upset, but you can’t say that. We’re just trying to help”

Junhee pushed him away. “Don’t say it like you’re not going to be on his side.” 

“Junhee.” He heard Donghun hiss at him, but he couldn’t handle any of this right now. He needed to get away. 

Byeongkwan tried to grab him again but he slipped away. He quickly made a detour for his dressing room, he could hear Donghun following behind him. He didn’t come into the room. 

Junhee grabbed his things and expected to see the husbands but when he walked past Sehyoon’s door it was closed and they weren’t to be seen. 

He scoffed and made his way out of the club, Donghun on his heels. Customers tried to stop him, but he couldn’t be bothered. He almost decked one of his regulars for grabbing at him. 

Donghun shoved the guy to the ground for him though. God, he loved his boyfriend. 

They made their way outside and he started to walk down the street toward the bus stop. He heard Donghun running up beside him. 

“Hey, let me at least give you a ride back. We don’t even have to go back to mine. We can go back to your apartment.” Donghun said as he tried to grab Junhee’s hand, but he shrugged off the touch. 

Junhee walked for a few more feet before he stopped. He really didn’t have the energy to say no to Donghun; he was too tired and dizzy.

He turned around and nodded at Donghun who smiled softly, Junhee wasn’t sure whether this would end well or not. 

***

The ride home was quiet, he could feel the tension and he knew that when they got home Donghun would ask him to explain. He wasn’t sure if he could. He really thought he had had control over everything, but he saw now that that might have not been the case. 

When they park in Donghun’s driveway Junhee doesn’t move. He just leans his head back to rest on the head of the seat. 

The tears start coming the minute Donghun’s hand touches his thigh. He can’t seem to stop and his throat is burning. Donghun is ripping off his seatbelt to get to him. 

He does his best to get Junhee in his lap but the car is not the most practical place to have a breakdown. 

Donghun decides on a different approach. He gets out of the car and runs around to the passenger side. He opens Junhee’s door and the younger all but falls out of his seat. 

Donghun drags him down to the ground. There they stay as Junhee cries into his boyfriend’s embrace. 

The cement of the driveway is cold but thankfully not wet. The moon is out and the wind makes it cool enough for the temperature to be comfortable. 

Donghun just comforts Junhee until the sobbing calms down and the younger can finally control his breathing. 

Donghun stands them up after an unknown amount of time and walks Junhee inside the building. When they make it inside he sets Junhee on the couch and walks to the kitchen to start boiling water for tea. 

He comes back to the living room and sees Junhee curled up on the couch. Knees pulled up to his chest, he’s not crying anymore but he’s staring off into space and it created a need in Donghun so fierce he doesn’t know what to do. 

He gets down on his knees on the floor and brushes back Junhee’s hair. Junhee closes his eyes and Donghun watches a few more tears slip out. 

His voice is rough and broken when he speaks. “Why did I do that, I was so awful to him. I can’t believe I acted like that.” Junhee is shocked at his behavior, now that he’s sobered up. He still thinks Sehyoon overreacted but he shouldn’t have spoken to him like that. 

Donghun leans into him a bit and asks him quietly, “Can I touch you more?” Junhee nods his head. Donghun kisses his forehead and then piles onto the couch behind Junhee to pull him into his body. 

He wraps him up in his arms and holds him close, his mouth goes to his ear. “I don’t know everything that happened but it seemed like both of you said things you didn’t mean.”

Junhee nods his head again and turns just a bit in Donghun’s arms. “I just - I needed something to help me get through the days. I’m so sorry, I never meant for it to bring all this back. It’s just a little bit of drinking I know how to handle it.” Junhee rubbed a hand over his face. “I promise, I’m not slipping.” 

Donghun just pulls him closer and nods his head, he runs his hand over Junhee’s stomach and doesn’t move from behind him. “I know baby, I know.” 

Donghun didn’t know how much Junhee had been drinking, he thought it had stopped completely after the first couple weeks. He knows they never should have let him start it in the first place, but Junhee had been recovering so well. 

Now, he sees his disastrous mistake. The fight with Sehyoon was bad and he wasn’t sure how they were going to get back to where they were. This was the point where he should stop, pull away from his emotions to assess the situation more clearly, but he just couldn’t. 

He’d figure out something in the morning, for now he let his eyes close and he drifted off to the sound of Junhee’s slow breathing. 

 

***

He didn’t figure it out in the morning or the next or even the next. It was a week after the fight with Sehyoon and Donghun still woke up every morning to go to work and watched as Junhee slept on. 

The other wasn’t going into work until Sehyoon at least tried to apologize and if he knew the other he would stick to that. 

He also knew Sehyoon was going to take some time to cool off so nothing else was said. They’d make up, Donghun had faith in that but he hoped it would be soon. He looked down at his phone as he got ready to leave. He had missed messages from Yuchan and Byeongkwan. 

The younger was asking him how everything was, he had told Yuchan at work the other day and he had been worried. Byeongkwan was calling him to see if they could work things out with their idiot so’s. 

He knew though that they had to go to each other. He pushed on a missed call from Byeongkwan and waited for the younger to answer. 

“Hey, you finally called. Dickhead.” Byeongkwan laughed into the phone. He heard movement from the other end and then heard a giggle. 

“Hello, hyung.” Yuchan said brightly through the phone. “How’s Junhee.”

Donghun scoffed. “He’s sleeping right now. How about you call him later and ask him yourself?”

Yuchan laughed and said, “I’ll do that.” He heard Yuchan move away from the phone and then Byeongkwan laughed lightly into the phone.   
Donghun smiled. “And may I ask why our dear Yuchan is at your house so early in the morning?”

Byeongkwan made an oh sound and answered the question. “He came over last night, he and Kwangsuk had a little fight and he wanted some comfort. He is a good cuddler, slept in the middle of Sehyoon and me last night.” 

Donghun smiled at the image. “I’m glad he has you guys to go to, I know I’m not really available right now.” 

Byeongkwan scoffed. “Stop. We all have stuff we’re going through right now. I just wish they’d go ahead and apologize. Kiss and make up so we can all go about our regularly scheduled business.” Donghun made a sound of agreement as Byeongkwan kept talking. “Has Junhee said anything about talking to Sehyoon?”

Donghun shook his head. “Nope, he’s sleeping a lot, taking care of Luna, and going to see his dad. I think they both need a little more time.” 

Byeongkwan made a sound of agreement. “You’re probably right. Okay, well I’ll let you get to work and make sure Yuchan isn’t late.” He heard a loud hey from the receiver. They both laughed.

Donghun was about to hang up but Byeongkwan said one more thing. “Please tell Junhee we love him, especially Sehyoon. We don’t want him to think we don’t.” 

Donghun sighed. “He knows that you love him, he just needs some time. I think he knows that he was wrong and isn’t sure how to deal with that.” 

Byeongkwan sighed and then told Donghun bye. Donghun hung up the phone and walked over to Junhee. He was sleeping on his stomach, the sheets tangled around his waist. Donghun reached out and ran a hand across his back, the younger squirmed a bit at the touch. 

“I’m going to work, baby. Have a good day. I love you.” He kissed Junhee on the forehead and as he turned to leave he felt a hand grab his own. 

He looked back to see Junhee, eyes still closed, pout on his lips holding his hand. “I love you too.” Junhee never moved but the words slipped out of his mouth easily. 

Donghun leaned down to kiss him again, this time on the lips. Junhee made an appreciative sound, hummed and dropped back off to sleep. Donghun smiled at the sight and then grabbed his things and left for work. 

***   
Junhee was cleaning his lunch from the kitchen when the doorbell rang. He walked to the door, Luna on his heels. When he opens the door a package is thrust towards him and he splutters to grab it. The delivery man asks him to sign for it and then he’s racing back to his truck. 

Junhee shakes his head at the rudeness of him and closes the door and walks to the kitchen counter. He looks at the package. It’s light and he can hear something rattling around inside of it, something small. 

He looks at the address and name on the package. He’s surprised when it says his name and not Donghun’s. 

He puts the package down and goes to grab scissors to open it. He’s curious since he has no idea who sent it or what it is. He opens the wrapping, bubble wrap on the inside popping loudly in the kitchen. 

He reaches his hand inside once he’s put down the scissors and makes a face at what is inside. He pulls out a usb and a couple letters. He stares at the usb for a few seconds before scanning over the letters. 

The address on them says something about a fine arts company, he’s not sure of the name, never hearing of it before. He looks back at the usb and makes a decision. 

He goes and finds Donghun’s personal laptop and brings it back to the kitchen. He turns it on and plugs in the usb, a file opens on it and he’s surprised when he sees that the thumbnail is him. 

When he opens the file it’s a video and when he clips play he has a flashback to when this was. He’s dancing in Donghun’s kitchen, music playing in the background, so melancholic it could make you cry. 

It was after his dad was starting to get better, when he was awake and Junhee felt like dancing because his body was too bottled up. 

He had moved all the furniture in Donghun’s living room and moved around the room like he was on air. He had known Donghun was filming, the old camcorder dusted off and used plenty of times that night. 

He didn’t know why this video was uploaded on a usb and sent to him. He clicked out of the video and saw that there were a few more. There was one from the club, when he had been using the ring during one of his sets. He hadn’t stripped and it had actually been an incredibly hard dance to pull off. 

The third one was a video of him and Byeongkwan practicing a duet for one of the club nights. He could tell Donghun had filmed it, could hear him laughing in the background, Sehyoon cheering them on too. 

He clicked out of the file after he watched the videos and then picked up the letters. He opened the one on top. It was made out to him and was from a dance company connected to a fine arts school, from the looks of the letter a very prestigious one. 

He read on - 

Mr. Park Junhee we are delighted to send in an application for an audition at Canvas Dance Company. We are a company based in Seoul and we are made up of dancers from all over the world. We travel around not only South Korea but throughout the world. We are not only a dance company but choreographers. We try to find not only dancers but individuals who are gifted in teaching and other aspects of dance. From your videos we see that not only can you dance, freestyle might we add, but on high rings and you can also choreograph dances for groups. We feel like you would be well suited to join our company and wish for you to come in for a proper audition within the next couple of months. We hold auditions throughout the year, so if timing is not on your side we would be delighted to have you come in when it better fits your own schedule. We are very honoured that your partner felt the need to send in not only videos but a very passionate letter asking us to take a chance on you. You are a very talented dancer Mr. Park and we believe that you would only improve our company and any future endeavors you may have. If you would like to audition, please fill out the form in the second letter and mail it back to the return address. We hope to see you soon. 

Well Wishes and happy dancing,   
Kim Hyeim, CEO of Canvas Dance 

Junhee read the letter with shaking hands and sat down on one of the stools at the counter. He couldn’t believe what he was reading. A pipe dream falling into his hands. Something to pull him from out under the dark cloud he lived under. 

But that was all it was, a pipe dream. This was never something he could have, at least not now, not when he was still recovering. They would see who he was and they wouldn’t want someone of his status in their company. No, this wasn’t something he could have. He knew that, but that didn’t stop him from wanting it more than anything else. 

***

When Donghun got home it was like he could feel a chill in the air. He walked in slowly and caught a glimpse of his bed, sheets messed and comforter pushed to the end of the bed. He walked into the kitchen and stopped. 

Junhee was sitting on one of the stools, hands wrapped around a letter. A usb laid on the counter next to him. He didn’t look up at Donghun as he approached, didn’t make a sound even. 

Donghun approached him with caution, taking a guess as to what he was holding. Donghun, for a second was giddy with happiness and the prospect of Junhee possibly getting a chance but he stopped when he saw his face. 

Junhee finally looked up at him, his eyes rimmed red. He had been crying, that much obvious. “Congratulations are in order I guess, well to me not you. Even though you’re the one that sent it in I’m the one that got an audition.” 

Donghun didn’t like Junhee’s tone - he thought the other would be happy but he seemed gutted.

Junhee put the letter gently on the counter and turned to him fully. “How could you do this, Donghun?”

Donghun quirked his head and he raised his eyebrows. “What do you mean how could I do this?”

Junhee scoffed. “I mean, how could you send in tapes of me dancing without my knowledge?”

Donghun put his bag on the counter and walked closer to Junhee. “I thought you’d be happy, I knew you wouldn’t look for yourself so I did some research. This is one of the best dance companies not only in the country but in the world. Junhee this is what you wanted, you wanted to dance and this opportunity it’s -” He was cut off. 

Junhee looked more angry than he had ever seen him. His voice rose as he spoke. “Opportunity. Oh yeah, it’s a great opportunity until they see my resume. Oh where have you danced before Mr. Park. Oh just you know, some in high school, some gymnastics and acrobatics when I was younger but my most recent job was at a FUCKING STRIP CLUB!” 

He screamed as he threw the letters toward Donghun. They didn’t make much of an impact as they fluttered just a few feet and slowly fell to the floor. 

Junhee looked like he was shaking, Donghun didn’t know what to say. “I thought -”

Junhee shook his head. “You didn’t think, that’s the problem. You thought oh what a great thing, Junhee can definitely do this. Don’t mind the job or the addiction or the dad in a coma needing around the clock care. Don’t mind the amount of money that is needed to keep up with all the expenses and bills. You didn’t think Donghun. Not everyone can just up and leave, can just go and audition for a company that won’t be able to pay me for at least the first year.”

Donghun sighed. “I can help you with -” He was cut off again, but this time by Junhee rushing past him to their dresser and cabinets. 

He started pulling out clothes and throwing them on the bed and then grabbed a small duffel bag. 

Donghun ran over to him, he tried to stop him but Junhee just pushed him away. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

Junhee stuffed clothes into the duffel and then went to the restroom. He came out with his toiletry bag and stuffed them into the duffel too. He grabbed his glasses from the counter and his jacket off the hook. 

He grabbed his keys and swung the duffel over his shoulder. He leaned down as Luna rubbed along his legs, purring. He pet her on the back and whispered to her. 

He stood up and went to the door. Donghun didn’t let him open it. “I’ll say it again. What the FUCK do you think you’re doing?”

Junhee pushed past him. “I’m leaving, if you can’t tell. Feed Luna, I can’t be here right now. I can’t handle this, I need to leave.” 

Donghun stepped back, Junhee looked about to break, he wouldn’t make eye contact with him. He let him open the door and closed his eyes and jumped when he heard it slam. 

He felt Luna brush against him and he leant down to pick her up. He pushed his face into her fur. He tried hard not to let the tears fall but he could feel the wetness against her fur. 

He carried her to the kitchen where he picked up the fallen letters and the usb. He was about to throw them away when he realized how much of a mistake that would be. Junhee had been right, he shouldn’t have done it behind his back but he also knows that Junhee wants this and just needs time. 

He wasn’t going to waste them. He would keep them for Junhee, for when he saw what Donghun did. For when he understood why Canvas Dance would want him, for when he wasn’t drowning in his own mind. 

***

Junhee sat in a hard plastic chair, the same one he’d sat in so many times since he started visiting his dad in the hospital regularly. He squeezed his eyes shut and breathed. 

It had been a week since he’d left Donghun’s and he’d wanted to go back everyday. The older man had been texting and trying to call him since he left but Junhee just wasn’t quite ready. He felt very alone at the moment. 

He had talked to Byeongkwan and Yuchan but it was still too much. He wanted to talk to Sehyoon, but he wasn’t sure if they were ready. So, he came and visited with his dad most days.

His father was making progress; they speculated that he’d be waking up very soon and would be seeing a good recovery. He was waiting for that moment, waiting for him to open his eyes so when it happened that night he couldn’t believe it. 

His dad opened his eyes right before midnight and washed away most of Junhee’s loneliness. The doctors told him that he would be in and out of sleep and would probably rest more now that he was awake but Junhee didn’t care. When he heard his dad’s voice it was like all his worries had left him. 

He was sitting close to his dad now, holding his hand and reading a book. He was stopped when he felt his father squeeze his hand and looked up at him. 

He spoke in a small voice. “How is your partner doing? Donghun? Is he well?”

Junhee tried to smile but couldn’t. “It’s actually not that great dad. I messed up and now I’m not sure how to go back.” He told his dad everything that had been happening. About work, about the fight with Sehyoon, the application and Donghun, how he felt like he was failing.

His dad brushed a hand across his cheek and tsked at him. “If you want that audition, you should take it. Also, don’t be mad at Donghun, he wasn’t being devious he just wants to help you. And Sehyoon loves you, has always loved you. Don’t push him away because you said a couple of words to each other.”

Junhee nodded his head. He knew it was all true, but he wasn’t sure what to do next. His father spoke as he thought. “Talk to Sehyoon first, he can help you know what to say to Donghun. Get your feelings in order first.”

Junhee smiled at his dad, his eyes watery. “Thank you, dad. I’m so happy to hear your advice again. I never thought when I was kid I’d miss your lectures so much.” He laughed as his dad softly hummed. 

He spent another hour with his father until he fell asleep and then started to make his way home. Halfway there he made a decision. He called a taxi and made his way to the other side of town. 

***  
It was very late when he knocked on Sehyoon’s door, he wasn’t sure if anyone would answer. He had a key but that would probably be rude to just barge in. He was ready to call Byeongkwan to come let him in, when the door swung open. 

Sehyoon stood there, bleary eyed in his shorts and t-shirt looking confused. His eyes got wide when he saw Junhee and the younger just gave him a small smile. 

“Can I come in?” Junhee asked sheepishly. Sehyoon didn’t say a word, he just stepped to the side to let his friend in. 

When Junhee walked in he went straight to the living room. Byeongkwan was standing at their bedroom door, peeking to see who was at the door after two in the morning. 

He caught sight of Junhee and his face lit up. “Hee, you’re here!” He ran over to him and hugged him tight. Junhee patted his back and buried his face into his hair. He missed him so much. 

Byeongkwan finally let him go and gave a look to Sehyoon. “I’m happy to see you, I’ll let you two talk.” He smiled at Junhee and then turned back to go to their bedroom. 

He looked at Sehyoon who put out his hand to tell him to sit. Junhee took a seat on the couch and his friend followed. They sat close for two people that were supposed to be fighting. 

Sehyoon opened his mouth to speak but Junhee beat him to it. “I’m an idiot and I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness but I need it, because I can’t do this without you. And when I say this I mean life. I can’t do it without any of you. I need you by my side.” 

Sehyoon looked up at him as he spoke and Junhee sucked in a breath when he saw tears in the older’s eyes. The man never cried but here he was. 

He grabbed Junhee’s hands. “I should be apologizing, I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did. I just can’t see you do this to yourself. I can’t lose you. I know you’re doing better but God, please don’t trade one addiction for another.” 

Junhee let out a small laugh and rubbed a finger over Sehyoon’s knuckles. “I promise I won’t. I love you by the way.” 

Sehyoon laughed. “I love you too Jun.” 

And that was it, Junhee huddled into Sehyoon and they hugged sitting on the couch. Junhee had worried so much over their fight, but at the end of the day an apology was really all they each needed. Their bond was too tight and too close for it to break that easily. 

It was about 30 minutes of silence before Junhee finally spoke up and told him about what happened with Donghun. 

Sehyoon listened diligently and then proceeded to call him an idiot. “Do you want this opportunity or not?”

Junhee said “Yes, obviously, just not right now.”

Sehyoon lightly smacked him on the back of the head. “Idiot, then why didn’t you just tell him that.”

Junhee leaned over and put his head in his hands. “Because I’m an idiot who can’t be graceful under pressure and has to cause problems left and right.” 

Sehyoon laughed and pulled him close. “Oh, I don’t know about that. You’re pretty graceful under pressure.” 

Junhee hit him on the chest and cuddled closer. “What do I do Yoonie?”

Sehyoon put his chin on the top of Junhee’s head and whispered. “Talk to him, Hee. That’s all you can do. He loves you so much, just tell him how you’re feeling without the yelling and he will understand I promise.” 

Junhee pulled back to look at him. “Very wise, you are.” 

Sehyoon laughed. “No, you just need to work on your communication skills. I’ll drive you over there tomorrow and we can talk to him.”

Junhee snuggled close. “You won’t drive me now?”

Junhee pouted and Sehyoon laughed. “No, now you need to sleep and I need to go lay down next to my husband.” 

Junhee gave him a pitiful look, he didn’t want to sleep in their spare bedroom alone. Sehyoon gave in easily though. “Okay fine you can come sleep with us you heathen.”

Junhee laughed and jumped up from the couch. Sehyoon heard Byeongkwan scream at what he assumed was Junhee tackling Byeongkwan in his sleep. But he heard laughing next and he smiled. 

Hopefully everything would work itself out in the end. All he knew was that he would fight like hell to keep Junhee in this world, even when that meant giving him a kick in the ass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're almost there, just a few more chapters and we'll be finished. I hope that you have enjoyed this as much as I have! <333


	11. I've Never Quite Fallen from this High Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 of Chapter 10! 
> 
> “I’m sorry, by the way, for everything that I've put you through. Your heart must be made of steel with the way I've tried to bend and break it. I’m so high up I hope that you can catch me when I fall.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Same notes as before, same songs and dances!!! <3

***

The next morning, Junhee was ready to go straight to Donghun, but he knew he needed to wait. Sehyoon said to wait until after work, so that Donghun and him actually had time to talk, so he waited. 

It was the most frustrating day he had, he didn’t go to work but Sehyoon and Byeongkwan did. Yuchan didn’t have time to talk because he was running errands all day for the company and well, Donghun he’d see later. 

He cleaned parts of the husband’s house and washed a few loads of clothes. The house smelled like lemons when Byeongkwan and Sehyoon got home. 

Byeongkwan thanked him and immediately stripped through the house to go take a shower. Sehyoon told him to give him a minute to change and they would go over to Donghun’s. The other was home, Sehyoon had texted him on the way back from work. 

On the drive over Junhee fiddled with his hands, bit his nails and just all around couldn’t stop fidgeting. Finally, Sehyoon put a hand on his thigh and pushed down on his jumpy leg. “You need to calm down, it’s going to be fine.”

Junhee nodded at him. Not sure if it would be, but thinking that it had to be. He looked to the backseat where all of his stuff was. Sehyoon had driven him to his apartment to grab his small duffel. He didn’t give him an opportunity to protest, he would be staying with Donghun tonight. 

When they pulled up to Donghun’s Sehyoon patted him on the leg and reached over to shove open the door. “Okay, out you go.”

Junhee looked to the front door and then back at Sehyoon. “Come in with me?” He said as he made a pouty face. 

Sehyoon scoffed at him. “Absolutely not.” He reached back and grabbed Junhee’s duffel, shoving it into his arms and pushing him out of the car. 

Junhee struggled to stay upright. “Okay, pushy I’m going, Jeez.” Junhee slammed the car door and Sehyoon flipped him off before he drove away. He stood there in the driveway for almost five minutes. 

He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He pulled it out to see a text from Donghun. 

From: love of my life  
so are you going to come in or just stand there all night??? because i’d really like to see your stupid face :(

Junhee smiled at the message and then typed out a response. Donghun felt the vibration from the message and looked down at his phone. 

From: my angel  
i’m coming in just lasdjfaskdfj i need a minute

Donghun laughed softly at the message and gave one last response. 

From: love of my life  
take all the time you need baby <3

Junhee felt his throat close up at the message, his heart beating too fast. He took a breath and then walked up the driveway. The door opened before he got there and Donghun was standing there. 

Junhee walked up to him and dropped his bags. Donghun pulled him into his arms and whispered into his ear. “Welcome home, baby.” 

Junhee whimpered at the contact and couldn’t let go. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have reacted that way - I just” He couldn’t finish. 

Donghun rubbed his thumbs across his cheeks when he pulled away. “I know, I know. How about I make some dinner and then we can talk?”

Junhee didn’t say anything, just nodded. Donghun picked up his duffel and pulled him inside. The door latched quietly behind them and Junhee let out his breath. 

***

After they ate Donghun brought Junhee over to the bed. He sat down at the head and Junhee sat at the end. They faced each other criss cross. 

Donghun sat and waited and Junhee finally was ready to talk. “I don’t know what to say other than to apologize for yelling at you first of all.” Donghun went to stop him but Junhee didn’t let him.

“Yes, you deserve an apology. I could have handled that situation better but I was so blinded by emotion. I know you were only trying to help me and it was a fucking amazing gesture and probably a lot of work. And I do want it, I really do but I just can’t. Not right now. It isn’t something I’m even remotely ready for. I can’t just pick up my life and go do something that I’ve been wanting since I was 10. I know it seems unreasonable but really, I don’t think I would make it with the way I am now.” Junhee stopped for a second, the emotions of it all were going to get the better of him. 

He let himself be vulnerable. “If I went now, without you, without the rest of my friends I think I’d break. I can’t leave my dad for a place I know will take all my time. I also know that while my job now won’t affect how the company looks at me, I won’t be able to handle it if it did cause me to lose the position. I chose to do what I do and if that choice means I can never do what I love again then I will be devastated. I need to finish fixing myself first. I’m broken Donghun and I have to patch the pieces back together before I move onto the next step in my life.”

There were tears streaming down his face now and when he looked at Donghun the older man was crying too. He laughed softly. “Donghun why are you crying?”

Donghun sniffled. “Because you think so lowly of yourself. You’re not broken Junhee, you never were and you never will be. Maybe you’re a little cracked, wrinkled, but you’re not broken. You are so much more than you see. But I understand that maybe right now is not the best time to be starting something new. I’ll help you however you need, you know that right? Will you make me one promise though, you’ll stop drinking. We can find another way to help you cope, maybe even some NA meetings” 

Donghun looked ready to jump off a cliff to save him, he couldn’t have that. He also couldn’t go to meetings and wasn’t sure he could stop drinking with everything. “I’m not sure I’m ready for meetings but I’ll tell you when I am. And I am going to stop drinking, I’ll just have to make sure Sehyoon or Byeongkwan are with me at all times at the club.” He laughed. 

Donghun smiled at him and hugged him, leaning on his knees. Junhee hugged him back with one arm, the other behind his back his fingers crossed. He didn’t want to lie, but he also didn’t want to break a promise. He had to compromise. 

***

Donghun brought out the letter and application that night and tucked it away in a drawer after Junhee told him not to throw it away. He wanted it there, to remind him on bad days that someone besides his friends believed him, there was someone out there who thought he would benefit their company. 

Donghun kissed him slowly that night, took him apart over a couple of hours. Never once did he stop praising Junhee and telling him how much he loved him. Junhee held Donghun close, he didn’t want to part from him. He begged for the man even as he was giving him what he needed. 

When Donghun entered him he felt like his whole world was shifting. He wanted this for the rest of his life. He wanted Donghun’s soft hands running across his body, his kisses caressing his face, his body trapping him to the bed. He wanted rings on their fingers and he wanted vows tying them together as one. 

He had never wanted it more than he did now. But the only words that came out of his mouth were I love you and I love you and I love you. That would have to be enough for now, he thought. 

Donghun thought the same things, thought about the ring he had hidden away. How he was going to give it to Junhee one day. And he hoped Junhee would receive it knowing he deserved everything it entailed. 

***

Junhee laughed as he watched Sehyoon dance on the stage. The man was a great dancer but junhee was dying at the choreography to the song. Sehyoon was talented at many things but making up dance moves was not one of them. Junhee had to stop this. 

“Please, Sehyoon, stop. Oh my God, just no.” Junhee ran over to pause the music and then laughed at Sehyoon’s put out face. 

Sehyoon crossed his arms and pouted. “What? I thought it was good. Was it the song?” 

Junhee actually really liked the song choice, it would be great for owner’s night, but he needed to fix the steps. “No, the song choice is actually perfect but -” Junhee thought how to say it delicately but then he just went for it. “You can’t choreograph for shit. Here, move”

Sehyoon stepped aside as Junhee made his way onto the stage. “Let’s start out a little differently, okay?”

Sehyoon listened diligently to Junhee as he helped choreograph the dance, they worked for hours. No one was coming into the club today so they took all the time in the word. Byeongkwan was finalizing the steps to opening the studio and Donghun and Yuchan were at work. 

Junhee spent the rest of the day helping Sehyoon and by the end they had a pretty incredible dance. Sehyoon was going to blow everyone away. 

*** 

A week later owner’s night was in full swing. Donghun walked into the club to see the subtle differences. For one, the club lights were a little brighter so it wasn’t as dark. The music was less pounding club music and more R&B and soul. It had an easy sex appeal to it. 

Drinks were pouring more liberally tonight. Everything was half off, tables and champagne included. The boys were still full price though as far as Donghun knew. 

What he knew about owner’s night had grown over the past week while talking to Junhee. He had told him how once a year Sehyoon did a night like this. 

He changed up the music to more his style, drinks were cheaper, the dancers were clothed in more eccentric material. Colors popped out from the club and Sehyoon’s art was on display all over the building. 

The sets for the night were all choices that Sehyoon had approved and were to his liking but there were also no private sessions tonight. It always blindsided Donghun to know that Sehyoon would completely cut them off if so many of his employees didn’t request having them. 

Donghun walked through the crowd until he found Junhee. He was in bright colors, Sehyoon always liked to challenge fashion when he was outside of the club. Junhee was in bright white jeans shorts, they were distressed and Donghun could see the bright orange boxers he was wearing when he bent over a little too far. 

He had on a bright blue top, sleeves cut off to show off his arms and tied in the back to give a glimpse of skin. There were neon streaks across his face and that’s when Donghun really noticed some differences. 

There were glowsticks in club goers hands, all the drinks were neon and bright colors. There was splattered glow in the dark thrown on canvas’ across the club. Sehyoon’s artistic side was really showing itself. 

Even the dances for the night, from what he saw were more artistic and bright in nature. The boys that worked at the club had bright smiles on their faces the whole night. 

Donghun stayed at the bar most of the time as Junhee worked the floor. Yuchan finally came and they stayed together most of the night. 

“So, how are things really going with you two? How is he?” Yuchan asked as he slammed back a shot. Kwangsuk would be coming to pick him up at the end of the night, for sure. 

Donghun laughed at his friend and then looked down at his own bright drink. “Good, things are really good. He’s doing okay, I know he’s struggling but he’s pushing past it. I think we’re gonna get through this.” 

Yuchan smiled wide and pulled Donghun into a hug, the boy brought a smile to everyone around him. Sehyoon watched them from behind the bar, grinning from ear to ear. 

He came over to them once he had gotten all his customers their drinks. “So, what are you two gossiping about?”

Donghun rolled his eyes. “Nothing, nosy.” Donghun poked him in the chest. “Junhee told me you’d be dancing tonight, when might that be?”

Sehyoon stepped back and started cleaning the counter. “Hmm, not sure actually, hopefully you’ll be heading home by then.” 

Yuchan giggled. “Come on, Yoonie. You’re a really good dancer and we want to see how you work a pole.” 

Donghun gagged. “Ew, I don’t. I definitely don’t want that.”

Sehyoon laughed and pulled Donghun in by the collar. He made kissy faces at him. “You don’t want to see me dance, Hunnie. Wow, you’re gonna miss out on all of this.” 

Donghun started laughing and pushing Sehyoon away. “Again, ew. Why are you like this?” He said through his laughter. 

Sehyoon finally pulled away and smiled at his two friends. “I’ll be dancing within the next 30 minutes. Actually I should go get changed. I’ll see you two in a little bit.” 

He walked away towards his office and Donghun and Yuchan finished their drinks and made their way to the dance floor. They found Byeongkwan and Junhee dancing along with the customers. Everyone gave Byeongkwan a wide berth which meant they also didn’t touch Junhee. 

They were both all over each other, having way too much fun grinding on each other. Donghun smiled at the sight, how comfortable they were with each other. How, Junhee might be the only other person in the club who could touch him like that and still keep his hands. 

He watched for a minute until Yuchan intervened and pulled Byeongkwan into him, twirling him around to the music. Byeongkwan’s laughter causing his eyes to wrinkle and Yuchan to throw his head back to join him. 

Donghun walked over to Junhee, the other man already looking at him, he swayed his hips to the beat. Donghun pulled him in close, lining up their hips. He could wait 30 minutes for Sehyoon to perform when it meant he got to dance with his boyfriend. 

When the DJ announced that it was time for their last performance of the night Byeongkwan pushed them all to the front where they could really see the stage. All the seats had been moved out of the way and everyone was standing. 

They got to the front with no trouble, and waited while the DJ started to announce the set. “Now, for the last treat of the night, I present to you the owner of this wonderful establishment, the man that allows you to be apart of his club, KIM SEHYOON!” 

The whole crowd went wild, glow sticks were being passed around to individuals that didn’t have them and junhee wrapped a couple around his wrists. Junhee then put two together and placed it like a halo on Donghun’s head. 

Donghun leaned in and gave him a sweet kiss as Sehyoon entered the stage. He was in blue jean shorts, ripped more than they were not. His shirt was sleeveless, the sides a deep cut showing off his body. 

He came out onto the stage, looking calm as could be. Donghun knew better, he knew he was probably nervous as all hell. 

He got into position and the minute the song came on Donghun started dying of laughter and couldn’t get the smile off of his face. It was perfect for Sehyoon and the dance was incredible. It was hip hop mixed with a lot of sharp moves and even some floor work. 

Sehyoon was in his element as Lizzo’s “Tempo” blasted through the speakers. Donghun could tell how much fun his friend was having. His moves were sharp as hell and it reminded him how good of a dancer Sehyoon was. 

The moves were fast and didn’t leave a lot of room for breath. They looked familiar and when he realized he looked at Junhee. The other just nodded and smirked at him. Junhee had definitely choreographed the dance, it was written all over it. 

Sehyoon ate up the attention, coming to the front of the stage accepting money from club goers. Byeongkwan was smiling so hard and towards the end of the dance he came up to the stage and stuffed bills into Sehyoon’s shorts. 

Sehyoon leaned down to give his husband a kiss right as the song ended. There wasn’t a person in the club that didn’t enjoy the performance that Sehyoon had just given. 

He gave a bow after he pulled away from Byeongkwan. He grabbed a mic from the DJ ready to address the club. “We have about 30 minutes until close, I’m saying last call now and your last drink is free on me.” 

Everyone shouted as the DJ played his last few songs and the crowd rushed to get their drinks. 

Sehyoon walked off stage, not bothering to behind the curtain. He walked over to his friends and his smile was huge. 

Byeongkwan was on him the minute he was on the club floor. “Holy fuck, that was amazing. You’re so good, I’m amazed every time.” Byeongkwan kissed him like his life was on the line. 

Sehyoon laughed into his mouth and wound a hand in his hair to kiss him properly. They kissed for a minute before Yuchan coughed. 

Sehyoon pulled away and swatted at Yuchan who giggled. “Okay, but really you should thank Junhee because he’s the one who came up with the choreo, mine was trash.” 

Junhee laughed. “It wasn’t trash, it just wasn’t worthy of your caliber of talent. It was more like yours was Walmart and mine was Gucci.”

Sehyoon opened his mouth wide and everyone laughed. Sehyoon went for Junhee but he hid behind Donghun. They were all smiling so wide as they made their way back to the dance floor to finish out the night. 

***

Junhee squealed and his eyes lit up as Donghun’s sister’s daughter jumped in his arms. The little girl cuddled up to Junhee and gave him a sweet kiss on his cheek. Junhee giggled and blew raspberries on her cheek. 

Donghun watched on as Junhee played with his niece. His sister came up beside him and bumped his shoulder with hers, her younger daughter on her hip. Donghun cooed at her and she reached for him. 

His sister handed her over and Donghun made faces at the chubby angel. His sister laughed and then turned back to look at Junhee. 

“So, have you asked him yet?” She smirked and nodded her head at Junhee. 

Donghun snapped his head over to her. “What do you mean have I asked him yet?”

She laughed. “Oh, come on, Hunnie. We can all see that you’re desperately in love. Have you asked him to marry you yet? I don’t see a ring on his finger.” 

He hissed at her so Junhee wouldn’t hear. “No, I haven’t the timing hasn’t been right. He’s going through a lot. He just went through withdrawal not even four months ago. I’m not going to put that much pressure on him right now.” 

His sister smiled at him softly. “But you want to right?”

Donghun looked over at Junhee playing with his niece, he wanted it so badly. “More than anything, but I need to make sure he’s stable first. I wouldn’t do that to either of us if he wasn’t ready. I need to know he’s ready.” 

His sister sighed. “I get that. Just know that we have your back when the time comes and I support you 100%. I love him a lot Donghun, he’s great with the girls and he makes you so happy. I really couldn’t care less about his past, I trust him.” 

Donghun wanted to cry, hearing his sister say that meant a lot to him. “Thank you, it means everything.”

She pulled him to her side and he kissed her on the head. She pushed him away lightly and then shoved him toward Junhee. She whispered in his ear, “Go get him.” 

He looked back at her and smiled, he brought his youngest niece with him.

His sister had called last week and said she wanted to have a dinner party. It was going to be the oldest’s birthday in a couple days and she wanted some opinions on a birthday party. 

She had invited all his friends over too. She told them that they were invited to the party but he wasn’t sure if they should attend. His niece convinced him though that he had to, so he knew he’d come for at least a little bit. For now though, he walked over to his boyfriend and sat with his niece in his lap. 

Junhee smiled at him once he sat down and made grabby hands for the baby. His older niece was on the floor facing the tv, setting up a game on the screen. It looked like Mario Kart. She looked back and saw Junhee with her baby sister. 

She pouted, “Uncle Junhee I thought you were going to play with me.” She gave her best puppy dog eyes but Junhee wouldn’t be swayed until he had at least 30 minutes with the baby. 

Donghun laughed at them both pouting. “How about I play with you first angel and then Uncle Junhee can play next. How does that sound?” He watched her think about it a second and then nod and shove the controller at Donghun. 

“Thanks Uncle Dongie. Now, get ready to be crushed.” She stuck her tongue out as she started to concentrate. Donghun laughed and tried to pay attention to the game but it was hard with Junhee next to him with his baby niece. 

“Hello sweetums, how are you?” He heard Junhee ask the baby. She giggled at his voice and Donghun had to look over to see Junhee’s reaction. His eyes were sparkling. He tickled her sides and she squirmed but he held her up well. He kept watching the sight before him until he felt pain on his knee.

“Uncle Dongie, you ran yourself off the road because you were staring at Uncle Junhee. I know he’s pretty but please pay attention.” His niece practically scoffed. 

He heard his sister choke out a laugh from the kitchen and Junhee looked about ready to burst into laughter. His cheeks were red and he was hugging the baby to his body, their cheeks squished together. 

“Am I that pretty Uncle Dongie?” Junhee whispered as he got closer to him. Their lips were only a few inches apart. The baby was babbling between them. 

Donghun sighed and pretended like he was going in for a kiss but instead pushed Junhee’s face away from his. He laughed at Junhee’s shocked face. He couldn’t help himself then, he leaned in and gave him a pec. 

He heard his niece make a gagging noise and they both smiled. His sister walked back into the living room smirking at them. “Baby, how about you give Uncle Dongie and Junhee some time alone with your sister. You can help me set the table.”

Donghun’s niece stood up quickly from her spot and raced to help her mom, feeling like she was needed. 

Donghun watched his niece race to the kitchen, until he felt warmth on his cheek. Junhee was pushing his face toward him with his index finger. The look on his face was a little mischievous, but with the baby in between them he knew Junhee would only tease. 

He kissed him lightly and the baby cooed in between them. Junhee pulled away and leaned back into the couch letting her crawl all over his chest. He helped her stand up and started to sing a soft song as she got her bearings. 

She moved her feet along his stomach and Donghun heard him giggle, which caused him to turn completely into Junhee and cuddle up next to him to watch him play with his baby niece. 

Eventually Sehyoon, Byeongkwan, Yuchan, and Kwangsuk showed up for dinner along with his sister’s husband and their parents. Byeongkwan made a beeline for the kids and Sehyoon watched with sparkling eyes as he had a baby in his hands before everyone had even entered the house. 

They all sat down to dinner. Donghun’s parents enjoying seeing all of his friends and completely accepting Junhee and making him feel more than comfortable. His boyfriend had spent a lot of time with his sister and her girls since the last time but he hadn’t gotten to know his parents that well. 

Junhee looked nervous at first but when he went in to shake his hand he pulled him into a hug. His mother hugged him and patted his cheeks, told him he needed to gain weight and put extra food on his plate. 

Towards the end of the night he caught Junhee and his mom sitting curled up together on the couch, going through a photo album. His mom was talking in a low voice and he didn’t want to intrude so he couldn’t hear what was going on but he could see tears shining in Junhee’s eyes. 

His mom was flipping through the album with one hand while the other was laced through Junhee’s. Donghun realized how much this could mean to Junhee, to have a mother figure coaxing food into you and telling you stories about childhood. 

Donghun wanted this for him forever. He wanted to give Junhee his family, he wanted him to have everything he deserved but he knew it still wasn’t time. 

***

His niece’s birthday party went off without a hitch. His sister must have threatened their relatives if they said anything about Junhee. And really at the end of the day his niece was attached to his boyfriend’s hip the whole day so no one would have even got the chance. 

His niece’s eyes lit up at the friendship bracelet Junhee had gotten her for her birthday. It not being made of plastic and thread. Even though Junhee still wore the one she gave him, the one Donghun made him tucked away somewhere safe after it broke from too much use. 

He showed her how it had her birthstone inlaid in the silver. It hadn’t been terribly expensive, but it still cost Junhee more than he normally would pay. He showed her his matching one and Donghun found out that night that he had gotten him one too. 

He almost cried as he clasped it onto his wrist. It felt like a promise of something. Like they were teetering on the edge of everything. 

***

Junhee stood backstage, bouncing on the balls of his feet. He wasn’t nervous because of the dance he was about to perform but the audience he was dancing for. 

Junhee and Donghun never got to celebrate their six month anniversary because everything had been too hectic, but now at eight months Junhee felt like it was time to give his boyfriend something special. 

He still couldn’t believe they had been together for so long; he had never been in a relationship longer than a month before him. It was everything he’d always wanted. This dance was a way to show Donghun just how much he loved him. 

Junhee had asked Sehyoon if he could have the club for a morning or even afternoon before they officially opened. He wanted use of the space, but Sehyoon had gone above and beyond. He had closed the club on a Friday night and given Junhee free reign. 

All his friends would be here later to help them celebrate their time together, but for now it was just him and Donghun. 

He had kept the club lights dim and turned on some light music to play while he got ready. When Donghun had gotten there he had guided him to a single chair in the middle of the stage. 

Now, as he prepared, his heart was beating out of his chest. He wasn’t sure if this was a good enough gift to give someone that had seen you through your literal worst, but it was all he had to offer. 

He knew Donghun loved to watch him dance, and what better way to show him he loved him than to create something specifically for him. He also made sure to set up a tripod so that he could record it, just in case one day he wanted to use it as an audition. The choreography was one of his best and well, for once he was feeling good about himself. 

He had Donghun to thank for all of that. 

When he walked out onto the stage he felt eyes on him and when he saw Donghun sitting in that solo chair his breath caught. He had just seen the man five minutes before but that didn’t stop him from forgetting how beautiful he was. 

He was overcome with emotion looking at the love of his life. His hair long, his bangs fluttering where they hit his eyelashes. The curls wild and just a hair shy of long enough to fit into a ponytail. Junhee wanted to run his fingers through it but stopped a few feet away. 

He watched as Donghun took him in. He was wearing one of his button ups, a little bigger than Junhee’s own. It was undone and hanging off of him showing off the black shorts he had on. 

His feet were bare except for the foot pads he wore to help him turn on the wood of the stage. His hair was down, curly like Donghun’s and falling in his face. He had on minimal make-up and just enough glitter to catch a wandering eye. 

He finally got into his position, kneeling on the ground, back straight and hands placed on his knees. He didn’t say a word, just breathed in, smiled at Donghun and then looked down at the ground. 

The music suddenly started; Donghun had the control to the stereo, he told him to start it once he was ready. 

Junhee felt the beat pulse in his body and swayed slightly to the song, his fingers tapped out a rhythm on his knee. 

The artist started singing and Junhee moved with them. He moved his core and brought his arms above his head. He then stood up and started to truly dance. He put all of his emotions into the dance. The lyrics talked about “fist fighting with fire” to get close to someone and he punched the air and spun around with his arms thrown out to the side. 

The choreography he came up with was very natural and was smooth with the lyrics. Every move had a point and served to explain how he was feeling. He didn’t let himself slow down, his breath was heavy and he could feel sweat start to drip down his temple but he didn’t let up. 

His button up was hanging off his shoulders when he did a pirouette, slipping down this arm on one side. He raced across the floor and slid across it, turning to land on his side and then push onto his stomach. He used the momentum to slide backwards and then get back up on his knees. 

He stood up and ran into a jump rolling out of it to the floor and ending the dance curled up in a ball on the floor. He heaved breaths as the music stopped and took a second to get his bearings. 

Once the music completely faded all he could hear was two pairs of breaths. His and Donghun’s. He looked up at his boyfriend from the ground to see him still in the chair. Junhee didn’t move, didn’t even blink, he just waited. 

Eventually Donghun leaned forward and then tipped out of the chair to his knees on the stage. He looked straight at Junhee and whispered “Come here.” 

Junhee didn’t even take a second to think he just sat up and crawled his way over to Donghun. Once he reached him the older man grabbed him by the waist and held him as close as possible. 

Junhee whimpered at the contact and didn’t resist. Donghun just stared at him, his eyes dark, pupils an endless black. 

He brought up a hand to run through Junhee’s hair and then brought his lips to his ear. “You are otherworldly.” 

Junhee sucked in a breath and grabbed Donghun’s cheeks. He didn’t waste any time bringing their lips together. They kissed on the stage, too hungry for each other to move to a more private area. Donghun eventually picked Junhee up and brought him back to his dressing room where he showed him just how much he truly loved him. 

Neither could quite believe that they had each other, but they didn’t take any of it for granted. 

That night they spent time with their closest friends and none of their worries entered their thoughts. At least for that one night. 

***

The wind blew his hair into his eyes, the trees swayed with it and he breathed in the scent of the fresh summer air. There was a lake nearby and he could almost taste it on his tongue, the honeysuckles in the trees blending in. 

Junhee was quite happy at the moment, heavy heart free of burdens for a while as he stood on the porch of the cabin Donghun had gotten them for their nine month anniversary. 

The older man had surprised him a week ago with a vacation for just the two of them. A weekend away, not just from their jobs but everything. They were secluded and it was absolutely stunning. 

They had arrived Friday night and now it was Sunday, they were due back Monday but they still had today to take each other in. 

Friday night Donghun had almost dropped him as he carried him into the small cabin, Junhee’s heart had raced at the implications of the action. 

He had dumped him on the bed and before they even unpacked, took him apart seam by seam. Their laughter had blanketed the inside of their small sanctuary. They had lit the fireplace afterwards, unpacking their things and sitting together as Donghun read and Junhee listened to him. Curled up before the fire, Junhee felt relaxed and settled, warm beyond his imagination. 

Saturday night Donghun took him on a ride to the small town and treated him to dinner. It hadn’t been anything fancy, but the small restaurant had been intimate. Candles decorated each table and the lights were low enough that you could really only focus on the person in front of you. 

The warm summer air let them walk around the night markets gathering treats and sugary kisses. Junhee never let go of Donghun’s hand Saturday night and they fell asleep just the same. 

Now, it was Sunday and Junhee wasn’t sure what was planned. Donghun had left early, before he had awoken. He had made himself a cup of tea, grabbed a light sweater and waited out on the porch. 

Donghun pulled up not long after, stepping out of the car with a couple grocery bags. Junhee watched him approach and smiled wide at his boyfriends red cheeks and shining eyes. 

When he got close enough Junhee pulled him in for a kiss. “Good morning, I was upset that I had to wake up without you.”

Donghun nuzzled his nose in Junhee’s hair and kissed his cheek. “I wanted to grab a couple things for brunch.” 

Junhee made an interested sound and was even more enticed when Donghun showed him that he bought stuff to make french toast. Powdered sugar kisses, Junhee decided were better than most. The sweetness of the syrup and strawberries Donghun had also bought just added to the experience. 

After brunch they took a nap of all things, laying curled up together by the fire. They didn’t move much for most of the day, deciding that their last day would just be spent enjoying each other’s company. 

Junhee sat up late into the evening with an idea. “Do you want to go skinny dipping in the lake?”

Donghun laughed at the abrupt question. “What?” He smiled wide at his boyfriend, the other’s eyes shining. 

Junhee got up onto his knees, “We’re secluded right? We should go for a late night swim. Come one, it’ll be romantic and I’ll be naked and wet.”

Donghun flopped back onto the ground and smirked. He looked at Junhee hovering over him. He pretended to think about it. “I don’t know, that doesn’t seem that enticing.”

Junhee smacked him on his chest and stood up grabbing one of Donghun’s arms. “Come on, old man. We’re gonna relive our youth. Please tell me you did this when you were a teenager.”

Donghun looked down at the ground while Junhee helped him stand up. “I mean, no not really. I wasn’t that kid I guess.” 

Junhee looked appalled. “Okay then, that’s decided. We’re definitely going now.”

Donghun didn’t have time to protest as Junhee ran to grab a couple things and throw them in a bag. He packed some towels and an extra pair of clothes for them both, Donghun laughed when he saw him throw in the lube too. 

“We gonna need that?” Donghun laughed as he grabbed Junhee around the waist. 

Junhee wrapped his arms around his neck and winked. “It’s us, what do you think?” He laughed softly and unwrapped Donghun’s arms from around him to zip up the bag and pick it up. He started to walk towards the door but turned around when he realized Donghun wasn’t following him. 

He looked beautiful, the moonlight coming in through the windows. His soft eyes reflecting the fire burning in the corner. Donghun was caught up and couldn’t find his voice, he nodded his head. Junhee turned back to exit and right before Donghun followed he grabbed a small box from his duffel and followed Junhee outside. 

***

When they arrived at the lake Junhee immediately put their stuff down and started to strip off his clothes. Donghun snorted but watched his boyfriend. His skin looked beautiful in the night as it was revealed and honestly Donghun wasn’t sure how he had gotten so lucky. 

When the younger pulled his shirt over his head, ridding himself of all of his clothes, he shook his hair out. The curls were wild and Donghun wanted to run his hands through them, but Junhee took the hair tie from around his wrist and pulled it up into a small ponytail. Donghun thought that was good too. 

Junhee turned around and put his arms out. “You going to strip or do I need to do it for you?” Donghun scoffed at the question and immediately pulled his clothes off. Once he was undressed he gave Junhee a look, mischievous enough for the younger to realize just a tad too late what was happening. 

Donghun charged at Junhee and picked him up, throwing him over his shoulder. The younger screeched as he raced to enter the lake. He threw Junhee into the water the minute he knew it was deep enough. 

Donghun laughed as he spluttered coming up to catch his breath. “You little fucking shit, how dare you!” 

Junhee lunged at Donghun and they wrested in the water, their laughter echoing in the night. The moon shone down on them, her light casting them in a romantic glow. 

They eventually ended up wrapped around each other. Junhee’s legs wrapped around Donghun’s waist as the older stood up to his chest in the water. They swayed back and forth with each other just talking. Their conversation wasn’t about anything important, just topics that came to mind. 

Things that children might discuss, fights about things that didn’t matter, and stories about their friends. Donghun told Junhee about their college years, about how Sehyoon and Byeongkwan showed him what true love looked like. How, he had been searching for that since he watched them fall for each other. 

Junhee told about how Byeongkwan refined his dance skills and how he had a huge crush on Sehyoon for the first year they were friends. Donghun knew this but Junhee made him cackle with the details; how he hit on Sehyoon right in front of his husband and Byeongkwan didn’t even blink an eye. 

They talked about nothing and it was everything. Then the talking stopped and Donghun kissed Junhee under the sparkling stars. The tears that escaped the younger were unexpected and were brushed away by soft hands. 

They kissed until their lips were bruised and then swayed to imaginary music as Donghun still held Junhee up. Their cheeks pressed together and the warm summer air heating up the cool water surrounding them. 

Donghun whispered into the night, towards midnight, against Junhee’s cheek. “Junhee, baby, I want to ask you something. And let me finish before you say anything.”

Junhee just nodded, his hair brushing Donghun’s. He felt his heart creep up into this throat. He was glad the water was cool or he’d overheat. 

“I know we haven’t been together for a year and most people wait longer to ask this, but we’ve been through so much together and I’m just not sure I can hold it in any longer. I love you with all of my heart and I want to spend every moment with you. I know we have had our hardships and maybe it might not be the best timing - we can always wait, but I want to be completely and utterly yours. The ring is in my pants pocket and if you say yes, yes to marrying me, yes to spending your life with me it is yours.” Donghun let out a breath when he was done and he waited, holding Junhee close, still cheek to cheek. 

Junhee wasn’t sure what to say, he wanted to say yes, but part of him still wasn’t sure he was ready, that they were ready. Finally, he pulled back to look into Donghun’s eyes. He could see the tears building up at the edges. 

He spoke and he hoped he didn’t break both of their hearts. “I want you to listen very carefully to what I have to say, okay?” Donghun nodded at his boyfriend’s words. “Ask me again. Ask me again when I’m steady and we’re not still worried about me slipping. Ask me again, when everyday is easier than the next. Ask me again, when I’ve auditioned for Canvas Dance and I’m finally away from everything I hate about myself. Ask me again, Donghun, soon.” He got as close as he could, a whisper away from Donghun’s lips. “Because I will say yes, without a doubt in my mind it will be a yes.” 

He kissed Donghun’s lips when he finished and he could feel the tears rushing down his face and the wetness from Donghun’s where his thumbs laid across his cheeks. 

When he pulled away he started to say sorry before he was stopped. “Don’t ever apologize. And I promise I will, I’ll ask you again. I’ll never stop asking you as long as you want me.”

Donghun didn’t let him go that night. He made love to him in the lake and again when they made it back to their cabin. He never saw the ring, but he watched, when Donghun thought he was asleep, the older man pulled out a box from his jeans and placed it back in his duffel. 

When Donghun curled back around him he pulled him close. He heard him whisper to him, “I’ll wait for you forever.” 

Junhee hoped forever wasn’t short. 

***

When it came down to it, it was money that ruined everything he had fought to build. It was something he never had much of and now it was blatantly obvious that he was the only one of his friends that it was truly a problem for. And, well, his pride prevented him from even asking for help when it came down to expenses. 

Yes, Donghun could help him, but he wasn’t going to accept the exorbitant amount of money he needed from his boyfriend. Sehyoon and Byeongkwan were very well off, but with the studio opening he didn’t feel like the husbands needed that stress on him. 

He was already asking for too much help in so many regards. Sehyoon and Donghun were still working on his restraining order, it was coming along nicely but it was a lot of work. He couldn’t ask for another favore on top of it. 

Yuchan was included in that too, the boy had done a lot of legwork for the case and while he knew he made enough money he couldn’t take it from someone that he considered a little brother. 

When he got the bill for his father’s care in the mail it was expected but when he looked at the numbers he felt his stomach jump into his throat. The price had risen enough that he wouldn’t be able to afford it with the salary he was making. 

He still paid for his apartment even though Donghun told him he didn’t need it, he still wanted a place for himself. He didn’t let Donghun buy him many things, only the items that they would both use. 

He still had bills to pay and with his father doing better and waking up somehow the price had rizen. The hospital said it was to cover all the expenses for when he was in a coma. Within the next four to five months it would lower again, but Junhee didn’t think he had enough money to pay what he needed until then.

He didn’t know what to do and didn’t want to worry his friends with this, especially Donghun because he knew what he would say. He needed to get more customers at work, but since he had set restrictions he had less clientele and they were paying him almost half of what he normally made. 

He didn’t want to go back, him and Donghun had made a deal, a commitment. He would just need to get creative with his next steps, he could handle it. 

***

Handling it took a toll on his mental health. It was constantly in his thoughts and when he finally paid the hospital bill he was seriously low on funds. He didn’t even have a fourth of the payment for the next month. 

Going to work wasn’t helping, with Byeongkwan constantly at his studio, his best friend wasn’t there for much support. Not that it was his fault, the grand opening of BK and Friends had been a hit and Byeongkwan was swamped with enrollment and classes. He tried his best to be there for Junhee, but his time was sparse. 

Yuchan was constantly working, for some reason the summer season was busy for them. He needed to see more of his sunshine but they rarely got time together. They really only saw each other when Junhee would bring Donghun lunch and force Yuchan to eat with them on his break. 

Donghun was busy with work but no more than normal. Their relationship had shifted though, after their trip to the cabin. Junhee was constantly thinking about his boyfriend’s proposal, about how badly he had wanted to say yes. 

He didn’t regret his answer, he just wished he was in a better place. He knew he had made the right decision; he wouldn’t be able to deal with the implications of the engagement right now. 

Sehyoon was there, constantly, but he was also his boss at work. As much as Sehyoon tried to be the best friend at work, Junhee made sure they created boundaries. If they didn’t it could have been a disaster. 

The letters from Canvas Dance also haunted his thoughts, things truly were looking up but money had to screw him over. 

He did his best to keep his head above water, he didn’t drink and refused anything as much as a cigarette. He didn’t even let the other employees smoke around him. He was trying so hard to stay away from anything that would hinder his steps forward. He just needed to get through these next couple of months. 

Him and Donghun became a little distant but it wasn’t anything they couldn’t handle, they both knew their schedules were causing a strain. Donghun told him they’d get back to normal eventually and Junhee wondered if they’d ever had a normal. 

His brain pushed against his heart everyday. It wanted him to give in, to break and his heart just kept beating. Alcohol wasn’t a constant, it was very rare, but a couple hard nights called for a hard drink or two. He didn’t tell himself he was in control, because that was always a lie. He just told himself to keep pushing forward no matter what. 

It was working until one Saturday night a month after the first bill came and Junhee was drowning. He needed money and it seemed to land right in his lap, a young man, brand new to the club requesting a private session. 

The man was probably in his early 30’s, not much older than Junhee. He was attractive and looked to be a businessman of some sort. He came into the club like he owned the place, a suit costing more than Junhee made in a couple months at the club. 

He watched the dance floor for almost an hour before he picked out Junhee who was moving around on the floor, doing his best to entice young men to use his services. 

The young man walked up to him and pulled him in by the waist, his eyes spoke of confidence and Junhee thought it was a hook, line and sinker. He would have this man eating out of the palm of his hand. Maybe, get enough money out of him to start gathering enough for the next bill. 

He wasn’t wrong, but in the end it didn’t go down how he would have liked. The man was pushy, but willing to pay a lot for his time. 

At first he just wanted to dance with Junhee, but then he decided that drinks were in order. When he had the bartender make several shots and then mixed drinks Junhee felt his resolve weaken. 

It was tempting to throw back the drinks, this man seemed to want a lot from him and the alcohol would help with the nerves and stress, but he tried to resist. It was harder when the man told him he’d pay him an extra thousand if he had drinks with him. 

He didn’t resist. He threw back the shots and knew the moment that the burn hit his throat he already fucked up. It just got worse from there. 

One night, one weakness, Junhee not being able to turn down money caused it all to crash and burn. He found himself somehow drunk with the man. He was aware of what he was doing but the alcohol caused his brain to go fuzzy and not think straight. The man was just as drunk as he was though. 

When they got to the private room, Junhee told him of his policies and the man accepted. Junhee got to work and when it was over, Junhee thought it would be okay until the man offered five grand for Junhee to fuck him. 

And Junhee didn’t but it came close enough that he wanted to throw up. His stomach turned at the fact that he almost did. He let the man do plenty of other things to him though, more than was probably permitted. He ended up with enough money to pay for his dad’s hospital bills for the next two months. 

He didn’t fuck the man, which would have been the beginning of the end, but it felt like he had done enough to feel like his world would end. 

He somehow called a taxi to get himself home, he texted Sehyoon that he had to leave early, he couldn’t stay at work. The man that had spent the night with him entered the same taxi before Junhee could protest. 

Junhee’s luck didn’t change, his apartment was closer so the driver dropped him off first, he just hoped Donghun didn’t see. The questions would be unanswerable.  
When the wind hit him as he stepped out of the car he got a whiff of himself. He smelled like booze and sex. He needed a shower immediately, he hoped it was late enough for Donghun to be asleep, he wasn’t sure how he would react to this. He knew Donghun loved him but he had put him through so much, one misstep could change it all. 

When he unlocked the door and walked into the apartment his heart crashed to the floor. Donghun’s eyes were red rimmed and he held his phone in a vice grip in his hand. 

He stepped forward but thought better of it. Donghun looked up at him but then looked back down at the floor. He waited for him to speak. 

“Sehyoon called, he said he got a text from you that you were leaving work early.” Donghun said through a hoarse voice. Junhee closed his eyes, he had only left 30 minutes ago, how much could have happened in between then. 

Donghun continued. “He said that when you texted him, he couldn’t find you. He searched out some other dancers that might know why you were leaving. He found someone that had seen you tonight. You had been drinking with a customer and then went to your private room.” 

Donghun looked up at him. “Please tell me you didn’t fuck him, Junhee, please.” 

Junhee walked over to him quickly as he threw his bag onto the floor. He slid to the floor on his knees in front of Donghun. “I didn’t, I promise you that didn’t happen.” 

Donghun didn’t touch him, but Junhee could see his hands shaking. “So, you didn’t break that promise. But what about staying sober, hmm? And what exactly did you do with him? Jesus, Junhee I can smell it on you.” 

Junhee winced, he knew it was bad. “I wasn’t planning on drinking, it just happened. He offered more money and I couldn’t just leave it. I needed it Donghun, you don’t understand how much I needed to take it. And like I said we didn’t have sex I promise, he just wanted multiple things. I promise, i-” Junhee tried to grab Donghun’s hands but they were ripped from his hands. 

He knelt there stunned, Donghun never denied his touch. He looked at the ground as Donghun stood up from the bed and walked toward the living room. He stopped eventually, head down, his back facing Junhee. 

“You make it seem like I should know and understand, but how I am I supposed to do that when you won’t fucking talk to me.” Donghun spit out. “So, okay you didn’t fuck him but what aren’t you telling me that you did do, because if you can’t name it then it’s probably not what we discussed.” Junhee stayed silent and Donghun scoffed. 

“It’s not even that you did it, it’s that you didn’t think you could fucking talk to me. That you thought turning to alcohol and sex for money was better than asking me.” Donghun was almost screaming. “What’s so bad that you can’t even let me help you?”

Junhee stood up and Donghun turned around to look at him. “It’s my dad, the bills went up and I couldn’t pay them. I wasn’t going to ask you for the money. I was fucking handling it.” 

Donghun rolled his eyes. “Yeah, obviously you were handling it.”

Junhee walked up to him and poked him in the chest. “Hey, you knew what you were getting into. You’ve always accepted my line of work, it’s how I get by, it’s what I do and if you can’t accept that anymore -”

Donghun’s eyes got wide. “It has nothing to do with accepting it Junhee, it’s your body and your life. What you do at your job isn’t up to me. But your health, mentally and physically is my concern. You are my partner and if I can’t help you then who can? I just don’t understand why you couldn’t at least tell me.” 

Junhee yelled this time. “Because you’d try and fix it for me, you’d take care of it and I’d feel like I always have - that I don’t deserve you!” 

Donghun couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “What is so bad about me giving you money, huh?” 

“Because you’re my boyfriend, we are in a relationship. It’s give and take, not just give. I can’t take that much from you.” Junhee was shaking. 

“Why not, I’m offering it. You let the men at the club pay you, you take money from everyone else but you won’t even let me in to help you. Why Junhee, why?” Donghun was desperate for an answer. 

Junhee couldn’t do this. “Because I’m not your fucking whore!” 

Donghun flinched. “So, what were you when I paid you for your time, hm? Because I didn’t consider you a whore then.” 

Junhee swallowed and his mind ran through every scenario it could. He should lie, he should say something to fix this, but he couldn’t, it was time for the truth. 

Junhee looked up at Donghun, resolve in his eyes. He held up his index finger indicating for Donghun to wait. He turned around and walked to one of the storage closets Donghun never used. He pulled out a sealed box. 

He brought it out into the living room and grabbed his keys from his pocket. He shredded the tape on it with them and then pulled the top off of the box. 

He slammed it back onto the ground when it was open, bills fluttered out as it hit the floor. Donghun stood stunned looking at the money. He was lost, confused beyond belief until Junhee started talking. 

Junhee took a breath and then told Donghun the one thing he never wanted him to know. “The only time I ever took your money was the first time. I bought drugs with it, funnily enough. After that, it got packed away, never to be used. I don’t know what I was going to do with it, I never planned on telling you.” Junhee watched as Donghun knelt down in front of the box, he kept going. 

“The second time you came to me, I wanted to use the money but for some reason I couldn’t. It was almost in the dealer’s hands before I changed my mind. He wasn’t very happy about it, but I told him i’d come the next day, that I remembered I needed the money for rent. Everytime after the first month, I don’t know if you remember, but you paid Sehyoon. I had him take the money because when you handed it to me it made me break inside. I was falling for you and it hurt to know that we were still client and customer, that we still had a transaction. I didn’t want to be your whore, I didn’t want you to pay for my time. For three months I fell in love with you without realizing why it hurt every time you opened your wallet. From the time you stopped I told myself I’d never accept money from you. And I will hold myself to that, no matter what I have to do.” Junhee felt the tears streaming down his face. 

Donghun reached into the box and spread his hands through the money but didn’t take any of it out. He stood up and looked at Junhee, he felt like his heart was breaking. “This is yours, I gave it to you, not for sex but because I wanted to. I thought you deserved it. I know you think I pitied you for some reason, but I never did. It was always real Junhee, I always just wanted you. But I see now that I can’t be the person to help you the way you need.” 

Junhee’s head snapped up, that didn’t sound like what he wanted to hear. “What do you mean?” 

Donghun wiped a hand across his face. “You have so much inside of you Junhee, and this just shows that, you knew early on what you wanted. But your mind keeps you from fully accepting it. You should be able to accept money from me, you should be able to let me take care of you. And no I’m not saying be dependent on me but I’d let you help me, care for me if something tragic were to happen. You always let me help with your dad, so it hurts so much that you wouldn’t come to me with this.” 

Donghun thought about how all he wanted was to pull Junhee close and tell him it would be alright. But seeing this, knowing that the whole time he held this inside, showed Donghun how much more Junhee needed. He had done everything he could to help him and Junhee was still struggling. Still felt so alone, that he turned to alcohol and sex before his own boyfriend.

Junhee didn’t exactly know what was going on, what was being said. “I wanted to, but I just knew you’d try to save me from it. I couldn’t put that on you.” 

Donghun came up to him and grabbed his face. “Of course you could. I don’t want to save you Junhee, I want you to be healthy and happy, that’s all I have ever wanted. I’ve been trying so hard to show you that. I think in turn I've fucked up in a lot of ways.” 

Junhee scoffed. “How the hell have you fucked up?”

Donghun pushed their foreheads together. “I shouldn’t have tried to help you on my own. You need someone more than me.”

Junhee shook his head. “All I'll ever need is you.” 

Donghun pulled back slightly. “I wish that was true, but I think you need someone trained to help you, someone professional. Not just someone to help with your addictions, because yes the alcohol could become an addiction, but someone to help with your mental health too. Junhee, you have never seen yourself as someone capable and I’m so scared that one day I won’t be here to show you.” 

Junhee was crying, Donghun sounded sincere and sad, his words choked on. He kept shaking his head. “I can’t, that’s not who I am, I’ll get through this without it I just need more time.” 

Donghun didn’t agree. “I wish that just time could help this, but we’ve given it time and I’m so scared i’m going to lose you if you don’t take the appropriate steps to help yourself, I can’t do this anymore.” 

Junhee backed up, a question in his eyes. “Donghun please don’t”

His boyfriend grabbed his hand and kissed his knuckles. “I think that me being your boyfriend, I’m too close to this, I think I’m hindering your recovery because I keep letting bad things happen. But maybe if I stepped back, maybe if I was just here as a friend for now then -”

Junhee sobbed and tried to get Donghun closer. “No, that won’t help, that can’t be even a possibility of a solution.”

Donghun was sobbing too now. “I can’t watch you destroy yourself and just sit here and do nothing. I’m blind to you, Junhee and I can’t be. You need help in ways that I can’t give you, I’m so sorry. This isn’t me breaking up with you, but I think we need to try something else, it doesn’t change how i feel ab-”

He didn’t finish before Junhee was ripping his hands away and going for the dresser. “You don’t have to leave, baby please.”

Junhee started packing. “No, you obviously don’t want me here.”

Donghun was stunned. “You know that’s not true, I asked you to marry me, I have told you countless times I want to spend the rest of my life with you. How could you think that is what I mean?”

Junhee finished packing and started grabbing his things from around the apartment. He knew he was leaving stuff but he just needed out, he was shaking out of his skin. He felt the need to get high. He turned and yelled at Donghun. “Because that is what you’re telling me. I can’t be fixed Donghun, I’ve told you this. No amount of therapy or rehab is going to change that. You think that someone professional is going to fix what’s broken. You can’t super glue me back together. This is who I am, I thought you knew that, I thought we were moving on.” 

Donghun tried to grab him, he was having deja vu. “How many times do I have to tell you, you’re not broken until you believe it Junhee. And you don’t know if it would help, because you’re not even willing to try. This is not who you are, I've seen who you are and you are so much more, better than any of this.” 

Junhee scoffed. “Keep lying to yourself. You fell in love with an addict, baby what did you think would happen? Like you said you were never trying to save me, so stop trying.”

Donghun reached for him one last time. “Junhee -” But the door slammed in his face and he fell to the floor. Everything hurt, crushing pain was pinning him to the ground. 

Junhee was running the minute he slammed the door shut, he didn’t stop until he made it to his apartment. The minute he walked in he realized what he had left. Luna was nowhere to be seen and what little part of his heart was still intact, shattered. 

***

Junhee walked into the club the next day and resigned. It’s late into the night, he was supposed to be on the clock hours ago but he had a decision to make. He grabs Sehyoon and pulls them toward his office. He catches Donghun’s eye at one point. He assumes the other is there looking for him, but he can’t stop or he’ll give in. 

When he gets Sehyoon alone he explains to him that he is quitting, he will no longer be working at the club and he hopes Sehyoon can accept that. Sehyoon, amazingly, doesn’t. Junhee knew he wouldn’t but he was hoping it wouldn’t be a fight. 

It isn’t a fight, it’s begging from Sehyoon’s side and desperation on Junhee’s for him to just let him go. He gives a brief description of what happened with Donghun, how he showed him the money, what happened before he came home, and how the older man had told him he needed more professional help. 

When Sehyoon said he agreed with Donghun he couldn't handle it. He stormed out of the office before the owner could get in another word. Everyone tried to stop him on his way out but no one could beat his fury. 

He stepped out into the warm summer air after having grabbed some personal things from his dressing room quickly. He was fuming and Byeongkwan caught him at his worst. 

He heard the club door slam open and looked back to see if Sehyoon or Donghun were following him. It was Byeongkwan running to him, Yuchan standing at the entrance waiting patiently. 

Byeongkwan ran up to him and stopped in front of him, so that unless Junhee wanted to knock him over he had to stop. His best friend didn’t deserve this. 

“You can’t leave Junhee, please. I know you’re hurt but we just want to help. Sehyoon and Donghun just want you to be healthy. I think that Donghun is right, you need something more than we can give you.” Byeongkwan said it all desperately. 

“Not you too, please. I can’t take it from you too.” Junhee whined, it hurt so much to hear this from him. 

“Junhee, it could be the best thing for you and right now we don’t have many other options. Just waiting it out wasn’t helping, we should have pushed for this the minute we saw that something was wrong. Before Donghun, before you had a withdrawal. This is on us, we weren’t good enough friends.” Byeongkwan looked like he wanted to cry. 

Junhee sucked in a breath. He said one last thing before he shouldered past Byeongkwan and left him standing on the sidewalk. “I never deserved any of you, you were always too good for me.” 

With that he left and he heard Byeongkwan calling his name, his stage name of all things because at the end of the day he still respected his anonymity. They always had and in public, if he wasn’t whispering his real name, if he shouted anything it would be the name he chose for himself. He was right to say he never deserved them, they were the best thing that ever happened to him and maybe it was time to let them go. 

***

Junhee kept thinking back to how one choice, one moment led to him drowning in his own mistakes. He had left the club only a few days ago and he already knew he was going to struggle to survive. There weren’t many solutions. His dad’s bills, his apartment, groceries, clothes, it all just kept piling up on him. 

Now he had no one, had burned the bridges. Bridges that were still trying to contact him, his phone constantly going off, the knocking on his door almost never stopping. He heard their voices outside of his door multiple times during the day, he thought he was dreaming the first night. 

He did dream of Donghun’s hands that night, of his eyes, his hair, the way he was warm when he wrapped Junhee up in a hug. His dreams were his saving grace, they protected him from the cruel world around him. 

But he would wake up and remember, what he had done, how he had acted, how monumentally he had fucked up. One mistake that piled up and shattered his home and heart. Donghun had always told him that he wasn’t broken, but he sat at the foot of his bed and looked at the pieces of himself shattered beyond reason. 

***

A week later and Donghun was a wreck. He couldn’t get to Junhee no matter how he tried. It was like he had disappeared, he wasn’t even sure if the younger was still living in the same apartment. 

He called him during the day at all times, during the night he sent messages and on his way home he knocked on his door and spoke through the wood hoping to reach him. It was futile and Donghun was scared. He never intended for Junhee to leave, he just wanted to get him the help he should have a long time ago.

He should have handled it better, it was rash and he didn’t think through everything clearly. Junhee was an addict, he shouldn’t have just let him walk out. 

When he knocked on his sister’s door she opened with a wide smile, but the minute she saw him it dropped completely. He fell into her arms and sobbed. 

***

Yuchan, Byeongkwan and Sehyoon sat huddled together in the husband’s home across town at the same time. They were still trying to process everything. Donghun had told them the majority of what happened but they were still in disbelief a week later.

They had tried to get in contact with Junhee but it was almost impossible. Sehyoon was searching for him everywhere that he knew the younger could possibly be but they didn’t have any luck. 

Sehyoon figured he was holed up in his apartment for the time being until he found another job. They were worried, more than they had ever been. Yuchan hadn’t gone home since he found out what happened and Kwangsuk was more livid than anyone had ever seen him. They had fought about the situation, Yuchan didn’t want to give up on Junhee. 

None of them could and they wouldn’t. They were all hurt and scared but they would do everything in their power to make sure he was okay. 

***

Donghun sipped on the hot tea his sister handed him and waited until she sat down next to him on the couch to start talking. The girls were both down for a nap and he had his sister’s full attention. 

He got the whole story out before he started crying again and he cuddled up against her. She was smaller than him, but he felt safe in her arms. She stroked his hair and let his breathing calm down before she spoke. 

“Donghun, baby, listen to me. It’s going to work itself out I promise. You did the right thing and you need to hear that. It might have been harsh and maybe it could have been handled better, but he needs help beyond what you can give him. I know that you did your best, we all do, but this isn’t something we can do on our own. That’s why there are people out there that do what they do, because they have the tools to help when we don’t. I know you’re scared but this isn’t the end for the both of you.” She pulled away to look him in the eye. “You’re gonna marry him one day and I’m going to be right there, embarrasing the fuck out of you with my maid of honor speech.”

Donghun let out a watery laugh. “Maybe I was going to have Byeongkwan be my maid of honor, you don’t know my life, my choices.”

His sister let out a disbelieving noise and before he knew it he was being tackled to the floor and being tickled. He tried to call uncle but she didn’t let up. He then felt a smaller weight on him, his older niece had awoken from her nap and demanded to be a part of the tickle fest. 

There were limbs and laughter everywhere. Donghun smiled for the first time in a week, it built a new resolve in him. He would fix this and he would be with Junhee, he didn’t have a doubt in his mind about it. Now all he had to do was get to him. 

***  
Junhee sat by his dad’s bed as the nurse did her hourly check ups and waited for her to leave so he could have a moment alone. He needed his father right now more than anything. 

His dad turned to him when the nurse left. “What’s got you so upset child?”

Junhee coughed and grabbed his dad’s hand. “I think Donghun and I broke up, dad.”

His dad sucked in a breath and wrapped his free hand around Junhee’s. “What happened, I thought everything was going so well?”

Junhee shook his head and then let himself go. He buried himself into his dad’s side as his father ran a hand through his hair and shushed him. “It’s okay, whatever it is, it’ll be alright. You can fix it.”

Junhee kept sobbing. “But that’s the thing, it’s me dad. I can’t fix myself and I keep ruining everything.” 

His dad brought his chin up so he could look him in the eye. “Park Junhee, you are the strongest person I know. There is nothing you can’t get through, but I also know that you are resistant to help. So, next time it comes knocking please answer. I can’t see you like this. Whatever it is, you can beat it and I’ll be here to help you. I promise.” 

He choked on a sob and nodded his head. “Thanks dad, I’m glad you’re here.” 

His dad brought a hand up to rub across his cheek, wiping away his tears. “I always will be, no matter if it’s just in your heart and mind.” 

Junhee grabbed at his dad’s hand and leaned into the touch. He felt safe here, safe in his dad’s presence. He needed to make sure he always had this, that his dad kept the care he needed. He knew what he had to do and seeing his father just strengthened his resolve. 

***

Sehyoon walked into the dirty club, his face showing his disgust. He hated this place more than he hated most things. It wasn’t necessarily that it was dirty in the physical sense, but more its morals and management. 

The club treated its employees horribly and Sehyoon had pulled out three dancers from this club since he started his own. He hadn’t stepped in the place in almost four years and he hated being back but it was the end of a line for him. 

Junhee had been gone for weeks. Donghun was a mess, Byeongkwan was going crazy trying to find him and keep up with the studio and Sehyoon was just about ready to close the club until they found him. 

He had gotten a tip that maybe he’d find what he was looking for here. He hoped with everything that the tip was wrong and that he’d walk out by himself, no regrets on his end. 

His face paled when he realized how wrong he was to hope, how right the person had been that told him that they knew where Junhee might be. 

His best friend was right in front of him. Dancing on the stage that Sehyoon had “rescued” him from over four years ago. The minute Junhee caught his eye both their worlds stopped and Sehyoon reached for him. 

Junhee looked lost and tripped over on his feet, Sehyoon raced up onto the stage and caught him. He pulled him close and ignored the protests from the people around him as he carried his best friend away from the prying eyes. 

He knew the owner would have words with him and there would probably be a fight but for now he did his best to exit the club. Before he could he was stopped like he knew he would be but he only had eyes for Junhee who was looking up at him. 

He heard Junhee whisper “Sehyoon” before all hell broke loose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love y'all!!!


	12. If not with you then for you, my love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You are my end and my beginning and I'll be here until my heart stops beating in my chest. When i see you again, i promise the answer on the tip of my tongue will be ready to be released. When the sun sets and the moon shines her light onto us ask me again. I’ll be here and I'll wash away all the dead parts of me and maybe, finally, I'll see myself in your vision. 
> 
> Junhee takes a leap of faith.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not completely edited yet, but in the next few days I'll make that happen so sorry for any mistakes. I like to change tenses without any notice so alsdjfalksjf just bear with me. 
> 
> It's another long one guys, but I hope y'all enjoy it. We're almost there, just next chapter and then the epilogue. I hope I can wrap it up well. 
> 
> Songs I listened to while reading:   
> love poem - IU (a.c.e cover) (the song Donghun writes)  
> Let’s hurt tonight - OneRepublic  
> Peer Pressure - James Bay  
> Empty Space - James Arthur (a.c.e cover)  
> Hero - Enrique Iglesias   
> Falling - Harry Styles (the song Junhee writes)
> 
> Found these more than halfway through and they ended up embodying so much of this chapter  
> If not for you, with you - Chris Klafford   
> Sober - Chris Klafford   
> What Happened to us - Chris Klafford  
> Treading Water - Chris Klafford

***

As Junhee danced he couldn’t feel his legs. He was on autopilot; his mind drifting from himself, trying to find a place where he felt safe, where the pounding of music and lights wasn’t drowning him. 

He spun around, showing off his body. He could hear the dwindling crowd but his ears felt like they were stuffed full of cotton. Every sound came to him muffled, like it was just floating out of his reach. He wanted to pluck it out of the air so he could focus on it, make sense of it. 

He knew where he was but that didn’t mean he was aware, not really. Not that he wanted to be anyways. He came here in a last ditch effort; he would call it survival if he was actually surviving. No, he was just scraping by, making enough money in the last couple of weeks to keep up with his father’s payments, for now. 

He swayed across the stage, grabbed the pole in the middle and spun himself around but didn’t pull up to show off. He didn’t trust his arms to hold him up. 

This stage was nothing compared to the one he was used to, sticky on his feet from customers spilling drinks as they stretched over to shove bills into shorts and try their hand at feeling up the dancers. It was also in the middle of the dance floor, the measly one that few ever danced on. 

It remembered him, not gracefully and he remembered it, not fondly. They were old friends, both hoping to never catch sight of each other again. This place, this club, his nightmare. 

Junhee never really even considered it a club, not like Kings. Not like Sehyoon’s lit up dance floor, nothing like his stage that was always clean and smooth. Comparatively this place earned its name as a strip club, whereas Sehyoon’s was degraded when called that. 

This place was rotten inside and out, no saving grace, no redeeming qualities. He was only there to get what he needed, but in the process he had suffered more than he could afford too. He was stuck and lost and so far down in the dark that where light used to seep into corners it was blocked out. 

He kept dancing even as his legs shook, as men did their best to grab at him. There was no one slapping hands away and escorting them out for disrespecting the dancers. No, here it was allowed, no matter if you paid for it or not. You took what you wanted and the consequences were a reward of skin and heat. 

The dancers here were all on something and Junhee had tried to avoid it, had insisted that he wouldn’t but he had been forced. There wasn’t a soul in this club being paid that wasn’t so high they couldn’t come down. Junhee found he didn’t even have the energy to hate himself, he just lived with it now. 

Almost three weeks he had been here, just under twenty days and he was gone. Light forever out of reach, he was gasping for air, for a spec of sunshine in the darkness surrounding him. 

When he felt himself wobble it wasn’t because of the drugs or shaking knees but because he had looked up into the face of hope. A head full of blonde hair, body strong enough to carry him out of the darkness, expression determined to protect him against the world. . 

Sehyoon raced to him, arms reaching without hesitation and Junhee let himself, gracefully and without regret, crumble into warmth. 

He whispers his name like a prayer, sending it out into the word. 

***

When Sehyoon caught Junhee and pulled him off the stage, his mind cleared. All he could focus on was getting him out. It didn’t matter what it took, who he had to fight, even if it was Junhee himself, he was leaving this place with his best friend safely in his arms. 

He made sure Junhee was secure in his arms, it would be easier if the other could walk but as of now he had him in a bridal carry. Ready to carry him over the threshold of hell back into the real world. 

He started to walk to the door, walking past men trying to reach for Junhee, their complaints falling on deaf ears. Sehyoon didn’t have time for men that thought his friend was something to own, to touch at their convenience. He moved past them, shoving if he needed to. He didn’t even meet their eyes, didn’t deem them worthy of an explanation. No one had tried to stop him yet, no one seemed to think they could take him on. 

They’d be right to leave him to do what he needed. 

He got halfway through the small club when he stopped in his tracks when he heard Junhee’s voice. 

“Sehyoon.” Junhee had whispered it so softly that he almost couldn’t hear over the sound of the music playing. He looked down at his friend and smiled. 

He pulled him tighter against his chest. “I’m getting you out of here, Hee don’t worry.”

Junhee didn’t say anything, just curled closer to Sehyoon and nodded his head. His breath was evening out, his legs weren’t trembling and he seemed almost calm. 

Sehyoon started for the exit again before someone stepped right in front of him. A big someone. 

He looked up to see the club’s bouncer blocking his view. He seemed to be an immovable force but Sehyoon wouldn’t be stopped. 

There were many things people didn’t know about Sehyoon. They didn’t know he had a younger sister that was an idol; he kept his identity as secret as he could. People didn’t know he was a singer, that he loved to turn down the lights low and sing to his husband. And if there was one thing that a lot wouldn’t guess was that he was a fighter, ever since he was little he had learned how to take care of himself. 

Sehyoon wasn’t scrappy, couldn’t just throw a punch. No, he was trained, skillful enough to take down a man this size. 

He looked up at the bouncer and grumbled. “Move. It would really be in your best interest. This doesn’t seem like a fair fight anyways.” 

The man didn’t move and Sehyoon could see others coming to assess the situation. Sehyoon thought about his advantage, how no one would expect him to be able to get out of this, to get Junhee away. They didn’t know him at all. 

The men surrounded him, all looking down on him and looking ready to knock him and Junhee to the ground. He smirked at them and though the men didn’t look impressed, they would be soon enough. 

 

***

Junhee was coming in and out of consciousness, and not even a minute later sehyoon stopped dead in his tracks and Junhee slowly opened his eyes. 

He saw men surrounding them, bouncers to the club, protecting their assets. That was all he was to them; something to sell. There was a part of him though, a part of him who couldn’t leave this place. The dark part of him that only lived for his father and a place that would supply what he needed for him to survive. 

Junhee knew though, from the soft touch of his friend and the way he held him close that he needed to get out. He would try not to fight it but he knew a struggle would occur. There was no way his boss was just letting him go, not after Junhee had given him back his best money maker. 

Junhee listened as Sehyoon talked, pushed the men’s buttons and watched as they never flinched, how they stood still, waiting. Junhee should have been scared, worried that Sehyoon was going to get hurt or worse. 

But he knew something they didn’t and when Sehyoon leaned down to whisper in his ear he knew they would get out of here, come hell or high water. 

Sehyoon’s breath was hot against the side of his cheek as he spoke. “Trust me, we’re walking out of here.”

Junhee closed his eyes. “Always. Now kick their ass.”

Sehyoon pulled away and looked at him, his grin was bright and Junhee’s heart pulled at the way he had missed this. He had been so fucking stupid to think he could just walk away. He needed his people in his life, his family. He was nothing without them. His brain was begging him to do what he needed, to have the money he needed. But his heart, oh his heart was beating out of its chest trying to pull him forward and out the door. 

Sehyoon placed him on his feet and Junhee wobbled but he found a chair quickly as the other man turned back to the men blocking their freedom. He watched his friend stand tall and then watched as he single handedly took down the men around him. 

***

Sehyoon’s hand hurt as he threw a bad punch but he knew the man’s face would be hurting a lot more so he pushed on. He was doing his best to block, but he’d gotten hit a few times. Thankfully no one had landed a kick; Byeongkwan would have a fit over the bruises on his face. 

He punched the man in front of him in the stomach as he felt arms wrap around his neck. He had knocked out one of the bouncers, another was braced on the bar holding his stomach where Sehyoon had kicked him so hard he hit his head on a table. Sehyoon hoped he had a concussion. 

The man in front of him fell to the ground but the one behind him had him in his grip. Sehyoon tried his best to wrangle free but the other man was so much bigger. He did his best to kick back, step on his foot, knee him in the crotch but he wasn’t getting anywhere. 

No one was coming to help him, the other men in the bar had either fled or were surrounding them, watching. He had to wonder where the owner was. 

The club lights were still dim and it was hard for him to see. Dancers were on stage, coming out of their private rooms and the bartenders were looking on. No one looked shocked to see this happening, possibly a normal occurrence. But they were probably used to the slaps of justified women and angry boyfriends, not what equated to a bar brawl. 

He was fighting against a loss of air - the man’s arms on his throat strong - telling himself he couldn’t pass out when suddenly the weight over his throat was gone and the man was groaning on the floor. He looked behind him and the biggest bouncer was all but crying, folded into a fetal position.

Junhee was standing over him shakily. His fists were clenched, his body protective as he fumed. Sweat dripped down his temples, his face red and eyes shining. 

Sehyoon looked Junhee in the eye and smiled. The younger smiled back briefly, winked at him before he promptly fainted. 

Sehyoon caught him in his arms and brought them down to the floor right as a small, sagging man came from a hidden hallway in the back of the club. He limped as he walked, his hair receding, his clothes rumpled. 

Sehyoon held Junhee close as the man spoke, walking towards them with vigorous steps. “What the fucking hell do you think you’re doing stealing from me? That is my property. He belongs to me.” 

Sehyoon couldn’t speak, the way the man spoke about Junhee had him pushing back his rage. He never wanted to hear anyone talk that way about another human being. He did his best to breathe, but he knew what he’d have to do if it came down to it. 

Another fight was coming, he’d have to stand a little bit longer. He pulled his friend even more into him, hiding him in the safety of his arms. 

***

Junhee woke up to the soft caress of a hand running along his cheek. He blinked his eyes open, vision slightly blurry but otherwise okay. He was sore, his body not reacting well to all the excitement it had been put through. 

The hand was still on his face and he had half a mind to pull away when the blurriness of his vision gave way to a halo of blonde. He was looking up into Sehyoon’s eyes as his best friend brought him back, waking him softly. 

He turned his head into Sehyoon’s chest and inhaled, his scent comforting him in a way nothing else had in weeks. He didn’t move from his embrace, but curled up tighter into his arms. Sehyoon pulled him tighter and brought his forehead down to meet Junhee’s. 

“I’m here, I’ve got you. I’ll get you out of here.” Sehyoon whispered. He could hear his friend’s throat catch as he said it, the worry settling into his skin. 

It wasn’t long before Junhee felt another hand on him though, the cold touch of someone unwelcome grabbing at his arm. He felt Sehyoon jerk. “Don’t fucking touch him.” 

Junhee pulled his face out of Sehyoon’s chest to see his boss hovering, his hand reached out towards him. He flinched at the sight. The man stared down at them angrily, his face red and teeth clenched. Junhee had only ever seen him this angry once in his life. 

It was funny how his life repeated its worst moments, how they seemed to happen to him over and over again.

He had seen the same face the first time Sehyoon had pulled him out of this club. His boss had kicked and screamed, Sehyoon had fought then too. But this time he looked angrier, like he was ready to fight harder. Junhee wasn’t sure he had it in him to stand through this. He wanted to collapse completely, close his eyes and sleep. 

He wanted Donghun. 

He waited the two out, Sehyoon stared down his boss and the other man flinched. They all knew what he could do and his boss was afraid. But Junhee knew he wouldn’t back down, he had too much muscle standing behind him to do that. 

Finally, he spoke up. “Sehyoon, I’m ready to go, can you help me up?” Sehyoon looked down at him and nodded his head. Junhee did his best to help Sehyoon but his best friend had to do most of the work. 

They started to walk before his boss stopped them once again. “You can’t leave. You signed a contract and I will not let you leave. You are mine, you belong to me and -”

Sehyoon secured Junhee to his side and rounded on his boss, getting right in his face. “You are a worm, you know that? And you will not, under any circumstances talk to him like that again. Show me the contract, please, so I can rip it to shreds. Or better yet just give me a couple minutes and the cops will be knocking down your door. You want that, hrm? Your precious club being raided? Because we all know how that would go down.”

His boss fumed but there was a look on his face that Junhee knew all too well. He shoved a hand into Sehyoon’s chest, pushing the man back a few inches. “You call the cops big man, see what happens to your little friend here when he’s charged with possession. You’re on my property so I can charge for assault and damage.” 

His boss leaned around Sehyoon to look at him. “Now come on Junhee, let’s settle this, tell your friend to go home. I’ll make sure you’re taken care of.” He reached out to touch him and Junhee felt like he was going to puke. Those hands had swept across his body too many times and he felt like it was crawling with him just standing as close as he was. 

Thankfully, Sehyoon made sure he couldn’t have any contact. They were at a standstill, his boss not giving in and his best friend not willing to risk Junhee getting arrested or hurt even more.

No one was leaving this club, least of all Sehyoon, at least, not without Junhee right beside him. 

***

They were all sitting in the club boss’s office, Sehyoon refused to even give him a proper title or call him by his name. He deserved no dignity. He held Junhee’s contract in his hand, and had been reading it over for the last 20 minutes. 

Junhee sat close to him, not leaving his side. His best friend looked weak and Sehyoon knew he needed to get him to a hospital. Knew that it had probably been a few hours since his last hit and knowing the club if he didn’t have one soon withdrawal might set in. He needed to figure this out. 

As he finished the last line of the contract he caught something, there was a section on payment. Sehyoon, smirked, wondering what type of paper trail this man left. Hopefully he was right and there wasn’t one. 

He took out his cell phone and dialed a number he’d memorized within the last year. It was late, later than normal for calling up an attorney but he knew this one would answer the call. 

When the man picked up he looked up at Junhee and winked and then smirked at his boss as he spoke into the phone. “Hey, sorry for such a late call but I have a situation that I think needs your assistance.” 

Both Junhee and his boss listened intently but neither could hear the other part of the conversation. Junhee had no idea who was on the other end of the line. Sehyoon kept speaking, answering questions that didn’t reveal any answers. 

“Yes, it’s about a contract. I need help with some terms. Your expertise would be wonderful.” He paused for a second. “No, don’t not yet.”

Sehyoon paused again and Junhee was hanging onto his words, wondering what was happening. “It’s time sensitive so come as soon as possible. Yeah, it’s the place I told him, he should know where to go.” Sehyoon brought a hand out to Junhee, could feel the other shaking and grabbed a hold of him. Junhee leaned more into him. 

Sehyoon frowned and then spoke one more time. “Tell him to wait for my call to come, he needs to be here but I want to get this handled before -” Sehyoon let out a breath. “I know, but just tell him I need him to do this for me. It’s important that he waits. I’ll call him. Thanks.” 

Sehyoon hung up the phone and Junhee waited for an answer. Sehyoon knew he was on edge but he couldn’t worry too much about that right now, he needed to get him out of the club first. 

***

The office was silent except for Junhee’s hard breathing for a good 30 minutes before a man walked in. No one would budge, for fear that the cops would be involved. 

When the man walked in Junhee looked up to see who it would be. He sucked in a breath when he recognized him. In an expensive suit that was wrinkled, his hair styled haphazardly, and a flush on his cheeks Junhee could tell the man had been pulled out of bed to come here. 

The man spotted him and smiled. Junhee smiled back at him and corrected himself in his mind. Donghun’s lawyer had smiled at him. 

He felt his body start to sweat and his hands shook more. He looked up quickly when he felt a hand squeeze his own. Sehyoon was looking at him softly, his eyes begging Junhee to just listen. 

So, he did. He stayed in his seat and allowed Donghun’s Lawyer, Hyun Ki, to walk over to them. He stepped towards Junhee and when he got to him he bowed politely to the both of them. He looked up at his boss, but he didn’t bow, only stared. 

He then tore his gaze away and put out a hand to Sehyoon. He passed over the contract and Hyun Ki took it gracefully, pulling a pair of reading glasses out of his suit pocket and perching them on his nose. “Well, let’s see what we have here.” 

***

Junhee’s head hurt, the men weren’t yelling but they might as well have been. Hyun Ki was yet to find a real flaw in the contract. Junhee hadn’t been under the influence when he signed it, there was a clause that somehow made him immune to any drug charges. Junhee had basically signed a contract saying he would willingly take whatever the boss gave him. 

He was rubbing his temples wondering why Sehyoon had seemed so confident that there was a possible loophole. He had sounded like he knew something everyone else didn’t on the phone but here they were without anything that could get him out of there. 

When he chanced a look up to Sehyoon he didn’t seem worried. He was actually smiling, when he caught Junhee looking he winked at him and then went back to arguing with his boss. 

“You have all of your employees drugged and scared and you expect a contract like this to hold up in court? You’re a fucking dispicable man and I can’t trust that any of these men signed this willingly. They were coerced, whether it was with a substance or out of necessity to live.” Hyun Ki sounded as if he was trying to pull something out of his boss. Trying to catch him, leading him into a trap. 

“You might think this is rock solid but I assure you that you have made a mistake somewhere here, you won’t be getting away with treating these men as your property.” Hyun Ki sounded angry, not just for Junhee. 

As they went back and forth Junhee did his best not to pass out again. He was hot even though he was wearing minimal clothing, Sehyoon had tried to dress him but Junhee was overheating and it was too much. 

He needed a cold shower and to lie down in a soft bed. He needed a hit and it was starting to grate on him, the shaking was getting worse and he knew what was coming. 

He reached for Sehyoon and dragged a sweaty hand across his best friend’s bicep. “Sehyoon, please I -” 

His breath was coming out short and his heart felt heavy. Sehyoon raced over to him and got on his knees in front of him. He ran a hand through his sweaty hair and pushed it back. He pushed his forehead against Junhee and swallowed. “It’s going to be okay, we’re getting you out of here. I promise.” 

Junhee felt a kiss along his forehead before Sehyoon’s cool hands and skin were ripped away from him. He walked back over to the other two men. Smirk settled across his face, he took out his phone and dialed, everyone waited with baited breath. 

“I know you’re waiting in a car outside. Come in, he needs you. We’re almost done here.” Sehyoon pocketed his phone and then leaned his hands against his bosses desk. 

“Now, for the real play. No more bluffing and bullshitting around.” Sehyoon looked back at Junhee and smiled. 

All heads turned at that moment except Sehyoon’s to a commotion in the hall. A few seconds later the office door slammed open. Junhee’s breath caught and his heart almost stopped at the sight before him. 

***

Donghun slammed into the room and went straight for his boss. The man didn’t have enough time to react before his ex-boyfriend, still boyfriend, man of his dreams and looking like a goddamn miracle grabbed him by the throat and slammed him against the wall of his office. 

“Tell me why I shouldn’t just lay you out right here and now. Don’t think I won’t do it, because trust me, there are many things that you wouldn't guess about me.” Donghun all but growled. Junhee got a good look at him, jeans tight and t-shirt hanging loose across his body. He looked like he had lost weight. His hair was a mess and his eyes red-rimmed, black circles sunken deep into his skin. 

Junhee thought he looked fucking beautiful. 

His boss looked terrified and he couldn’t help but think about how proud he was to have called Donghun his. 

Donghun stared his boss down and Sehyoon stood off to the side with his arms crossed. Hyun Ki was holding the contract, a smirk settled on his handsome face. He walked up to where Donghun had his boss writhing against the wall. 

He shoved the contract into his face and then Sehyoon finally spoke, walking towards the three men. “There’s one thing wrong with your contract, something you thought we would overlook. And really it’s going to be your downfall because how much revenue has our Junhee here brought in? Will your club be able to stand the loss?” 

Sehyoon smirked and took the contract from Hyun Ki and started to read. “The employer will pay the employee weekly in the form of cash. If the employee wishes to have this transferred into his account he can include an account number and payments will be made transferable. If the employer fails to make the payments on time the employee will have grounds to terminate the contract. Furthermore, if not logged to show proof of payment the employee will be able to file a complaint and receive compensation.” Sehyoon looked his boss straight in the eye after he said it. 

Junhee brought a hand up to his mouth and Sehyoon looked back at him. “Junhee I want you to think very carefully about what you say next, okay.” Junhee shook his head and knew he would say whatever was needed. “Where you compensated for your work and was the payment logged on either paper or electronically?”

Junhee tried to hold back a smirk, he had been paid but he knew for sure that his boss was keeping it under the radar. He had been too cocky lately, too drawn in by his old dancer to take care of the few week’s worth of payments Junhee had received. He knew for sure that if someone was to dig there would be no trail of the payments. To the outside world Junhee didn’t work here, only that slip of paper showed any proof. 

He looked straight at his boss and shook his head. “No, he hasn’t. He’s only forced drugs on me and made me do things that if I was sober I would detest.” He saw Donghun flinch. He wanted to be held by him. 

Sehyoon nodded his head and let out a huff of laughter and patted his boss’s cheek. “And that’s the end of that.” He looked at the contract and promptly ripped it to shreds. His boss jerked but Donghun didn’t let up. 

Sehyoon pulled a lighter out of this pocket as he threw the pieces of the contract into a trash can. He kneeled down and flicked the lighter on and burned the pieces to ash. 

Junhee felt like all the air in his lungs had been released. Sehyoon stood up, the trash can fire raging behind him. He looked like a king, Donghun looked triumphant. 

Sehyoon tapped Donghun on his shoulder and he finally released his boss. But before he could move Sehyoon jerked his collar, pulling him face to face to him. “Now, he will leave and if you even think about looking for him I will destroy you.” 

Sehyoon nodded to Donghun. “He needs a hospital, I can finish up here. Go Donghun, take care of him. I’ll meet you there.” 

Donghun nodded and made his way over to Junhee. He felt like it was in slow motion, he was still slumped in the chair and Donghun raced over to him kneeling down in a similar way that Sehyoon did. 

He had thought when they found him that he’d resist this, wouldn’t let them help him. He had been adamant, but he was weak. The minute they were back within his reach he had yearned for them. 

They looked at each other and Junhee felt tears well up in his eyes. He felt like he was going to pass out, felt like his whole body was on fire and ice cold at the same time. Donghun reached up a hand to him and ran it across his cheek. 

His hand found its way into his hair and then he pulled their foreheads together. Junhee breathed out, “You found me.” He heard Donghun choke out an answer before he let himself succumb to the tiredness and the darkness took over. 

***

Sehyoon looked at the scum of a man in front of him. Hyun Ki was right by his side, the both of them ready to fight anybody as Donghun lead Junhee out of the club. 

Sehyoon grabbed his cell phone and clicked on his husband’s contact. He waited until the other line clicked and he heard Byeongkwan’s hoarse hello. “I found him baby, Donghun is bringing him to the hospital now. Go, I’ll meet you there soon.” 

Byeongkwan let out a breath. “Are you okay? Why aren’t you going with them?” 

Sehyoon looked up at Junhee’s ex-boss and smirked. “Just got a little bit more business to finish. I love you.” He hung up the phone and stalked the small man. 

He looked scared and his voice was shaky when he spoke. “Just leave, you got what you wanted.” 

Sehyoon tapped his phone against the edge of his leg. “Oh, you have no idea how wrong you are.” 

When the cops showed up Sehyoon was long gone and it was just Donghun’s lawyer awaiting the flashing lights. He was the only one that got the pleasure of seeing the club lights turned off and the small, despicable man getting handcuffed and escorted away. 

The sunrise was a beautiful backdrop. 

***

Donghun watched the sun rise through the window of the waiting room he was sitting in. Byeongkwan was sitting next to him, leg bouncing as they waited for the doctor to come back and speak to them. Sehyoon still wasn’t there but Donghun had received a message from him saying it wouldn’t be long. 

Junhee had started to shake badly as they made their way to the hospital. He had insisted that Donghun just take him home but for once he didn’t listen. He wouldn’t risk it, even if it meant Junhee hated him for it. 

He hoped his boyfriend understood why, in the long run, this was for the best. 

Junhee was being treated now, he was hoping they could go in and see him soon. The doctor said they got here in good time - that the withdrawal could be handled here. 

They were doing their best to flush the drugs out of his system, he had taken a lot but hadn’t been on them long enough this time for them to cause any serious damage. The serious symptoms would probably only last a few days this time around. 

Finally, Sehyoon walked in. Donghun wasn’t surprised to see Yuchan by his side. They hadn’t wanted to get him involved at the club but he needed to be here with Junhee. 

Yuchan ran up to him when he saw them in the waiting area. He pulled Donghun into a hug immediately and rocked him from side to side. “How’s he doing?”

Donghun squeezed him tight. “Not really sure, the doctor hasn’t said much. Just that they’re flushing out the drugs from his system and that he’ll probably only be going through a mild withdrawal period.” 

Yuchan nodded his head. “That sounds good, sounds better than what he had to go through last time.” 

Donghun nodded but looked down at the floor. He found his gaze roaming over to Byeongkwan and Sehyoon. They were hugging, whispering into each other’s ear. He felt his heart clench, he wanted to hold Junhee so badly. 

The husbands pulled away and Donghun saw Junhee’s doctor walking towards them. He walked up to meet him, staying in front of the others. 

The doctor held a clipboard in his hands and was smiling at them all softly. “Hello, I assume you are Mr. Park’s family.”

Donghun bowed to the doctor and nodded. “I’m his boyfriend and these are his friends. We’re his family, yes.” 

The doctor smiled and nodded. He didn’t seem to care about the relationship between him and Junhee and looked pleased that he had good friends to call family. “Mr. Park is doing well. We were able to get the drugs out of his system, but we need to know a little more about his history of drug use. He’s going to go through some withdrawal within the next couple days and we don’t really have a record of him.” 

The doctor was talking straight to Donghun and he nodded. “Yes, I can help you with that.” The doctor said his thanks and led them all back to his office. 

***

Donghun talked at length about Junhee’s addiction, letting Sehyoon and the others pitch in. They all had their insights to his boyfriend and he wanted to make sure the doctor had everything he needed to help him. 

He was worried though, that this would place Junhee in trouble. When he voiced his fears the doctor assured him they would play no part in getting Mr. Park in any trouble. They just wanted to make sure he was healthy. 

When the doctor was given a full history of Junhee, as much as they all could give, Donghun was led back to his room. The doctor said it would be best if there weren’t too many people in his room for now but they could come back in a few hours to check in. 

Sehyoon, Byeongkwan and Yuchan left to go home and shower. They would stop by Donghun’s place too and grab him some necessities. He was going to stay at the hospital until Junhee was clear. 

When he was led into Junhee’s room, the lights were dimmed and it was silent save for the machines working in the room. The curtain was pulled closed to make sure that the sun wasn’t shining too brightly. Junhee was asleep in the hospital bed, turned towards the door. 

He had his hands curled up to his chest and his knees were pulled up close. He looked so small and Donghun walked over to him quickly. He first pulled the blankets up higher over him and then made sure that the pillows were supporting him. 

He then pulled up a chair and settled in. The doctor said it could be a while before Junhee woke up, he had been exhausted. Running on days with no sleep, adrenaline being pumped into his body in the form of cocaine. 

Donghun looked at his boyfriend, he still considered him that no matter what had been said. Maybe they weren’t together at the moment but Donghun still considered himself Junhee’s. 

He reached for Junhee’s hand and touched his skin. Junhee was warm as Donghun rubbed his thumb across his knuckles. He watched him sleep, watched him breathe with life and didn’t move for fear that he would be taken away again. 

***

It was hours before Junhee woke up and when he did he was greeted by the sight of Donghun asleep in a chair pulled right up to his hospital bed. He smiled softly at the way the other had his head leaning on the back of the chair. How his legs were pulled up in the seat and he was softly snoring. 

He felt warmth on his hand and looked down to see that Donghun had somehow gotten their fingers intertwined without him waking up. He didn’t shake with withdrawal where Donghun touched him. 

He stayed there, laying down and staring until Donghun stirred on his own. When the other peeled open his eyes he smiled brightly at Junhee. The younger’s heart stopped at the look, feeling like he didn’t deserve it one bit but wanted to take it and hide it away. 

Junhee rubbed his face into the side of his pillow, feeling almost embarrassed at the way Donghun was looking at him. Staring at him like he was the only thing in the world, like he was scared to death of losing him. 

Finally, he looked back up and found his voice. “Hi.” 

Donghun sat up straight and scooted forward, his elbows on the bed, his hand still wrapped in Junhee’s. His other came up to brush away the hair falling into Junhee’s eyes. “Hi, baby.” 

It hurt to hear him say that, knowing they weren’t officially still together, that they couldn’t be what they used to be. He wanted to speak but he found his voice lost, so he waited for Donghun. 

The older swallowed and found the words Junhee couldn’t. “I was so scared, the whole time you were gone I was so scared we’d find out that you were dead. That you had died from an overdose or at the hands of someone else. When Hyun Ki called and told me Sehyoon had found you, I didn’t care where you were I just knew I would do anything to get to you.” 

He looked up at Junhee. “You can’t do that again Junhee, no matter what our relationship is or how we feel, you can’t leave like that. Please, promise me you won’t ever do that again.”

Junhee could feel tears welling up in his eyes, knowing how much he had scared Donghun. He nodded his head and pressed his face back into the pillows. “I’m so sorry, I just couldn’t handle it anymore. I had messed up so badly and lost you and I felt like everything was just torn from my hands and I couldn’t stop myself and I needed money for my dad and -”

Donghun shushed him and before Junhee knew it the older man was climbing into the small hospital bed, pulling him against his chest and rocking him back and forth. Junhee felt safe, finally after so long, and he cried. He let himself go, like he had so many times in the arms of the man he loved. 

***

Him and Donghun never discussed their relationship over the next couple of days, Junhee knew where they stood. Donghun would hold him and kiss his forehead and hold his hand but that was it. He never kissed him on the lips and never showed any signs that he was willing to take him back. Junhee knew this though, knew he had lost him as a boyfriend, but he didn’t know how badly it was going to destroy him inside. 

He pushed through it though, Donghun was still there for him like he always said he would be. It would have to be enough for now, it might have to be enough for forever now. 

The days were long for him, struggling to push through his withdrawal. It was easier this time though; doctors were there to help him and all his friends were in and out daily. They would bring him doctor approved food and sit and talk to him as he shook out of his skin. They were pros at this, knowing exactly what to say and do. 

He hated that he had done this to them, that they were so aware of what an addicted person needed. They shouldn’t have to know these things, much less witness them. 

Yuchan would sit with him and make him laugh, his energy radiating sunshine in the hospital room. He lived for Yuchan’s smile and awaited when he would get off work to come see him. 

Sehyoon would turn on the tv and they would watch something together, it didn’t really matter what. Only that he was wrapped up in his best friend’s arms, safe from the outside world. 

Byeongkwan would make sure he was clean shaven and that his hair wasn’t greasy. He would help him wash up and take him outside when the sun was at its warmest and brightest. 

And Donghun, Donghun would read to him and sing to him and make sure that he didn’t fall to pieces. He would touch him so softly it was barely there. On his side, rubbing his thumb across his knuckles, spreading out the crease between his eyebrows, running a finger along his cheek. Every touch minor and world shaking. 

When it came time for him to go home and his withdrawal symptoms were at a manageable stage he got scared. He didn’t know where he would go, he just knew his friends would take care of him. 

But in the end it was a fight to get him home. Not with the doctors but with Donghun and Sehyoon. Neither just wanted to take him home and let him ride this out again, like last time. They talked about a center he could go to, somewhere that could help him professionally. 

Byeongkwan held him as the two oldest spoke with his doctor. Argued with him over what needed to happen. 

“He needs professional help. He needs somewhere that can help him through this, we can’t be the ones anymore. Not because we don’t want to but because he needs more than we can give him. I don’t know what to do and it scares me. I can’t -” Donghun stopped and swallowed, Sehyoon wrapped a hand around his shoulders. 

The doctor nodded and placed a comforting hand on his arm. “I understand Mr. Lee, but your partner here is of legal age and you, as much as I know you all love him, are not his family.” 

Donghun looked like he was about to cry. “And what does that have to do with anything?” 

The doctor looked at everyone in the room. All five boys rapt with attention. He spoke and where Junhee let out a relieved breath the others shook with worry. “I can’t, and you can’t force Mr. Park into a rehabilitation center. It is completely voluntary. The only way would be if you were family and even then it would only be if we were worried he was mentally unstable. I can assure you Mr. Park is stable in that regard. I’m sorry, I really am, but you can’t be the ones to make this decision, he has to. It has to be his choice. And if I’m being completely honest, forcing him would not do any good. Many patients who are forced do not receive treatment well, they reject it.”

Donghun slumped into Sehyoon and Byeongkwan stiffened where he was sitting next to Junhee. Yuchan stood up from the windowsill and walked towards the bed to put a hand on Byeongkwan’s shoulder. Sehyoon opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. 

The doctor watched them all and then looked to Junhee. He walked over to him and stood in front of him. “Mr. Park, it is all up to you where we go from here. You just need to let us know.” 

Junhee looked at all of his friends and then let his gaze settle on Donghun. He knew he would disappoint them but he was just so scared. He couldn’t do what they needed him to. “Please, I just want to go home.” 

The doctor patted him on the leg and then turned to exit. “I’ll go get the discharge paperwork.” He said as he left and closed the hospital room door. Sehyoon whirled on him the minute the door closed. 

“Junhee, what the fuck, you can’t just go home. You need to get help, you need -” Sehyoon was stopped by Donghun’s hand on his shoulder. 

Donghun looked at Junhee, his eyes sad, the dark circles showing how exhausted he was. “He wants to go home, so let’s take him home.” 

Junhee wanted him so badly. His brain told him to stay seated, to not reach out to him, but his heart had made the decision for him. 

He got up from the bed and walked to Donghun. No, they weren’t together but he knew the other man wouldn’t reject him when he needed comfort. He slowly wrapped his arms around Donghun’s neck and held him tight. 

Donghun’s arms came to wrap around him, one at his waist and the other holding the back of his head. He whispered in Junhee’s ear. “It’s going to be okay, you don’t have to be scared.” 

And Junhee wasn’t. Not really, he knew this decision would have its consequences but maybe in the end he’d find the strength to make the leap he needed. But for now he relaxed into Donghun’s embrace and listened as the older man’s heart beat out a rhythm only he could hear. 

***

 

Junhee sat in Sehyoon and Byeongkwan’s guest bedroom, thinking back on the last couple of hours. They had discussed where Junhee would stay, no one including himself wanted him to be alone.

He could admit that while he wasn’t willing to get professional help he was an idiot if he didn’t let his friends take care of him for now. He was falling apart, had been for years, and his mind had finally given up. 

They had discussed him staying at Donghun’s but both men vehemently agreed that was a bad idea. They both knew that either they’d fall back into each other or that a fight would break out again. Junhee wanted to be with him but he knew they needed time before they even tried to start back up. He wasn’t even sure if Donghun still felt that way about him. He wasn’t going to ask, didn’t need anymore heartbreak. 

Yuchan had offered up his apartment but Junhee knew it was small and Kwangsuk frequented the place. The two men didn’t get along very well. 

Sehyoon and Byeongkwan just stared at him until he caved. He knew that in the end it would be them that he stayed with. He’d done it before, when he first started working at the club. He loved them, he just hated feeling like a burden on him. 

He knew they didn’t think of him as one, but it didn’t stop him from worrying. He was worried about a lot of things. How he was going to work, where he was going to get money to pay for his dad, if he was still going to be alive in the next few weeks.

He fell back on the bed and sighed. He would need to allow them to support him, he wouldn’t put his dad at risk because he couldn’t help him. He would have to accept their charity and push his own pride aside. 

He chewed on the inside of his lip as he made a decision. One that he never thought he would make. He pushed up from the bed and made his way to the living room playing over the morning at the hospital in his head again. They had offered so much and he had told them no, it was time to admit that he was wrong. 

***

When he stepped into the hallway he heard their hushed voices in the living room. He listened carefully, expecting them to be talking about him but to his surprise they weren’t. All he heard was Byeongkwan and Yuchan laughing at a story Donghun and Sehyoon were telling about their freshman year of college. 

None of them were whispering about him, they weren’t saying how bad it had gotten, how messed up he was. He sometimes hated how his mind always went to the worst, how it always assumed these people weren’t on his side. They always had been, never shown him any different. 

He walked into the living room and leaned up against the doorway. He watched them all as they threw their heads back and laughed. Donghun was standing up trying to reenact some hilarious moment and Sehyoon was struggling to stand next to him. Yuchan and Byeongkwan were holding onto each other trying to breathe in their laughter. 

Junhee didn’t make a sound, he just watched his family. He let them smile and laugh with each other, he didn’t want to ruin the moment by coming in and reminding them of what had happened last week. 

He found himself mesmerized by Donghun’s smile, the way his whole face lit up. He had missed it the past month, and had dreamed about seeing it again. He found himself smiling along with him and trying not to laugh at the ridiculous story they were telling. 

Donghun and Sehyoon were hanging off of each other, hands comfortable and familiar. His hands remembered the way they used to touch and he itched to do the same. He wanted to stop himself but just like at the hospital he couldn’t. 

It was like, finally his brain was turning itself off. Ever since they found him and he allowed himself to break in front of Sehyoon it was like his heart had taken over. He let himself follow it, let it take over and didn’t worry about the consequences. 

He stepped away from the entrance to the living room and made his way over to Donghun. He spotted him right away and somehow, impossibly his smile got wider. 

Sehyoon looked up to see him and his eyes crinkled. Junhee felt light for a moment, their faces full of love. Yuchan and Byeongkwan on the couch looking at him with love. 

He walked right up to the pair and he hoped they could see the love in his eyes, the thank you’s that he should be telling them. 

He opened his mouth to tell them but he wasn’t given the time before Donghun grabbed his neck and pulled him into his body. He hugged him tight, his hands securing him, one running a hand through his hair. 

Junhee clenched the back of Donghun’s shirt and he did his best not to cry. He had cried so many tears, he just wanted to have a happy moment for once. He did not move from the embrace, just stood their soaking in the love of his life. 

Eventually he felt more pairs of hands along his body. One on his shoulder and a forehead pushing into his back. Another on his waist pulling him slightly back into another body. More settling into his hair and on his side. 

They all surrounded him, his family keeping him upright and safe. He was here and he would stay here whatever it took. 

For once, Junhee finally felt like he was nearing a resolution. Soon, he told himself, it wouldn’t be much longer until he was ready to let himself be okay. 

***

That night they put on some music and swayed together. He got a turn with each of his friends, each of them handling him a little differently. 

Yuchan bounced around with him, their heads banging out to the beat. Their smiles were wide and bright, the music causing his heartbeat to ratchet up and find its place within the swell of melodies. 

Byeongkwan and him waltzed across the living room as the others looked on in awe. There was no doubt about their skill. His best friend led him and spun him around, causing the colors in the room to blur and his body to remember the reason why he started to dance in the first place. It reminded him of his parents in his kitchen, of him and Donghun dancing along to melancholic music as they fell in love. 

Sehyoon didn’t hold back, they danced against each other as bass filled the house. There was no embarrassment between them. They got as close as possible and the others laughed. They were shameless and Junhee loved how he could feel his body relax in Sehyoon’s grip. No worries, no haunting thoughts, just his best friend’s hands on his hips and moving to the beat. 

Donghun grabbed him last as the others danced together. He spun him into his chest and Junhee looked straight into his eyes. Donghun grabbed one of his hands and brought it to hold in between their chests. His other hand was on his waist and Junhee thought he was going to die from the heat it was circulating through his body. 

They didn’t say anything, barely moved but he was familiar with this type of dance with this man. They did it often and it always managed to catch Junhee off guard. He loved it, the closeness, the vulnerability, even now when he didn’t know where they stood. It never failed to be his favorite thing, it didn’t matter in the end who they were to each other as long as he always had this he’d be okay. 

He smiled at Donghun and leaned his head against his shoulder. The older man laid his head against Junhee and started to hum to the song. Eventually he started to sing and his voice carried through the house. Junhee thought it was the most calming sound he had ever heard. 

***

They stayed up late, all tired but not willing to close their eyes to each other. At one point before midnight Donghun got up from the couch and grabbed his keys. Junhee didn’t want him to leave, was hoping he would at least stay the night. 

Before he could leave without a word, Junhee grabbed his hand. “Are you leaving? I thought -” 

Donghun shook his head and carressed his hand. He bent down close to him and whispered. “I’ll be back soon I promise, I just wanted to get some things from my house.” He looked up to Sehyoon and Byeongkwan who were cuddling on the couch engrossed in the movie they had started. Yuchan was in the kitchen looking for something to eat, they never actually ate dinner. 

“I was planning on staying here tonight and wanted to grab some clean clothes.” Sehyoon just nodded his head at Donghun’s statement. It wasn’t even a question if he could stay, they were always welcome. 

Junhee looked up at Donghun with puppy dog eyes and he struggled to leave. Eventually, he brought Junhee’s hand up to his mouth and kissed his palm. “I won’t be long, okay?” 

Junhee nodded at him and let him go. He looked back as he got to the front door, he seemed to not want to look away from Junhee, for fear he would go up in smoke. Junhee smiled at him to assure him he would be here when he got back. 

When the door closed he felt all eyes on him. He turned to see his friends all staring at him. Byeongkwan was the first one to speak up. “So, are you two back together? I mean not that you ever really broke up, but you seem to be like -” Byeongkwan didn’t finish, but he made some hand gesture that made Junhee laugh. 

“No, we’re not. I’m not even sure if he still wants to be with me. But it’s hard not being like that with him, it’s who we are, it’s really all I’ve ever known.” Junhee said it wistfully. He knew that he and Donghun would need to work on their relationship and knew it wouldn’t happen over night. 

Donghun had been right they needed a break, even though Junhee hated it and wanted no part in it he knew it would help in the long run. 

“As much as I want to be with him, I know where he lies on this. He needed to step back and I will honor that no matter how much it hurts. I would get back together with him now if we could but I know that’s not going to happen. I have to respect what he believes and right now he believes what’s best is for us to not be together.” Junhee let out a shaky breath when he finished. 

He felt the couch beside him dip and then felt arms wrap around him. Yuchan hugged him to his side and put his cheek to his temple. “We’re all here for you and I think you’re doing amazing. Donghun loves you never forget that. We love you too, always will.” 

Junhee leaned into the warm embrace of the youngest and settled in. He grabbed the arm around him and squeezed. Yuchan sunk more into the couch and he let himself relax. The movie playing in the background was a good distraction. 

***

He woke up to something wet across his face, almost like sandpaper scraping gently across his cheek. His mind realized what it was before his eyes fully opened. When he opens them he sees the furry face of his cat, Luna, and Donghun smiling widely as he watches from a few feet away. 

He smiles wide at how Luna is purring and trying to snuggle up as close to him as possible. He grabbed her around her belly and pulled her to his chest. He looked up at Donghun and gave him a secret smile. 

The other man just walked over to him and then bent down over the armrest of the couch. He petted Luna where she curled up on Junhee’s chest and whispered to not wake the others. “I thought that she could stay here for a while, she liked my place but I think there was something missing.”

Junhee sucked in a breath and looked back down at Luna. “And who would that be?”

Donghun stopped his petting and waited for Junhee to look back up at him. “You.”

Junhee thought tears would spill out but he held them in. Donghun brought the hand that was petting Luna up to cup his cheek. Junhee leaned into the touch and sighed. “You’re going to get better Junhee, I have never doubted that. I know this is hard, but I think it’s what’s best for now. I’ll always be here I promise but I need for you to get better before -” He paused and Junhee waited patiently, he would always wait for him. Donghun had waited for him. 

“Before we think about where our relationship stands I need you to move forward. I’m sorry if that’s not what you want to hear but it’s what I believe is right.” Donghun rubbed his thumb his thumb along Junhee’s cheek where his hand rested. 

Junhee nodded at him, he didn’t speak for fear that he would have to choke out the words. He smiled at Donghun to show him that it was okay, even if it hurt, it was okay. Donghun moved his hand to the back of his neck and brought his head forward to kiss him on the temple. 

When he pulled back Junhee swore he could see tears in his eyes. He hoped one day he wasn’t the person making Donghun cry. 

“Go get some sleep, I’m going to take the other guest bedroom. I’m not going anywhere.” Donghun said into the quiet room. Junhee always wondered how he said the right thing no matter what. 

He got up from the couch with Luna and started to make his way to the room. Before he turned the corner he looked back to the living room. He saw Donghun folding up blankets and walking over to wake everyone else so they could go to bed. 

He leaned against the doorframe to the living room and sighed. He still wanted him in every way, still wanted him for the rest of his life. He knew in the end that would probably be the reason that he fixed himself. He just needed to get there.

 

***

Donghun woke up in the middle of the night, he didn’t know why but he had a bad feeling. He got up from the bed, doing his best not to wake up a sleeping Yuchan next to him. He exited the room and stopped to listen for any noises, it was quiet except for the normal sounds of the house.

He walked across the hall, the soft night lights illuminating the hallway and casting shadows. He stopped at the door of the other guest bedroom. He leaned against it, putting his forehead to it. He didn’t hear anything at first but when he listened closer he heard whimpers coming from inside. 

He opened the door slowly and peaked in, what he saw made him enter the room immediately. Junhee was softly whining and shaking on the bed. The sheets were thrown off and the younger man was curled up tight, sweat shining against his skin, his skin pink from the heat. 

Donghun rushed over to him and dropped down to his knees beside the bed. He brought out a hand and gently stroked across Junhee’s side and arm trying his best to wake him. He knew the withdrawal symptoms and nightmares well now. 

Junhee wasn’t waking from the soft touches, Donghun brought his lips close to his ear and whispered his name. “Junhee, baby wake up. You’re having a nightmare.”

Junhee shot up in the bed, heaving breaths as he looked wildly around the room. Donghun rubbed a hand down his back as he got his breathing under control. He eventually got it settled and then pulled his knees to his chest where he wrapped his arms around them and started to sob. 

Donghun leant down and pressed his forehead into Junhee’s hip and let him cry. He didn’t say a word, he just let him get it out. He knew how this worked, he would talk when he was ready. 

Eventually, Junhee lifted his head, his eyes were red-rimmed and he looked exhausted. His hair was plastered to his forehead and he was burning to the touch. Donghun pushed the hair off his forehead and made to get up. Junhee grabbed at him, clenching his wrist in his grasp. 

Donghun shushed him when he whined. “I’ll be back, I’m just gonna get you some ice and a cold towel.”

After he reassured Junhee, he raced to the kitchen and grabbed a glass for ice and water and then wet a towel under the sink. He came back into the guest bedroom and saw Junhee pulling off his soaked shirt and throwing it to the floor. 

He walked to him and sat down on the edge of the bed. He handed the water to Junhee and watched him drain the glass. He then brought the cloth up to his forehead and pressed it along his skin. Junhee hummed out his appreciation at the coldness. 

He let Donghun baby him and take care of him and when he pulled away he finally opened his eyes to look at him. “Thanks, I almost forgot about those. It was always better when you were next to me.”

Donghun looked at him with a sad face and whispered out his name. “Junhee, I -”

He laughed softly. “I know Hunnie, we can’t -” He sighed. “At least not yet, it’s just you always made me less scared.”

The older man looked up at him with his sad eyes and scooted closer, pulling him towards his side. “I’ll always be here, you don’t have to be scared.”

Junhee sunk into the embrace and nodded his head. He nuzzled into his side and let his breathing slow down, letting his body truly relax. Before he knew it his eyes were drooping. 

Donghun did his best to lay Junhee down on the bed and make sure he was comfortable. He fell asleep in his arms and he had trouble letting him go. Once Junhee was lying down he went and refilled the glass of water and then placed himself in the love seat in the corner of the room. 

He wouldn’t let anything scare Junhee, not a nightmare, not even himself. He guarded him all night and fell asleep to the sun rising, throwing glowing light onto Junhee’s sleeping form. 

***

Junhee wouldn’t say that the next week was the only reason why he was able to finally make a decision about his life and health, but it was the biggest factor. 

He wouldn’t describe it as magical, or eye opening. It was for him a showcase of what life could be like if he let his demons rest, if he let those parts of himself fall away and defeated the darkest parts. He wanted that week to stay with him and be repeated over and over until it was mundane and normal. Until it was just another week where he lived and loved and didn’t feel like dying was closer than arm's length. Where help and the light at the end of the tunnel wasn’t some dream but in reach. He just had to grab ahold of it. 

It went something like this -

***

Byeongkwan invited him to work that Monday, not at the club but at his studio. Junhee was tired and knew he wouldn’t be much help but Byeongkwan hadn’t really cared, he had just wanted to spend time with his best friend. 

Junhee got up that morning early, groaning about how he was rising before the sun. Thankfully, his friend knew him well and there was a cup of coffee in his hand before he even completely opened his eyes. 

Byeongkwan had jumped on his bed excitedly. “I can’t wait for you to see the studio, you haven’t been by since it opened. The rest of the staff is going to love you, I talk about you all the time.”

His best friend couldn’t stop talking about the day ahead of them and Junhee hoped that it didn’t disappoint. That he didn’t disappoint. 

Junhee dressed in comfortable clothes, ones that he could dance in even though he knew he probably wouldn’t dance. He was still shaky from withdrawal and he had a migraine that had lasted almost two days. 

When they got to the studio Junhee was blown away, Byeongkwan hadn’t been wrong when he said Junhee hadn’t seen it since before it opened. He didn’t go to the grand opening, he had been with his dad and then work. 

He stepped inside the studio and blew out a breath. It was beautiful with floor to ceiling windows that let in natural light to the front desk. There were pictures of staff members in costume dancing on stages and in concert halls. There were bright flowers everywhere and Junhee recognized Donghun’s little touch right away. 

The paint on the walls was bright and cheerful, you couldn’t feel sad in a place like this. There were soft couches and chairs spread out in the front room and twinkling lights blinked in his peripheral where they were strung along the ceiling. 

He stood, amazed, at the work Byeongkwan had done. The sign above the front desk shown in glossy wood letters, BK and Friends. This really was his best friend’s mind exploded out into a wonderful space. 

Byeongkwan stood beside him grinning like a fool, then he grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the studios. “If you think the front is nice then you’ll really love everything else.”

Byeongkwan spent about 20 minutes showing Junhee around, it was still early and no one was there yet, not even instructors. Junhee had more than loved the rest of the building. 

There were four studios, each with a small dressing room attached and all equipped with the best equipment and floor to ceiling mirrors. The floors were nice and glossy, clean and smooth. There were open windows looking out into a garden and beautiful sunshine shining through as it rose. 

Out of the four studios one of them had a private sign on the front. This was Byeongkwan’s studio where he taught special classes and worked on his choreography. His office was small but organized and bright just like him. 

After the tour Junhee stood in one of the studios and just turned in circles as Byeongkwan started up the front desk computer and got ready for the morning. He couldn’t believe that his friend had accomplished this. He had thought it would make him jealous but he felt a small fire being lit in the pit of his stomach. 

It was barely there, but he could feel it. Kindling burning just enough to keep him warm. He wanted more of that feeling, more of the urge to go forth and create something like Byeongkwan had done. 

He looked at himself in the mirror and smiled, walked towards it with purposeful steps and then stopped right in front of it. He touched his hand to the clean mirror and watched as his hand left a print.

He would make his mark on the world, soon. He wouldn’t let himself be wiped away by his own mistakes. 

***

The rest of the day threw Junhee into a dizzy whirl of emotions. All of them happy and bright, his face hurt from smiling so much. 

Byeongkwan’s clients and staff were all wonderful and talented. For the first hour of classes he sat in the back and helped with the music, watching as the dancers followed his friend’s instructions to a t. No one had a bad word to say about Byeongkwan and he knew exactly why. 

He taught with precision but everything was built from kindness. His directions were always uplifting and encouraging words flowed out of him as easy as breathing. Junhee had known this but to really see it in action the pride he felt was overwhelming. 

He started to get antsy after the first hour, his foot tapping to the beat, his arms matching movements that Byeongkwan was teaching. And when one of the instructors went over and grabbed his hand he went with ease. 

The rest of the day was spent with Junhee helping Byeongkwan teach classes and working alongside his staff. The dancers were all wonderful and touched him with soft hands and their eyes shown with laughter lines.   
He taught choreography that he had helped Byeongkwan make, their creative sides blending together in a harmony Junhee had only ever experienced with his best friend. 

When they broke for lunch, Byeongkwan and him walked over to a small cafe not far from the studio and shared a lunch of cake and coffee together. They sat close together in the same booth and laughed until it hurt. 

They were children giggling as they wiped icing on each other’s cheeks. And hyped themselves up on sugary drinks. Junhee felt at ease, especially when Byeongkwan would grab his hand and wrap himself up in his arms. 

The comfort there kept Junhee warm and mind off of everything that had happened. He felt connected in a way to Byeongkwan that he hadn’t in a very long time. He had missed his best friend and now sitting next to him, watching life light up in his eyes Junhee knew he couldn’t, wouldn’t disappoint him. 

He didn’t stop smiling all day, his eyes shined so bright he almost didn’t recognize himself in the mirror. And when Byeongkwan walked in with 10 five year olds to start his beginner classes Junhee almost dropped on the spot. 

That was the best part of his day, getting down on his knees and speaking with the youngest students. The talent he saw blew him away, their potential and brightness washing him anew. 

He helped the little ones match Byeongkwan’s positions and made them giggle when they got upset. When they fell he picked them up and brushed them off, telling them how well they were doing, how proud he was and their parents were. 

They would look at him like he was a star and he felt the fire in his belly start to catch even more. 

That day was the start of it, those kids and his best friend’s laughter was the start of a new beginning. 

And when Byeongkwan hugged him tight at the end of the day and cried, it was like he knew and Junhee wanted to make him a promise. But instead, he just held him close and hoped Byeongkwan knew. He thought he did. 

***

Yuchan got him dressed in shorts and a soft t-shirt that Tuesday and walked them out of the house with a picnic basket swinging at his side. He doesn’t tell him where they are going but Junhee doesn’t need to know. He just knows time spent with Yuchan is time spent in sunshine and warmth.   
They walk to their destination and Junhee lets the sounds and smells of summer overwhelm him. Birds are chirping and the air smells clean, freshly cut grass and flowers opening up to the rays of sun shining down. 

He doesn’t mind the light sheen of sweat that starts to gather around his collar bones and on the back of his knees. Normally this stuff would annoy him but he can’t conjure up any emotion other than happiness and relief as Yuchan guides them to the nearby park. 

He doesn’t speak the whole way there, just listens to Yuchan rattle off story after story about the hilarious antics at the office. He never realized how much incompetence Donghun had to put up with on a daily basis. He talked to Junhee about his work but still remained professional. Yuchan didn’t have the same mindset. 

Junhee’s smile broke across his face wide as Yuchan continued his story. “And there I am standing in the doorway of the copy room as I watch two brand new idiots somehow covered in ink as papers just fly from the machine.” 

Junhee cackles at the story as Yuchan keeps talking through his laughter. “Like, how miraciously do you have to fuck up? Honestly, they earned the punishment given to them. Donghun made sure they knew how to use the copier after that week for sure.” 

They made it to the park by the time Yuchan finished the story and Junhee closed his eyes for a second as they made their way up a slight hill. He felt the wind caress his face and how his shoes sunk into the soft grass. 

He slipped off his tennis shoes and let his skin touch dewy grass, let himself relax until everything stilled. He opened his eyes to Yuchan staring at him, a quiet reserved smile on his face. Junhee wanted to put that smile on his face as many times as he could. 

Yuchan ducked his head and coughed after they stared for almost too long and then set out to place their blanket down on the grass. “I know this isn’t what you’d expect from time alone with me, but I just wanted to spend some quality time with you. No distractions, just us.”

Junhee completed the walk to the blanket and grabbed Yuchan's hand. The boy stood up straight at the touch and he moved in closer. Junhee put his hand to the back of Yuchan’s neck and pulled him into a hug. “It’s perfect Channie. I just hope that I’m not stealing you from work.” 

Yuchan gave him a sly look and plopped down onto the blanket next to the picnic basket. Junhee still couldn’t believe Byeongkwan and Sehyoon owned a genuine basket, straw and two sided and insulated to hold wine and cheese. He was dumbfounded but also at the same time it fit with them, romantic. 

“Donghun gave me part of the afternoon off. I’ll be expected to come back in a few hours but when I told him my plans he waved me off.” Yuchan said while he pulled out food from the basket. 

Junhee nodded his head at the answer and smiled, of course Donghun gave him the time off. He watched his friend pull out everything and his mouth watered. Eating for him lately had been a little tricky, the withdrawal symptoms minimal but still affecting his body. 

He was hungry, genuinely starving for the first time in days and that was a good sign. A sign that his body and mind were getting back on track. 

Him and Yuchan ate fresh sandwiches made from the bakery right across the street from his office. Salty chips and sweet soda accompanied the sandwiches and Junhee enjoyed the mix of flavors, a perfect meal for a sunny afternoon. For him and Yuchan to sit close and chat about anything as they watched bees work and birds swoop through the trees. 

Junhee felt almost quiet that afternoon as he and Yuchan made a dessert of the cupcakes the baker had snuck into their picnic basket. The icing had somehow made its way onto his nose and then he found himself pinning his friend into the grass, their laughter getting carried away with the leaves in the wind. 

Yuchan just laughed until Junhee let him go and fell to the side giggling right alongside him. He grabbed a napkin and wiped the icing off his face and then turned to him. He found him already looking his way and when their eyes caught Junhee felt that small fire, he felt with Byeongkwan inside him burn just that much brighter, more kindling and sparks climbing higher inside of him. 

He wanted weekends like this, weekends where him and his friends found their way to the park to eat finger foods and roll around in the grass together like kids. He smiled at Yuchan and the younger boy pulled him close. 

He rested his head on his chest and Junhee listened to his heartbeat pound out a soft and steady rhythm. It was so calm, he heard children laughing and dogs barking as they ran as fast as they could, paws pounding on the ground. 

And when Yuchan pulled out a frisbee from the basket, jumped up from the ground, and raced away Junhee laughed and chased him. 

They played frisbee, Junhee being hilariously bad at catching and decent at throwing. Yuchan would go rolling on the ground when the frisbee knocked into his chest or the one time it hit him in the neck and he almost lost his balance. 

He could come to him and rub the spot and kiss his cheek, then grab the frisbee and run backwards to the spot he had been in. He threw again, no mercy, and Junhee did his best to catch it in his shaking hands. Shaking not from withdrawal or nerves, but from the happiness racing through his veins. 

When they were tired and sweaty they took a lap around the park, picnic basket in Yuchan’s left hand as Junhee wrapped his smaller hands around his friend’s right arm. Passerbys gave them interesting looks, their smiles and laughter almost intoxicating but they gave them no mind. 

They ended their afternoon with Junhee’s head on Yuchan’s shoulder, sitting on the bench at the bus station waiting to bring the younger back to work. 

Junhee watched as the bus pulled up and then turned to look at his friend. He didn’t quite know what to say, wanted to thank him, wanted to tell him he was trying to work through the maze of his mind. But instead, just like with Byeongkwan he hoped he knew. 

He grabbed the back of his neck before he got on the bus and kissed him on the cheek. The younger giggling at the sensation and then pulling back. He looked Yuchan in the eye and he swore he could see understanding in them. 

***

On Wednesday, not too early, Sehyoon drags him out of the house to see a matinee move. He wears one of Donghun’s soft plaid shirts and comfy jeans. He feels swallowed and safe and relishes in the way Sehyoon’s hand keeps finding the back of his neck as he drives them to the theater. 

His friend keeps his arms around him while they are grabbing tickets and getting food. Sehyoon let Junhee pick the movie, and it’s some action that neither of them will probably be that interested in but could be good for mindless entertainment. 

It’s a good way to relax and spend some time with one of the most important people in his life. They kind of have a tradition too, when Byeongkwan is busy they go see a movie and sit in comfortable silence and enjoy being with each other. 

They’ve never needed to fill silence with conversation and he’s always loved being able to pull up the armrest on the theater seats and cuddle up to Sehyoon. 

They share a bucket of popcorn, extra butter mixed within and the cupholders filled with napkins. Sehyoon places a box of chocolates in the middle of them and Junhee settles into his best friend’s side to enjoy the movie. 

There’s explosions and Junhee finds himself laughing more than once at the well-timed dialogue. 

When the two main characters kiss both boys groan and Sehyoon nudges him in the shoulder. “Would it kill hollywood to not have the man and woman end up together, there are gay people in the world.” His best friend says, completely serious. 

Junhee cracks up laughing and gets shushed by moviegoers and ends up sinking further into his friend’s side. “My friend, that would be above their small mindedness. To actually think outside of the box would be way too much.” 

Sehyoon smiles at him and Junhee throws a few pieces of popcorn at him. Sehyoon’s face shows mock anger and right as the movie credits roll he digs his hands into Junhee’s sides and tickles him. 

Everyone in the theater is looking at them as his best friend makes him almost pee his pants. The hands stop when they see a worker eyeing them up. They both stand up immediately, grab their trash and race out of the small theater. 

They exit the building laughing and holding onto each other and Junhee can feel fire in his belly again, can feel kerosene being tossed onto it so the flames reach a monumental height. He’s hungry, but not for food. For a life so free from burden and strife and everything his has ever been. 

He’s starting to see past the maze, to an ending that isn’t so far out of reach. 

Sehyoon grabs his hand and turns, walks backwards to the car. “Now, I know it’s been a long time but I had another idea about how to spend our time together today, if you’re up for it.” 

Junhee eyed him suspiciously, but trusted him wholeheartedly. He got in the car with Sehyoon and nodded at him. “Whatever it is, you know I trust you.” 

Sehyoon smiled at him and then reversed out of the parking lot and drove onto the street. They pulled into a lot about 10 minutes later and Junhee’s eyes lit up. 

He saw the dips and spray paint and ramps lit up by lights as the sun sank into the horizon. He stepped out of the car and heard it lock as Sehyoon did the same. They came around the front of the car and Sehyoon looked over at him, he jumped on his friend and yelled in his ear. “It’s been so long, holy crap I don’t even know if I remember how to do this!”

Sehyoon just held him and laughed in his ear. “Well, you were always better than me anyways so -” He trailed off as Junhee listened to the sounds of the skate park. Teenagers blasting music and blades striking the pavement, chatter filling up the area. 

It reminded him so much of youth, of him and Sehyoon newly friends after he rescued him from his first club, of him taking the both of them here and teaching him how to skate. It had been an outlet of Sehyoon’s that Junhee had adopted. 

He looked down at his shoes and realized he wasn’t wearing the right ones for this, also they had no equipment. He turned to tell Sehyoon but his friend had disappeared. 

He heard rummaging and found him digging in the trunk of his car. Sehyoon looked up and smirked at him as he pulled out better shoes, pads and skateboards. He had prepared this, Junhee felt a surge of gratitude and love in him. This had all been for him. 

He choked back all his emotions and grabbed the equipment from Sehyoon. He changed his shoes and put on the pads. Sehyoon handed him a helmet and then laughed at the one his friend was wearing. A birthday present from them all that year, drawings and funny sayings made in sharpie across the top. 

Sehyoon rolled his eyes and closed the trunk and started to make his way towards the entrance of the park, he turned around when he realized Junhee wasn’t following. “Are you coming or not, punk?”

Junhee shook his head and then raced after his friend. His feet were light on the pavement and when he dropped the skateboard to the ground it was like he had never stopped. 

They stayed for hours, remembering old tricks and trying their best to fit in with the younger generation of kids skating around them. No one minded them though, everyone embracing them warmly and providing a track of laughter and comments as they both tried their best to stay upright. 

Junhee could feel his body protesting but he was having way too much fun to stop. He had bruises on his arms and legs, Sehyoon was bleeding on his shoulder but they were both giddy and unstoppable. 

It was so simple, the pounding music, the lights casting an almost magical glow on the park, teenagers in their chains and makeup, but Junhee felt like he was a giant at the end of the world. 

When he went down the ramp or glided into the pit with his skateboard he felt free, no distractions and no addiction to hold him back. He let the momentum carry him, let his friend’s smile and the moon shining down on them fan the flames inside of him. 

***

On Thursday, Junhee reaches the end of the maze in his mind and comes to a resolution. He finds what he now sees as an ending and a new beginning. But, while he knows what he needs to do he just isn’t ready. He stands at the precipice and can’t take the leap, he doesn’t know what it’ll take but it’s just not time yet. 

The catalyst to this resolution is Sehyoon picking him up bridal style and chucking him into their huge pool in the backyard. Junhee comes up spitting water out of his mouth, wiping his eyes and fuming. 

He storms out of the pool and before he can reach his target Byeongkwan is running at him and sacrificing himself, grabbing Junhee around the waist and pulling them both into the pool. 

He comes up laughing this time at the same time his best friend breaks through the surface with a smile. They immediately reach for each other, but Junhee wins the fight and ends up dunking him in the water. The other four around the pool are laughing at their childishness. 

Sehyoon, looks like a God, with just his small yellow trunks and the light of the moon highlighting his skin. Donghun is next to him and when Junhee sees him, finally coming out of the house he gasps. He tries to hide his reaction but it’s for naught. Donghun winks at him in all his shirtless, hair pulled back glory. 

Kwangsuk and Yuchan are off to the side in their swimwear laughing at the duo in the pool. 

That morning they had all decided that yes, a pool party on a Thursday night was a great idea. The summer heat was sweltering and even in the evening, with the sun sleeping on the horizon, it was still miserable. 

So, they gathered the food and toys and descended on their friend’s pool. The grill was set up for all types of meat and Yuchan had grabbed pastries on his way home. 

Junhee looked around the backyard and could see the bugs flying through the air, the music of crickets in the distance. He listened to Byeongkwan splashing next to him as he got out of the pool and Sehyoon taunting his husband. 

“Come and get me, baby. See what happens.” Sehyoon laughed as he said it, Junhee opened his eyes to see Byeongkwan inching his way towards him. 

“Oh you think I won’t, big boy. I think you forget how strong I am.” Byeongkwan teased and Junhee watched Sehyoon’s face blanch and then the boy took off at a slow run around the pool. Byeongkwan caught him easily and chucked him into the water, similar to how Sehyoon had done to Junhee. 

The younger laughed as his husband broke the surface of the water. Sehyoon just eyed him and walked to the edge. He leaped up and grabbed Byeongkwan around the waist and pulled him in, making sure he didn’t hit his head on the side. 

Everyone was laughing again and Junhee let the sound wash over him. 

He felt someone enter the pool next to him and turned to see Donghun wading towards him. He smiled softly at him and let him come to him. 

Donghun stopped right in front of him and brought up a wet hand to push the hair back from his face. Junhee did his best to keep a straight face, but his whole body was yearning to touch. Donghun’s skin was wet and glistening, his muscles on full display. He found his eyes wandering over his body, until he caught himself. 

He snapped his head up to look Donghun in the eyes and found the man smiling, his eyes shining. “Don’t stop on my account. Ogle all you want.” He had no shame. 

Junhee scoffed, “I was doing nothing of the sort.” He turned away from Donghun but before he could get away he felt arms around his waist pulling him in. 

Donghun was warm in the cool water and Junhee let himself sink back into him. “It’s okay to still want Junhee, I understand.” 

He felt his voice like a shock to his system, right in his ear, breathy and low. It made the fire inside his stomach ignite, made it feel like he was burning from the inside out. It felt so good, he never wanted it to end. 

He let Donghun hold him and watched his friends around him. Kwangsuk and Yuchan had joined them in the pool and were doing their best to dunk the husbands. He didn’t move from Donghun’s arms, he let the warmth burn him up. He was kindling in Donghun’s arms. 

***

They ended up in the pool for hours, a volleyball net had been set up and they paired off into two teams of three. Donghun, Junhee and Kwangsuk on one side and the other three to defend theirs. 

It was laughable how bad they were at contact sports, well all except Yuchan who was the only one who excelled. Junhee had smacked into the water too many times to count and the others didn’t fare well either. 

They had to stop the game at one point because everyone was laughing so hard they couldn’t breathe. Byeongkwan had served the ball right into Donghun’s face. After they realized he hadn’t been hurt they had all burst, all trying their best to stay standing in the water. 

After, they had pulled out water guns and an epic fight had made the backyard a battlefield. Every man for themselves and no mercy. Junhee hid behind bushes and used Donghun as cover, it reminded him so much of the night they had found nerf guns and fought in Donghun’s living room. 

That time should have made him sad, seeing as he ended up right back in that position, but it made him smile. His friends had been doing their best to show him the happiest parts of life all week, they never wavered. They were always there for him and he realized that now it was his turn. 

He couldn’t be with them, with Donghun, happy in life with the way he was living. He needed to fix that. It was like a resolve came over him as he fought with a water gun in his best friend’s backyard. As he was grabbed around the waist by Donghun and water from Sehyoon’s gun splashed across his chest, he realized how totally lost he had been. 

How he had been found and found and found. How he had people that would follow him down every dark path he could find and then drag him out kicking and screaming no matter what the cost. 

He had found the end of his maze and he stood on the edge waiting for the courage to jump. 

***

Friday brought in many pushes to where to stood, almost enough to have him jump but not quite there. 

He received an email from Canvas dance in the morning, wondering on his status. Whether he would like to apply and audition with them in a couple months. He closed the laptop almost immediately and rubbed his hands across his face. He didn’t know what to do, it was like life was giving him a sign, that finally things were falling into place. 

He tells himself to walk away from the laptop and goes to the kitchen. He makes himself breakfast and doesn’t linger. The morning sun illuminates him as he walks through the empty house, he hears the quiet creaks of the floorboards and the clocks chiming a new hour. 

Donghun had gone home to sleep and him and Yuchan where well into work by now. Byeongkwan had left early for the studio and Sehyoon had errands to run for the club. It was the first time in days he had been alone. 

He did his best to not think, to let his mind blank and not wander. He took a nap around noon and let Luna sleep on his chest. He let himself relax and waited for someone to come and help him make a decision. 

***

Donghun came to the house before anyone else, surprising Junhee. He had left some clothes and wanted to bring them home. He had stayed the first couple days but also knew him and Junhee needed their space if this was going to work. 

When he walked in Junhee was still asleep. He walked into the guest bedroom and leaned against the door frame. He was haloed in afternoon light, the sheets thrown off of him, revealing him in sleep shorts and a shirt a bit too big. Donghun recognized it almost immediately, Junhee had the collar balled up in his hands. 

It was his shirt, one that he had thought he lost months ago, turns out it had just been stolen. Rightly so too, Junhee looked much better in it anyways. 

Donghun walked over to the bed and sat down at the end. He rubbed a hand softly against Junhee’s ankles and over his calves. The younger twitched on the bed and stirred but didn’t wake. Luna was curled up on his chest and he could hear a slight purr coming from her. 

He slid his hand up a little farther, feeling the soft skin of the younger’s inner shins. Junhee shivered and Donghun smiled at the action. He got up and went to sit closer to where the younger’s head was, laid out on the pillows. 

He swept hair out of Junhee’s face and whispered. “Honey, I’m home.” 

Junhee turned his face into the pillows as Donghun carded his hands through his hair. He whined at the intrusion on his sleep but turned to open his eyes up to the older man. 

He smiled softly at him and yawned. “I thought you were staying at yours now. What are you doing here in the middle of the afternoon?”

Donghun cooed at the sleepy voice and sank a little into the bed, placing one hand on the other side of Junhee’s hip, hovering over him slightly. “I needed to grab some clothes I left. What are you doing sleeping in the middle of the day?”

Junhee ran a hand up Donghun’s arm, the older feeling goosebumps raise on his arms. “I was tired, sue me.”

Donghun laughed and watched Junhee stretch. He had such an urge to lean down and kiss the younger but held back, he wouldn’t do that to him.   
Junhee caught the look but he didn’t guess what Donghun was thinking, at least not the right thing. He thought the look was sadness, not longing. He thought the older was upset, maybe not at him but the situation. 

He smiled up at him just to see the look wipe itself from his face, a bright smile eventually replacing it. He watched Donghun sit there and then just when Junhee thought he was leaning in, he jumped off the bed and made for the other guest bedroom. 

Junhee closed his eyes and sighed. He knew that they weren’t going to get back together, but it still hurt. 

***

He ended up showing the email to Donghun, he couldn't hold it in any longer. He needed some advice and even after everything the older was still the person he trusted the most. 

“I think you should take it. It’s months from now Junhee, you never know what’s going to be happening then. You should do it.” Donghun had been repeating the same thing for the last five minutes as Junhee stared at the email. 

“I just -” Junhee sighed “In the state I’m in I’m not really sure if I can commit to this. It’s so big and I can’t just back out.” 

Donghun turned to him fully, “Who says you can’t, they understand your situation. They want you Junhee, they are desperate to have you working with them. Just give it a chance. I don’t want you to miss out because -” He stopped. “Because you can’t believe that there are people out there willing to take you on.” 

Junhee put his face in his hands. He didn’t want to burn bridges that he hadn’t even started to cross. He felt a pull on his arms and looked up to Donghun, his face begging him. 

“I won’t tell you what to do, it has to be your choice, but I just want you to know that I stand behind you. Whatever decision you make, I’m here.” Donghun took his hand and didn’t let go. 

Junhee knew, had always known, but to hear him say it after everything it felt monumental. It felt like nothing he could contain. Too big for his body to hold. 

***

That night everyone had left him alone again, it was like they all decided that he needed some time. He had been surrounded by them and now he was by himself, silence gripped the house but Junhee didn’t feel scared. 

He felt invigorated. He looked at the grand piano that stood in a small archway in Byeongkwan and Sehyoon’s home. It was right off the dining room they never used, tucked away in a beautiful corner, surrounded by lively green plants. 

It was late into the night and he was lounging against the archway staring at the piano. Donghun’s shirt around him kept him warm and confident, his hands itched to touch the keys. He hadn’t played since the night his father had gone into cardiac arrest. 

He pushed off from the archway and walked towards the piano, it was like something was pulling him. Like a life he had lived so long ago was reaching for him, whispering to him to find those parts of himself again. 

He reached the piano and ran his hands over the keys, they made a light tinkling sound as he gently pressed down. It was a piece of art, the brown wood rich and shining in the small wood. The one light making it gleam. There were no sheets of music, nothing to play from. His friends had it because sometimes Sehyoon liked to make music, but more because of its beauty. 

It was like, even though they didn’t know he could play, they had bought it for the sole purpose of what was going to happen right at that moment. 

Junhee sat down on the stool and swung his legs over and onto the pedals. He ran his hands over the keys again and pressed down harder. Sound, rich and vibrant spilled from the piano’s body and Junhee closed his eyes. 

He ran through keys and melodies he thought were long forgotten to his fingers and mind. And eventually something new started to grow. 

He wrote a chord in his mind, then a lilting verse, and then a sweltering melody that caused tears to prick at the corner of his eyes. His fingers moved on their own and his voice spilled words that came from somewhere deep within him. 

He had always learned that the hottest fires burned blue, and somehow he knew the fire inside him, flames crackling and bursting to get out of him, was bright and shining. 

His fingers felt numb by the time they slipped off the keyboard, his voice felt hoarse from singing. He had created something, something that spoke of everything he held inside. 

When he finally opened his eyes he jumped as he saw Byeongkwan standing in the archway. He looked guilty, almost. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt. I just -” He stopped and blew out a breath of air. He looked stunned. 

Junhee coughed and crossed his arms. “How much of that did you hear?” He really didn’t mind, Byeongkwan was privy to all of him, even the most private.   
“Just a little bit, just enough to know how fucking beautiful your soul is.” Byeongkwan was serious as he said it but Junhee couldn’t help the laugh that spilled out. 

He blanched at Junhee’s reaction. “I’m being serious, you shithead.” 

Junhee kept laughing but stood up and walked over to Byeongkwan and hugged him tight. “I know, I know Kwannie.” 

They hugged in the archway as Junhee’s song floated through both of their heads and when they pulled away Junhee felt a nudge, pushing him almost over the edge of the cliff he was standing on. 

He walked over to where he left the laptop that afternoon, Byeongkwan followed him curiously. “Junhee what -”

Junhee put up a hand as he opened the laptop and then searched through his email. He found the one he was looking for quickly and pulled it up. Byeongkwan read over his shoulder and Junhee could feel his reaction as he was sitting so close. 

He didn’t stop to explain, he just drafted out a long email that explained his situation in the hope that he would get a chance, in hope that they would see him for who he could be not what he was now. 

When he finished the email, he looked back at Byeongkwan. He asked him without words and before he could even reach his best friend hit the send button. Junhee didn’t look back at the computer, just the smile on Byeongkwan’s face. 

He didn’t feel like he was going to crumble to pieces, like the world would fall apart because he was taking a chance. All he felt was relief. And something else, one thing he hadn’t felt in a very long time. Courage. 

***

 

Saturday found him making his way to Donghun’s office. The older man had called him that morning and asked him to come in. Junhee wasn’t sure what it was for but he wouldn’t give up a chance to see him, so he did it without question. 

When he walked into the office he was greeted kindly by Donghun’s secretary and allowed to go into his office without an escort. 

Donghun was sitting at his desk typing away at his computer when he walked in. The man looked up at him and smiled, scratch that he was beaming. 

He got up from his chair and made his way over to Junhee, he wrapped him up in a hug and they both sighed at the contact. 

Junhee still had no idea why he was here, he voiced that when Donghun let go. “So, why am I here? You wouldn’t say over the phone.” 

Donghun backed up and leaned against his desk. He smiled brightly at Junhee, he looked almost giddy. He reached behind him and grabbed some paperwork. He handed it over to the younger and let him read over it. 

Junhee didn’t understand most of it but on the second page he saw words he knew. A court date set within six months, restraining order and prosecution. He looked up at Donghun a little stunned. 

“Is this real, I thought that we weren’t getting anywhere with the case?” Junhee kept looking over the documents as Donghun walked up to him again. 

“Yes, it’s real. And we weren’t getting anywhere but miracuously other people came forward to help. Sehyoon asked around other clubs and other dancers and owners decided they had enough too.” Donghun clapped his hands and laughed. 

“It’s far off, but that man is not going to be allowed to step foot inside a club again. He won’t be able to lay his hand on any more dancers.” Donghun said it as Junhee tried to come up with a response. 

He felt his legs wobble and made his way over to a chair. He didn’t think anything would actually change, always thought these men just got away with what they did, could rewrite the rules. Come to find out, they couldn’t, and then man before him had proved him wrong. 

He was so in love with Donghun that it hurt, looking at him like this was torture but it also made Junhee feel almost airy. He was light, a weight lifted off of his shoulders he didn’t even know he had. He stared up at Donghun and didn’t know what to say. 

The other man sat down next to him and put a hand on his knee. “Are you okay? If you don’t want to testify -”

Junhee shook his head. “No, it’s not that. I just never thought we would get this far. I thought it was a lost cause, but you have proved me wrong and I couldn’t be happier that you did.” 

He turned to Donghun and let out a laugh, one that had been buried deep inside of him. Donghun’s hand on his knee squeezed and he pulled him into another hug. Junhee’s laughter turned into tears. He wasn’t sure why he was crying, maybe because finally things were going right. Maybe because he felt safe and secure, Donghun’s arms tight around his shoulders.   
He stayed with Donghun most of the day, watching him work and then when it was time for him to go the older packed up his stuff and left with him. His secretary gave him a look as the boss walked out earlier than usual, but once they entered the elevators and headed down to his car she let herself smile. 

***

They don’t go to Sehyoon and Byeongkwan’s, Donghun took them on backroads and through beautiful hills to his home. When Junhee sees the building his heart starts to beat harder in his chest. He knows nothing will happen but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have hope. 

Donghun walks in front of him and unlocks the front door. When Junhee walks in the older’s house assaults him with familiar scents and sounds. The radio was left on low, music crackling through the speakers. Donghun’s air freshener surrounding Junhee and making him feel like he was once again home. 

He took in the apartment, nothing had changed, all the little touches of Junhee were still scattered around. It caused his heart to stop for a second and then restart, beating better than ever before. 

Donghun went to his kitchen and turned on the stove, he started to make them dinner and Junhee watched his back from the bar. He watched the man he loved work and eventually joined him. 

 

They laughed as they cooked together, bumping each other’s hips, familiarity settling in their bones. They drank water with their dinner and sat close, whispering to each other even though they were completely alone. 

They didn’t dance to the radio like they used to but they sat on the couch and watched a movie together. Somehow, Junhee ended up curled into Donghun’s side and that was almost as good. 

Around midnight he yawned and Donghun got up from the couch and turned off the tv. He got ready to sleep right where he was but the older came back and sat down next to him. He had something in his hands, what looked like a usb. 

He thrust it into Junhee’s hands. He looked almost nervous, his hands were shaking. Junhee felt scared for the first time since he had gotten back from the hospital. 

But then Donghun looked back up at him and it all washed away. When he spoke it was soft. “I made this for you while you were gone, Sehyoon let me use his studio.” He swallowed and looked down at the couch. “You always seemed to like my voice. Your eyes would close and your breathing slowed. I know you didn’t hear it much but, sometimes when you were asleep I -”

Donghun stopped as Junhee’s eyes widened. He remembered nights where he drifted to sleep and the older’s voice played like a lullaby to drown out the nightmares. Junhee hadn’t heard him sing much but every time it had been glorious. 

Donghun spoke up again, grabbing Junhee’s hands. “I know it’s not much, but I need you to know that even when I’m not with you, I’m still here. I’ve never left you, I need you to know that.” 

Junhee swallowed a lump in his throat. He could see tears swarming his vision, one falling onto their linked hands in his lap. One of Donghun’s hands released their grip and pushed his chin up to look in his eyes. He brushed away the tears on his cheeks. 

“Byeongkwan told me you emailed Canvas dance, that you were playing the piano. He told me he saw a spark light up inside you the other night.” Donghun’s gaze didn’t stray. “I can see it too Junhee, it’s like you’re coming alive right before my eyes. And I -” He stopped speaking and he pulled him close.

Junhee didn’t say anything, but he tried to convey everything into his hands and arms. His body curled toward Donghun. The usb in his hand warm and his heart aching to hear what was held inside. 

Donghun eventually pulled away and looked down at the usb. “Don’t listen to it just yet, only when you feel ready.”

Junhee felt ready now, felt himself being shoved over a ledge. He was free falling now. 

***

He slept in Donghun’s bed that night and woke wrapped around him. The older didn’t have work so he stayed in bed until he smelled breakfast cooking in the kitchen. 

Junhee turned to see his bed head and smiling face from the kitchen, the radio playing soft music as he cooked. That morning was bright, them both sitting at the bar and eating omelettes and just enjoying being near each other. 

***

Junhee went to see his dad that Sunday afternoon. Donghun wanted to come with him but he told him he needed some time alone and he respected his wishes. 

When he walked into his dad’s hospital room he saw all the pictures and memories that told the story of his childhood. His dad was sitting up in his bed reading a book and turned when he heard Junhee walk in. 

He smiled so wide, Junhee was sure his face would be sore from the gesture. When he walked towards his father’s bed he put his book down and reached out his hands. Junhee sat on the edge and wrapped his warm hands in his father’s colder ones. 

They just sat for a while in silence before Junhee started to talk. He had told his dad before about his profession but not in so much detail, hadn’t told him about how much he struggled in life. He didn’t leave anything out this time, no matter how much it hurt. 

When Junhee finally finished they were both crying, but it was like a weight had been lifted. And not a small one, the biggest he had ever carried. 

His dad took it all and in the end kissed Junhee’s forehead and told him that he loved him. “I won’t ever see you as anything less than the best son I could ever ask for. You are brave and strong and my child. You are mine and I wouldn’t trade you for the world.” 

Junhee crumbled into his father’s embrace and stayed there. His father brought out his book and read to his son. He stayed for hours, listening to his father’s voice, to a voice that just weeks ago was hoarse and bordering on almost silent. 

His father was getting better, miraculously so. As his father read he thought about how everything had seemed to be opening up for him. For the first time he felt himself reaching for the future and not holding onto the past. 

And when his father finished the last page of the book Junhee had stopped falling and finally landed. Crashed into an ending, leading him into a new beginning. 

***

He had said goodbye to his father with a kiss to his cheek and a promise to visit him again soon. He hoped that it wasn’t a lie, knew that it might be a long time before he saw him again. 

He got back to Donghun’s house late and the older was waiting up, hoping that he’d find his way back. When he turned to look at him Junhee felt like his choices were finally the right ones. And when he sat down next to Donghun and curled up on the couch he didn’t feel worry eating himself up. 

***

He and Donghun ate dinner together and laughed, exchanging stories as the summer air blew in through the open bay windows. And when a song trailed out of the radio that they both recognized Donghun took Junhee’s hand and twirled him around the living room. 

He felt airy as they moved together, as their hands intertwined and bodies became one. They danced until the music made way for advertisements. 

Junhee showered and washed the day off of him and came out to see Donghun sitting up in bed reading. He almost laughed at the image, how he had seen his dad doing the same thing hours before. 

When Donghun questioned him he just shook his head and smiled, he rolled onto the bed and let the older read to him. 

Sometime later Donghun put his bookmark in the book and scooted down the bed to lie on his back, Junhee wrapped his arms tighter around his stomach. The older’s arm came to trace across his back and he sighed into the feeling. 

He felt a tap on his cheek and looked up to Donghun, who was trying to get his attention. He smiled at him and watched the older’s face. When he spoke it was a question. “Are you okay, you seem different tonight?” 

Junhee kept on smiling and then bent down to rub his nose into Donghun’s collar bone. “I’m good, would even say better than I’ve been in a long time.” 

Donghun looked down at him and couldn’t contain the shine in his eyes. He pulled him closer, impossibly close and then closed his eyes. 

As Donghun slept Junhee thought. His thoughts brought him to the little usb in the pocket of one of his bags. He peeled himself away from Donghun, who made a whining sound, and went to grab his bag. 

He also took Donghun’s laptop and brought everything to the couch in the living room. He pulled out the usb and hooked it up to the laptop. He grabbed headphones from his bag and got everything set up. Right before he hit play on the button he looked at Donghun, asleep and curled around the pillow Junhee had been laying on. 

He hit play and a beautiful, haunting sound filled his ears. He listened as Donghun sang, a song written by his own hand. It was everything and it filled Junhee with a longing so strong he thought he would double over with it. 

He was hit with an urge so strong it couldn’t hold, it broke over him. Seeing his dad had caused him to stop falling but he had stood still, hadn’t moved. This song, the boy sleeping in front of him, finally made his body move. 

He let the song finish and then surged up from the couch. He dug through drawers in the kitchen and found a pen and paper. The moon shone her light on him as he wrote. He didn’t know how long he had written for but what he had ended up with was long but filled with everything he had ever needed to say. 

He placed the letter gently on Donghun’s nightstand and collected all of his things. Before he left he bent down over the older and whispered a plea to him. “Trust me, please.” He kissed Donghun on the forehead and prayed he didn’t wake. 

He grabbed his things and made his way to the front door, he looked back right before he closed it. Donghun slept soundly, the note on his bedside would greet him in the morning. 

Junhee closed the door with a soft click and a smile on his face. 

***

When he walked into the facility he thought he would feel frightened and anxious but all he felt was overwhelming relief. 

The ladies at the front smiled at him as he dropped his bags to the floor. He smiled back at them and waited. 

One secretary stood in front of him and spoke in a kind voice. “Welcome to our rehabilitation center, what’s your name sweetheart?”

Junhee swallowed and then answered, his voice strong. “Park Junhee.” And before she could ask another question he spoke again. “And I think I need some help.”

The pretty secretary smiled at him, she didn’t waver. “Well then, I’m glad you came.” 

Junhee let his past go, and walked into a new beginning.

***

Donghun woke up to an empty bed and a note on his bedside that morning. At first he looked around his apartment, breathing heavily wondering why Junhee wasn’t next to him. He saw all of his stuff was gone and panicked but then he saw the note. 

When he picked it up, it was like he knew. He didn’t need to read it to know where he was, but he did anyways and he felt worry wash away from his heart. 

Donghun read slowly, to take everything in, he’d never get a chance to read the letter for the first time again and it felt like a monumental moment. He traced his eyes over every word and when he was done they shined bright with tears and a smile stretched across his face. He placed the letter on his nightstand and gently pushed off of the bed and made his way to the kitchen to start his day. 

The opening words of the letter, in Junhee’s gentle cursive laid bare for him to see everyday he walked past. 

My dearest Donghun, 

Please don’t be angry with me for leaving the way I did. I know that I should have woken you or at least waited until morning but I couldn’t. It overtook all of me, this feeling that I needed to do something, anything to save myself. I understand when you say you weren’t trying to save me, I understand now how I needed to do that for myself. I promise as you read this, hopefully after you’ve slept a reasonable amount and didn’t awake right after I left, I will be, for the first time not breaking a promise I have made to you. 

Donghun you are my end but you are also my beginning. I say my end because the person you first met, i’ve been him for so long that I don’t even remember who I was before. But then you showed up and it was like something inside was reaching out and all I wanted was to suffocate the parts of me that had become the man I am. I wanted to end him, wanted to remember who I was, who I've always been inside. The person that I was when I was with you. I’m ending him tonight, and I'm going to come back washed anew. I’ll shed all those dark and dead parts of me that could never truly accept your love and patience and overwhelming strength. You are giving me a new beginning by allowing me the choice to do this my way, in my time, without force. 

You’ve only ever shown me love and everything you’ve done for me has made me want to find myself again. I miss who I was, who my father sees when he looks at me. I want to be his Junhee again. I want Sehyoon and Byeongkwan and Yuchan to finally meet me, to see that I’m not all sharp edges and addictions and terrible self worth. I know they see me differently than I see myself, but sometimes I can’t believe that they do. The glimpses I’ve shown them have shined through no matter the mistakes I’ve made and how much I’ve tried to destroy the light inside of me. 

I just want to have better days from now on, I don’t want to slip into fear because of a mistake or bad moments in time. I want to be okay with not being okay. You were right all along, I need someone to help me and I think I just always wanted that to be you, but I can’t put that on you. You’re not a doctor, you’re my partner, even if we’re not together. You’re the love of my life, the man I want to marry and that should have never been your job or an expectation or weight on your shoulder and I’m truly sorry for everything I’ve put you through. 

Know this isn’t a goodbye, it’s not even a see you later. It’s an I love you and everything in between. I want you to ask me again when the timing is right, ask me what you did on the lake. Do it when the sun sets and the moon shines her light onto us. I want you to ask me standing in front of your bay windows, fresh air cutting through the slight cracks we’ve made to let the cold crisp air in. I want to watch as you propose a promise of a life to me as moonlight strikes your skin and I want to see the emotion fill up in your eyes. I want you to put a ring on my finger as we kiss and cry and fall back into bed together. 

I know we aren’t even together anymore, but I still want it all desperately. I know I may never have you back the way I did, and you may never have the need to ask me that question, but no matter what I want you to know that you are it for me. That the time I spent with you brought me back to life, you pushed a pulse back into my wrist, made my heart beat out a rhythm it hadn’t in years. You found me and followed me down every dark path and then some and you constantly dragged me out of the depths of darkness I let myself walk into. I’ve been lucky enough just to call you mine. 

Now, I need you to listen and trust me. I promise you it’ll all work out in the end. Just, please listen carefully. I’m not far from you, but I can’t tell you exactly where yet. You’ll hopefully get a call tomorrow about exactly which center I’ve gone to but I need you to stay put, I need you to live your life Donghun. For a month, for 30 days I need you to put me out of your mind. I can’t do this if you waltz in, the moment I look at you I’ll be done for. I need time to get this all out of me and time to find myself. All I’m asking for is a little bit of time. If you can give me that then I’ll be okay. 

When the calendar has hit 30 days, please come see me, I’ll be waiting for you. If you come I’ll know you still want all the things I do too. They don’t need to come right away, I know we have things to talk about and work on, but I want you in my life however that is. So Donghun, promise me three things, yeah?

Number one; live your life, hang out with our family and see my dad. These people mean the world to both of us, please don’t shut them out. Number two; Promise me you’ll wait and give me time because I know you, you’re perched at the edge of your bed right now, your hands reaching for your keys. Just wait, I’m safe, I promise. 

Number three, this one could be the hardest or the easiest. I won’t know until I see you again. 

Forgive me. 

With everything I have,   
Junhee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well................................................. alkdjfdk

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave comments and kudos! <3


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